The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance)

by Hanna Hamilton

  It was only when Amy left for her lessons that Iris’s mind took control. She sorted out the bed, tidied up the bedroom, took on mundane tasks that should have kept her mind occupied, but all the while she wondered. Where was Ewan? Where had he gone to think? Where was his mind set? What did he think about her now? Did he mean what he said, did he really love her?

  And most importantly, where would they go from here?

  * * *

  “Are you alright, Daisy?” Alice queried later on that evening. “I do not like to comment on appearance, but I have to say you look quite ill.”

  It might not have been a genuine sickness, but Iris did not feel well. How long did it take for someone to work out how they felt? She thought he would be back already, but Ewan had chosen to spend the night somewhere else. Somewhere away from her.

  “My head does sting,” she admitted, believing that at least this was a better way to pass off her jittery fears. “I think I might need to get a good night of sleep tonight. I have not been resting well.”

  Alice gave her an imploring look, Iris tried to keep her pale face as blank as possible. She could not deal with any more questions right now; she really did feel unwell.

  “Yes, maybe that is for the best.” There was something in Alice’s tone, Iris could tell that she understood more than she was giving her. “Just remember I am always here. You have friends.”

  “Th... thank you...” Iris stammered tearfully. “I really do appreciate that Alice.” Even if you would not feel the same way if you knew the truth about me. “You are a wonderful person.”

  “Goodnight, Daisy.”

  Iris turned before she could weep and she made her way into her bedroom. The fact that she had been given privacy in this house was wonderful, it had helped her out on so many occasions. This would be another one of those times.

  She wanted to grab hold of the letter that had been burning holes in her pocket for hours and she wanted to read through Ewan’s words until she could not think anymore. It was wrong to want him, she hated to be so selfish, but she could not help herself.

  He was the prince charming that she had spent her life dreaming about. She even had a bit of ‘damsel in distress’ about her. Okay, so it wasn’t ever as she imagined, but there was a sense that she needed rescuing. She certainly needed him to come back to her. She would not feel safe again until he was here, by her side in whatever capacity he wanted to be.

  Come back to me, Ewan, she thought as she ran her eyes over the words in front of her. Even if we cannot be, come back so I know where you are. I feel so much better knowing where you are.

  The fact that he could be anywhere in the country was awful, even if he had promised to keep the truth to himself. It was not that which concerned her anymore, it was him. She did not want him to go mad with the truth. She never meant it to destroy him.

  Chapter 34

  Days passed, so many that Iris began to give up hope. Every time someone walked through that front door she felt an intense rush of happiness, but it had been crushed so many times now that she was starting to lose all idea that this might turn out well. She had no idea where Ewan was, and it seemed he did not want to reveal himself anytime soon.

  Maybe she really had pushed him over the edge.

  She carried on in the best way that she could, focusing only on each task as it presented itself to her. One step at a time, it became a motto of hers. It was only during the night time, when she had nothing to think about but the letter, that things really got to her. That was when her brain went crazy, and she began picturing all kinds of terrible things. She just was not sure what she was supposed to feel without Ewan here, how on Earth could she imagine what he wanted in the future.

  Actually, she felt like she might go insane herself.

  Until, it happened, on a dreary Tuesday where it felt like nothing good would ever happen again.

  When he finally did come back it was almost unexpected. Iris had spent so long convincing herself that he wasn’t ever coming for her, that it shocked her when he did. When Amy came to Iris with the news it almost felt like a joke. She nearly laughed, except for the fact that her heart had jumped painfully right into her throat.

  “He... he is here?” she stammered, clutching onto Amy’s arms. “Has he said anything yet?”

  “Nothing as yet, he simply raced into his office and locked the door behind him.”

  Iris nodded as if she understood this, but it did not quite compute with her brain. If Ewan was back, then why hadn’t he come to speak with her immediately? He must have known that she wanted to know what he thought about things, either way.

  Before, Iris would have waited. She would have remained exactly where she was until he came for her, but she had an inner strength now that wasn’t ever there before. Iris didn't know exactly where it had come from, but for the first time, she truly wanted to utilize it.

  “I am going to him,” she told Amy decisively. No longer would she be weak willed, simply sitting back and waiting for things to happen for her. She had control of her destiny, should she so want it. “I am going to find out what is happening.”

  “Would you like me to come with you?” Amy asked excitedly. “I can ensure that he is kind...”

  “I will be fine,” Iris interjected. This was definitely one of those things that she needed to do by herself. “Thank you, Amy. I will come and speak with you afterwards.”

  There was a true decisiveness to her step as she walked towards her fate, a sensation that she had a control over her future. It did not matter what Ewan decided really, she simply needed to know how he felt so she could make a choice. He held her heart in his hands, but not her fate. Not all of it, anyway.

  Knock, knock.

  Her heart pounded as she banged on the door, but this time it was not with fear. It reminded her that she was most definitely alive, which was an incredible feeling really. It buzzed and hummed right through her, giving her a true confidence.

  "Come in," Ewan called in a knowing tone. As Iris pushed open the door he smiled. "Iris, I have been expecting you."

  “Is that why you did not call for me?” She could not keep the bitterness from her tone. “I assumed that you wanted to speak with me the moment you returned.”

  “Oh, I do.” He stepped closer with his arms open wide, but Iris was not ready to embrace him just yet. Realising that, his arms fell to his sides. Ewan had not wanted to hurt Iris, he just needed to work out how he could ensure everyone’s happiness. “I am sorry, I wanted to get everything in place before I told you, but since you are here I do not see any point in holding back.”

  “Right.” Iris nodded rapidly as she spoke. “So, what is it you have to share with me.”

  Her brained spun, expecting the worst. She had the feeling that he was about to send her off to another house, to make her start again. She did not want that; she didn’t have the courage. But she supposed it would be better than working the streets.

  “I have been planning our future together, a way for us to get married without hurting everyone else.”

  Iris’s heart lifted, then dipped. She did not want her hopes raised for nothing. “That is not possible, not unless I want to give myself up completely.” He would be worth it, Iris knew that, but she did not believe that it would work. She just had this intense feeling that if she gave up her whole identity everything would go wrong.

  “Wait until you hear what I have planned.” He indicated for Iris to sit down, but she couldn’t. Not until she knew which direction this would take. “We can board one of my ships, we can go to America to start a brand new life.”

  America... it was almost as if he could remember her wish. Iris felt exhilarated by the idea that she could leap onto a boat and she could leave all her troubles behind, but it was only a dream. Just like everything in Iris’s life, it would only ever be a dream. A wonderful fantasy where she got to see the world.

  “Americans live in a different way to us, we can find a brand new h
ome, one without expectations. Then it will not matter if I am Lord Oakley, or not. It will not matter if you are Daisy Jones, the maid, or Lady Iris Warwick. None of that will matter there.”

  Freedom. Iris could see the bird from the painting soaring in her mind. She could see the world below her, she could see it all. It was such a wonderful idea, it made her want to weep with glee.

  “But what about your life here?” she gasped, trying to make Ewan understand everything that he would be giving up. “What about your sister? Your home? Your business?”

  "My sister is at the age where she can choose her own husband, soon she will have a life of her own. My business can be managed by a third party. I have done the hard work now. It is time for me to live my life instead.” He stood close to her and reached out for her hands. Despite her better judgement Iris took them. “This could be our chance to have true happiness, this could be our happy ever after.”

  Iris wanted that. She wanted it so badly that it hurt. It was there, right in front of her, all she had to do was reach out and grab it.

  “But what about our families? My sisters? Their children? Your sister. Can we really just say goodbye to all of it?”

  “We can visit.” Ewan shrugged his shoulders as if it would be an easy trip to make. “We do not even need to remain in one place forever. We can travel the world, see all the places that you wish to see. We can do whatever we want to do. All I want is to be with you, to make you happy, my life is meaningless without you.”

  “I... I... I want to say yes,” Iris admitted. She saw no point in acting otherwise. “I want to agree to this, but it feels crazy.”

  “Crazier than switching with your maid friend?” Ewan mused playfully. “Everything that you have done is crazy.”

  “I know, but this... this is turning our backs on everything.”

  Ewan’s face fell. He felt so certain that Iris would love his idea, that was why he spent such effort making it all happen. But of course, he had left her behind with no clue about what he wanted to do, maybe she just needed some time.

  Iris let go of him and she moved away. They needed to think smart, it did not matter only what they wanted. No one got to live their lives only in that way.

  "It does not have to be immediate," he told her reassuringly. “First, I need to speak with Amy, then I need to arrange a ball for her so she can choose an eligible man for herself. Then, I assume you will need time to speak with all your family members too. There is no rush, this can be done slowly. I just want us to have a chance.”

  “Time,” Iris panted. “Time.” Time to make a decision, time to say her goodbyes, time to adjust to the thought of a brand new life. “Thank you.”

  Ewan cocked his head slightly as if he was going to kiss Iris, but he seemed to think better of it at the last minute. He seemed to understand that space was a part of her time, which he felt compelled to give her.

  “You go,” he instructed. “Go and think things through. I will call Amy in here to speak with her about my plans. I am sure you want to discuss it too, but I feel like the initial news needs to come from me.”

  “I will think,” Iris promised Ewan. “I will think this through, I promise you that.”

  “I know you will.” Ewan took his seat finally and he gazed at the woman he loved. He knew that love for him would not be simple, but he did not expect it to be so complex either. “I just hope that you come to the same conclusion as me. Our love is worth something, it is worthwhile, it is worth fighting for. Do not see it as giving up. See it as grasping on to something new.”

  “I will,” Iris promised, wishing that she could see it as he did.

  “We are simply too much for the stiff English society rules.” Ewan smiled, wanting to remind Iris of their first meeting. “That is why we are always breaking them.”

  Iris smiled secretly to herself, loving that they had an inner joke just for them. The dance, the rule breaking, the rebellion... it all started from there.

  “I will speak with you soon, I promise, Lord Oakley.”

  * * *

  Iris waited on Amy’s bed while she was in her brother’s office, reeling from the news. This was an unexpected turn of events., if she had even had an incline where Ewan’s head was at, she might well have stopped him.

  But was he right? Was this their one chance at happiness? Did they have to leave the country to make things right? If they moved to America, no one would know who they were, no one would expect anything from them. They could simply live in some little brown house somewhere, staring out over the rolling countryside. They could just be happy... Iris and Ewan, with children running around at their feet. Maybe things were different there, maybe they didn’t need to be a certain way to give their children chances.

  “Oh, Iris,” Amy cried out as she returned to the room. Her face was tear stained, but she had a bright grin on her lips. “Iris I cannot believe it. Ewan just told me everything.” She dived on the bed next to her friend and wrapped her arms around her. “I shall be sorry to see you go, but you deserve this happiness.”

  “What about you?” To Iris, leaving Amy behind was one of the biggest problems. “What shall you do?”

  “I hope I will be married soon, once I have picked out a nice man.” Amy giggled coquettishly. “My brother wants to hold a ball for me, and he said I can have complete control over who I marry.”

  Iris noted she did not sound unhappy at all, it seemed that she was looking forward to choosing her husband. So much so, that she was willing to say goodbye to her brother.

  “Well that is wonderful news,” Iris replied smilingly, with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I am so happy for you.”

  “Are you going to go?” Amy asked while burying her face into Iris’s neck. “Ewan said that you were unsure?”

  “It is not a simple decision to make, that is all. I need to think things through.”

  “While you are thinking, will you help me to prepare for my ball?” Amy asked coyly. “I know that is a lot to ask of you, but you have given me the confidence to get this far. I do not want to do this alone.”

  “Of course I will!” Iris was glad for the distraction. Nothing could happen until that was complete anyway, so something else to steal her attention was exactly what she needed. “The first thing we need to plan is your dress.”

  Iris hoped that with time, clarity would come, and she also prayed that she was brave enough to make the decision that she wanted and smart enough to ensure that it all worked out alright...

  Chapter 35

  The ball was happening; Iris could hear the wonderful music pouring through the hallways as she stood to one side in her maid’s uniform. Again, she had to blend into the background, again she didn’t want anyone to look at her, again she had the sense that something huge was about to happen.

  There was so much about this night that reminded her of her own ball... the only thing that had changed was her. Iris was strong now, Iris was powerful, ironically, Iris knew herself better than she ever did when she was a Warwick.

  She still had not made up her mind about where her future lay, but she had an inner confidence that she would make the right choice in the end. She could feel it, brimming within her.

  “Amy looks very happy in there,” Ewan commented as he found her hiding away in plain view. “She is talking to the very eligible and respectable Lord Taylor in there, and I think I see something shining in her eyes.”

  Iris nodded happily. She knew all the names on the guest list because she had gone through it extensively with her. Unfortunately, due to her years spent indoors, Iris did not know many of them but it was not too hard to find out the reputations of people.

  Lord Taylor was known as an extremely handsome, very pleasant young man. The sort that Iris wanted Amy to choose... not that she would ever give her any advice on the subject. Whoever Amy chose was totally up to her.

  “Do you approve?” Iris asked cautiously. “Do you think that he is a good match?”


  “It does not matter what I think?” Ewan shrugged his shoulders and grinned. “The choice is not mine, after all.” He paused for just a beat. “But yes, I do approve.”

  “Good.”

  Iris angled her head up towards Ewan and she delved deeply into his piercing green eyes. They bore into her soul once more, unravelling her entirely, only this time he knew everything. There were no secrets anymore. He saw the truth to her and she liked that sensation.

  “I still cannot believe that you have never attended a ball like this of your own,” Ewan told her smilingly. “The way that you dance deserves to be seen by the world.”

  “Oh, I do not think the world wishes to see me dance,” Iris teased in a more playful manner than she had spoken in a while. “After all, I do not know how to do the steps correctly.”

  "I think we both know that is not true," Ewan acknowledged the fact that Iris was, in fact, a Lady who had surely been taught at some point in her life. "But dancing freely is the way that I like, remember?”

  Ewan held out his hands to Iris, sending her delving backwards into the past for a moment. The flip flops, the sparkles, the electricity... it all came rushing back to her. She recalled exactly how she felt that night when she was terrified of being discovered, and this man gave her a wonderful distraction.

  He changed her in that night, she just did not realise how much.

  “Come on.” Ewan cocked his head to one side and he gave Iris a playful smile. “For old time’s sake?” I know that no decision has been made, but we can share another moment, can we not?”

  In her maid’s uniform, the moment was as deliciously taboo as it was the first time they danced together. It brought all those old feelings rushing to the surface, and Iris found them utterly irresistible.

  There wasn’t any harm in one more dance... was there?

  Iris took Ewan’s hand and he spun her rapidly making her giggle loudly. Then he curved his hands around her waist and he pulled her close. As they moved in time to the music, that this time they could hear, Iris found her lips twisting up into a big, bright smile.