They could not stand to be around her, even to sit long enough to eat. She was too unlikable for even that short amount of time.
“Thank you, Victoria.” It was always Victoria who brought her the food though. Iris got the sense that she did not like this silly game much, but she felt compelled to go along with it for the others. Iris often wanted to question her on that, but she never followed it through for fear of pushing her further away. This short conversation at meal times was pretty much all she got all day long, especially if Amy was feeling sullen. “I appreciate it very much. Just leave it right there, I will get it when I get a moment.”
Victoria looked at Iris as if she had something else to say, and Iris’s heart lifted. Was she about to make things right? Would this turn out to be a good day all round? But no, she got carried away for nothing. Victoria rapidly snapped her lips closed again, and she turned on her heels to stomp away, leaving Iris with nothing.
As Iris heard Victoria’s footsteps fading into the distance, she really had to hold in the tears. Would it always be this way? Was she destined to be lonely?
When Iris shut the world out, it was her choice, she had control over it. But now the world had shut her out and she didn’t care for it too much.
Iris sighed loudly and grabbed the plate of food, looking at the slightly sodden mess in front of her. If her stomach wasn’t growling with hunger, she wouldn’t have bothered to eat it at all, it looked so revolting. She had no idea what it even was.
At her own home, Iris was given the food of her choice, here she barely got anything. That was just one of the very noticeable differences between being a lady and being a maid. Honestly, it was one she didn’t care for too much.
Iris sat dejectedly on the edge of Amy’s bed and she ate in silence, really feeling truly very alone. She should have been used to this feeling by now, it was commonplace, but every time she was left alone to eat, she could not help thinking of Daisy and all the meal times they had shared together.
Oh, how she missed them...
Iris assumed that she might have heard something from her friend by now. Daisy knew where she was, she could have easily written to her or sent a message via Victoria, but there had been nothing. Iris felt certain that Victoria would have at least shared that information with her if she’d heard.
All Iris knew was that she would be at Duke Pembroke’s home by now, but that could have been anywhere.
Maybe Daisy did not want to know her now, maybe her life was too good. Maybe she had forgotten all about her friend. Or maybe she was too frightened to write in case the whole plan unravelled. If that was the case, then she would never hear from her friend again.
What a terribly upsetting thought.
“Daisy, are you... are you crying?”
Iris hadn’t even realized that tears were pouring down her cheeks, but now that the mysterious voice had mentioned it, she brushed the wetness away quickly.
“Oh no, I...” She glanced up to see one of the maids that she barely recognized staring at her with wide-eyed shock. “Sorry, you should not have been able to see me this way.”
She stood up and placed the half eaten plate of food on the dressing table. Then Iris forced a bright smile on her face. She would not let these people see her being defeated.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I was just passing actually, and I saw you... well, I don’t much agree with how you’ve been treated. I cannot see any reason for you to be feared myself.”
“Feared?” Iris stepped back in confusion. “What do you mean, feared?”
The maid pursed her lips thoughtfully before she spoke once more. "The others, they think that there is something special about you. I guess they do not really think that you are Victoria's cousin and they assume that you do not belong."
Iris gasped. Was she that obvious? She thought that she had learned how to be a maid very well. “I do not... I am not...” Words escaped her entirely.
“I do not think the same. I think you just need a friend.” The maid stepped closer, and this time Iris remained exactly where she was. “My name is Alice; I am sorry we have not been introduced properly.”
With that, completely embarrassed, Iris burst into tears. She was not even sure where they came from, they simply burst from her eyes and cascaded speedily down her face.
“Oh no, Daisy, is this because of them?”
“It is partly because they are right,” Iris confessed, needing to shed some of the weight from her shoulders. “Maybe I do not belong here; I was not always this.” She wouldn’t say it all, she couldn’t, but she needed someone to connect with her. “I used to be... different, but I fell on difficult times.”
“That happens to many,” Alice reassured Iris. “We see it more than you know.”
“You do?” Iris smiled through the sobs. “I am not too sure about that.”
Alice cocked her head to one side and she examined Iris closely. Maybe if the others knew just how nice Iris was, maybe if they understood that her life had faced challenges just as they had, they would react to her better. Alice had never known anyone in need of a friend as much as this poor, crying girl in front of her.
“I think you should come and eat dinner with everyone tonight,” she announced proudly.
Iris’s heart leapt up into her throat, it was almost too good to be true. This was the sort of offer that she had been hoping for, ever since she set foot in this household, but just because Alice wanted her didn’t mean the others felt the same.
“Oh, I do not know if that is a good plan. What if I am not wanted? If the others fear me, then they will not want me around.”
“You let me take care of that.” Alice insisted. "I will explain that things are not as straightforward as they seem. You may need to tell them a little bit, like you did me, but they will let you in. You'll see."
Iris nodded slowly. She had to be honest, or as much as she could, to have friends. She could do that. By this point, she was willing to try anything.
“Thank you very much, Alice, I very much appreciate that. It is too kind. I do not want you to get in trouble though.”
“Oh, I have been here far too long for that. You do not need to worry about me.”
Alice reached out and she grabbed Iris’s hand. She squeezed it tight, trying to convey how serious she was. Alice hadn’t agreed with it from the start, she did not like it when the others were nasty to anyone, but this was the first time that she had ever felt brave enough to say anything about it.
It couldn’t continue now, there was no reason to be nasty to this young lady. They had all noticed a subtle change in Amy too which was a positive step in the right direction. Amy was normally so sullen and snappy with people, but with Daisy in the picture, she was starting to shine just a little bit more. When Alice watched her walk to her lessons earlier on today, she appeared much freer. She even had a small smile on her face.
Daisy was good for the Oakley household, now she just needed to make the others see it.
Chapter 18
Iris felt like she might actually be sick as she walked down the stairs to the dinner table to eat her very first meal with everyone else. Alice might have assured her that everything was going to be fine, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was. Many things could go wrong, and Iris’s brain flickered through them all at a very rapid pace. Everyone could hate her, she might make a fool out of herself, there could be hours of very awkward silence – especially if Alice was the only one who wanted her there.
On top of that, there was a chance that this could all be a plan, some other way to torment her. Iris desperately prayed that it wasn’t, but she tried to prepare herself just in case. She did not want to walk head first into a trick without some form of preparation.
“Daisy!” Alice called out the moment that she spotted her walking into the midst of the other serving staff. “Come and sit with me.”
Iris’s chest flooded with relief. Alice looked genuine
ly happy to see her again, which had to be a very good sign. If it was a trick, surely there would be a sign by now. Iris decided to trust Alice and she made her way towards her.
By Alice’s side was a very awkward looking Victoria. Iris watched as she shifted uncomfortably on her butt the closer she got. Her expression suggested that she would have preferred to be anywhere else in the world that where she was... either that or she was very embarrassed about her previous behaviour. Maybe she assumed that Iris held ill will against her. She did not, she just wanted to be friends. Iris hoped that once Victoria saw that, everything would be much less difficult.
“Thank you, Alice,” Iris replied in a hushed tone of voice as she tucked her skirt underneath her and she took her seat. “This is very kind of you. I am glad to be eating with you tonight.”
“Yes, of course, you are very welcome.”
For a few moments, a thick silence clung to the air, Iris could feel every single eye upon her, so she forced her lips to curl up into a smile. If everyone could see that she intended to cause absolutely no trouble, then everything would be alright... or so she hoped.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
Iris’s heart hammered loudly, but she did her best to contain that fear. Just keep smiling, she told herself. Everyone will come around; it will be fine. Her heart didn't stop, but eventually, the atmosphere thinned. Iris could feel the strangeness slipping away.
After just a beat, someone made a comment about the pleasant smell of the food, and everyone began to speak all at once. As noise filled the room and the eyes drifted away, Iris let out a breath that she hadn’t even realized she was holding in. It was alright, all she needed to do was give it time.
“See?” Alice nudged her playfully as Iris finally smiled for real. “I told you everything would be fine.”
“So you did.”
As Iris scanned her eyes across the whole table, she couldn’t help noticing that the butler wasn’t there. Maybe that was because he could not stand to be around her for even a moment, or maybe he had duties that he needed to attend to. Either way, Iris was glad. She didn’t want to deal with him on top of everyone else. He was another level of challenging.
"So, please tell us, Daisy," Alice continued loudly. She wanted the others to see just how sweet this soft-spoken girl was. "How are things going with Amy? She seems to be in much better spirits now?"
This was a subject that Iris felt comfortable discussing. She was proud of how well she'd done with Amy and she didn't mind the others knowing it. "She has become much more... amiable. I feel she might struggle to trust people, but she is slowly coming around.”
“She trusts you, does she?” The harsh sounding male voice from her first day cried out to her. “Even though you aren’t exactly what you say you are?”
Iris flushed, half with anger, half with upset. Why did this boy have to go and ruin everything, just as it was going so well? “Oh, I...” she started, but he quickly jumped in once more.
“It is alright, none of us are.” He smirked brightly in her direction as he waved a hand dismissively. “I am Matthew; it is nice to meet you properly.”
“Daisy, and it is good to meet you too.”
These people did not seem to care that she’d lied, they didn’t even ask her the truth. For someone who had felt like she needed to explain herself, this was a revelation to Iris. This was the sort of freedom that she had spent her whole life looking for. Finally, her wings had been unclipped and she could fly free.
“Hey, Daisy!” Matthew called loudly across the table, engaging her in conversation once more. “Did you hear the one about Lil’ boy Johnnie?”
“Erm...” She honestly had no idea what this meant. “No?”
“Alright, here it goes.” Everyone fell into a hush to hear what Matthew was about to say. “Lil’ boy Jonnie asked his mother ‘can anyone hear with their mouths?’. The lady replied that they could not, so the boy said ‘then why did Mr. Smith tell sister that she had to come closer so he could speak with her, then he put his lips to her mouth instead of her ears?’”
The entire room burst into laughter, and Iris made sure that hers rang out the loudest. They were mocking the silly structured rules of the high-born people, and while there was little humour to be found in the situation described in the silly tale, Iris found laughing at the rules rather than obeying them much better.
At least she did not have to follow them herself, that made them much easier to mock.
“Oh, you like that one?” Matthew nodded appreciatively at her. “Wait until you hear the jokes I can come up with after a glass or two of ale.”
“Actually.” Iris’s cheeks flushed and her heart thundered all over again as she decided to do something very brave. She had once overheard one of her father’s friends telling him a joke, back when she was still seen in public. She didn’t understand it at the time, and she wasn’t totally sure that she did now, but if she wanted to fit in and she wanted these people to like her, then maybe it was time. “I have a joke myself.”
“Ooh, I hope it is a naughty one!” Matthew exclaimed.
Iris thought it might be. “Marriage is designed to keep women out of mischief, and to get them into trouble!”
As everyone bellowed into laughter, Iris let out a breath of relief. Maybe now she could actually be seen as one of the gang, she could be included which was all she ever wanted.
“That is very true!” someone agreed. “And very funny.”
“Good one, Daisy.” Alice patted her on the back. “Even funnier than Matthew’s joke.”
Even Matthew laughed and Victoria gave her a sweet smile. Her expression seemed to suggest that nothing would be the same anymore, and Iris took that to be a good thing. It certainly could not get any worse. Now, with Amy letting her in, and the other staff speaking to her as if she was worthwhile, Iris’s heart lifted and she felt herself soar higher than air. This was the happiest that she could ever remember feeling.
Maybe, just maybe, this was about to be the best day of her life.
“So, Daisy, tell us more about the home you worked at before,” Alice asked innocently enough. She couldn’t possibly understand how much that made Iris panic inside. “Were you there for a long time?”
“Just a short while,” Iris answered carefully. She wanted to be honest, but not too truthful. Even if these people would accept her, she couldn’t risk exposing Daisy. “But it was a home quite similar to this one. Maybe not as grand though.”
“What was the girl like that you worked for?”
Iris spotted Victoria’s eyes widen in a panicked shock. She tried to give her a reassuring smile, but the poor girl still looked stressed out. Iris was going to have to prove to her that she could keep up the façade by talking.
“Oh, well she was a lovely girl. A little troubled, at times, but overall very pleasant to work with.” She tried to combine herself with Daisy as she explained this, to create a caricature for the girl she worked for before. It was the closest she’d gotten to daydreaming in a very long time. “I feel like working with her has helped me to understand Amy a little better. I can anticipate her needs in a much quicker way,”
“You certainly have lasted the longest, and I haven’t seen anyone get through to Amy like you have.” Alice’s kind words touched Iris very deeply. It felt wonderful to know that her presence was welcome. “I think you have been a very good addition to the house. Amy is lucky to have you for a handmaiden.”
“Thank you very much,” Iris gasped with glee. “That is very kind of you to say.”
Eventually, other people made their way over to where Iris was sitting to speak with her. Alice had opened the floodgates, she had made it acceptable for people to be friends with Iris, and now everyone wanted a piece.
Iris was the center of attention, and for the first time in her life, she loved it. The eyes upon her felt nice, the words spoken to her thrilled her immensely, she had stepped out from her wallflower position and
it felt wonderful. Even Victoria came for a chat, and while they still had a lot of tension between them because of all the things they could not say to one another, it was much better than before.
As far as Iris was concerned, things were looking up.
* * *
As Iris lay in her bed later that night she couldn’t go to sleep even if she wanted to. Her brain was buzzing with excitement, her body shivered with happiness, she could not remove the smile from her face however hard she tried. This was the best that she’d ever felt.
Everyone liked her, they really seemed to want to be around her... it was amazing. The more relaxed she felt around the other staff, the more she felt like herself. Of course, she still had to be careful with what she said, but it felt wonderful all the same.
Maybe she would write Daisy a letter after all. She might not be able to send it today, but she would find out Duke Pembroke’s home address eventually. At least this time she could write something positive.
Iris twisted in her bed and she flicked on her tiny lamp. It would be a strain to write under such dark conditions, but she needed to get it out of her system now, while her brain was filled with it.
Dear Iris,
I hope you have found as much happiness in your new life as I have. I am enjoying my new position very much, thank you very much for organizing it for me. You were right, it is an enjoyable place to work. I have friends, a lovely lady to work for, and a warm and comfortable home.
Of course, I have not met the master of the house yet, but I do not believe that will change much. If he is away on business a lot, then I cannot see that his presence will affect anything. I can only hope.
I would love to see you again at some point, I am not sure if it is possible but if we could arrange it that would be lovely. There are many things that I would love to speak with you about, if the opportunity arises.
The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance) Page 14