I am so shocked I can’t speak. I wasn’t expecting this at all. This is the first time Mike has said that he loves me. I’m rocked back on my heels. “Mike, I don’t know. I want to be with you, too. But…”
“But what?”
“But, it’s so sudden. I can’t leave here. This is my home.” I am so out of sorts; I don’t know what to do. I want to scream that yes I will be waiting for him when he returns. I want to shout it so loud that he could hear me without the telephone. But, I’m afraid. Afraid to make the leap, afraid of being abandoned again. Afraid to truly open my heart and risk the loss and the pain of Mike not returning.
“I understand,” Mike says softly.
“No! It’s not like that! Mike, please…” I try to keep him on the line, but he is gone. I franticly dial his number, but it rings into his voicemail. I hang up and dial it again and again. Mike is gone. What have I done?
I stare at the phone, as if has betrayed me. Then, I burst into tears. I have driven off the one thing that I want most. I sob for a moment. Then, I gather myself and try the phone one more time.
The phone rings and I am just about to hang up when Mike answers. “Yes?” He sounds as dejected as I feel.
“Mike! Thank God!” I gasp. “I’m sorry. Mike, please don’t hang up!” I say. The words come out in a tumbling rush.
“Just say what you need to say. I have to get ready.”
“Mike, I’m sorry for what I said. I’ll be here for you when you get back. I promise.”
“Why? I don’t need your pity, Danielle.”
“It’s not pity, okay?” I nearly shout. “I love you, goddammit! I don’t want you to go!”
Mike is quiet for a long time. “I have to go. I don’t have a choice. Even if I did, I want to go. I want to make a difference.”
“I know, but you have already made a difference. You have made a difference with me.”
Once again, Mike is quiet for a long time. “Why the sudden change of heart. Not five minutes ago you were kissing me off.”
“I was…afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“I’m afraid you won’t come back. Afraid you will leave me alone like Mom and Dad did. I don’t think I can take that again.” I sniff again. I’m thankful that Mike can’t see my tears.
“Daisy, nothing can keep me from coming back, if you’re here waiting for me. Nothing.”
“I know you’ll try but…”
“Nothing,” Mike repeats firmly, cutting me off.
“Promise me,” I whisper.
“I promise you, Daisy. I promise you that nothing can keep me from your arms,” Mike says with such conviction that I actually believe him.
I blubber out a laugh. “This is one promise you had better keep.”
“I will always keep my promises to you. I promise to come back and do everything I can to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
“You already have,” I say wiping at my eyes.
“And you have made me the happiest guy in the world.”
“When you come back, where will you come back to? Bragg?”
“I don’t know. Probably. That’s where we’re stationed.”
“If you can, call me, I will meet you there.”
“I would like that, but I doubt that will be possible. Mission security and all that jazz,” Mike says. I finally begin to relax. Mike is starting to sound like his old self again.
“It’s okay. It’s not fair that you are leaving and I didn’t even get to say goodbye in person.”
“I know. It is what it is.”
We are silent for a time, not knowing what to say. “I have to go,” Mike say softly. “I should have told you this before now. I don’t think I knew myself until I found I out I am leaving, but I love you, Daisy.”
“I love you, too. Be safe and come back to me.” I am fairly proud I managed to get that out without my voice breaking.
“I will,” Mike says so softly that I almost don’t hear him. “I’m looking forward to holding you again.”
“As am I, Mike.”
“Goodbye, Daisy. I will call as soon as I get back. Sooner if I can.”
I grit my teeth to hold back the tears. “Do. Goodbye.”
When Mike is gone. I sit on the couch, stunned. Mike is right; I didn’t realize how much I wanted him until I knew he is leaving. This is my home. This is where I have lived the last ten years of my life; but, Mike has my heart is. I sit and stare at the wall, lost in thought.
They say home is where the heart is and I have given mine to Mike. I look around my apartment. I realize that there is nothing holding me here. Nothing but memories. Those I can take with me.
As I sit and stare into nothing, I realize that the loneliness that has been my constant companion for the last few years is gone. I realize it has been gone, ever since that first picnic lunch with Mike. I miss my parents, but I no longer feel tied to this place. It’s time to move on. It’s time to stop living in past. I smile. No, not just time. Past time.
***
A banging pulls me awake. I sit up, groggy. I have slept all night on the couch, wrapped in the throw. I pick up my cell. Eight-fifty. “Just a minute,” I call, staggering to my feet. I’m stiff and I hurt all over.
I open the door to see a grinning Beverly and Tim. “Get your ass in gear, girl! Paul will be here with the truck in a few minutes.” Beverly crows bustling into my apartment. “Are you ready to start your new life?”
“Ugh,” I grunt, not yet awake. “Tell me why this is a good idea again?”
“Because,” Beverly says, ticking the items off on her fingers, “you’re finally getting on with your life. You’re hopefully going to be living with the love of your life and getting laid every night. Plus, it cuts down on the competition around here.”
I snort. “I can’t compete with you, Bev.”
“Says the woman that is moving to North Carolina to be with the hottie that didn’t even give me a second look.” Beverly teases.
“We’ll, okay. Maybe that one time,” I say with a smile. I look at Beverly and I can feel myself tearing up. “I’m going to miss you, Bev.”
Beverly smiles back at me, her eyes swimming in tears as well. “I’m going to miss you, too; but, I’m glad you’re going. This is the first impulsive thing you’ve done since your parents died. Mike will be so surprised when he gets back and finds you there. This is a good thing. I’m happy for you.”
I give Beverly a crooked smile. Moving from Georgia to North Carolina with no job and no prospects would have terrified me just two months ago. It terrifies me, now. Mike left three weeks ago for wherever he went and I am packed to leave. I am moving to a new state with my few possessions, a little money, and nothing else, except for Mike’s embrace upon his return. It is the thought of that embrace that gives me the courage to go through with this.
I’ll find another job. I’ll make it work. With Mike’s help, I’ll know it will work. I look around the apartment that has been my unintentional prison for three years. I think of the saying: The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. Charles Michael Hanover has given me the greatest gift of all. I look forward to each day that we spend together.
I feel my smile widen. I hope Paul will be here with the truck soon. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to go to North Carolina, so I can be there when my family returns from duty.
A Ranger's Love: A Military Erotic Romance Page 7