Iris clung to her arm and allowed her friend to lead her from the room. As they made their way through the grand hallways of the house, towards the spiral staircase, Iris did not want to let go. She knew that Daisy would not be allowed in her father’s office with her because it wasn’t polite for servants to enter private quarters of the house except during the rare times that they were permitted, but she couldn’t help wishing that she could keep her support blanket with her at all times.
“You will be fine,” Daisy whispered quietly to her as she sensed how Iris was feeling. “This might not be what you suspect it to be.”
Iris did not answer Daisy because she was so busy trying to calm her breathing down. She sounded erratic and panicked, and those were two things that her father certainly didn’t approve of. He loved the grace and poise of her mother, her sisters too, to a slightly lesser extent, and Iris felt like it shamed him that she was so different. She had the makings of a lady within her, but not the natural grace.
There were hard, wooden chairs against the white washed wall outside of Robert’s office, so as soon as they arrived there Iris sat down in one of them. She folded her legs at the ankles, and she crossed her arms in her lap, but that was where her ladylike look ended. Iris couldn’t stop her face from screwing up in concern, she had absolutely no control over the tears in the corners of her eyes, and the anxious fidgeting just would not stop.
“I have to leave you now,” Daisy told her regretfully. “But I will come back to you once your meeting is done.”
“Yes, that should be lovely,” Iris replied formally. “I will see you in a while.”
As her heartbeat caused an uncouth level of noise, Iris fixed her gaze on the painting that hung above the door to her father’s room. It showed a bird flying high, soaring above the tiny world below it. The brown of the wings contrasted well with the bright blue sky, and the perspective was incredible. Every time she looked at it, Iris noticed something new to discover in that tiny world. To Iris, the bird represented freedom, the sort of carefree life that she would never be allowed herself. She loved staring at it, her imagination ran wild, but she didn’t get to look at it much because of where it was.
Maybe today would be the day the image represented the loss of her freedom, and she would never be able to look at it again.
“Iris,” her father’s voice boomed through the wall, making her jump. “I already know that you are out there. You might be four minutes early, but you might as well come inside.”
She leapt from her seat and took tiny rapid steps towards the door. It was almost as if her feet were moving in such a strange way because they wanted to scurry off in another direction entirely. Not that she would ever follow through on that urge. She always did what was needed of her, if not what was wanted of her.
Iris pushed the large, heavy door open, and she peeked her head around the door. Her father's office was always dark because he liked to work only by the small lamp on his desk. Against the mahogany wood that seemed to fill most of the room, including the oversized bookcase that filled one of the walls, there was an orangey-red tint to the light.
“Hello, father, shall I come inside?” Her feet danced back and forth while she waited for him to answer.
“That is why I called for you.” He always sounded exasperated by her, so this answer was hardly surprising. “Come in, Iris, sit down.”
She moved rapidly and took a seat. Robert continued to write for a while, almost as if he was doing it on purpose to make her feel uncomfortable. Iris knew that it was expected of her to keep still and silent, but as always her body had other ideas for her.
“I’m afraid it is not good news, Iris.” Finally, his eyes came up to meet hers, and she jolted under the shock of his intense look. “I have been to the doctor today, and I have learned that I am sick.”
“S... sick?” Iris’s brain did somersaults, as did her stomach. She couldn’t quite process what this meant. As she stared at her father she could see some subtle differences, but nothing so dramatic that she would’ve noticed right away. His hair had fallen out in patches, his skin looked yellow and sallow, he had lost a little weight... but she never would’ve guessed that he was seriously ill.
“Yes, fever. I will not live long.” There was absolutely no emotion in his voice as he declared this. It seemed Robert intended to die exactly as he’d lived his whole life – in a business like fashion. Iris would have preferred a moment to digest this, but she wasn’t getting the chance. “I know you won’t like this, but I have to ensure that you are wed to a good man before I pass.” Iris’s heart sunk, she should’ve known it would still come down to this. It always came down to this in the end. “I know you have had your... troubles in your life, but it is time to grow up Iris. You need a husband if I am no longer around to protect you. This is a man’s world and you need to find your place within it.”
Iris bit down on her lip so hard that she feared she might draw blood. One of the tears finally made its way out of her eye and spilt down onto her cheek. She nodded vigorously because she didn't trust herself to speak just yet.
“I have some prospects for you...”
A bubble burst in Iris’s mind. Along with the flow of tears came a flurry of unexpected words. “Prospects already? But people do not know me, I cannot marry someone I do not know.”
Robert’s eyes narrowed. He hated being challenged, especially on a topic that he did not consider anyone else having an opinion on. “Iris, I have been very patient with you over the years. I have allowed you your space while you recovered from your mother, but now it is time to move on. You have to behave in a way that’s expected of you, and this is the next logical step. It is already almost too late; a lot of suitors will consider you too old.”
“I don’t want to get married, can I not just stay here?”
Robert slammed his hands down hard on his desk and he rose to his feet in temper. “Do not be so selfish, Iris. This inheritance is not yours alone. What about Olivia and her children? Do you not think that they deserve more? And Elizabeth, she might be set up well but we need to consider her, too.”
“Yes, but...”
“I have given you too much free reign. I have allowed you too many freedoms. It has made you petty.”
“No, father, it isn’t like that...”
“You will do as you are told this time. I will not hear another word on the topic. It has been a challenge enough. People believe that you are aloof which is why you are not seen. Men do not like the idea of aloof, but they do like the name. That is why some of them are willing to meet with you, to see if you are worth it.”
“What if they aren’t worth it?”
“Iris, I am warning you. This is happening.”
All Iris wanted to say was that her and Olivia's family could share the home together. It was big enough, and she could help raise her nephews, but her father did not want to hear it. His mind was made up, and that was the end of it. She might not have known him well, but she could tell by his tone that he was done.
Iris knew deep down that he assumed he was doing the best thing for her, that he just wanted to ensure that she had a comfortable life, but he couldn’t seem to understand that what they wanted for her was very different. Her idea of comfort was to be left well alone. She liked to daydream, to imagine her life, she did not want to live it in the way that was expected of her.
Sensing that his daughter was done fighting him, Robert returned to his seat. “I have picked a suitor that I think will be best for you, and we need to move things along quickly considering my limited time left. I have spoken with Duke Loftus Pembroke, and he is willing to build an arrangement with us.”
“For the dowry,” Iris couldn’t help getting in one less dig.
“For many reasons. Money is not all this man’s highest concern.” Robert shook his head angrily at her. “He would like to meet with you first, so we will arrange that in the usual way. After which, if you please him then proceedings will
continue.”
Iris felt like she was speeding along the road as fast as she could manage. Her entire life had been lifted up from beneath her and now it was totally out of her control. She would be forced to wed some Duke who would expect children, and probably quickly considering her age. That would mean...
She shuddered, no, she did not want to think of what that would mean.
“You may leave now, Iris, as I’m sure you can imagine I have a lot of work to get on with. Many things need sorting, and time is running out.”
Iris opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, half wishing that she could continue to argue her case, and half wishing that she could find a better way to say goodbye. She felt certain that this would be the last time she’d see her father, and while they did not have a great relationship she did not want to leave on bad terms.
She didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to her mother, she did not want to make that mistake again.
“Thank you, Father,” she said quietly in the end, as she stood up. It was not much, but it was better than nothing. Not that her father noticed. He shooed her out of the room without even giving her another glance.
Clearly, his death didn't affect him in the way that it did her.
Iris left the office at a slow pace, but as soon as she got out of the room she started running. She did not care how others looked at her, even if some of the servants were out in the hallways, her emotions had gotten the better of her and she needed to get back to her bedroom. Once she was inside her safe haven, the tight metal coil in her chest would loosen, her lungs would refill with air, the fog from her brain would dissipate.
She hoped.
“Oh, Miss Iris.” Daisy was sitting anxiously on the edge of her bed as she crashed back into her room. She knew that she should have spent the time getting some work done, but she could barely concentrate while she waited. The fate of her friend scared her just as much as it did Iris. “Is it the news that you suspected?”
Iris flew into Daisy’s arms and she sobbed into her chest. “It is worse, so much worse.” She cried for a while, but as soon as she could, she blurted out the rest, needing to get it off her chest. “My father has a fever, he will not live much longer, so the need for me to marry now is urgent. He even has someone lined up for me. Duke Loftus Pembroke. I cannot escape this, there is no way.”
Hopelessness circled Iris, she felt like the end of the world had come.
“He might be a nice man,” Daisy shushed and rocked Iris. “You might really like him. You may even fall in love. You might get your happy ever after that you’ve always wanted.”
“With Duke Pembroke?” Iris declared, as if she actually knew this man. “Do you really think that is the name of someone that I should marry?”
Daisy brushed a stray strand of hair off of Iris’s face and she tucked it behind her ear. “I do not know what will happen, Miss Iris, but I do know that you are stronger than you think. You have an inner power that you will discover and harness as you need it. You will find your place, somehow, and you will feel silly for ever worrying.”
“Do you really think so?” Iris wasn’t convinced that there was any strength inside of her, but it felt nice to hear someone comfort her. “I hope you’re right, Daisy, because I am utterly terrified of everything changing.”
“Change is not always bad; you just have to learn how to embrace it.” Daisy was speaking to herself as much as she was Iris, because without her friend around her own life was about to shift, too. She had no idea if she would even be needed to work in this large, empty home anymore, which left her jobless and homeless. The references would be good, but a new home would never be the same. “You will be fine.”
Chapter 3
“Miss Iris?”
Iris could hear someone calling into her dreams, disturbing her rest, but she wasn’t quite ready to wake up just yet. It had taken her long enough to get to sleep, she didn’t want to leave it too soon. Iris knew that she wasn’t awake, that what she was experiencing wasn’t real, but it felt lovely all the same. She was sitting in a castle atop a hill, staring down at a lovely reddish garden while she waited for her love to return...
“Miss Iris?”
This time the voice was combined with a shake that rattled the brain in Iris's head. Something drastic had to be going on if someone wanted to disturb her, so with great regret, she pried her eyes open to discover what was going on. The bright light streamed in so hard and fast it caused an ache all over her body.
“What is going on?” she murmured through the sleepy fog. Iris rubbed her head hard as she pushed herself into an upright position. “Daisy? Is everything alright? What is happening?”
All of a sudden her heart sunk. The last time that Daisy had such a strange expression on her face it was because she suspected that Iris’s father was about to deliver some very bad news. Iris desperately prayed that whatever was happening now wouldn’t be so terrible again. She wasn’t sure that she could cope with another round of bad news when she was still reeling from the last lot.
"Daisy, tell me," she warned while sitting up straighter. "I need to know what is going on now."
“Miss Iris, do not worry.” Daisy waved her arms frantically, she didn’t mean to cause such alarm in Iris. She probably should’ve guessed that she would be still very much on edge after what happened the previous day. “It is not something to worry about. Your sister is here to see you. She is waiting downstairs right now.”
“Which sister?” Iris asked tentatively.
“Elizabeth, Miss...”
Without even bothering to get dressed, Iris tore from the room at top speed, knocking her bed covers to the floor as she raced away. She loved Olivia very much, she always had done, but she never seemed to understand why Iris fell into depression. Having faced terrible circumstances her whole life and getting through them with her head held high, she felt like her sister should be much stronger than she was.
It was an expectation that Iris had never quite managed to get her head around.
Elizabeth didn’t hold the same judgments about Iris. She simply loved Iris for who she was. The understanding wasn’t fully there, but the love and support always would be. Maybe it was because they were closer in age so they had grown up with a tighter bond, or maybe she just had a kinder, more open heart. Whatever it was, Iris adored having her come to visit and this was a perfect time for it. If she had ever needed her sister’s advice, it was now.
She finally spotted Elizabeth standing at the bottom of the stairs in a pale blue satin dress that fell past her ankles to scrape lightly along the ground. Her pale brown hair was twisted up into a very elegant looking chignon with jewels decorating it, and she had white gloves pulled up to her elbows. Iris had never seen her sister look so elegant before. She was used to seeing her dressed up like a lady, but now she had the poise too. And the tight expression Iris often saw on the society ladies... that certainly didn’t go amiss.
“Elizabeth!” Iris gasped loudly while falling into Elizabeth’s open arms. “I have missed you so much. How are you?”
“Yes.” Elizabeth’s voice was as taut as her mouth, which suggested her mood did not match her words. “I am well, and how are you, sister?”
Iris pulled back and stared into her sister’s eyes. The deep blue was like an ocean of morose sadness that she truly did not want to dive into herself. If this was what life as a married woman would be like, then it certainly wasn’t what she wanted for herself. Elizabeth used to be joyful and carefree, it was such a shame to see that stripped from her.
“Shall we go to my bedroom?” Iris urged quietly. “We can talk more freely there?”
“Actually, I think it might be best for you to get dressed and we should have a walk in the gardens instead.” Elizabeth gave her sister a pointed look. “Then we can have true freedom when we speak.”
Iris nodded slowly. Elizabeth wouldn't have suggested that walk outside knowing how little Iris liked it, if she had known tha
t anyone else would be out there. It was clear that whatever she needed to discuss was so private that she couldn't risk their father hearing at all. It wasn't likely that he would be eavesdropping, but in the outdoors, there was absolutely no risk of accidentally listening either.
“Of course, wait here and I shall get dressed now.”
As Iris bounded back up the stairs to her room, and she pulled on the first slip dress she could find, her mind raced over the endless possibilities. Despite the fact that Elizabeth was not happy in her marriage, there wasn’t anything she could do to change that now, so it had to be something different which she wished to discuss. Could she be having a baby? Did she want to tell Iris more about how that had happened, filling her with an even deeper horror of the prospect? Or could it be something about another person entirely? Elizabeth wasn’t much for society gossip, despite the fact that most other ladies seemed to relish in it, so if she had something scandalous to tell Iris it would be very important.
Oh for goodness sake, she couldn’t stand it any longer! There was no point in allowing her imagination to get the better of her, she had to just find out the truth. It probably wouldn’t be anywhere near as bad as anything she could concoct in her own mind anyway. Without bothering to tie up her hair or even check her appearance, Iris left her bedroom and found her sister once more.
Elizabeth did not say another word to Iris until they were outside and far enough away from the house that not a single soul could hear them. Even so, she glanced around to check that there were no spies, before she opened her mouth to finally put Iris out of her misery.
“Iris, I have heard the news.”
The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance) Page 2