“Okay.” I can’t believe there’s something I can do that Cray can’t. “Well, hold on to it and I’ll have a look when I get back. Don’t let Nathara see it, though; I don’t think she’ll be happy I took it.”
“Understood.”
“I’m going to make a start on the boat while there’s still light. If I’m not back by dusk . . . Well, let’s just hope I am.”
“Take this,” he says, handing me a short sword in a weathered scabbard. “Just in case.”
“I don’t know how to use a sword,” I say.
“Then let’s hope you won’t have to. You’ll feel safer wearing it, though.”
I take the scabbard and tie it around my waist, then sling the satchel of tools over my shoulder.
“Wish me luck,” I say.
“You’ll be fine.”
The rain has stopped, but the sky is still a tragic gray. As I am picking my way around the mud puddles in front of the castle, there is a shout behind me and then something hard hits me on the shoulder. I turn, and a second rock comes hurtling past my left ear. Nathara gawks at me from the top of the battlement.
“Why are you going? You’re not allowed to leave,” she says.
“I’m not leaving. I’m just going to the harbor. To fix a ship. I’ll come back, I promise.”
Her frown is so deep, her face looks like it’s about to cave in on itself.
“You can come with me if you want?” I could really do without that, but I feel like I have to offer. She’s been alone her whole life, and she’s worried we’re already about to abandon her.
She disappears from the top of the wall and reappears a few moments later at the door below. She hesitates. I take a few paces back toward her.
“Are you coming?” I ask.
“We’ll come back for you I promise we’ll come back for you I promise,” she says.
“Yes, I promise. I’ll be back before sundown.”
But she’s not talking to me.
“Something dangerous is happening it’s not safe stay in here my darling my precious daughter you’ll be safe in here don’t open the door everything’s going to be okay stay in here you’ll be safe in here don’t open the door we’ll be back soon it’s not safe it’s not safe it’s not safe— ”
The words pour out of her like an incantation. She stares at the ground with empty eyes.
“Nathara. Nathara, are you okay?”
She keeps mumbling under her breath and does not respond. I place my hand on her shoulder. She stops talking and her eyes come back into focus.
“I’m going down to the harbor,” I say again. “Would you like to come with me?”
“No!” she says. She backs away from the door frame and slams the door.
So much for trying to be friendly. There was no mistaking the look on her face: she’s too scared to leave the castle.
My fingertips linger on the hilt of my sword as I back away. I turn from the castle and start trudging through the wet grass. All the while, Nathara’s warning echoes in my ears.
It’s not safe. It’s not safe. It’s not safe.
I WAS SAD ALL DAY YESTERDAY AND I AM STILL SAD TODAY. Milkwort didn’t come back and now he is gone. I tried looking for him and so did Finn and Mór, but he wasn’t anywhere and if he can’t hear me how can I call to him? I think he went to find food which is why he went and I couldn’t tell him it wasn’t time to do that. I wanted to stay until we found him, but we have to keep going. We couldn’t look for him anymore and we had to leave him behind. It is the most sad I have ever been.
All we did again today is ride all day. I don’t like it anymore. I tried talking to the bulls again, but I can’t, even now my head isn’t hurting. I tried talking to a bird I saw as well that was only a small one but I still couldn’t do it. The falling out of the tree broke me inside, I know it. Milkwort is gone and I can’t do the talking anymore and now no one will like me.
I don’t want to sing. Mór was singing and said for me to join in but I said I didn’t want to and I didn’t.
We’re nearly there now which is the only good thing. I want to see Jaime again and Crayton. I think that Crayton will be happy to see me and maybe hug me. But if he finds out my head is broken maybe he won’t like me as much after that.
Finn is ahead and stops.
“What is it?” asks Mór.
“There’s something on the track,” he says.
We’ve been going the same way Jaime and Crayton came. We know it because of the feet prints their cows made. That is what Finn told me.
Finn gets down from his bull who is Gailleann and pats him on his head two times. I can see what it is on the ground now. It is a big arrow that someone has scraped on the ground to make one. Mór gets down too so I get down too. The arrow is pointing to a tree where there is hair from a bull tied around a big stone.
“Cray,” says Mór.
Finn picks up the stone. There are scratches on it but I can’t see what and Finn doesn’t show me.
“You think this means they’re real?” Finn asks. He looks serious when he says it. He is not smiling and he passes the stone to Mór, who is also not smiling. She looks at it but she doesn’t show it to me either and she throws the stone away.
“What do we do?” Mór asks Finn.
“Spend the night here, I guess,” says Finn.
“Are we sure we’re safe here?” says Mór.
“If we build a big enough fire, we’ll be fine,” says Finn. “Let’s get started.”
I don’t understand at all what they are saying.
“Why do we need a big fire?” I ask, and, “What did Crayton scratch on the stone?” I want to know. It’s not fair that they don’t tell me.
Mór looks at Finn first and then she says, “Cray was warning us about an animal they saw near the castle. He said we shouldn’t travel at night, so we’re going to wait here until morning and then go on, okay?”
“But we have to get there soon,” I say.
“We will,” says Mór. “In the morning.”
“Why does it have to be a big fire?” I ask.
“Animals don’t like fires,” says Finn.
“What kind of animal is it?”
“It didn’t say. But don’t worry; we’ll be safe here.”
So we stop even though we are nearly there which makes me cross because Jaime is waiting for me and we have to go on the boat now. That is the most important thing. I’m not scared of one animal. We have bulls as well that are big and can get it. Or I could have talked to it in my head, but I can’t do that now which makes me even more sadder.
Finn and Mór make a fire at the end of the track which is next to a big field. The one they make is even bigger than the one in the meeting circle. They keep adding more. It will be warm to sleep.
They give me a job that is cutting up the vegetables which they say is an important one because we all need to eat don’t we. After we have eaten the food it is time to go to sleep. Mór says she will watch for the animal first. I say I can do it even though I am tired because I want to do it to take turns. Mór says she’ll wake me up later and then I can have my turn so I say okay that is fair and I go to sleep.
When I wake up it is the morning. Mór is asleep and Finn is awake and watching for the animal.
I am cross and I say to Finn, “Why didn’t you wake me? It was my — turn to w-watch.”
“You were sleeping really deeply. I didn’t want to disturb you,” says Finn.
It is not true. It’s because they do not think I can do it right.
“I can do it!” I shout. “I can watch and I wouldn’t f-fall asleep and I would see the animal when it came.”
Mór is awake now.
“Hey, what’s all the shouting for?” she asks.
“You were supposed to wake me and you didn’t — wake me,” I say, and I am still shouting.
“We needed you to rest,” says Mór. “So you’re fully recovered. In case we see the animal today. So you can
talk to it and help us again.”
“I told you already I can’t do it!” I scream, and I pick up a pot that is close and throw it at the fire and I kick all the other things and when Mór tries to stop me I push her and then I run and I don’t care where I’m running I just do it.
The grass is long and wet and it makes me wet too. I can hear gallops coming and then Finn is in front of me on Gailleann the bull. I try to go past him and push the bull but he won’t let me and blocks me.
“Get out of my way!” I shout, but he doesn’t so I grab at the grass and tear it up and throw it at him again and again and rip it more and throw again and scream.
It makes me tired to do it and then I can’t do it anymore and I sit down and put my head in my hands but I don’t cry because I won’t.
Mór is there and she puts a hand on my shoulder and I let her.
“It’s all right,” she says.
“I’m sorry, okay,” I say, and my head is still in my hands.
“You don’t need to apologize,” says Mór.
“I’m not supposed to d-do it,” I say.
“Do what?” asks Mór.
“Get angry and do — bad things,” I tell her. “Maistreas Eilionoir said I have to c-control it. But sometimes it just — happens.”
“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. We all get angry. You’ve had a tough few weeks.”
Then I say, “I could do it. I could watch for the animal. I wouldn’t fall asleep. I could do it. Why does everyone think I can’t — do things?”
“You’re right. It was wrong of us not to wake you.” It is Finn who says this. He is not on Gailleann now. He has gotten off and is next to me like Mór. “You can have first watch tonight; how about that?”
I nod. I feel better that they will let me. I am not angry anymore.
“Let’s get to Dunnottar, shall we? It won’t take us long now,” says Finn.
I nod and we walk back to where our things are. I am very wet and now it is cold so I stand by the fire while we eat to make me dry. The fire is smaller now so it only dries me a bit. Then Mór stamps on the fire to put it out and we go.
It is not long and then we see the castle. Finn sees it first and he whistles and moves his head to show me to look at it. It is small only because it is a bit far away still. I know that.
The bulls have to walk. They can’t run because the grass is thick which means it takes more time. We go past some trees that are all black and fallen down. Maybe that is where the animal lives. I look for it but I can’t see it.
The castle gets bigger and bigger and when we are close it is so big I can’t even believe it. I don’t even know how they made it so big. We’re supposed to be going to the harbor, but Finn says the feet prints go to the castle so he thinks that is where Jaime and Crayton are. The path is small to get to it so we have to get off and walk. The sea is a long way down below but it is okay. I am a Hawk so I am not scared. I am good at walking high with the sea below.
We go into the castle through a door but we are still outside like it is a small enclave. Then Jaime comes running out from the tall part and says, “You made it!” He runs all the way to me and when he gets close he stops and asks, “Can I hug you?” and I say, “Yes,” and I give him one of my biggest hugs. Afterward he says, “I’m so sorry I left without you. Finn explained why I had to, right? How are you feeling?”
“It’s okay you had to leave, J-Jaime,” I say, and also I say, “My head is — better now,” which is a bit true because it doesn’t hurt anymore and a bit not true because it is broken inside. I don’t tell him that part.
He says hello to Finn and Mór and we all go into the tall place. Inside is a big room and it’s bright from all the candles in the air. It is pretty to look at it. Knútr is tied up in the corner. Crayton who is my favorite is there too. He comes over and I want him to hug me like Jaime did but he doesn’t. He touches his forehead with Mór and Finn because that is what they do. Then he says, “Hello, Agatha, nice to see you again.” And I reply, “You can touch my head as well, you know.”
He smiles and says, “Sure,” and touches my head to his head and it is very wonderful and I smile.
“I’m going to do the first watch tonight,” I tell him.
“Are you?” he says. “That’s great.”
Everyone is happy and talking and then a woman runs down the stairs who I don’t know. She stops at the bottom and says, “All the people came and the feast isn’t ready yet,” and then she runs at us so I scream which makes her stop and then she screams too and then I stop and then she stops and she is looking at me.
“Agatha, this is Nathara, Queen of Scotia,” says Jaime, which is introducing.
I know what a queen is. It’s like an elder but for all the people and an important one. She does not look like a queen. She is dirty and some of her teeth aren’t there and her hair is long but it isn’t pretty like mine. If Jaime says she is a queen I should be nice to her. I do a bow which is when you bend your body in the middle. Maistreas Sorcha showed me how to do it.
The queen walks toward me and is always looking at me. She looks at my face very close and I don’t know why.
“Why do you look like that? Did it get you? You should have waited in the room like Daddy said,” she says.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but I never even m-met you before,” I say.
She laughs very loud then, so I laugh too. Then she sees the bulls that are Finn’s and Mór’s and shouts, “More horses!” and goes to them, but they’re not horses so she’s wrong.
Jaime is next to me and leads me over to where there are some big chairs for us to sit on. “We’ve got a lot to catch up on,” he says. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes,” I say, because I am.
He gives me an apple from a bag next to him and I start to eat it. Then he whispers to me, “Queen Nathara can act a bit strange sometimes, but she’s a nice person. Don’t let anything she says make you angry.”
“Okay,” I tell him, “I won’t.”
Jaime tells me about the ship he has found and that he has been fixing it for two days and now it is nearly ready. Crayton and Mór and Finn come over to where we are.
“Did you really see a sgàil?” Mór asks Crayton.
“I wouldn’t exactly say we saw it, but it was there, yes,” says Crayton. “It was quite insistent on pulling off Knútr’s limbs.”
The shadow things are real! I said to Jaime they were.
“Thanks for the warning,” says Mór.
I think she means the stone. But the shadow things are not an animal.
“So King Balfour succeeded?” asks Finn.
“Yes,” says Crayton. He holds up all papers in a book with green covers and hits it with his hand. “Jaime found this. It’s the diary of a man called the Badhbh. Jaime, why don’t you tell them what it says?”
“Um . . . well, the Badhbh was the man who helped King Balfour with his experiments,” says Jaime. “It says they managed to create a whole army of shadows. They were made to target anyone without Scotian blood. He was going to send them into Ingland, but before he had a chance— ”
“King Edmund sent a surprise of his own,” says Crayton. “A huge mischief of rats, infected with a plague designed to kill us all.”
“Wait — the plague was made by the Inglish?” says Mór.
“That’s right,” says Crayton. “According to Knútr, everyone in Ingland is still alive. Including King Edmund.”
“No!” says Mór. “That can’t be true?” Her mouth is a circle.
“So the sgàilean— you’re saying they’re all around the castle, right now?” asks Finn.
“Thousands of them,” says Crayton. “They were made to serve the royal family, so they stay here because of Nathara. We heard her talking to them last night. They’ve been her only company for the past forty years.”
“If they don’t attack people with Scotian blood, does that mean they can’t harm us?” asks Mór.
“I presume so, although I’m not in any rush to test that theory. When we first approached the castle, they attacked Knútr but didn’t hurt me. That could have been a coincidence, though. What we know for sure is that they stay away from light, so we’re safe during the day and should stay in this room at night.”
No one is talking then and there is so much that Crayton has said that my head is too full with it all and I can’t think about any one thing because there are too many. What I do know is the shadow things are real and they are here.
“Luckily, we won’t have to worry about them for long,” Jaime says to me. “The ship will be ready by the end of today. First thing tomorrow, we’re leaving for Norveg.”
NATHARA WANTS TO COME WITH US. I DON’T KNOW IF I should let her. I must be crazy for even considering it. She can’t fight, she’s unpredictable, she’d be one more person to worry about. . . . All the same, I can’t bear the thought of abandoning her here.
I told her last night that we would be leaving soon, on a ship to find my clan. She furrowed her brow at the word clan, so I tried family instead. She immediately became animated, thinking we were setting out to find her family, and insisted on joining us. I tried to explain that that wasn’t the case, but she wouldn’t hear it. She hasn’t stopped talking about it since.
Cray, on the other hand, is not coming. It was foolish of me to think that he might. I suppose I hoped that he’d want to help with the rescue as well. He told me he wanted to, but he’d never leave Bras, and the bull can’t travel on the ship. He also needs to go back to his people in case the wildwolves return.
“All done,” says Cray as he helps me attach the final sail.
I jump onto the deck and look up at my work. “You think it’s seaworthy?” I ask.
“No idea. I told you, I know nothing about boats. But it looks good to me. As far as I can tell, you’ve done a great job.”
My heart swells with pride. It’s taken three days of intense physical labor, but the finished result does look impressive. Even I have to admit that.
“Thanks,” I say.
“I don’t do compliments often,” he says, punching me on the top of my arm, “so don’t expect another one any time soon.”
The Good Hawk Page 18