He threw his rag into a pile by the door. “You going to ditch the love of your life and try to forget him … again?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Ike.”
“Wrong. I know exactly what I’m talking about, because I had a chance forty years ago to make the same choice, and my grandpa took me by the collar and asked me the one question that made it all clear. He said, ‘Son, where does your heart live?’”
Ike let his arm drop from her shoulders as he backed up three steps. “I’ll get your keys, but you think about this, Josie, and you think hard.
“Where does your heart live?”
Chapter 40
“Ethan! Check security camera nine! Quick!” Molly blew into his office, face flaming. He only had an hour until he needed to leave for the hospital dinner, and still hadn’t been able to get hold of Josie. Yes, she’d said she’d see him there, but his gut clenched when he remembered how she’d looked, sitting there on the living room floor.
And now Molly was here with another emergency. Yeah, he definitely needed an assistant.
He spun in his chair, clicking the Polar Plunge camera to life. “What’s the matter? What happened?”
Molly leaned over his shoulder. “Right there! Look!” She pointed at a strikingly Italian-looking guy lounging against the ride, guzzling a bottled water.
“What am I looking at, Mols? Did he do something?”
She spun his chair around, then grabbed her chest dramatically. “I think I found true love.”
He spun back to take another look at the guy, then faced Molly again. “True love? What?”
“Isn’t he gorgeous?” She looked over his shoulder, practically drooling.
“I’m not the right gender to appreciate his assets, sorry. Where did you meet this guy? Oh God, Mols. Tell me he’s not from that Italian dating site.”
She laughed. “Funny story, actually. No, he’s not. But I was out on another disastrous Italian Match date the other night with some guy who called himself Mario, and when the slime ball went to the bathroom, I spotted this guy at a table by himself.”
“So … you’re on a date with … Mario … and he goes to the bathroom, so you make the moves on a single guy at a different table? Do we need to talk about dating etiquette, Mols?”
Molly leveled an annoyed look his way. “No. We don’t. Mario never came back. And Michael here—” She pointed at the computer. “Michael came over and asked if he could sit down, and we got to talking, and, well, wow!”
“Molly.”
“Oh, Ethan, don’t go all dad-ish on me. It’s fine. I’m a big girl. He’s a really, really nice guy.”
“And you know this after one evening together? Any guy can be really, really nice for one night.”
“I’m twenty-eight years old. I’ve figured that one out, thank you.”
“I—I don’t even know what to say.”
“Say you’re happy for me.”
“I am, but you have to admit. It’s a little out of the blue.”
“Sometimes that’s how it happens.” She fanned her face. “I just never thought it would happen to me.”
“One date, Mols. Or—half a date, I guess.”
“I like him, Ethan.”
“I can see that.”
“Don’t be a killjoy. Josie’s back. You should be all—I don’t know—hopped up on love again, shouldn’t you?”
He looked at her. “You’ve been calling me a moron for two weeks now.”
“I know.” She looked at the camera again. “Maybe I needed a perspective adjustment.”
“I see. So now that you’re madly in lust, the rest of the world has permission to be happy?”
“Something like that.” She smiled. “Plus, Josie and I talked the other day when she was at Avery’s House. She said some things, I said some things … and I’m finding it harder to hate her now.”
“That’s … good.”
“I know. Weird, though. I was seriously good at—the hating.”
Ethan sobered. Weren’t we both …
“So, speaking of Josie…”
“Were we?”
His gut tightened. She still hadn’t turned on her phone. Should he go back over to her house? He should, right? Yes. But first, flowers. A big bouquet of daisies. Where could you get flowers on a Sunday, anyway?
“Focus, Ethan.” Molly spun his chair to face her. “Here’s the thing. I know I pulled a hissy fit when you suggested that Josie work at Avery’s House, but … you’re right. She does belong there. It’s her someday-house, for God’s sake. She always dreamed of living there, and you bought her that house.”
He put his hand up, but she waved it off. “Don’t even try to argue with me. Can you honestly tell me, in your heart of hearts, that you never wanted Josie to know about this house? Can you honestly say you haven’t spent the last five years building this legacy in hopes that she would come home and fall in love with it—and you—again?”
He stayed silent. An Italian woman on a rant was a force to be reckoned with.
“So I have a plan, and you can’t comment on it until you have time to think about it and realize I’m right.”
“I’m scared.”
She sighed. “I’m going to resign from Avery’s House, but I’ll do it in a way that’s respectful and graceful, and allows time for my replacement to get trained up. I think it should be Josie who takes the job, but I guess that’ll be up to her. So I’m not leaving you in a lurch, but I am clearing out, and I hope the space I leave there is one she can feel comfortable filling.”
“Molly, have you been drinking?”
“I know I’m acting completely bipolar here. Believe me, I know it. I have been on a Josie bender for two weeks, trying to think of a way to get her back out of town. But maybe it’s good she came back.”
Ethan narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you have a fever?”
“Shut up. I’m serious. And as embarrassing as it is to admit, Mama sat me down for one of her famous come-to-Jesus meetings last night. I barely survived, thank you very much. But she was right about a lot of things. Everything, really. But I can’t admit that openly.”
“Molly, this is huge. Don’t you think you should think about it a little longer?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for years, Ethan. This isn’t about some gorgeous Italian who just walked into my life two days ago and swept me off my feet. Ever since Josie came back, I’ve known this was coming. When you two are together, the heat’s so intense I have to back up so I don’t burst into flames. You belong together, Ethan. She belongs … here. I just hope to hell she figures that out sooner than later.”
He sighed, picturing her driving south. “I’m more afraid she’s already figured out the opposite.”
Molly sat down in Andy’s chair. “I have a question for you.”
“Great.”
“Nice tone.” She fiddled with one of Josie’s pens. “I asked you this a long time ago, but you wouldn’t talk. Did you—did you ever go after her?”
Yeah, he’d gone after her. After a month of unreturned calls and e-mails, he’d headed to Boston one weekend, determined to sit down face-to-face with Josie.
“I went down there once. It didn’t go well—obviously.”
“What happened?”
Ethan shook his head. “She wasn’t there.”
“Did you wait?”
“No.” He frowned, feeling the same stab to his gut that he’d felt when Josie’s roommate told him she’d gone off for a weekend at the ocean … with her new boyfriend.
“I don’t get it. She could have been at class … or dinner … or the library.”
“It was a Friday night, Mols. And according to her roommate, her new boyfriend had just picked her up for a weekend in Maine.”
“Oh.” Molly put down the pen. “Oh ouch. God, Ethan. No wonder you never wanted to talk about it.”
“Yeah.”
“Wait. Oh no. Was that the weekend—”<
br />
“That you and Josh had to babysit me after I decided to raid Pops’s liquor cabinet? Yeah, that’s the one.”
Molly winced. “I think the only reason Pops didn’t kill you was because you’d already inflicted so much pain on yourself that he couldn’t think of anything worse to do to you.”
“Death would have been preferable, yes.”
Molly was silent for a long moment, and then she stood up. “Okay, here’s the plan. We go to the hospital dinner, because you have to. But then? Whatever it takes, and wherever she is, you go find Josie.”
“Again, I have to ask if you’re drunk or feverish.”
“No, Ethan.” Molly shook her head, sighing. “I’ve just finally realized I’m never going to get to put that damn dating profile live, because your heart’s been glued to Josie since eleventh grade, and that’s never going to change.”
* * *
Josie pulled into the rest area just north of Concord, feeling like the car roof was closing in on her. She just needed to get out, walk, get some air. Something. The rest area had walking paths out behind the building, picnic tables scattered beside a little brook, peace and quiet. That would help, right?
Fifteen minutes later, it hadn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Ike had said, couldn’t stop picturing Ethan at the waterfall, under the Christmas tree, with Emmy at Avery’s House. Though he had aged ten gorgeous years since she’d first loved him, in some ways he was still the same boy she’d had her first crush on.
Those eyes still undid her without even trying. His voice had grown only deeper with age. His hands. God, his hands had only gotten better. But just like ten years ago, all that was good about him was shadowed by the fact that he’d hitched his wagon to Ho-Ho, and that was a twenty-four-seven commitment he’d have until he retired … or worse.
What had happened at her parents’ house earlier had been a perfect example. On the verge of a beautiful moment, he’d taken that call, had left her alone. That’s how it would be. And no, she wasn’t her mother. She at least was confident now that she would never turn into the quivering, alcoholic mess that had been Diana ten years ago. But still. He was destined to turn into Andy, and he was actively choosing that life.
It’s exactly what she’d feared so long ago. It’s exactly what had made her say good-bye.
* * *
“Josie, what are you saying?” Ethan’s eyes probed hers as they sat in his truck at Twilight Cove, her head pounding like never before.
“I’m saying…” She drew a shaky breath. “I’m saying I think we need to take a break, figure things out, have some space.”
He looked out the front window, face stricken. “I can’t believe this. Where is this coming from? We’re supposed to get married! In two weeks!”
“We’re not ready, Ethan. You know it, I know it. We rushed into it for all the wrong reasons. Because of Avery. We wanted her to be part of the wedding, wanted to—I don’t know—give her some stability. But now…” Her voice caught on a sob. “Now, she’s not … she won’t … it’s just not right anymore.”
“Us breaking up isn’t going to make anything more right, Jos.”
“It’s not breaking up. Not really. Just taking some time, some space.”
“Breaking up.”
“God, Ethan, I can’t even think straight right now. I can hardly get dressed in the morning. I don’t even know what to do. But I don’t think I can stay here. I can’t be where Avery was. I can’t see her little face everywhere I turn, hear her little voice, see her … at the end.”
“We can help each other through this. We can!”
“Ethan, we both know it’s not going to be that simple. We’d be married, but I’ll be at school, and you’ll be … here.” Even she heard the disgust in her voice, the disappointment that he was willing to accept that life began and ended here in Echo Lake.
“And here isn’t good enough for you anymore. I see.” His voice had a dead quality that scared her.
“It’s not that. I don’t know. It’s just … Oh God, Ethan. I don’t know! I’m not sure this plan ever made sense. I just think I need to leave. And I don’t want you to be here waiting. It’s not fair to you.”
“Josie, up until five minutes ago, I was pretty much thinking I’d be perfectly content waiting for you while you went to school. Perfectly content working at the park and seeing you on weekends and vacations. Perfectly content planning a life with the woman I love.”
And that, she realized, was exactly the problem. He would be perfectly content, sitting here in a go-nowhere town with a go-nowhere job in a go-nowhere stupid Christmas park that would own his every minute. Forever.
And that wasn’t going to work for her. She was not going to grow up to be her parents.
“I’m sorry, Ethan. I have to go. And I need to do it alone.”
He looked at her, hard, furious. “So you’ve decided.”
“I have.” She wished her voice sounded stronger.
He nodded slowly, and she could feel his anger coming off him in waves. Then he looked out the windshield and started the truck. “Then I guess there’s nothing more to talk about.”
Chapter 41
“I think the whole town’s here, Ethan.” Molly glanced around the ballroom.
“Looks like it.” Ethan’s voice was tight as he glanced at the empty chair beside him. As he looked around the room full of people, he realized he’d never felt more alone.
Pops was on the other side of Molly, fussing with his apple crisp. “Where’s the Boston princess? She coming?”
Ethan shook his head. “Guess not, Pops. Not tonight.”
“How come? She on her way back to the city?”
Molly looked at Ethan, cringing. She put her hand on Pops’s knee. “We don’t know for sure.”
Pops pulled his napkin from where it was tucked into his collar. “So you gonna let her go this time?”
“Says the man who warned me not to get involved with her again?”
“Did I say that? I don’t remember saying that.” Pops pointed to his head. “Memory, you know. It’s a funny thing. And besides, you didn’t listen, anyway. You’ve been in love with that girl since you got facial hair. I don’t think it’s gonna change even if I think it’s a bad idea.”
“Um—”
“I’m just sayin’. You go up and do your speech and everything, but if I was you, soon as you’re done, you get your butt on the road and get that girl.” He spooned a bite of apple crisp. “You’ve been impossible since she got here. I know what I’m talkin’ about and you know it.”
Before Ethan could respond, Josh’s voice came over the microphone. “Good evening, everyone. Thank you all for joining us this evening, and for your donations to the hospital’s pediatric fund. I—and the kids who will pass through Mercy’s doors this coming year—thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.”
Molly leaned over to whisper in Ethan’s ear. “Can you believe he was once the guy who was so shy he could barely say his own name out loud?”
“So, we all know why we’re here—to hand out this year’s Hospital Hero award.” Hoots and claps greeted Josh’s words as he adjusted the microphone. “And I’m pretty sure no one in town would argue that we’ve got the perfect candidate. Well, one person might, but that would be the guy himself.”
As Josh started giving the history of Ethan’s volunteer efforts at Mercy Hospital, starting way back in high school, Ethan surreptitiously glanced around at the people gathered in the ballroom. He recognized almost every single one of them, and for a brief second, wondered if anyone was actually left in Echo Lake tonight, as it appeared the entire village was here in this function hall two towns away.
“But enough from me.” The lights dimmed as a huge screen lowered from the ceiling. “We have someone here who knows Ethan better than anyone in the world—someone who couldn’t be here tonight, but wanted to make sure he could express his congratulations.”
Who was he talking abo
ut? Ethan tried not to let his smile waver, but it was an effort. He couldn’t imagine whose face was about to appear on that screen, and when the picture finally emerged, he almost fell off his chair.
“Hey, Ethan. It’s me, your pain-in-the-ass younger brother.” David’s grin filled the screen, and there was a collective gasp from the audience, then a round of applause. “I’m taping this from the wilds of—well, I can’t tell you where, but it’s really far away.” Titters of laughter filtered to Ethan from around the room.
“I know a lot of you in the room have known Ethan since he was—well, probably since he was a baby. Others of you met him in school. And I’m sure there’s a whole herd of you there who’ve met him through his work at Avery’s House. I know you all have a million stories to share, but I’m the only one who’s known Ethan since the first day I was alive, and that makes me the luckiest guy in this room.” He looked at the empty space behind him. “Well, figuratively.”
Ethan clasped his hands together tightly as David described their early years of playing army-guy, to their junior high years in rec basketball, all laced with humor that had the audience laughing right along with him.
Then he got to Ethan’s senior-year football season, and the room hushed.
“That night, probably most of you were there. That night, Ethan was scheduled to go out in a blaze of glory, not an ambulance. And the next morning, with his leg hanging from the ceiling and a stupid johnny on, we still thought it was all temporary. A little cast time, a little PT, and by spring, he’d be training up for Norwich.
“We all know that’s not how it went, but maybe not all of you know just how difficult it was for Ethan to kiss his dream good-bye, to watch his idiot little brother head off to boot camp the next year, to completely readjust his future because of one torturous second on a muddy playing field.
“He had two choices: wither up and regret the cards he’d been dealt, or head over to a different table and play a new game. We all know which choice he made, and the hundreds of lives he’s touched because of it.
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