by Jean Ure
She said that the very first book she ever had published was a book about a girl who becomes a dancer. That made me sit up! She said that she always desperately wanted to be a dancer herself but that her mum and dad couldn’t afford for her to have lessons and so she became very unhappy and frustrated. So then one day when she was about fifteen she thought she would write a book about a girl who wanted to learn ballet, and so she wrote this book called Castanets & Ballet Shoes, in which the girl becomes hugely successful, and guess what? She ends up dancing Odette!
I was really interested in that. Everyone turned round to look at me and I could feel myself growing bright scarlet. Mrs Rowe said, “We have our own little ballerina here,” which truly embarrassed me. I could have fallen through the floor! Fancy calling me a ballerina! When I’m not yet even a member of the corps de ballet! But people that aren’t dancers don’t understand.
The more this author talked to us, the more I realised that she wasn’t as ordinary as she looked. She was a very amusing and witty person. She told us, for example, how she and her husband had all these animals that they had rescued. Pigs and goats and chickens. And two Shetland ponies and some sheep. Not to mention fifteen cats and six dogs!!!
She showed us pictures of the cats and dogs and told us how they spoke, using different voices. Susie, thinking she was being very clever, put up her hand and said, “Excuse me, but animals can’t talk,” and the author said, “Excuse me, but mine can!”
She told us how, if you listened very carefully and took the trouble to get to know them and to really understand them, then you would hear them talking. It is true! Bella and Bimbo talk all the time. They are very superior and have upper-class voices like the Queen.
I don’t think Kitty would have had an upper-class voice. I think she would speak what Mum calls “common”. But I still love her best!
Another thing the author told us was that all the dogs slept in the bedroom with her and her husband, and that four of them actually slept in the bed so that they had to have this really huge great bed taking up most of the room. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Four dogs sleeping in bed with you!
We were all giggling like crazy because some of the stuff this author was telling us was really funny, like about this one dog, Benny, that is a deaf dog and looks like a walking hearth rug and sleeps in the middle of the bed with his head on the pillow. She said he has this habit of suddenly standing up underneath the duvet so that all the cold air comes billowing in. And then he starts shaking his head so that his ears go flap flap flap and the cold air whirls all about. And then when he has done that he starts turning in circles and trampling up and down as he makes a nest for himself. And the duvet goes in circles with him so that in the end he is all wrapped up in it like a big walnut whip and she and her husband are left without any.
Everyone laughed at this except for Elinor Hodges. Even Susie laughed. You could tell that Elinor was being all disapproving and thinking that it was not hygienic to let dogs sleep in the bed and that dogs should be kept outside in kennels. Which is what I personally do not agree with, and neither would the author have done because she was a real animal person.
She told us that some people thought she was mad, but that she didn’t care. She said, “Some of you probably think I’m mad,” and she looked at Susie as she said it. And Susie turned pink and couldn’t think what to say, which is the first time I have ever known her to be at a loss for words!
At the end we were told we could ask questions, so Elinor Hodges at once stood up with her great long list and started asking these really dreary, boring sort of questions such as “How long does it take you to write a book?” and “Do you have a word processor?”
The author said she didn’t use a word processor, she always wrote her first draft by hand and then typed it out on an ordinary typewriter. She said, “I’m afraid I’m a bit of a technological dinosaur.”
Susie turned round at this and made an “I-told-you-so” face at me and Sarah. But then the next minute she was waving her hand in the air to ask a question and the question was, “How much do you earn?”
Mrs Rowe was absolutely furious! She told Susie off for being impertinent and vulgar, though the author didn’t seem to mind. She explained to us that she didn’t earn a fortune and that hardly any authors did. She said, “You don’t write books for the money, you write them because you feel you have to,” and Susie raised her eyebrows right up into her hair as if the author was a bit simple, or something. Susie is really into making money. She understands all about stocks and shares and compound interest, which to me is just boring.
When I got home I told Mum all about the visit and about the author having all these animals and four dogs sleeping in the bed, and Mum said that she was obviously mad.
I told Mum that lots of people thought she was mad but that the author didn’t care, and I said that I personally thought it would be lovely to have four dogs sleeping in bed with you. You could cuddle them and never get cold, and if you woke up and felt a bit lonely or frightened there would always be someone to lick you or snuggle up to.
Mum cried, “Oh, darling!” and held out her arms. She said that if I ever woke up and felt lonely I could go into her room and sleep in bed with her. She said, “You can snuggle up to me any time you like. You know that.”
I do know it, but it seems childish at my age to sleep with your mum.
After the author had been to visit us I wrote to her telling her how totally brilliant her talk had been and how interested I was in her having wanted to be a dancer because I hoped to be a dancer myself one day. She wrote this long letter back, which I still have. I will never get rid of it! It is a precious object. Right at the end she wished me luck and said that she would watch out for my name on the posters.
So that is two famous people who are going to watch out for me! Jane Rue and Darcey.
When I am on This is Your Life I very much hope that Ms Rue will be a guest because then I can tell her how her visit inspired me.
One of the other things she said in her letter was that I used words very well and that maybe one day I would write a story myself. “A ballet story, perhaps.” She said, “It was a great comfort to me when I wrote Castanets & Ballet Shoes. It didn’t stop me yearning to be a dancer, but it took away some of my frustration.” She said that writing is a very good way of exploring your emotions and can be a great solace.
I thought about what she said and last term I wrote this book about a girl called Bryony who wants to be a dancer only she gets ill with AML and has to go into hospital and have drugs and everyone thinks she is going to die, but she doesn’t. Instead she goes into remission and starts at the Royal Ballet School when she is twelve years old and when she is seventeen she is taken into the Company and dances in Swan Lake. She dances Odette and everyone applauds and she is given a big bouquet of flowers and that is how it ends.
The book is thirty-five pages long. I typed it out on the word processor with wide margins and double-spacing, like Jane Rue said you had to. She said that publishers cannot read handwriting, they can only read typing. I don’t know why this is. Perhaps their eyesight is poor because of all the books they have to look at.
I had to use the word processor when Mum was out as the book is A Secret! There is only one person I have shown it to, and that is Uncle Eddy. He thinks it is good enough to be published, maybe, but I am not sure about this. For one thing I don’t think the spelling is quite right, though Uncle Eddy says that doesn’t matter. He says the publishers would see to it. He says the only thing that I would have to do is to explain about AML, as not everyone will know what it is.
I would have to explain that it is acute myeloid leukaemia and that acute means it is not something that goes on for years and years just the same but is something that happens quite quickly, like for instance a pimple that comes to a head and bursts, and that myeloid is to do with bone marrow, and that leukaemia is a sort of cancer that attacks the blood.
People that know about it, like doctors, or people that have got it, quite often just call it AML. There are lots of other sorts, but AML is what Bryony has got. It is not as common as the other sorts except in older people, so that Bryony is a bit unusual. Most children that have leukaemia have the other sorts.
I called my heroine Bryony because I think it is a nice-sounding name and good for a ballet dancer. It is a kind of flower, as a matter of fact, which grows in hedges.
Mum showed it to me once when we were out for a walk and I thought that it was pretty. I didn’t know then that I would be writing a book about it!
12. “Born to Dance”
Born to Dance by Becky Banaras
This is the story of Bryony in the book that I wrote.
One day when Bryony wakes up she has a pain in her leg. She tells her mum and her mum says she has probably strained it. “Doing all those ballet exercises.” Bryony thinks that maybe it was when she was doing grands battements.
But she thinks she will be able to work her way through it, because quite often that is what dancers do when they have aches and pains. So that afternoon when she goes to class she tries to pretend that everything is the same as usual and to forget about her leg and how it is hurting.
But next day it is worse and when she goes for class her teacher notices and says to her that she must rest for a while and not come to class until it is better. She says that she has probably pulled a muscle and it is best to rest it.
Bryony really hates to miss class but her leg is so bad she can hardly bear to walk on it. Also she is feeling quite tired and people start to say how pale she is.
At first her mum doesn’t worry because she has always been pale. Once at school some unkind girls made a nickname for her and the nickname was “Pasty”. But then one morning Bryony wakes up and she has a pain in her other leg as well, and now her mum starts to get a bit anxious and tells the au pair to take her to the doctor. Bryony’s mum cannot go to the doctor with her as she has to be at work. She is a big television star and they are doing some important filming, but the au pair, who is called Rosa-Maria, is quite nice. Bryony doesn’t mind going to the doctor with her.
The doctor is also quite nice. He has been to see Bryony before, when she has had mumps and chickenpox. He says to Rosa-Maria that she must take Bryony immediately to the hospital to have a blood test so that they can find out what is wrong.
The blood test means having a needle stuck in her arm and a tube of blood sucked out, which is not very pleasant, but Bryony is eleven and so she is brave about it.
When her mum comes home that day she cannot understand why Bryony has had to go to the hospital to have the blood sucked out. She says, “Why does she need to have blood sucked out for a pulled muscle?” Rosa-Maria says that the doctor thinks maybe Bryony might be anaemic. (Which is something else Uncle Eddy said I would have to explain.)
Anaemic means not having enough red blood cells which carry the oxygen round your body and give you energy. If people don’t have enough red cells, then they get tired.
At six o’clock that night the doctor rings up and speaks to Bryony’s mum. He says he has had the result of the blood test and would like to come round to discuss it. Bryony’s mum turns pale. She says, “l hope it isn’t anything serious?” But the doctor won’t tell her until he comes.
When the doctor arrives, Bryony is told to go and watch television with Rosa-Maria and her little brother Joseph. She doesn’t hear what the doctor says, but afterwards, when he has gone, she sees that her mum has been crying. Her mum tells her that she is anaemic and that is why she has felt tired. She says that she has to go back to the hospital so that the doctors can find out what is causing it.
When they go to the hospital a second time it is a different hospital, it is a hospital that deals only with children, and Bryony’s mum goes with her. Bryony is glad that it is her mum and not Rosa-Maria. She likes Rosa-Maria but it is not the same as being with her mum.
At the hospital they are taken to a room with four beds in it. Two of the beds are empty but in one bed there is a girl of about Bryony’s age. She is sitting up against the pillows and listening to music through headphones. She is very pretty with blonde hair and a red nightdress with white dots. She smiles at Bryony but Bryony is too frightened to smile back. What has frightened her is that this girl has plastic tubes coming out of her nightdress. The tubes are stuck to the side of the bed and are attached to plastic bags that hang off a metal stand.
You can see inside the plastic bags. One of them has something that looks like blood in it. Bryony feels sick and scared. Is this what is going to happen to her?
The girl takes off her headphones and says, “Hi! I’m Chloë. Are you a new patient?”
Bryony is too scared to say anything at all so her mum has to say it for her. Bryony is a bit of a coward. She hasn’t any bottle. She is even scared of being X-rayed! This is silly, because X-rays don’t hurt. But then she has to have an injection so that the doctor can take a sample of her bone marrow. He has to punch a needle into her hip, and that is nasty. That is really nasty. Her mum tells her to be brave and Bryony tries hard but she is scared and trembling all the time even though her mum is with her.
After that she is taken back to the room with the four beds and she has to get into one of the beds and have blood dripped into her from a plastic bag hanging from a metal stand, just like the girl called Chloë, except that Bryony only has one plastic bag. While Bryony’s mum is outside talking to the doctor, Chloë tells Bryony that she’ll probably have lots once they start treatment.
Bryony is horrified to discover that she is going to have to stay in the hospital. She had thought she was going home! She says to her mum, “But what about my dancing classes?” and her mum has to explain to her that she can’t have dancing classes for the moment. She says, “You have to wait until you’re better.”
Bryony asks how long that will be and her mum looks grave and says, “lt could be a month or two.”
That is the worst news.
It is only later that her mum tells her what is wrong with her. She tells her that she has AML and that the doctors are going to give her drugs that will cure it.
After Bryony’s mum has gone and Bryony and Chloë are alone, Chloë tells Bryony that she has leukaemia as well, only hers is a different sort. Hers is called ALL. ALL stands for acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. She says that to begin with she couldn’t ever remember the word lymphoblastic but that now she can. But she doesn’t know what it means! Not properly. The doctor has told her, but she can’t make sense of it. It is too complicated.
Chloë says that ALL is what most children have. Not so many have what Bryony has got. Bryony doesn’t know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, but Chloë tells her not to worry. She says, “They can almost always cure it nowadays. They just give you chemo and then you go into remission.”
Bryony is so ignorant she doesn’t know what chemo is or what remission means! Chloë tells her that chemo is chemotherapy and means drugs. She says, “They make you feel sick but it’s worth it if it puts you into remission.” She says that remission is when the leukaemia goes away and you don’t feel tired any more or get bruises.
Bryony says that she never got bruises, she just got pains in her legs. Chloë says that what she got was headaches and a high temperature. But she says that it’s different for everyone. Chloë has been in the hospital for a few days and already seems to know everything.
It helps Bryony, having Chloë there to talk to. They become best friends. Best hospital friends. When one of them is sad the other cheers her up, or if one of them is frightened the other makes her brave. Chloë has lots more bottle than Bryony but even Chloë gets frightened sometimes.
After a few weeks Bryony is allowed to go ho
me because she is in remission, which means there are no more cancer cells in her blood. Everyone is happy and Bryony’s mum takes her to have a special tea at a smart hotel to celebrate. The hotel is in the West End. It is full of palm trees and beautiful blue carpet and Bryony eats cream cakes, as many as she likes.
She is not worried about being too fat for ballet because she has lost lots of weight and the doctor says she must try to put it on again.
She is told that she can go back to her ballet classes but not as many as before. Only one a week to begin with. But one a week is not enough! Her mum says, “Give it a while and we’ll see.”
She still has to have chemo and all her hair is falling out. This is because of the drugs. Chloë’s hair has fallen out, too. It happens to most people, but Bryony knows that it will grow again. The doctor has told her so.
One day when Bryony goes to the hospital for her blood test they tell her that she is no longer in remission. The leukaemia has come back and she must go into hospital again. She is very ill and her mum cries and so does Rosa-Maria because they think she is going to die. Everyone thinks she is going to die. Even the doctors and nurses. They think they are hiding it from her but she knows what they are thinking. When her Uncle Ted comes to visit her, she tells him that this is what they think and he says to her, “What do you think?”
Bryony says, “I’m not going to die! I’m going to get better and become a famous dancer!”
And Uncle Ted says, “If that’s what you believe, then that’s what will happen.”
And it does, and everyone is amazed because they didn’t think it was possible.
She dances Odette and is famous and that is the end.
THE END
A book by Rebecca Banaras
Uncle Eddy says the best bit is where Bryony says she’s not going to die and she doesn’t. He says that most of the book is sad and makes you weep, but that the ending is “brave and beautiful”. He says that it ought to be published because it would give hope to other children that have got leukaemia.