Yet… she seemed to hold no bitterness against him.
God, if it were only true. If he could only believe that she truly had no animosity towards him over a stupid mistake. Speaking hypothetically about someone was completely different from actually confronting him, but from her words, Rhogan was almost willing to hope, for certain, her forgiveness was genuine. Perhaps God had brought him back to Selborne for a reason; in this most holy season, of Christmas and blessings and compassion, perhaps this was his Christmas blessing.
The blessing of forgiveness for a mistake that changed his life.
As the afternoon moved into night, Rhogan sat on his cot with his mouse friends as company. He was teasing them with a bit of straw as his mind wandered to the days before the princess, days when he’d been a powerful and respected knight, and the entire world had been at his feet. That night at de Winter’s Christmas feast had been the most pivotal night of his life. The night he’d decided to marry Juliana.
The night he decided to destroy his life.
In fact, as Rhogan thought on that cold and snowy night, he realized that it had been exactly four years ago on this very night. The Ides of December. Four long, sometimes terrible years ago. But his encounter with Juliana tonight had been enough of a Christmas gift to last a lifetime; he didn’t need sausages or baubles or nuts or toys to make him happy. He didn’t even need a warm bed or a warm home. He didn’t need a thing except knowing Juliana didn’t hate him.
Now, he had his answer.
Out in the kitchen yard, the cook was beginning to carve off pieces of the roast sheep, which was something he normally did and Rhogan could hear the woman calling. Torn from his thoughts, he left his mouse friends to amuse themselves on this icy winter’s night and left his shelter to go into the kitchen yard where a great fire sent heat and smoke and the smells of roasting meat into the dark night. Shorthanded for servants, the cook had him take the bigger chunks into the hall.
And that was when things got interesting.
CHAPTER NINE
A TRUTH REVEALED
He was a man on a mission.
Aland wasn’t going to wait any longer for Juliana to accept his suit. He was going to push it tonight, and push it hard, and overwhelm the woman with his charm and with the promise of what he could provide for her in the future. He was going to push until there wasn’t anything left to push and still, he would push more.
It was time to end this.
He was dressed in his finest for the evening meal, including an exquisite and expensive leather robe that went down to his ankles. He’d even washed his hands and face with precious soap that smelled of sandalwood. His hair was brushed, his face shaved, and he thought he looked rather handsome. He hoped Juliana did, too, because like a good predator, he was about to go in for the kill.
He wanted to look good doing it.
The great hall of Selborne was a separate building from the keep, on the east side of the castle and built up against the wall. Making his way out of the knight’s quarters, for young men not of the family were housed in the outbuildings, Aland made his way across the slushy, muddy bailey, now lit up with an abundance of torches against the frozen night. As he headed towards the hall, which was emitting glowing light from within, he was met by Gabriel and Cullen de Nerra.
“So,” Gabriel said, slapping him on the back, “I heard you had a talk with my sister this afternoon. It did not go too well, I am told.”
Aland glanced at the man. Gabriel was the mirror image of his brother, Gavin. But Gabriel seemed to be more apt to remain at home with his father while Gavin served in London and sought glory. Aland thought Gabriel was a bit of a pest, too. He gave the man an annoyed expression.
“Your sister and I had an excellent conversation,” he said. “She simply did not like what I had to say.”
“What did you say to her?” Cullen wanted to know; he was only a year older than Juliana, a very tall de Nerra and a blond in a land of dark-haired siblings. Truth be told, Aland feared Cullen much more than the twins simply for the sheer size of the man. “I heard that you made her cry.”
Aland held up a hand. “Before you rip my head off about it, I said nothing terrible towards her,” he said. “I simply told her what I’d heard about Rhogan de Garr. It was enough to upset her.”
The teasing expression left Gabriel’s face. “What about Rhogan?” he asked. “What do you know?”
They were nearing the hall and Aland was keen to lose these two leeches so he could enter the hall alone and soak up all of the attention; hopefully, Juliana’s attention. Therefore, he spoke quickly.
“A de Winter soldier on his way to Winchester stopped at Hawkley not long ago,” he said, his eyes on the entry door ahead. “He told me that Rhogan never married the princess because he’d been disfigured in a fire the first year he was in France. The princess cast him aside and no one seems to know where he is. I have reached out to his father, to no avail. It was difficult news for your sister to hear.”
Cullen and Gabriel looked at each other over the top of Aland’s head, their expression suggesting that, perhaps, Aland’s delivery of such news hadn’t been entirely altruistic. It was Cullen who finally put himself in front of Aland, blocking the man’s path to the great hall. When Aland looked up at him, surprised, he could see the suspicion on Cullen’s face.
“Who told you this, de Ferrers?” he growled. “I want a name. Or is this a convenient story you have made up simply to upset my sister?”
Aland could hear the hazard in his tone. “Then you know she has put me off because of whatever foolish feelings she has for de Garr?”
Cullen lifted an eyebrow. “They are not foolish feelings to her,” he said. “And I would tread carefully around her if I were you.”
With that, he thumped the man on the chest to emphasize his point and turned away, heading into the hall. Gabriel lingered behind, watching his enormous brother walk off.
“He is very protective of our sisters,” he said. “You would do well to watch out for him, Aland. He would not be beyond throwing a punch if he thought you were upsetting Juliana too much.”
Aland lifted his eyebrows, as if such a thing could not be helped. “It was the truth I told her, Gabriel,” he said. “I cannot help the truth.”
Gabriel simply shrugged and they continued towards the hall. But the minute Aland put his boot on the stone step leading to the entry, his foot slipped off and he ended up flat on his back in the mud again. He growled with rage as Gabriel pulled him to his feet.
“Damnation!” he roared. “That is the second time I have slipped since my arrival. Are all of the steps in this godforsaken place against me? Is it a conspiracy?”
It was all Gabriel could do to keep from laughing at the arrogant man’s outrage. Aland was wearing a beautiful leather coat, the backside of which was now covered in freezing mud. It was quite the mess, not exactly the look the man was going for when attempting to impress his sister.
“You’d better take that coat off before you go inside,” he said. “My mother will have fits if you bring such a muddied garment into her hall. Take it off and hand it to the servant by the door. He will make sure it is cleaned off.”
Frustrated, and without his peacock-proud coat to wear, Aland grumbled as Gabriel helped him remove the coat and then handed it to the de Nerra servant who was just inside the entry door. As the servant ran off with the fine coat to have it cleaned, Gabriel pulled Aland over towards the family’s feasting table.
“Welcome, Aland,” Val said when he saw their guest approach. “We are pleased that you could join us on this night.”
Aland heard Val’s voice but he only had eyes for Juliana as he came to the table. She wasn’t looking at him. Instead, she was focused on the trencher in front of her. Cullen, the intimidating brother, was on one side of her but the other side was unspoken for. He indicated the space on the bench beside her.
“May I sit, my lord?” he asked Val’s permission.
“Ah,” he said, smacking his lips. “My father always said you had the finest wine in the south of England. I see that he was correct.”
“Your father had good taste.”
“As does his son, my lord.”
Val was watching his daughter’s reaction, or lack thereof, to Aland’s presence. She was ignoring the man soundly. Val knew he was going to have to do something quickly or this evening would be most disastrous. He knew Juliana was upset about her conversation with Aland earlier in the day, but Aland had only told her what he’d heard. The sooner she and Aland made amends, the better for them all. But they couldn’t do it with the family hanging about. It was then that Val noticed Cullen sitting on the other side of his sister, glaring daggers at Aland. The last thing they needed was one of his sons becoming involved in this, and in particular, Cullen. The man was too emotional sometimes. Val cleared his throat loudly.
“Cullen,” he said, watching his son look to him with a rather startled expression. “Take a message to the gatehouse, please. I am expecting another guest later tonight and I would have them remain vigilant. In fact, remain at the gatehouse for a time. I should like my guest greeted properly when he arrives.”
Cullen started to rise, for orders from his father were meant to be obeyed, but his movements were reluctant. “Who is it?”
“Do as I say. Go. Oh, and Gabriel – you go as well to keep your brother company.”
Cullen didn’t want to leave but he couldn’t disobey his father, so he left the table unhappily. Gabriel followed in his wake. As Val watched his sons head towards the entry door, he turned to his wife. “And you, my sweet,” he said. “I am feeling a bit of a chill. Will you go and fetch my heavy cloak? You know the one.”
Vesper evidently did not know the one. She looked at him strangely and Val could see that she was about to question him so he stood up, taking her by the elbow.
“I will go with you,” he said, helping her rise from the table. “I am not sure what is wrong with me this night. I feel the cold in my bones.”
Vesper was concerned. “Are you becoming ill?” she asked, putting her hand on his face to see if he was with fever. “You do not feel warm.”
Val simply shook his head, taking her with him as he walked away from the table and murmuring his reasons for leaving to her by the time they reached the entry. Vesper didn’t particularly agree with him, that he felt the need to leave Juliana alone with Aland after the argument they’d had earlier, but she didn’t dispute him.
Like a good wife, she followed him from the hall, leaving her daughter alone at the table with her suitor and about seventy de Nerra soldiers around the hall, eating. Vesper knew that if Aland tried anything bold, the de Nerra men would step in.
When her parents left the table, it didn’t go unnoticed by Juliana that she was alone with Aland now. Wondering if they had left a-purpose, to leave her to the mercy of an aggressive suitor, she set her cup aside and went to stand, but Aland put his hand on her arm.
“Please do not leave, Juliana,” he said softly but insistently. “I… I know you are angry with me, but please do not leave. It was not my intention to upset you earlier. Please believe me.”
Juliana yanked her arm away from him. “Of course it was your intention to upset me earlier,” she snapped. “Why else would you have told me what you did? You wanted to upset me and you did. Now you must live with the consequences.”
Aland sighed heavily. “I wanted you to understand what has become of Rhogan and nothing more,” he said. “Juliana, you are a beautiful and most desirable marital prospect. You have so much to offer. Would you waste it all over a memory?”
Her jaw ticked angrily. “If I do, it is my business,” she said. “Nothing I do concerns you, Aland de Ferrers. I told you to go home and I meant it. I do not want to see you.”
That wasn’t the answer Aland was looking for. She was being stubborn as far as he was concerned and, like all women, needed to have a man take charge. Reaching up, he gave her arm a yank and pulled her right back down to the bench. His fingers, still on her wrist, dug into her flesh.
“Listen to me,” he grumbled. “You are being foolish and obstinate. Do you think you are the first woman who has ever lost a love? Of course you are not. You are acting as if you are the only woman in the history of the world who has ever lost your love. You are not so special, lady. Moreover, Rhogan left you; do you understand that? He left you because he did not want you. I am offering you a position of prestige, as my wife. Are you too blind to see that I am the best offer you will ever receive?”
Juliana’s face was red by the time he finished. He was still holding on to her arm and she tried to yank it away but he held firm. “Let go of my arm,” she said through clenched teeth.
Aland refused. “Not until you see reason.”
“If you do not let me go, I will scream and every man in this room will beat you.”
Aland knew that was probably true. With a sigh of exasperation, he released her. “If you leave, I will only follow you, so it would behoove you to remain,” he said steadily. “Your father has given me permission to court you. Know that whatever I do has his blessing.”
As he and Juliana faced off for what was undoubtedly to be an argument of epic proportions, neither one of them saw a big, dark silhouette moving in the shadows of the hall. The servant that had given his name as John was near their table, in the recesses of the room as dictated by his servitude status. He’d brought meat into the hall and was preparing to duck out into the yard again when the sight of Aland and Juliana, alone at the end of a table, caught his attention. Juliana didn’t appear happy and Aland had grabbed her, twice. He’d even yanked her down to sit beside him.
Something told him to move in their direction.
Oblivious to the servant in the shadows, Juliana was fixed on Aland and his declaration. He seemed overly confident about his chances to marry her and she hated him for it.
“I will tell my father that you have been rude and rough with me,” she said. “When he hears this, you will be fortunate if he does not run you through.”
“You seem to forget that your father wants you married. You are old, Juliana. Most men want wives much younger than you.”
“Do you think that concerns me? If you do, then you are a bigger fool than I thought you were.”
Aland was genuinely trying not to snap at her. “We used to be friends, you and I. What has happened that you would be so hostile towards me?”
He was right; they had been friends for years. Juliana struggled not to become emotional about it. “Because I told you that I did not wish to marry you, yet you persist,” she said, trying a different approach because growing angry with the man was not working. “Aland, any woman would be thrilled by your suit, but I am not. I told you it is nothing personal. I simply do not wish to marry, not you and not anyone. Why can you not abide by my wishes? Why must you push?”
Aland could see that she was easing her angry stance somewhat and he went in for a strike. “Do you truly wait for Rhogan, Juliana?”
“I do.”
“But he will not return.”
She looked away. “It does not matter,” she said. “I told him that I would always wait for him.”
Aland reached out to take her hand, gently, but she pulled it away, unwilling to allow him to touch her. It embarrassed him.
“Am I so repulsive that you do not wish for me to touch you?” he asked quietly.
She looked at him, then. “I do not wish to marry you,” she said. “I do not know how much plainer I can make it. You used to be Rhogan’s friend, Aland. What has changed between you two that you would try to stamp out my memory of him?”
“That should be clear. I want the woman whose heart
he occupies.”
Juliana shook her head slowly. “You cannot have me. I will commit myself to a convent before I marry you.”
Aland went from mildly annoyed to unreasonable rage, all in a fraction of a second. From out of the folds of his tunic, in a very expensive leather belt studded with gold, he pulled forth a small but very sharp dagger. He’d had enough of this foolishness. Snatching Juliana by the wrist, he pulled her against him, the dagger jabbing into her ribs. She gasped.
“Make another sound and I shall ram this blade into your chest,” he said, his voice low and nasty. “If you do not believe me, try it. I may not make it out of here alive, but I promise you will not, either. Do as I say. Now, stand up.”
Terrified, because Juliana didn’t want a dagger thrust into her body, she tried to pull away. “Let me go!”
Aland wasn’t playing games; he poked her with the dagger and she yelped. “Resist one more time and I shall ram this deep. Now, stand up. I will not tell you again.”
Fearfully, Juliana did as she was told and Aland stood up next to her, holding her near his body with the dagger pointing straight at her. Knowing that he should not take her out of the main entry, as her brothers were by the gatehouse and her parents were probably lurking about somewhere as well, he spied a servant’s entrance on the north side of the hall.
“That way,” he dipped his head in the direction of the servant’s entrance. “Go.”
Juliana did. She obeyed him because she was afraid. But she also knew that, at some point, she could gain the upper hand with him. Aland was a slave to flattery, and he was demanding obedience, so until she could manage to get away from him, she would have to give him what he wanted.
And then she would watch with pleasure while her father eviscerated him.
Shuffling towards the northern servant’s entrance, Juliana was unaware that the servant, John, was still in the shadows behind them, now following them as they headed from the servant’s entrance. It was particularly cold out here, the frozen ground beneath the crystal-bright night sky. Breath hung in great puffs of fog as they headed into a walled garden, with an entrance to the ground storage level of the keep on the other end of it.
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