After smoothing the packed dirt around the post, he picked up the pail he’d been using to hold all his tools, and led the way back to the house. She followed slowly behind.
“So you’re going to keep your thoughts to yourself today? You’re not going to continue to pester me about why I left work in the first place?”
“You already told me your reasoning.”
“Jah, but you rarely listen to me.”
“That isn’t true.”
Straightening, he glared at her. “You know it is. Don’t pick fights with me, Darla. You won’t win,” he said, his voice hard. When she simply stared at him, he breathed in deeply. “Just so you know, I left work early because I’ve got some news to share.”
Darla adjusted her quilted floral backpack that was hanging loosely off one shoulder and eyed Aaron carefully. But she knew better than to push, so she stood still and waited.
“You look about to complain yet again,” he muttered under his breath. “Ever the mother hen.”
Darla knew that he meant that as a criticism, but she didn’t actually take it as such. Since she was the eldest, she did feel like a mother hen. And though she’d always felt the need to take care of her siblings, now she had no choice. Ever since their mother had taken off, Darla knew someone had to be the person her siblings could count on. Someone needed to keep tabs on little seven-year-old Gretel, twelve-year-old Maisie, and most especially her busy, into-everything fourteen-year-old twin brothers. Of course, Patsy helped, too. But lately, her twenty-two-year-old sister seemed far more intent on finding a husband than being a mother figure to a bunch of siblings.
Pushing away the frustration, Darla smiled at her brother who, for once, seemed in a reasonably happy mood. “So, are you going to ever share your big news with me?”
“I’ve actually got two things to share.” He took a deep breath. “First, Hope said yes.”
“Said yes to what?”
“To marriage, of course.”
“You proposed to Hope?” Darla asked weakly. He’d been courting Hope off and on for years, since they were barely teenagers, but he’d never acted ready for marriage. Now seemed like the worst time to get engaged; their family was in pain, his behavior was erratic, and he was having a difficult time with most everyone in town.
“I decided there was no point in waiting any longer,” he said with an awkward smile.
“But it’s only been ninety-nine days,” she blurted before realizing that it was exactly the wrong thing to say.
He glared. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Though she knew she was liable to regret speaking her mind, she continued. After all, someone had to safeguard their father’s memory and that included observing a mourning period. “We are all still recovering from Daed’s passing. You know that.”
“Daed’s passing? You mean Daed’s murder. You need to call it what it was.”
“The fire was an accident, Aaron. An accident.”
Tossing the pail on the ground, he stepped forward, his hands clenched into fists. “I’m sick of you defending the Kinsingers, Darla.”
“I’m not defending them—” She was only trying to get him to see that there were two sides to every story.
“I’m tired of feeling like you’re always on their side instead of with the rest of the family.”
“I’m always on our family’s side—”
“Here I finally have some good news for all of us, and you can’t even allow yourself to focus on it. Instead, you have to bring up the mill.” His voice rose. “I canna wait for the day I say good-bye to that place.”
Say good-bye? He intended to quit his job at the mill? “I wasn’t bringing up the mill, only Daed’s memory. Are you . . . are you truly planning to quit?”
“I am. As soon as I marry Hope, I’m going to quit and farm her land.” He stepped closer. Now he was towering over her, intimidating her. “You can’t even unbend enough to tell me congratulations.”
“Of course I wish you the best.”
“You better. And I better not hear you ever say anything so rude to Hope.”
“I would never be rude to her.”
“Just me, huh?” he asked, his voice thick with bitterness.
“Aaron—”
He clenched her slim shoulder with a heavy hand, stopping her words, and squeezed, pushing painfully into the muscles and no doubt leaving five fingerprint-shaped bruises.
Ignoring her gasps of pain, he shook her. “Don’t tell me what to do, Darletta.” After glaring at her again, he turned and strode toward the barn.
Still trying to overcome the burst of pain radiating down her arm, Darla watched him go. She hadn’t thought it was possible, but she now felt even more distraught about her life. It had been a horrible day and it was almost certainly about to get worse.
“Lord,” she whispered. “How much more do you intend for me to take?”
March 21
“Aaron, this is a mighty nice surprise,” Hope said as she stepped outside the fabric and notion shop where she worked three days a week. “I didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow.”
Feeling more than a little foolish all of a sudden, Aaron shrugged and attempted to sound composed. “I decided to pay you a quick visit since you were on my mind.”
“Like I said, it’s a nice surprise.” Her smile wavered as she bit her bottom lip. “How were you able to come over? I thought you were working today.”
“I am. This is my lunch.”
“Shouldn’t you be eating?”
Why was she asking him so many questions? “I, uh, ate most of my lunch during my first fifteen-minute break.”
“Ah.” She folded her hands in front of her. The contrast of her pretty skin against the cornflower-blue dress and apron only emphasized her beauty. It also highlighted what he found so appealing about Hope. She looked peaceful and sweet. To him, Hope was the perfect girl.
From the first moment he’d spied her sitting across the aisle at school, Aaron had thought she was the best girl he’d ever met. Now that she had consented to be his wife, he could hardly believe his good fortune.
He just hoped he didn’t lose her to his mood swings and anger.
“Aaron,” she said gently after another few seconds. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course. Why?”
“Because you, um . . . Well, you keep staring at me.”
Feeling his neck flush, he averted his eyes. “Sorry. I was just standing here thinking how glad I am that you said yes.”
Her light brown eyes warmed. “Surely you weren’t surprised. We’ve been courting for two years now.” Lowering her voice, she added, “To be honest, my mamm was starting to wonder when you were ever gonna ask.”
“I had to be sure.”
“About me?” She looked hurt.
“Of course not, Hope. I was talking about me.” He was talking about his temper and how he was having such a difficult time containing it.
She peered at him closely. “What about you? Is something wrong?”
“Nee,” he blurted. “I’m fine.” And he was—well, as fine as he could be with everything that was happening in his life. There was only so much a man could take at one time, and he’d reached his limit weeks ago.
“Aaron, what is it?”
“All I meant is that things around our haus have changed.”
The faint lines of worry on her forehead eased. “Oh. Well, jah, to be sure, much has changed. But I think much is also the same. You’re still Aaron. Right?” Reaching out, she ran one slender finger down the folds of his coat.
Underneath the fabric, goose bumps rose on his skin. All it took was one touch from her and he was transformed. When he was near her, he was calmer. Happier. Better.
It seemed Hope was his exception. With everyone else, he couldn’t hide his anger and grief. With everyone else, he felt vulnerable. Hope, however, brought out the best in him. Like her name implied, she made him imagine that his future
wasn’t going to be filled with regrets and disappointments. Instead, with her, it would be possible to find happiness.
“Would you like to come over tonight?” Blushing softly, she said, “We could sit with my parents and talk about the wedding. We could set a date.”
As much as he wanted her to be his forever, he didn’t trust himself enough to set a date yet. He’d only asked her on impulse. “As much as I’d love to do that, I should probably stay around the farm. There’s always a lot that needs to be done. My family needs me.”
Her smile brightened. “That’s why I love you, Aaron. You are always thinking of others and helping your family.”
“I love you, too, Hope,” he said quickly before he gave in to temptation and admitted to her that he hadn’t been acting that way at all lately. He’d been selfish and short-tempered. Actually, he’d done so many things he was ashamed of, he doubted the Lord would ever forgive him.
Needing a bit of space between them so he wouldn’t catch another hint of her almond-scented shampoo, he took a step backward. “You know what, I’d better get back to work before I clock in late. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”
She stepped closer, lifting her chin so she could look at him directly in the eyes. “Jah, Aaron. I’ll see you meiya. I’ll even make you a chocolate cake.”
“I’ll look forward to it.” He reached out and gently squeezed her slim hand before dropping it.
“Gut.” After treating him to another beautiful smile, she went back into the store.
He stood for a moment, watching her talk to the women inside. From the way she kept darting glances his way, Aaron knew she was talking about his surprise visit. It was obvious that she was pleased and proud that he’d used his lunch break to see her.
Then he turned away, taking a moment to give thanks that the Lord had put her in his life. Without Hope, he would feel only frustration and guilt and anger. All of the things that reminded him of how he was failing his father.
Years ago, he’d promised his father to always look after his siblings and his mamm. Aaron had also vowed to stand behind his father and do everything he could to help him.
But of course, with the accident and fire, he’d failed.
Walking back to the mill, Aaron didn’t see the tulips and daffodils that decorated the merchants’ front porches in a riot of color. Instead, all he saw was his father on the floor of the warehouse, writhing in pain. Burned and dying.
Instead of the warmth infusing the spring day, he felt hands barring him from his father’s side.
Instead of the sounds of kinner laughing, he heard shrill sirens as fire truck after fire truck raced toward the mill.
When Aaron wasn’t surrounded by the goodness that was Hope Mast, all he felt was the bitter desolation of failing his father. He needed Hope in his life. He needed a future with her, a future away from the mill. He wanted to farm their fields during the day and watch her smile in the evening.
With her, he still was a person to be proud of. With everyone else, he felt out of control. For some reason, he simply couldn’t help but take out his frustrations on Darla. He couldn’t seem to stop yelling at the twins or ignoring his little sisters.
He’d even given up trying to hide his anger and pain at work.
Even now, by the time he walked through the main doors of Kinsinger Lumber and made his way to the break room, the anger that burned inside him constantly had lit itself once again.
As he punched his time card, one of the men standing by the coffeemaker looked at him curiously. “You left, Aaron? Where did you go?”
“That ain’t none of your business.”
He raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry. I guess it ain’t.”
Aaron felt his shoulders tense at the words, at how harsh he had sounded. His cheeks burned with shame. His father would be so disappointed in him now.
But it was too late to take back the sharp words. Instead, he turned away and headed toward the back of the warehouse. Realizing, as he did so, that his transformation was complete. Without Hope by his side, he was practically another person. A man she would hardly recognize.
Chapter 5
March 25
Five days had passed since Lukas had visited Darla at the post office and said too many things he regretted. Every time Lukas thought about the words they’d exchanged and the tension that now existed between them, he felt both lost and hopeless. There was little that could be done to smooth things out, but he would’ve liked nothing better than to repair their relationship. Lukas was missing his father’s guidance more than ever.
And maybe it was because he could hardly think about anything else, but for whatever the reason, Darla seemed to be suddenly everywhere.
For the first time in three months, he caught sight of her as he was walking through Charm. He’d been so taken aback that he’d simply stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking everyone’s way, and watched her approach. When she’d surprised him further by smiling softly, he hadn’t responded. Instead, like a fool, he’d gaped at her. He could have sworn that she’d giggled at his expression.
Seconds later, when he’d finally broken out of his self-imposed daze, she was far enough past him that it would’ve created quite a stir if he’d hustled after her. Because of that, he’d simply gone about his day. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t wondered what had brought about the change in her.
Two days later, he was face-to-face with her again. This time they’d been sitting on opposite sides of the church, the men and women facing each other like always. He’d been more than a little shocked when Hope Mast’s father had announced that she’d recently become engaged to Aaron Kurtz.
Hope and Aaron had been seeing each other forever, so Lukas supposed that their engagement shouldn’t have been a surprise. But he’d certainly thought the timing couldn’t have been worse.
Later, when he was told that Aaron intended to move to the Masts’ farm, Lukas had felt even more dismayed. He knew for a fact that Darla depended on her brother around their small farm. Lukas didn’t know how Aaron was going to be able to tend to the needs of a new wife, work at the mill, and look after his siblings—all at the same time.
Why, Lukas himself could barely keep up with things, and he had Levi and his two sisters all helping out as much as they could. How was Darla going to handle her five other siblings on her own?
Then, of course, there was her job and dealing with people like Mary Troyer. He had to guess that she was as taken aback by Aaron’s engagement as he was. Was she handling it okay?
After the announcement in church, he’d gotten his answer when he’d scanned the crowd and saw Darla’s face. She was smiling, but her expression was strained. Worry clouded her eyes.
And because he knew how things worked in her family, he had a pretty good idea that Aaron hadn’t consulted Darla before he proposed. Most likely, he didn’t care about her thoughts on the subject. Though Darla had no doubt been happy for her brother and Hope, Lukas was fairly sure she was losing sleep over how to keep her family functioning and the farm going. Darla was trying to figure out things on her own.
Just like she always had.
Lukas had never been more distressed about the lingering rift between them. He couldn’t help but dwell on the situation as he ate breakfast.
Without complaint, Amelia always fixed a large breakfast for the four of them. She got up before dawn, milked Angel, gathered eggs, and made a feast. She was a good cook and had been blessed with the sweetest temperament of them all. Their parents had doted on her, and now he, Levi, and Rebecca did, too. She was the kind of girl who needed someone looking after her.
But instead of letting the rest of them take care of her needs, she seemed determined to mother the three of them. “What’s on your mind this morning, bruder?” she asked as she placed a large platter of scrambled eggs and bacon in the middle of the table. Already there was a bowl of chopped fruit and some kind of blueberry coffee cake that she’d made early that morni
ng.
“Only your fine meal, Amelia,” he teased.
After filling his coffee cup, she rolled her eyes. “You say things like that every morning. It ain’t necessary.”
“Of course it is. You are a fine cook and you get before dawn to prepare our meal. We all appreciate it. I don’t want you to ever forget that.”
Her eyes—sometimes blue, sometimes silver, but always so striking against her pale skin and white-blond hair—lit up. “It’s the least I can do. You, Rebecca, and Levi work at the mill.”
“While we are there, you take care of everything here. Believe me, I know that’s a lot,” he said as he piled his plate high with eggs and bacon.
“It’s not too much. I’m a grown woman.”
“It’s not that I don’t think you can handle everything. I just don’t want you to ever feel that I don’t appreciate you. I do.”
As was her way, she pushed aside his compliment again. “Before Becky and Levi come down, tell me what’s put the line of worry between your eyes.”
Fork in the air, he paused. “It’s that noticeable?”
“It is to me.” After pouring herself a cup of coffee, too, she sat down next to him, her pale yellow dress and apron falling softly around her.
As he debated whether to share his burden, Lukas couldn’t help but notice that she looked pretty. She’d been a pretty baby, and her beauty had only grown stronger with every year that passed. But more important, her sweet nature matched her angelic looks. She was everything lovely, and growing up, Lukas had heard his parents comment at least once a week that she was their precious angel.
One might have thought her beauty, combined with their parents’ obvious adoration, might have spurred some jealousy toward her, but in truth, none of them—not even Rebecca—felt that way. Mainly because the Lord had not only given Amelia beauty and sweetness, He’d also made her a bit timid. It had made all of them want to look after her, sometimes even a little too diligently.
Now that she was in her early twenties, many men in Charm had taken notice. Levi and he had already been approached by several of the men in the area, asking for permission to court her when their period of mourning was over. Lukas had decided immediately that he didn’t care one bit for the look in some of the men’s eyes when they spoke of Amelia. He’d even had to glare at some of his friends when they’d asked.
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