“Turn it off,” I whined.
“She’s awake!” Max loudly exclaimed. The sound of his booming voice made me flinch in pain.
“Shhhh, Max. Stop yelling. The doctor said she most likely has a concussion,” Ellie quietly chastised.
“Baby,” he replied.
Why couldn’t I think straight? Everything was a jumbled mess, except for the pain in my head.
An unfamiliar voice pierced through the fog of pain. “Sarah, can you open your eyes for me?” I started to nod, but the pain stopped me mid-motion. Something touched my face and I forced my eyes to open. It took me a second to focus in on Max, Ellie and an older gentleman with a stethoscope around his neck.
“Where am I?” I croaked.
“You are in the hospital. You were in an accident. I’m Dr. LeFevre,” the man replied.
The second he said the word accident, it all came rushing back. My eyes shot to Max and Ellie.
“Dana!” I gasped.
“Everyone is okay,” Ellie said.
“She tried to run us off the road. She went through the guard rail and we were safe. A car hit us out of nowhere.” I stumbled over my words as I tried to get them out.
“It’s okay, Sarah. You will have plenty of time to explain. Right now, I need to see what we’re dealing with,” the doctor said.
After several tests and X-rays, they determined I had a mild concussion and two broken bones in my left hand. Max and the police were waiting in my room when I returned. I told them everything I could remember. I was certain Dana was trying to kill us and was relieved when Max told me she was dead. The woman was a nutter.
The police left as the technician retrieved me for another set of tests. This time Ellie was in the room with Cas when I returned. I almost made the technician wheel me somewhere else. I knew I was going to have to face Cas at some point, but did it have to be now when I felt so damn vulnerable? As Ellie helped settle me onto the bed, the nurse appeared and informed me they would be in to set my hand shortly. She also said the doctor wanted to keep me overnight for observation.
The second she left the room, Cas pulled the chair up beside me. I glanced around for Ellie, but she was gone. Thanks Ellie. I would definitely be discussing this with her later. As for Cas, I didn’t know what to think. Actually, that wasn’t true. I was hurt and angry. Cas had been crystal clear at MMG about where he stood, and it was not with me. Thank him for coming and move him along his merry way, Sarah. I rested my aching head on the pillow and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see his pretty face anymore. It only reminded me of what I couldn’t have.
“No need to fret, killer. As you can see, I’m fine. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya,” I told him. When he failed to reply, I cracked open an eye to make sure he was still there. Sure enough, he was staring down at me with a sinfully gorgeous smile on his face. Good thing I wasn’t hooked to a heartrate machine or the alarm would have gone off. That’s how hard my heart was beating. Why did I have to be so affected by him? Both my head and my heart wanted him. Wanting a man I could not have was never my plan. Yet, here we were.
Cas gently took my uninjured hand in his. As he laced his fingers through mine, my heart skipped a beat. With each stroke of his thumb across the top of my hand my heart gave in a little more. I was so out of my depth with this man, but I could no longer help it. As I stared into his beautiful blue eyes, I knew I was in love with him.
I am so stupid. I’ve gone and done the one thing he asked me not to do.
The concerned look on his face made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. At the same time, I felt guilty. I knew he was only here because I was hurt. “I’m sorry for earlier. I lashed out at you and shouldn’t have.” His deep, tender voice was my undoing. Tears leaked from my eyes and all I could do was sit there in my hospital bed feeling laid bare and emotionally raw. Letting go of my hand, Cas leaned forward and wiped the tears from my face. “Please don’t cry,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry, too,” I sniffled. “I should have asked about Isabella. It’s just that….” I paused in order to retrieve the right words.
“Just what?” he urged.
“It wasn’t my place. You have been clear about not wanting a relationship with me. I’m the one who took it too far. When I heard you were with Isabella, it all made sense. I was angry with you, but also at myself,” I admitted.
“Isabella Fisher has nothing on you, Sarah McLellan,” he firmly stated. Before I could ask what he meant, the door opened and in walked Max, Ellie and Dr. LeFevre. Max glared at Cas as he dropped my hand like a hot potato. I wanted to scream in rage at Max for once again forcing me to see the truth.
Nothing has changed and it never will.
I was going to have to find a way to let Cas go.
* * *
Four days later
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be the one saying goodbye.
A few hours after I was released from the hospital, Cas showed up at the house. At first Max wasn’t going to let him see me, but with some coaxing from Ellie, he reluctantly gave in. The doctor sent me home with strict rules. One was no visual stimulation for at least seven days. This meant no television or books. When Cas strolled into my room with a bag in his hand and pulled out A Game of Thrones, my heart went pitter patter in a big way. He remembered.
The night Cas and I first slept together, we were lying in bed talking. The subject of our favorite television shows came up. At the time he was watching A Game of Thrones. I told him I refused to see the series until I’d read the books.
“I thought I would read a little to you,” he sheepishly announced.
I should end this now, I thought. Instead, I patted the bed beside me. Cas spent the afternoon lying in my bed, reading to me.
Each day after that, he appeared at my house with something new. Day two he brought Jolly Ranchers, which he knew were my favorite candy. Day three he brought me an Oreo Cookie Blizzard from Dairy Queen, because he thought I would like it better than my favorite Butterfinger one. He was right, it was awesome. Today, he showed up with a bag of Hot Fries, because I told him I remembered eating them with my Mom before she passed away. Each time Cas stopped by, he spent chunks of time reading, talking and sharing with me. Each time he left, I was deeper and deeper in love with him.
Cas showed me a completely different side of himself this week. He was tender and caring. He was hilariously funny and so smart it was scary. He was everything I’d ever wanted in a man, but the question still remained. Was he mine? I needed to know before we proceeded any further, so before he showed up and swept me off my feet again, I had to confront him.
It took fifteen pages and half a bag of Hot Fries to get up enough nerve to ask, “Why are you here, Cas?”
He dragged his eyes from the page of the book to my face and blinked. Clearly I’d caught him off guard. “Because this is where I want to be.” His matter-of-fact answer surprised me. It also told me nothing.
“Would you be here if I hadn’t been in the accident?”
“Not in the same way, but yes, I would have eventually tracked you down and apologized for being a dick at MMG.”
I thought about it for a second and then asked, “Have you changed your mind about us, then?”
He paused to gather his thoughts and finally said, “It’s complicated, Sarah.”
“It’s a yes no answer to a direct question, Cas. Do you or don’t you want a relationship with me?”
“Yes, I want one, but no, I can’t have one,” he answered.
My heart sank. “Why not?”
“For various reasons.”
What kind of lame ass answer is that? “So, you want to be with me, but you can’t and you won’t tell me why?”
“Pretty much.” He stared at the wall behind my head.
“Please look at me, Cas.” His eyes lowered to mine and held. As much as it hurt to say it, I had to. “I can’t do this anymore.” A look of pain appeared on his face a
nd I wanted to scream, I’m right here! If you want me, take me! What the hell is stopping you? Of course, I didn’t. Instead, I lay there biting my lips to keep from crying.
“I understand,” he said. I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t, which only infuriated me.
“Well, that’s just great. I sure am glad one of us does!” I sarcastically snapped.
Without any warning, Cas leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. They tasted like apple Jolly Rancher and Hot Fries. They tasted like the man I was in love with and didn’t want to give up on. Oh, Cas, why are you doing this? He pulled back and looked me in the eyes, as if memorizing my face. Then he wrapped his hand around the base of my neck and lowered his mouth back to mine. As his tongue swept in, he took what was left of my heart. It was his anyway. As fast as the kiss began, it was over and Cas was walking out the door and out of my life.
Once I started crying, I couldn’t seem to stop. The pain inside my heart was more than I could take and I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. That is, until Max and Ellie came barging in and Max flipped out. It took forever to calm him down and convince him I was just hurting and wasn’t going to do something stupid. Finally, Mac started crying and Ellie forced Max to go get him and leave me in peace. I had to laugh when I discovered the bottle of pain pills gone from my bedside table. Evidently, I wasn’t very convincing. After a few more crying jags, I pulled myself together and tried calling Amanda. When she didn’t answer, I called Sally. Forty-five minutes later, Sal was perched on the bed beside me. As she drank my tea and finished off the rest of my Hot Fries, I explained the Cas and Sarah story from beginning to end. When I was done, she hugged me. Then she asked if I wanted to live with her. Before she left for the night, it was settled.
Sally and I were moving in together.
* * *
A week and three days later…
I stared down at my red toenails and wondered if they were too much. Maybe I should have gone with the pink.
“When is everyone else due to arrive?” Max asked Ellie.
I was sitting by the pool at a monstrously big house Ellie and Joss had rented for Piper and Gage’s wedding weekend. Max and Ellie talked me into leaving Charlotte a few days earlier than originally planned. I knew what Max was doing. He was buttering me up because he didn’t want me to move out. It was time for me to spread my wings and we both knew it. He was just having a hard time letting me go.
Apparently Max wasn’t the only one having trouble cutting the apron strings. Isabella wasn’t eager to lose Sally either. While Isabella wanted her to stay, Dillon was fine with her leaving and it had caused some definite tension in their household. Dillon and Ibby’s impromptu Vegas wedding further delayed our search for a place to live.
“Tomorrow morning people begin arriving,” Ellie said. “How is your hand feeling, Sarah?”
A few hours before leaving for Kiawah, the doctor replaced my full cast with a removable hand splint. He advised me not to take it on and off too much, but told me I could get it wet. This meant I could enjoy both the pool and beach, something I planned on doing a lot of.
“This sure beats being in a cast,” I said, wiggling my fingers at her. Max’s eagle eyes stared me down. “What?” I asked him.
“Talk to us about Cas,” he said.
Ever since Cas walked out my door and left me inconsolable, Max had been acting like an overprotective oaf. He’d left me alone for the past few weeks, but I could tell he was struggling with it and I knew I was eventually going to have to tell him something. The problem was Cas and my brother were now partners in a business. Cas and I were not going to happen. The last thing Cas needed was my brother angry or upset with him over a nonexistent relationship. I’d thought a lot about it and decided when the time came to talk to Max about Cas, I was going make it all about me. It looked like that time had finally arrived. Here goes nothing.
“I met Cas the week you two got married.” I slowly began explaining. Max’s eyes darted over to Ellie, but she was busy staring wide eyed at me. Clearly they were both surprised. I couldn’t tell if it was because I was finally talking or because of what I was saying. I waited for one of them to react, but neither of them said anything, so I continued, “He didn’t know who I was and I certainly had no idea who he was. He said he hadn’t been in Charlotte very long.” Again, no one said anything. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the rest out in one long sentence. “I pursued him and he shut me down, then I left for Scotland and when I came back to town and discovered who he was, I thought he was interested, but he wasn’t. He was kind to me and I misread his intentions.” I finished it off with a what-can-you-do shoulder shrug.
Max responded with a rather profane curse word and Ellie rolled her eyes at me.
“I know what you’re doing,” Max said, pointing at me.
“What?” I innocently asked.
“You’re protecting him and I want to know why?”
Max had always been able to read me like a book. He would usually push until I broke and told him what he wanted to know. This time, however, I wasn’t going to break. I needed him to let it go. I knew if I so much as blinked the wrong way, it would be game over. I gave him a blank stare. It was just my luck that Mac, the little darling, decided at that exact moment to let out an unhappy squeal. Max looked away and the stare off was broken.
Thank you Mac!
“The day you were so upset…” Ellie started.
“I told Cas I had feelings for him and he told me he didn’t feel the same way,” I answered.
Max’s eyes narrowed. “Why the fuck not? Is he blind? You are gorgeous.” His indignant tone made me smile. My protector to the bitter end.
Ellie and I both smiled at him, which only made him scowl more. “Then there’s nothing else to say, is there?” Ellie asked. “Can we please enjoy our time here before everyone else arrives?” By everyone, she meant her dad, Sam, and his horrid new girlfriend, Nexi. She handed Mac over to Max and told him it was time for Mac’s dinner.
As Max stood with Mac, he pinned me with a knowing look. “I’m onto you, little sister,” he warned. I waited until he was safely out of view before letting out the breath I’d been holding.
“I take it there’s a lot you are not saying, and, no, I will not tell Max. What we say to each other is between us,” Ellie assured me.
I stared across the pool to the breaking waves of the ocean and sighed. “No more Cas lectures, please.”
“Hey, no matter what, I am on your side.” Ellie’s soft, understanding tone had me blinking back tears. If I looked at her, I would start crying. I had cried enough over Cas Ashford. No more. “One more question and I promise to leave it alone for good. Is it over?”
Wave after wave rushed to the shore, only to end up as a foamy, frothy mess upon the sand. “For him it is.”
“And for you?”
Lifting my eyes from the ocean to her face, I let her see my pain. “He doesn’t feel the same and I can’t make him. I deserve better.”
“Oh, Sarah,” she sighed. Scooting over to my lounger, she wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry you are hurting.”
“Give me a little bit more time and I will be just fine,” I told her.
“If not, I will hunt him down and sick Piper on him. She already thinks he’s a big jerk. If she finds out he hurt you, she will castrate the guy.”
The thought of Piper going after Cas made me giggle. A few seconds later, we both were laughing. It was the first time I had laughed in over a week and it felt really good.
Most of the wedding party arrived later that afternoon. The guests began arriving the next morning. Cas and Bobby were due in sometime that day, not that I checked or anything.
Thursday, I saw Cas from afar, but managed to avoid speaking to him until rehearsal dinner Friday night. I could kill whoever was responsible for the seating chart. Why didn’t they put me next to Bobby? Didn’t they know how hard this was for me? The l
ast thing I was prepared for was a dressed up Cas Ashford. His suit fit him like a glove and he was sporting facial hair. He looked sophisticated and edgy and all I could think about was what lay beneath those fine threads. From the hungry expression on his face when he caught site of me, I’d say he felt the same way. As he lowered himself onto the chair next to me, I got a nose full of his clean, masculine scent. Visions of us rolling around in his bed danced across my memory and I fought back a groan.
“Something wrong?” His voice made my girly bits clinch. If he only knew the power he had over me. I gathered myself together and gave him a nice, big, fake smile.
“Not at all. How have you been? I hope well,” I brightly replied. Don’t look at the facial hair or the lips. Definitely do not look at the lips.
His eyes shot to my mouth and narrowed. “You can be many things, Sarah, but fake is not one of them.”
How dare he?
I returned his glare with one of my own. “How would you know? You never bothered to get to know me,” I said under my breath.
“Trust me, babe, I know you.”
His deep, dark voice resonated through me. Slowly, I crossed my legs under the table and pretended not to hear his amused chuckle. I tried to channel my inner Sally, but thought it would be rude to kick him and definitely inappropriate to slam my fist into his lap, so instead I searched the table for something to take my mind off of the pig sitting next to me, and caught Ellie’s eye.
“Sorry,” she mouthed.
I gave her two thumbs up and the same fake smile I’d just graced Cas with. She burst into laughter and I giggled along with her. How in the hell did I get here? It was ridiculous, heartbreaking and comical all at the same time.
“Are you planning on avoiding me all weekend?” Cas whispered in my ear.
I pulled back from his deliciously tempting lips and let out a very unladylike snort. “I was planning on it, but now that you are sitting next to me, I’ll have to change it to most of the weekend.” My eyes dropped to his humorously twitching lips and I tried not to smile.
We managed to make it through dinner acting like semi-adults. Cas would tease me and I would shut him down. I found Bobby, Cas, Tut and Garret’s conversation about their new business, LASH, fascinating. I had no idea they all carried guns and did the crazy things they did. I also didn’t realize Sally was being trained by Bobby and planned to join their team as soon as she was licensed. I would have to ask Sally more about this later. For now, I could only focus on one thing at a time and that was getting through dinner. The second dessert was over I excused myself from the table. Cas tried to stop me, but there was only so much of him and his facial hair I could handle for one night.
Keep It Simple (MMG Series Book 4) Page 14