"I know that. I'm not asking for magic."
"Then what, Boone? What do you want me to do?"
OK. This was it. Her answer here would make or break this project.
Chapter 9
Cassie watched as he took a deep breath.
"We need you to go there. Study the specific conditions - soil, weather, the works. Then, we need you to give us a recommendation about the types of plants that will grow best for him."
Fear gripped her heart. "No. No, no, no, I can't. Find someone else. Find some other way. I can offer you two crops that will likely work, but I'm not going anywhere." Especially with you, she thought. His little speech had drawn her in, making her comfortable, making her feel like they were...friends. It had been so long since she had even thought the word that it sounded foreign to her. Friends.
He leaned forward. "C'mon, Cassie. We both know that 'likely' won't work here. This man needs a miracle, and we can make it happen for him. You can make it happen for him. How can you turn your back?"
"I'm safe here. This is my life now, and I'm not changing that anytime soon. I'm not the only person on earth who can do this job. Find someone else, Boone."
"You're the best, and he needs the best."
"I. Just. Can't," she said as forcefully as she could and then closed her eyes and exhaled sharply, trying to calm her panicky heart.
He lowered his head for a moment, then looked up again, and she saw resignation and then anger flash through his eyes. "You're a liar."
"What?" She wasn't lying about anything-.
"You say things because they're nice things to say, but you don't mean any of it. That makes you a liar." He stood up, and she shrank back in fear.
She should never have let him in. She should have made him stay on the porch. He was dangerous, just as she'd thought. "What are you talking about?"
He waved his arms. "You sit here in your flowery little fortress, safe from the world, and say that you wish things were different. You're lying, though."
"I do wish things were different, Boone! They aren't though! The world is scary. It's too much for me!" She felt tears pricking her eyes, and bit her lower lip.
He leaned in close, staring hard. "Who taught you that? That the world is such a terrible place, that the only way is to hide? Who was it?" he demanded.
She pulled away. "No one! It just is, OK?"
"That's a lie, too. Just like the other one."
"What other one? I don't know what you mean!" The tears were streaming down her face now, and she swiped at them in anger and fear.
"You said you wish things were different. You can make that wish come true. You can make things different. But you won't."
"I can't," she whispered.
"No. You won't. You're selfish, Cassie. Damned selfish, and I won't be able to explain that to a tired man in Malaysia who can't help his child - because of you!"
She couldn't stand it. Couldn't take another moment of his beautiful eyes boring holes into her soul. She ran.
Her bedroom was her sanctuary, and she slammed the door to keep him out. God! How could she have been so stupid! She knew better than to let anyone in, anyone at all. She should have known that this sexy, forceful man would ask more of her than she could give.
Falling onto the bed, she couldn't stop his words from ringing in her ears. She wasn't selfish, was she? She was only protecting herself as best she could. You can't save the world, her mother had said to her over and over, all through her childhood. You can only take care of yourself, then help where you can.
These words from the woman who had, in fact, tried to save the world. Always involved, always jetting off to some desperate country to fix something. Cassie could remember how her mother had cried over fallen refugees, starving children, and homeless New Yorkers. She remembered trying to soothe away the tears, even though she had only been a child. She remembered how it hadn't worked, and she remembered promising herself that she would never put herself through that kind of pain. Suddenly, Cassie missed her terribly.
Should she call? It had been so long.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the squeak of the stairs. Uh-oh. He hadn't left. To be honest, had she really thought he would? She had seen the passion flare in his eyes when he spoke of making a difference, had seen how agitated he got when he told her about that farmer. This was important to him, and somehow she didn't think he was the type to let go easily.
"Cassie?" he said through the door. "Cassie, I know you're in there. Open up."
She didn't answer, and she wasn't about to open the door.
"Go away, Boone!" She felt weary. Why was she always saying that to him?
"I can't. I need to apologize. That remark was over the line."
No, it wasn't. It was right on target, but she needed to think hard about it before she said anything else.
"Fine. Now go away."
"Not until you open up."
At least he wasn't going to kill her. Should she let him in? This whole situation was exhausting. She sighed, defeated, and got up to open the door.
He surprised her by striding through the door and pulling her into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I should never have said those things to you."
His hand cupped the back of her head and held her close. Cassie barely reached his chest, but she could hear his heartbeat through the rough fabric of his shirt.
She was so surprised that she didn't move at first. Oh, this felt nice. It had been so long since she had been touched, and he was always touching her. She'd forgotten how nice it was to be held. He smelled like apples and freshly cut wood today, and she almost moaned at the scent alone.
Chapter 10
Boone could barely believe his own impulsiveness, but when her door opened and she stood there, looking so afraid and fragile, he just couldn't help it. And beautiful, his heart whispered. She looked absolutely beautiful. He hadn't meant to apologize, either, but when he thought of her locked behind another door, he couldn't stop himself. He had caused that - his harsh words had torn at her, made her hurt, and that was the last thing he wanted. No matter how important the project was, right now he just wanted her to be OK. And when she opened the door and stood there, tears glimmering in those clear brown eyes, his heart almost broke in his chest.
"You're right," he heard her whisper.
"No, I'm not. I'm so sorry, Cassie. Your pain and your reasons for hiding away are just as important to you as this project is to that farmer. I have no right to judge you for that."
"No, I mean, you're right that I'm being selfish. That I could help if I really wanted to, and that I'm being mean if I refuse."
"I don't think you are a mean woman, Cassie. I think you're afraid, and unable to see past whatever is wrong. Also, I want to help you fix it."
She shook her head slightly. "You can't. I can't. I've tried to go out, you know, but it never worked."
He let go of her and grabbed her hand, looking for a place to sit. In the corner sat a long curvy sofa of some sort. As good a place as any, he thought, leading her to it.
"Tell me," he said. He really wanted to know, because it was the only way to make her happy again.
She sighed. "It doesn't matter, Boone. It's just... I'm just..." She shrugged. "Screwed up. Blame my mom."
"Well, I don't think you're screwed up, and anyway, I'm not a big fan of blaming parents for their kids' decisions. Besides, I liked your parents, even though they were a bit, um, over the top."
She stared at him for a moment, and then a slow grin spread across her tear-stained face. "You met my parents?"
He nodded. "They were quite entertaining."
"I haven't seen them in years."
"I know. They're trying to leave you alone, but they want me to let them know how you're doing."
"And how am I doing, Boone? What will you report back to them?"
He held up his hands. "Oh, no. I'm not getting in the middle of family squabbles, if that's what this is. I'm not repor
ting at all. I figure that if you want them to know, you'll tell them."
"They're something...." she answered, and her voice trailed off. He waited, but she just looked longingly out the window.
Boone wasn't sure what to say here. This was new ground for him. For crying out loud - he wasn't a family counselor. "Why don't you call them?"
Her gaze jerked from the window. "I was thinking that just before you barged in, actually."
"Barged?"
"Yes, barged. You barge in a lot, Mr. Colter."
"I can't possibly barge - have you noticed the limp?"
"Yes, but it doesn't seem to stop you from steamrolling through my life."
"It certainly seems that way, doesn't it? I'm usually really laid-back, though." He touched her face with a finger. "So what is it about you that turns me into a raging bull?"
"I have no idea," she laughed, wiping the wetness from her cheek with the back of her hand. It occurred to him that even her sniffles were cute.
"Do you think you could trust me, Cassie?"
She searched his face, eyes wide. God, those eyes.... He suddenly wanted her trust, more than anything. He sensed that behind all of her barriers, there was a wonderful woman, just waiting to bloom. He wanted to meet that woman.
"I don't know. As much as I could trust anyone, I guess. Why?"
"Well, that's not much of a confirmation, but let's go for a walk."
Chapter 11
Cassie felt her eyes grow wide as fear ripped into her heart. She didn't say anything, though. Instead of reacting, maybe it was time for her to feel the fear, let it pass, and then decide. What would happen if she did go out? Most likely nothing, her brain told her, but her heart still wouldn't let her even consider the idea. She looked out the window again and closed her eyes.
She thought about the terrible stories her mother had brought home - rapes, murders, thieves, and even just hurtful people. People who had told her mom that her work was useless. People who had thrown disgusting things and threatened her. The one man who had tried to burn down their house.
"Most of the world isn't bad, Cassie. I promise." he whispered.
She nodded. "Part of me knows that, Boone, I swear. But it isn't the part that controls my decisions." She didn't know how to make him see her viewpoint.
He touched her face again, pulled it around so that she was looking into his eyes, and smiled gently. "Then all we have to do is shut that part up, right?" And then his mouth met hers.
She gasped, and when her lips parted, his tongue darted between them. He tasted wonderful, like cinnamon and something sweet. She tentatively put her own tongue against his.
He was cautious, gently stroking against it. The softest kiss she had ever felt. He kept his hand on her cheek, and it was warm and good. She felt her fear melt a little, and pressed her lips more firmly against his.
He responded immediately. His tongue began to explore her mouth, running across her lips until it almost tickled. Sparks shot through her, and she felt her body loosen. Amazingly, the tension just flowed away, and she was left with a desire that overwhelmed her. She moaned against his lips.
With two final, sweet kisses, he pulled away. "Meet me downstairs for that walk?"
She nodded.
When he was gone, she put her fingers to her mouth. Wow. Where had that come from? Was she so desperate for male attention that she would just fall all over herself for some guy?
No. She was fine before he walked into her life. It was him, in particular, who made her toes curl into the soft carpet and brought this smile to her face. Oh, Cassie, she chided herself. What are you thinking?
It wouldn't work. He was rich and forceful, and she was just the opposite - timid, and unable to even step foot into his world. If she could, though....
That was silly. Of course she couldn't. She had tried, more than once. But her hand had felt so good in his, so safe, and when he had pulled her into his arms, she felt tiny and precious, just like she imagined she would.
Right now, he was asking her to go out with him for a walk. Could she do that? She kind of felt like maybe she could, if he was with her. Maybe.
No. This was wrong. She couldn't become dependent on him to chase away her fears. If she did, then it would only make things worse in the long run. If she was going to do it, she had to work up the nerve and go for a walk by herself, no matter how scary it seemed. She went down to tell him her plan.
Her face was still flushed, and when she walked into the kitchen and met his gaze, the heat from his kiss rushed through her again. Oh, mercy.
"Are you ready for that walk?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.
"Yes," she answered. "But not with you."
The smile disappeared. Now he looked hurt. "What do you mean?"
"I can't depend on you to hold my hand, Boone. I want to do this by myself."
He looked confused, but nodded. "OK. Well, can I wait here until you get back? I've got some paperwork in the car that I can work on while you're gone."
"Why would you want to do that?"
He shrugged. "I don't know? General interest? I want to see how it goes."
She looked at him suspiciously. "You don't think I'll go, do you?"
The smile was back. "Let's just say I'm invested in the turnout of this experiment."
Invested? Oh, the project in Malaysia. That hurt, but it really was the point of all this. They weren't a couple, after all, she chided herself, then nodded. "OK."
"Take Lela with you, OK?"
She nodded again. That was a good idea, actually. Maybe she wouldn't feel so small and alone that way.
The sky had grown overcast while they'd been talking, so she threw on a jacket, grabbed a leash, and headed toward the back of the house, where Lela liked to lay in the sunshine on the kitchen floor.
She wasn't there. Cassie whistled for her and waited a moment, but didn't hear the clicking of her claws on the tile like she normally did. Where could she be?
"Lela!" she called, concern etching her voice as she stuck her head in every room. "Boone, I can't find my dog."
He looked up. "Can she get out?"
Cassie's eyes widened, and she ran to the living room. The front door. It had a tendency to not latch when she closed it. If it had blown open.... Sure enough, the door stood wide, letting in the chilly air. "Oh, no!"
"It's OK, we'll find her," Boone said, coming up behind her.
"I've had her since she was a baby. She doesn't know anything about traffic or sidewalks or strangers. How could I have let this happen?"
"Calm down, Cassie. Dogs are instinctive. She won't have gone far."
Well, she was going out whether she wanted to or not, and Boone was going with her. Great. So much for her brave plans.
Outside on the porch, Cassie called. She knew Lela would come if she were close enough to her. They were almost constant companions. As her eyes roamed the surrounding neighborhood, searching for any sign of the big animal, she was actually glad that Boone was with her.
When he took her hand, she didn't resist. Still calling Lela's name, they walked down her hand built path to the street. Cassie took a deep breath and stepped forward. Now, she felt buffeted on both sides by terror - the world outside and Lela's safety.
She wanted to run back inside, and hide from everything. She wanted to pretend she'd never met this man, who was catapulting her into so much new territory. Most of all, though, she wanted Lela to appear. Her heart slammed against her ribs with every step, but they moved slowly and kept calling. She felt her face pale, and there was a roaring in her ears. She was painfully aware of every step but kept going, trying to ignore her imagination. It conjured drive-by shootings and angry mobs, and even a falling building or two. She just kept breathing and telling herself that nothing was going to happen.
When Boone squeezed her hand, she realized that she had a crushing grip on his fingers and loosened it. Just past her property line on the sidewalk, she glanced at him. He wa
s watching her anxiously.
"Are you OK?"
She nodded. Her tongue felt swollen in her mouth, and she was scared to talk. Keep moving, keep calling.
In only a couple of minutes, they were out of sight of her house. She tried to not think about that.
Where could the dog have gone? She had to be close by. Frustrated, Cassie called louder and fought back her tears.
Chapter 12
She and Boone saw the dark spot at the same time, but he immediately turned her in the opposite direction, so that she couldn't look more closely. The spot hadn't been moving at all. It was in the middle of the street, and seemed too small to be Lela. Oh, no.
When she couldn't stand it anymore, she turned. Boone was carrying the big dog toward her, his limp more pronounced under the load. Lela was sagging, lying across his arms like a pile of rags, and a sob escaped Cassie's throat. Was she dead? Oh, God, please don't let her be dead. She touched one long, furry leg and then glanced up at Boone.
"It looks like she's gotten hit by a car, Cassie. Let's get her inside."
Cassie nodded. "Is she..."
He shook his head. "No, she's breathing, and her eyes fluttered open when I lifted her. We may have to get her to the vet, though. You'll have to come, too."
She shook her head. "No. I have a vet who will come here. She keeps Lela up to date on her shots, and I'm sure she'll come if I ask."
He closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled sharply. "Cassie, there may be no time. Will your vet drop everything and come right now? Close up her office? I doubt it, and we have to get Lela to the emergency vet right now. I'm sorry, I know this is a lot for you, but if we don't, Lela could die."
Tears sprang to her eyes. He was right - Lela did need an emergency vet. As sweet and accommodating as Karen Parker was, Cassie knew that she couldn't just abandon her practice for the day.
"Do you have a car?"
She looked up. "What?"
"Do you have a car? I feel very heroic right now, but I can't carry this dog all the way uptown, and I don't want to just throw her in the back of my truck." He nodded down the street, and for the first time she noticed a mean-looking red pickup sitting just past her curb.
Star-Crossed Curves: BBW Erotic Romance Boxed Set Page 18