Confusion: (a love story)

by Catherine Curtis

  It’s then that I realize my arm is hanging over the edge of the couch and I can feel that I am holding something soft balled up into a fist. I finally lean over the edge to find Aubrey lying very still but with eyes wide open. My hand is wrapped around his t-shirt and my knuckles are resting gently on his chest.

  He looks up at me and gives me a sheepish smile that I return as I start to loosen my grip on his t-shirt.

  “How long have you been awake?” I start cautiously.

  “Oh, about an hour.” He shrugs as he sits up.

  “What! And when did I grab you like that?”

  “Umm, well about 2am. I was going to get up and grab some water and I found myself pinned.”

  “Oh my God! I kept you there all night long?” I look up and Eric looks like he is hiding laughter behind his coffee cup. I must look mortified when I look back at Aubrey because he quickly starts playing it down and shoots Eric a dirty look as he heads into the kitchen for his own cup.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s probably the best sleep I’ve had in a while. Who knew all I needed to sleep was to be pinned down by a Scott. I wonder if it would work the same if it were The General.”

  Eric gives a hearty laugh and I do the same. The image of my father grabbing any man’s shirt like that is the stuff of Marine nightmares.

  “Well, I’m sorry.” I mumble as I wander in and take the coffee that Aubrey offers. “I guess I’m starting to go to extreme measures to keep a man. Even if he’s not mine to keep.” I try to keep my tone light and sarcastic but Aubrey and Eric moth just look at me with pity.

  It’s the pity that really sets me off.

  “Don’t look at me that way assholes. I could take both of you. And yes, I know who I am talking to.”

  At that moment the doorbell rings and both of them are too surprised at my comment to stop me from going to answer it. I smile as I hear Eric from across the room.

  “She’s a little more like her father than I thought.”

  I open the door to a smiling James. “Hey beautiful!” He gives me a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. “I came to see if Nathan was back and if I could talk anyone into a run.”

  I glance at the clock on the wall.

  “Nope, no Nathan. But it hasn't even been 24 hours so we’ve barely missed him.” I give Aubrey and Eric a sharp look in case they decide to argue otherwise. “I have work soon and a soccer game tonight but I guess I could go for a quick run. Assuming you won’t be too hard on me. Let me just change.”

  By the time I make it back into the living room Eric and Aubrey have changed as well.

  “Isabella, I don’t want to worry you but you seem to be wearing running clothes. I thought you didn’t run unless you were chasing or being chased.” James looks at me with a big grin.

  I glance at Aubrey who just looks at the ground and smirks. “Well, I occasionally make exceptions.”

  We head out the door and the three men let me set the pace. I start out slow down the driveway but as we head down into campus I speed up a bit and head for my normal 5 mile loop around campus. If I had to guess we are doing 7 minute miles. In just over half an hour our little running club slows to a walk to cool down on the walk up the driveway.

  We are all breathing hard and I can see a new respect in James’ eyes.

  “I may or may not have spent my formative years chasing hot guys,” and at this I motion over to Aubrey, “during their morning PT. Those damn Marines run pretty fast.”

  James laughs and shakes his head.

  I take my leave of the boys and head up to shower and get ready for work. I get lost in the feel of the hot water across my back and for a moment all feels right with the world. Out of nowhere images of Nathan and I in the shower start to invade and I am caught between feeling aroused and abandoned.

  I think back to what I said to James this morning. It hasn't been 24 hours but I am not sure if I should be comforted by that or not. Aubrey said I should wait for a while to see what happens and get more intel. But how long should I wait? Is 24 hours enough time to deal with a crazy ex in a different state? Maybe 48 hours if you factor in enough time to fly out there and fly back? Surely at the far end 72 hours is enough. Enough for what is the question.

  I shake my head and turn off the water. OK. I will give him 72 hours. If he is back in that time I will let him explain and then decide where to go from there. After 72 hours all bets are off.

  I dress quickly and head down stairs and am not surprised to find a waiting Eric and Aubrey.

  “What’s the plan boys? I have work and then a soccer game tonight. I can ask Tania but I am sure that one or both of you would be welcome to play if you would like.”

  “Eric is going to go to work with you today and I am going to stay here and make some calls. I’ll come with you and play tonight and then we can all meet up for a beer and dinner after. Sound OK to you, Is?”

  “Sounds great.” I grab my bag and follow Eric out the front door but not before grabbing Aubrey and embarrassing him with a big hug.

  When I walk into work it is my turn to be embarrassed. James is standing in the conference room where my meeting will be and telling everyone who will listen about how great of a runner I am. I blush and tell him to shush as I take my chair but Dr. Sandling gives me a warm smile.

  “I didn’t know you were a runner Isabella.”

  “Oh gosh, I’m not. Not like you and James. Don’t be fooled by his exaggerations.” James starts to speak up again but I shoot him my death look and he decides to keep quiet.

  “Always so modest,” she continues, “Like you were about these data transformations. We did it your way and the results are amazing.”

  “Oh, uh great.” I blush again and look down at my notebook to takes notes as the meeting begins. I look around at the room full of people here and am comforted to see a group of men and women that respect me and think I hold great promise. It’s not my whole life, it’s just my love life that is falling apart. I have to remember that.

  Around 11 am I am sitting in my office with Eric when an alert pops up with a chime on my phone. I turn it off and continue working on my computer.

  “What was that?” Eric asks.

  “Oh, 24 hours. That was 24 hours.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Not yet.” I reply flatly. He continues to watch me to see if I will offer more, but I’m done with information sharing. He is Nathan’s man. Until they start talking with me I am done talking with them.

  James and I drag Eric to the Chinese place for lunch and laugh as he tries to drain his glass of water. I can’t help but think of the last time we were here but I am surprised at the coincidence when we stumble out into the street and find Christopher on the sidewalk.

  It is the first time that I have seen him since that night in the bar and I am surprised at how much of a hold he still has over me. I find myself dropping James’ arm and stepping a little further from Eric. Christopher gives them both a once over and the look of disdain he has sends old insecurities rushing in. To my surprise, when he finally turns to look at me he looks quite sad.

  “Isabella. You look well.”

  “Oh. Uh, thank you.” I am confused by the contrast between the look he is giving me and his formality.

  “I heard that you had moved in with that Nathan. Does he know that you are gallivanting all over town with other men?”

  The combination of hurt and anger fills me quickly but I manage to hold my temper.

  “I haven’t moved in with anyone and my choice of lunch dates is quite clearly nobody’s business.” I point to my barren ring finger to emphasize my point. Christopher steps back as if I had slapped him.

  He looks again at me and we just pause there for a moment.

  “I’m sorry Isabella. For everything. I lied and I cheated and I was an ass. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me forever, but I hope someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  I’m not sure what I was expecting
him to say next but it really wasn’t that. He looks down to avoid my eyes as my tears start to fall. I am grateful for his words and even as things stand with Nathan I know that I am grateful that I am not marrying this man in a month. Some things are meant to be and some things aren’t. It’s always better to know that before there is a priest involved.

  “Christopher.” I clear my throat after my voice cracks and take a step closer to him. “Look at me. I know it was hard to say that and I thank you for being the man I always thought you were and admitting your mistakes. I do forgive you. We clearly were not meant to be and I’m just glad we figured it out before we got married.”

  He gives me a tight nod and I can see the tears start to form in his eyes also.

  “And Christopher, next time just tell her the truth. The truth is always easier than cheating, lies, and incriminations. You are a better man than that.”

  He nods again. “I can’t believe after all I have done that you can still say that.”

  “It’s the truth. I’m just a dark spot on your otherwise exemplary life.”

  Eric takes a step closer as Christopher pulls me close and kisses me gently and briefly. It is so clearly a kiss goodbye.

  “No Isabella. You are a bright spot. Please don’t let me or anyone else ever convince you otherwise.”

  With that, Christopher turns and walks away. Watching him turn the corner feels a bit like closing a chapter in my life. And although it is painful it also feels right. I meant what I said; he is a good man at heart. He screwed up with me but I know that good man is still in there. I hope there is a woman out there in the world that will show him that side of himself again. I have a feeling it won’t be Stephanie.

  I finally turn and find Eric and James staring at me.

  “I’m starting to dislike this restaurant.” James finally speaks. “The food is great but the neighborhood is full of unsavory characters.”

  I place my arm in his and shake my head. “That must be very difficult for you James. Would you like some ice cream to help recover?”

  The afternoon moves along quickly and quietly at work and soon I find myself headed off for my soccer game. James asks if he can play again so I text Tania to confirm. Her text back is immediate and an enthusiastic yes and I can’t help but laugh.

  When we arrive I introduce her to Aubrey and James quickly resumes the playful flirting he left off with her last week. When he takes a break to tie his shoes she looks at me and whispers loudly.

  “Oh my God. Where do you find these guys? They are so hot.” Aubrey turns around so he can pretend that he can’t hear her as I laugh. “And where’s the other guy from last week? He looked like he wanted to eat you for dessert.”

  Great, how come every one notices when Nathan is not there. “He’s busy.” I glance nervously at James who steps in to distract her.

  After I finish pulling on my shoes I move onto the field with Aubrey and kick the ball around a bit. The rest of the team shows up and we are just about to start the game when Tania runs up to me and interrupts.

  “Oh, sorry. I forgot to give you this.” And she hands me a heart shaped moonstone. Aubrey sees what it is and steps closer to me and places his arm on my back.

  “Tania, where did you get this?” I think she can tell by my voice that I am not happy.

  “Oh, a guy came up to me before you got here and gave it to me. He said you had lost it and that I should give it back to you.”

  “What did he look like?” Tania looks up startled by Aubrey’s stern tone.

  “Um, I don’t know, about my height, sunglasses and a hat. Just normal.” She looks at me concerned.

  “That’s it? Do you remember anything specific about him?” I try to sound reassuring.

  “Well, he spoke with an accent. Eastern European maybe.” Aubrey gives me that I told you so glance.

  I shake my head at him. I know what he is thinking but Tania knows Grigori. “Did he sound like Grigori?”

  “Sort of, but a little different and his accent was thicker. He wasn’t quite as big and I think his hair may have been brown.”

  “OK. Is, we should go.”

  I look at Aubrey for a minute and then down at the moonstone in my hand. I look around the soccer field at the people who are just walking by or have stopped to watch the game. I bet the guy is still out there. And I am not willing to give him the pleasure of watching me run.

  “No, Aubrey. I’m here to play soccer. Call Eric if you want, but I’m not going anywhere.”

  I grab my water bottle and walk to the middle of the field. I hold the moonstone up for a moment so it is clear that it is my target and then I throw it up in the air and hit it with my water bottle as if it is a baseball. I watch the small stone sail across the field and disappear into the night and I hope that my stalker can see it too.

  I scan the edges of the field but no one seems to be paying attention. James settles in at my side.

  “Hey Boss, what are you up to?”

  “I’m changing my stance.” I answer. “I only run when I am doing the chasing.”

  “Is.” I jump at the sound of Aubrey’s voice right behind me.

  I turn to see the man I had a crush on throughout high school glaring at me with his shoulders squared and his chest puffed out like a rooster. It’s amazing how big and intimidating a Marine can look when he wants to. But I have watched them enough over the years that I can do a pretty good imitation.

  I turn to Aubrey and square my own shoulders as I cross my arms over my chest. I put my chin in the air and put on my best if-you’re-looking-for-a-fight-you’ve-found-one face. James adds a little drama with a low whistle.

  I don’t think I have ever done this to Aubrey before and I can tell it’s making him a little less confident when he repeats my name. This time he sounds a little less commanding and a little more questioning.

  “Don’t you, Is, me. I’m here to play soccer. Do you really think someone is going to try and snatch me here with all these witnesses? If the goal is to scare me they are failing. They have only managed to piss me off.”

  With that I turn and take my place on the pitch. The team we are playing turns out to be really fun and before long the only reminder of the moonstone is a stony faced Eric who arrived at some point and is pacing purposefully up and down the sidelines.

  After, my team heads out for a celebratory beer and some burgers. I look around and find Tania flirting shamelessly with James and occasionally drooling at Aubrey. I am pretty sure that she is going to disown me if I fail to show up with multiple gorgeous bachelors in the future.

  It is clear to me and probably everyone that Eric and Aubrey are tense and ready to leave. James finally pulls me aside and drags the whole story of the moonstones out of me in his typical lawyer fashion. Part of me is relieved to loop him in but part of me is concerned that there will be just one more male out there trying to keep guard.

  By the time we get back to the house I am exhausted. I take a quick shower and then decide to crash again on the couch. I just can’t bring myself to sleep in the bed without Nathan. No one says anything about my choice and Aubrey drags over a blanket and sheet and settles onto the floor in front of me.

  I tilt my head over the edge of the couch and watch him for a minute until he opens one eye and looks at me.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” He replies.

  “Sorry about earlier. I’m not trying to be difficult; I just don’t want to give the guy the satisfaction. He is clearly trying to get some attention- although I’m not sure that it is mine.”

  “I know, Is. As much as I would like to lock you in a safe room until we figure this out I know that we can’t do that.”

  “Yeah. But I’ll try to be careful. And I really am glad you are here.” With that I reach down and wrap my fingers in his t-shirt. He gives me a small smile and lets out a long sigh as puts his hand over mine.

  I turn my head so that he can’t see the tears that are gathering in my eyes.
I am doing a pretty good job at seeming tough and I don’t want him to know how hard all of this really is for me. I try to steady my breathing and focus on the friendship I have by the shirt on the floor as I silently cry myself to sleep.

  Chapter 21

  Thursday I wake up to the smell of brewing coffee and look over to see Eric standing in the kitchen. I peak over the edge of the couch and am surprised to see Aubrey still sleeping. At some point in the night he must have rolled over onto his side so my grip on his shirt has shifted. It takes ma a minute to realize that I am holding his hand.

  I glance sheepishly at Eric who looks slightly less amused than he did yesterday morning. I finally bite the bullet and pull my hand back. The movement wakes Aubrey immediately but I’m saved from any further embarrassment by the doorbell.

  James walks in and asks why I’m not in my running clothes. I sigh as I run up the stairs to change.

  “See. This is why I never admit that I can run. Because then people expect me to do it.”

  They let me lead again so I take us on another 5 mile loop at a little faster pace. I can feel the anxiety of Nathan’s continued absence building. I don’t understand why he had to leave. I don’t understand why he hasn’t contacted me. And I don’t understand why no one is talking to me about it. The run helps a little because it leaves my body tired, but my mind is still racing.

  At around 11 the alarm goes off on my phone again and Eric looks up from his chair in my office.

  “What’s that?” He asks as we replay our conversation from yesterday.

  “It’s 48 hours.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Why don’t you tell me.”

  Eric holds my gaze for a few moments and I can tell that he is trying to decide what he should say to me. I save him the effort by getting up and heading off to my meeting.

  By the end of the day I have managed to get quite a bit of work done. This has the bonus effect of keeping me from too much conversation with Eric. I’m sure that he has some idea of where Nathan is and what he is doing and I am starting to resent that he isn’t sharing the information with me.