Josie sank back into the chair, but her eyes wouldn’t close. Instead, she watched Ethan as he walked back and forth across the tiny room, blanket wrapped around Avery’s scrawny shoulders, her knobby little knees folded over his forearm. In sleep, she looked peaceful for the first time all day.
Ever since Ethan had accepted the job at Camp Ho-Ho, Josie had been struggling to figure out what that meant for her, for him, for their future, and her conclusions had ranged from dire to miserable. The man she’d fallen in love with had been full of dreams, full of hope, full of mischief.
Now, though? Now he seemed content to watch everyone go off to college while he stayed behind and learned the ropes at the park. Seemed content to kiss his old dreams good-bye, nurse his knee injury, and probably go fat and bald in Dad’s office.
Here they were, scheduled to get married in less than a month, and she was frightened they’d rushed into the wedding because of Avery, rushed because they were scared to be separated by her enrollment at Wellesley, rushed because they were so, so stupidly young.
The flowers were ordered, the hotel booked, the dress hanging in her closet, but every day her doubts loomed bigger. For six weeks now she’d been one breath away from asking if they should put the brakes on, postpone the wedding, take a break and figure out if they were really doing the whole wedding thing for the right reasons.
And then Avery had taken a turn for the worse, and here they were. Josie had brought her to the ER, and her foster mom had been too busy with the other kids at her house to even come visit since she’d been admitted. Ethan and Josie hadn’t left the hospital for three days, and Josie’s hope was fading that Avery’s chemo was going to win this time.
She sighed. The two of them hadn’t managed more than a couple of hours of sleep each night. It was hardly the time to bring up any sort of deep discussion on the topic of their future. And honestly, if Avery wasn’t destined to be part of their future, she didn’t want to think about it anyway.
Avery whimpered softly, and Ethan tucked the blanket around her. “Shh, munchkin. It’s okay. I’m right here. Josie and I are right here with you.”
No. It definitely wasn’t the time.
* * *
Josie shook her head, knocking the memory loose as she glanced again at the pictures on Josh’s office wall. Look at what Ethan had built here. Then one picture caught her eye, and she leaned closer to the wall to see it clearly. It had been taken at the base of the Ferris wheel, and she put her hand to her throat as she realized it was Avery. Avery, healthy and full of spunk. Avery, hands up in the air, face practically cracking from her supersized grin. Avery, holding up a Slush-Bomb and pointing to her Official Slush-Bomb Tester T-shirt—the green one this time.
“Do you still miss her, Jos?” Josh’s voice was gentle at her shoulder.
She took a deep, shaky breath. “I’ll never stop missing her.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it is coming back here.”
“Hard would be a bit of an understatement.” She sat down on the love seat that faced his desk, and he perched on its arm. “I just—God, Josh, I feel like I’ve spun myself into another universe here. Parts of it have stood still for ten years, and others?” She waved vaguely around her. “Others are so different I don’t even know how to take it all in.”
“And Avery’s everywhere.”
“She is. And here I am a counselor, and ten years out from … everything. But I come back here and feel like I’m eighteen again, all discombobulated and anxious and unable to figure any of it out.”
“Maybe you never really gave yourself enough time to—quote—figure it out then. Have you considered that?”
“Because I hightailed it out of town with the cans practically still clanking on the bumper?”
Josie took a deep breath, looked at Josh sitting so comfortably in this space, this space that was Ethan’s answer to Avery’s death. What had hers been, really? “I just—just can’t believe I never knew about this place. Can’t believe my mother never said anything.”
Josh shifted awkwardly. “It’s probably not my place to say it, but I have a feeling … maybe Ethan asked her not to.”
“Wow.” She forced the word over her swollen throat. “Molly said … Wow. Mom, even?”
“In his defense, I’m pretty sure he didn’t think you were ever going to come back. Or care what he was doing.”
“I know,” she whispered, then cleared her throat. “It’s just so … so huge what he’s done here. And Avery’s such a big part of why. And Avery was such a big part of … well … us, I guess. It just feels so strange not to have known.”
Josh pointed at the pictures again. “The hospital’s giving him a huge award Sunday night. Did he tell you about it?” He shuffled some papers into a folder on his desk, then stuck the folder in a wire rack beside his computer. “We both know he had other plans for his life, Jos. We both know it didn’t work out that way, for a lot of reasons. But look at this place.”
Josie felt tears gathering behind her eyes, but resisted swiping them and making it obvious to Josh that she was an emotional grenade right now. She blinked quickly, willing them back, and when they wouldn’t quite cooperate, she turned toward the French door that led off from his office. She really needed to get a grip.
“What’s through that door?” It had a lacy, opaque curtain over it, but behind the lace she could see sunlight streaming into a big, bright room.
Josh turned toward it. “Owners’ quarters.”
“Ethan lives here now?” How had she not figured that out in the time she’d been here?
“No. Not yet. No.” Josh shuffled more folders, not meeting her eyes. “He’s living back at his parents’ house for the time being. Helping his dad.”
“Of course.” She peeked through the door, but couldn’t see much beyond the curtain. Just glowing wood floors and buttery yellow walls. “Is he ever going to move in, do you think?”
“Maybe someday.” Josh looked directly at her now. “I’m not sure it’s even a conscious plan, but I think maybe he’s been saving it.”
“For what?” She felt her eyebrows draw together.
He was silent for a full five seconds. “What do you think, Josie?”
* * *
“And this is the dinosaur room.” Josh motioned her inside the second-story room ten minutes later, giving her a tour of the upstairs. “No one’s in here right now. Go ahead in and check it out.”
“I’m still trying to get over the creemee machines on every floor.”
“Well, what could be more fun than creemees any time of the day or night, right? Of course, we had to change it to soft serve on the website so anyone outside of Vermont would know what it even is.”
“Ethan always did like his creemees.” Josie felt a smile steal up her cheeks, the first one since she’d entered the house.
“So.” Josh adopted his tour-guide voice. “Kid rooms all adjoin adult rooms so families can spread out a little bit. He had someone come in and paint all the kid rooms, but he didn’t touch the décor of the old B and B rooms.”
Josie peeked through the open door into a lovely, plush room with a fireplace and canopy bed. “I bet they never want to leave.”
“That’s the goal.”
Josh pulled back a bright curtain near the bed. Mounted on the wall were the very same sorts of emergency equipment she’d seen at the head of Dad’s bed in the hospital. And Avery’s. Then Josh lifted the bedspread to show her the bed. “See? Everything’s all hospital-grade equipment. We just hide the fact that it’s … hospital-grade equipment.”
Josie sat gingerly in the rocking chair by the window, feeling the warm breeze lift the hair on her forehead. “It’s beautiful, Josh. I can’t believe you guys have done this with this house.”
“I didn’t do it. Ethan did.”
“It must have cost an absolute fortune.”
“He’s an incredible grant-writer. And it’s an incredible place—the kind people want
to get behind.”
Josie heard the unmistakable giggle of a young girl. “Is that one of the patients?” Her stomach flipped.
Josh nodded. “But we call them guests, not patients. That’d be Emmy. She just got out of the hospital and is back for a bit with her mom.” He paused at the doorway. “Want to meet her?”
Josie followed him around the huge staircase at the center of the hallway, going by three sets of guest rooms as they made their way to Emmy’s room. At the doorway, he put his hand out to stop her, but what she saw inside the room would have glued her feet to the floor anyway.
Chapter 35
Ethan sat in a rocker by the window with a tiny girl on his lap. Their heads were bent toward each other, his dark hair almost touching her shiny little head as they pointed at pictures in an I Spy book. His arm was around her waist and she leaned into him comfortably, swinging her little legs as he rocked slowly.
Josie put her hand to her chest as she watched, and this time there was no way to stop the tears. Emmy looked just like Avery, only smaller. She had the same tiny body in a too-big princess robe—the same tiny feet, the same tiny, bald head.
The same future?
She must have made a sound, because as one, Ethan and Emmy turned toward her. She ducked to the side of the doorway and scraped her sleeve over her eyes, then pasted on her best fake smile as she took a step into the room.
Ethan’s eyes were wide as she paused just inside the doorway. “Josie!”
She took a deep breath. “Molly surprised me. Brought me here. I’m sorry to intrude.”
“No! It’s fine! Come on in. This isn’t exactly how I would have introduced you to the house, but you’re here!” If she hadn’t been so shocked by finding out about the house, Josie would have been almost tempted to laugh at his obvious distress. She could totally picture Josh making I’m sorry gestures behind her back.
“Um, okay. This is great. I’m so glad you’re here.” The little girl raised her eyebrows, seemingly sensing his discomfort. “Josie, this is my friend Emmy. Emmy, this is Josie.”
Emmy turned fully toward her, and in the first moment Josie saw her eyes, a profound relief melted over her body. Where Avery had had eyes the color of chestnuts, Emmy’s were bright, heavenly blue. Where Avery’s smile had been huge, gap-toothed, contagious … Emmy’s was tentative and sweet.
“Hi, Josie.” Emmy smiled up at her as she snuggled closer to Ethan.
“Hi, Emmy.” Josie crouched down so her head was at Emmy’s level. “It’s lovely to meet you.” Josie looked around at the fluffy, very pink space. “You have an excellent room here.”
“Best view in the whole place!” Emmy pointed out the window.
“I see that! Have you been to Snowflake Village yet?”
“Not yet this week. Dr. Mackenzie says I have to wait two more days. It’s okay, though. Ben’s saving me the pink-princess car on the Twinkle Fairy for when I come. He said I can ride it all day if I want to.”
“Lucky you!”
Ethan chuckled. “Josie loves the Twinkle Fairy, too. Don’t you, Jos?”
“You said she threw up on the Twinkle Fairy.” Emmy poked Ethan in the chest.
Josie stood back up. “Never eat three hot dogs, a box of popcorn, and two Slush-Bombs before a ride that spins.”
“Yuck. You should have stuck to ice cream.” Emmy tipped her face up to Ethan’s. “Speaking of ice cream…”
“I’m gonna run out of ice cream if you stay much longer, squirt. I’ll have to get a cow to keep up with the demand.”
“Me eating too much ice cream is a good problem.”
“That’s true. What’ll it be? Dr. Mackenzie? Can the lady have chocolate today?”
Josh smiled. “Does the lady’s tummy think chocolate will work?”
“The lady’s tummy definitely thinks it’ll work!” Emmy jumped off Ethan’s lap and grabbed Josie’s hand, surprising her. “Come on, Josie. Have you seen the ice cream machine? Let’s go make creemees!”
With a bewildered look over her shoulder at Ethan and Josh, Josie followed her down the hallway into a sunny kitchenette and watched as she used a stepstool to pick out a cone and pull the chocolate lever to deliver a perfectly sculpted creemee into it.
“Wow. You’ve had a lot of practice at this.” Josie reached out to take the cone Emmy handed her. “Thank you.”
“Ethan says he’s going to give me a job at the park when I’m older.” Emmy spun her cone around and made another perfect creemee, then hopped off the stool. “Let’s go eat on the porch!”
As they settled into two Adirondack chairs, Emmy said, “Are you Ethan’s girlfriend?”
Josie swallowed, the ice cream growing spikes. “No. Just a friend.”
“Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure, yes.” Josie laughed as she licked her ice cream. Subject change time. “So how old are you, Emmy?”
“I’m eight. But Ethan says I’m terribly mature for my age.”
“Oh, he does, does he?”
“Yes. I have to agree with him. But cancer does that.”
Josie looked sideways at her, but she was just spinning her ice cream cone around, licking the drips. She had the same matter-of-fact demeanor Avery had always had. “That it does, sweetie.”
“Ethan was talking about you. He says you help people? Talk to them to help them feel better?”
He’d said that?
“I try to, yes. It’s really hard work to have things like cancer. Especially when you’re a kid. So I try to help.”
“Do you have kids, Josie?”
“No…” Josie bit her own cone. “No, I don’t.” Because I don’t ever, ever want to be attached to another child who could rip out my heart, sweet Emmy.
“Do you have a husband?”
“Nope. No husband, either.”
“Why not?” Emmy asked the question like she couldn’t imagine anyone choosing not to get married and have children.
“I think maybe it’s just not my time yet.”
Emmy shook her head. “I think Ethan would be the perfect dad.”
“Think so?” Josie’s cone got stuck in her throat as it tightened.
“Oh, definitely. If I didn’t have one already, I might ask him to be mine.”
“Well, I’m sure he would be very honored to be asked.”
“Hey! I have an idea.” She pushed the final bite of her cone into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Ethan needs a wife. You need a husband. Why don’t the two of you get married?”
Josie laughed tightly. “That is quite an idea, young lady.”
The screen door swung open and a young woman peered out. “Emmy, are you talking someone’s ear off out here?” She leaned toward Josie with her right hand outstretched. “Hi, there. I’m Steph, this little imp’s mom.”
“She’s good company.” Josie smiled. “I’m Josie, Ethan’s … friend from way back.”
Emmy hopped off her chair. “I’m going to go tell him.”
“Don’t you dare!” Josie warned, but with a delighted squeak, Emmy banged through the screen door and headed up the stairs.
“Uh-oh. What’s she telling who?” Steph propped her hip against the railing.
“I’m pretty sure she’s telling Ethan I’m about to wither into spinsterhood and he’d better save me.”
Steph laughed. “Oh boy. Is she planning your wedding already?”
“Quite possibly.” Josie’s gut quivered as she said so.
“So how do you know Ethan?”
“We went to high school together, actually.”
“Lucky girl.” Steph winked. “Did you ever date him?”
Josie paused for a long moment. “Yeah, we dated.”
And almost got married, but we’ll leave that part out for now.
Steph sat down in the wicker chair next to Josie, pulling up her knees like a schoolgirl waiting for a juicy story. “How long were you guys a couple?” When Josie paused again, Steph shook her head. “Oh, wow.
Listen to me. I’m obviously desperate for girl talk, aren’t I? I’m so sorry to pry! It’s none of my business at all! I just adore Ethan, and I’ve never figured out why he’s still single after all this time.”
“Long story, Steph. But it’s probably his to tell, not mine.”
“Still love him?”
Josie felt her eyes widen, even as she smiled at Steph’s directness. “Is this you not prying?”
“Sorry. Again. I think I’ve spent a little too long with only Emmy for company. My self-censor button seems to be broken.”
“We were together a long time ago. A lot’s happened since then.”
“Ever wish you could go back to when it was all so much simpler?”
Josie paused. Yes. No. Maybe.
“Sometimes, I guess. I’m not sure it was that much simpler back then for us, unfortunately.”
“The angst of first love.” Steph smiled wistfully. “You never really get over it, do you?”
Josie shook her head slowly. “I’m starting to think you don’t.”
“Hey!” Steph pushed herself up from her chair. “Did Ethan show you the back part of the house? The owners’ quarters?”
“Not yet.”
“Come on. You have to see this. If I was a lesser woman, I’d pretend to fall in love with him just so I could live here full-time.” She opened the screen door and held it while Josie stood up and walked through. “You might rethink your stance on rekindling things with Ethan once you see it. Just warning you!”
When they reached the kitchen, Steph pointed toward the breakfast nook, where a French door with lacy curtains was tucked up against the bay window that looked into the backyard. “Oh shoot.” She looked up at the kitchen clock, then her watch. “I need to go give Emmy her meds, but you should go explore. Right through that door.”
Josie shook her head. “I shouldn’t go in there. It’s not my place.”
“It could be your place if you play your cards right!” Steph grinned. “I’ll keep Ethan busy upstairs while you go explore. Seriously, you’re going to fall in love with this house, if you haven’t already.”
Forever This Time Page 26