by Coleen Kwan
Robbie’s photo looked best on the bookcase just above the stereo equipment. Nate stood back and surveyed the living room. Without a weekly cleaning, the place wasn’t exactly pristine. There were crumbs on the cushions, a sweater slung over an armchair, newspapers scattered on the coffee table, but he liked the clutter. It was beginning to feel like home now, a proper home. Not just somewhere to crash or to impress people, but a place where he felt at ease and comfortable with himself. Picking up his glass of wine, he raised it in salute toward Robbie’s picture.
“Hey, big brother. Looks like I belong here after all.”
Is that wine you’re drinking? He could almost hear his brother gently scoffing at him. You must be going soft.
Maybe he was going soft. Because it was after eight, and he’d showered and eaten and had his favorite CD playing, but he felt out of sorts because Ally wasn’t with him. He’d planned to ring her, but the surprise visit from Duncan Grey and his stepson had changed his mind. When Ally saw Robbie’s picture she’d start asking him more awkward questions about his brother. Not that he had any secrets to hide, but he wasn’t used to divulging his inner feelings to another person, let alone the woman he was having incredible sex with.
He had friends, of course. But they were all Sydney friends who’d only known the city him, the smooth-talking, successful Nate Hardy, whereas Ally knew him from way back when. She knew what he’d been like, had suffered firsthand from his youthful arrogance. So if he confided in her about how he felt about Robbie, how would she react? Would she laugh in his face? He didn’t think so. Ally had every reason to hold a grudge against him, but she didn’t. She was generous, open, and…loving.
His chest constricted with sharp longing. Before he could register his actions, he’d already set down his wineglass and scooped up his car keys from the hall table, but then he stopped. What was he doing?
He pulled in a breath and dropped his keys back in the bowl. As he did so, he noticed his hands weren’t quite steady. Damn, he really was going soft. He’d never been this enthralled by a woman before, but Ally wasn’t just any woman. She was special to him. How special, he was only now beginning to realize. When they’d started their affair, he’d been quite happy with the no-strings clause, but not anymore. Casual sex was what the old Nate Hardy had sought, but now he wanted something different, something more permanent and fulfilling. He wanted to share his whole life with Ally, not just his bed. And he wanted to be an integral part of her life, too. He wanted to be the man she was proud to be seen with, the man she’d be happy to take along to her family gatherings.
The tremble in his hands intensified. As much as he wanted more from Ally, the idea of commitment made him jumpy, but he couldn’t avoid the truth any longer. Suddenly everything made sense, and the whole world looked different to him, as if he’d pulled on a pair of tinted glasses. Rose-tinted glasses, wasn’t that what people called them?
He glanced at Robbie’s photo again. “You’re going to laugh at me again, Robbie. I just know it. But it can’t be helped. I think I’ve fallen in love with someone. Yeah, me. Can you believe it?” He let out a soft snicker and dragged his fingers through his hair. “Suddenly I want her to be with me all the time. I want to go to sleep with her every night and wake up to her every day.”
He shook his head. What the hell was happening to him? Here he was by himself, talking to a damn photograph about love. Moving back to Burronga had definitely changed him.
…
Don’t run, walk, Ally admonished herself as she hurried up the path toward Nate’s front door. But her legs had a mind of their own, bouncing up the porch steps as if she were high. For God’s sake. She didn’t want him to think she’d been missing him in any way, even though she could hardly go one hour without thinking about him. Annoying how Nate had taken over her thoughts recently, especially after the last time they’d been together, when he’d gone to the aid of his neighbor—so out of character for him—and afterward become all evasive when they’d started talking about his brother. Each time she learned something new about Nate she realized he was far more complex than she’d assumed. There were shades and nuances to the man that he kept well hidden.
She paused at the front door to fluff up her hair before lifting the knocker. After closing the gift shop, she’d spent a good hour on her appearance, blow-drying her hair, putting on mascara and lip gloss, choosing a floaty chiffon blouse to go over her tight-fitting jeans. Not that it made much difference what she wore when she went over to Nate’s place. Usually they’d order a pizza or Chinese takeaway to go with a glass of wine or beer, and then they’d dive into bed, tearing at each other’s clothes. So primping herself was probably a waste of time, but when Nate opened the door and flicked his gaze over her, the glow of admiration in his eyes made her feel like a gamboling puppy.
“Gilding the lily just for me?” He arched an eyebrow teasingly. “I’m honored.”
“I had some time to kill.” She faked a nonchalant shrug, drinking in the sight of him. His crisp, dark hair was still sleek from his shower, and he smelled tantalizingly of soap and shaving cream. It wasn’t fair how he could just wash, shave, pull on jeans and a shirt, and look divinely sexy. A small, rough-coated dog stuck his head out from behind Nate’s legs and gave her an exploratory sniff. “Is that the same vicious cur from the other night? He’s like a lamb tonight.”
“Yeah, Porkchop is a changed dog.”
A spicy Asian aroma wafted over her as she moved into the house. “You’ve already ordered from Golden Palace?”
“No. Tonight we’re having a proper meal I cooked from scratch.”
He ushered her into the dining room where an oval table was laid for two. Elegant white china, stylish cutlery, crystal glasses, linen napkins. Napkins. What was going on here? They’d never used the dining room table before. Usually they sat in front of the TV to eat.
“Is this a special occasion?” she asked.
A strange expression filtered through his tawny eyes. “Does there need to be a special occasion? We don’t have to gobble down bought food on the couch every time, do we?”
No, but this felt different. The table settings and the home-cooked meal made this feel almost like a real date. Christ, there was even a silver wine bucket on the sideboard. The only thing missing was a pair of candles.
“You’re right.” She slid into the chair he held open for her, telling herself not to read too much into everything. “This is nice. What’s on the menu?”
“Baked snapper with chili, ginger, and basil. It’s just about ready, so why don’t you sit here while I bring it in?”
A few minutes later he brought out the aromatic fish together with a side dish of green beans, carrots, and daikon. As he moved between kitchen and dining room, the dog followed faithfully at his heels. She heard him talking to the dog as he led it away to the laundry room before he returned by himself with an expensive-looking bottle of Riesling. The wine sparkled in the crystal glasses, the fish smelled appetizing, and Nate sat across from her, the perfect attentive host. She should have been pleased, but instead a growing unease slowly bubbled in the pit of her stomach.
“So how is your neighbor doing?” she asked, eager to keep the conversation light. “Is she coming out of hospital soon?”
“Not for a while. She’s been moved to a rehabilitation unit, and she’ll be there for a couple of weeks, at least.”
“And you’re looking after her dog all that time? That’s very generous of you.”
Shrugging, he lifted a forkful of fish to his mouth. “It’s not that hard looking after him. I’ve been taking him with me on my jobs. So far it’s working out.”
She frowned, suddenly reminded of something she’d glimpsed when she arrived. “I noticed her front garden looks tidier than usual. Have you been mowing her lawn for her?”
He grinned. “Not me. My thirteen-year-old friend Oscar’s been hacking through Mrs. Bennett’s jungle.” He related how Oscar had come to be labo
ring for him after school hours. “He hates the work, but he doesn’t have much choice, and he knows he’s getting off lightly.”
“So now you’re trying to reform teenage delinquents?”
He lifted his broad shoulders. “Hey, if anyone knows about being a teenage delinquent, it’s me.”
The butterflies in her stomach wouldn’t settle. Why did Nate have to turn over a new leaf so completely? Why couldn’t he retain some of his old vices so she could remind herself he was no good for her?
“Fish too spicy for you?” Nate’s gentle rumble broke through her milling thoughts.
Belatedly she realized she’d been drawing patterns with her fork instead of eating. “No, it’s delicious. I guess I’m not very hungry, that’s all.”
As he set down his knife and fork, she saw he hadn’t made much of a dent in his food, either. Studying him closer, she noticed the faint tightness in his shoulders, the strained line of his mouth. It seemed he, too, wasn’t fully comfortable tonight. It was as if he was holding something back. Disquiet crawled through her. Was Nate about to break things off with her? The possibility jagged down her spine like a cold saw blade.
She grabbed her glass and took a gulp of wine, desperate to hold onto her self-control. It all made sense now, why they were sitting at a table across from each other instead of cozily cuddling up on the couch. Maybe this was all standard procedure for him. After all, he must have ditched a lot of girlfriends in his time, and she wasn’t even a girlfriend, just someone he’d slept with for a couple of weeks. She’d thought the sex was amazing, but maybe he had tired of her, and now he was bored and itching to move on to the next thing. The wine soured in her belly, but somehow she kept her face straight. When she’d first fallen into bed with Nate, she’d always known this day would come, only she hadn’t realized it would arrive so soon. But now that it was here, she told herself she could deal with it, just as she’d always assured him—and herself—she could.
“Ally, we need to talk.”
Even though she’d braced herself, his words still pierced her. She drew in a breath and focused all her attention on the golden liquid shimmering in her glass.
“Fire away.” If she could just concentrate on the wine then she would be all right. She wouldn’t break down. She wasn’t the same girl who’d fallen to pieces when her fiancé had jilted her. She was strong, tough, durable.
“We’ve been seeing a lot of each other this past fortnight.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And the sex has been crazy good.”
“Mm-hmm.” Her lungs didn’t seem to be working. She couldn’t breathe in or out.
He paused. Somewhere outside a dog barked. “Ally…” She heard the whoosh of his breath expelling. “Can you please look at me while I’m talking?”
Her neck cricked as she forced herself to meet his amber eyes. She couldn’t interpret his expression, but there was a contained tension about the way he held himself, a reined-in strain on the planes of his face. Of course, he wasn’t as callous as she used to think. Even if he was the instigator, he didn’t enjoy breakups. Who did?
“You were talking about sex, right?” Beneath the table her knees were pressed together, bone against bone, a trembling barrier against her threatening emotions.
“Yeah…” Leaning against his chair, he tipped it back, balancing it on its rear legs. “It’s been crazy good for you, too, hasn’t it?”
This time she could only nod, her ribs aching against her hammering heart. He bent forward, the chair legs thudded onto the floor, and she couldn’t help flinching. Resting his elbows on the table, he fixed his gaze on her.
“But it’s not enough for me,” he said.
“Not enough?” Confusion jostled her thoughts. “Oh…what are we talking about here?” She ran the tip of her tongue over her dry lips. “Blindfolds, cuffs, whips…?”
Fire flared in his widening eyes before his shoulders vibrated with brief amusement. “Now you’re giving me ideas, but that’s not what I meant!” His face sobered up fast. “I mean I’m tired of this hole-in-the-corner affair between us.”
I’m tired, he’d said. I’m tired of us. Her knuckles cracked as she dug her fingers into the table and shot to her feet.
“Okay, I get the message. You could have just told me when I arrived, you know. You didn’t have to do the whole wining-and-dining thing.” She spun round, blindly searching for her handbag.
His chair scraped on the floor as he stood, too. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m getting out of your hair, just like you want.”
Firm fingers closed around her elbow, whirling her about to face a taut chest.
“Did you even hear what I said?” His breath grazed her cheek.
She pulled her shoulders square, swallowing hard as she lifted her chin. “I always knew this was just a temporary thing, so you don’t have to worry. I’m not about to break down in front of you just because you want to end things.”
He swore softly under his breath. “Will you just listen instead of gabbing on? I don’t want to end things. I want the exact opposite. I want to take things—us—to the next level.” His eyes burned in a way she’d never seen before. The force of his words buffeted her like a giant heat wave, stealing all her breath.
A lump rose in her throat. “What do you mean?”
He dug in the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small red satin pouch. “This is for you.”
She fumbled with the drawstring before she managed to extricate the contents. It couldn’t be… “A key?”
“The key to this house. I’m asking you to move in with me. What do you say, Ally?”
Chapter Fourteen
The sliver of strength that had been keeping Ally upright collapsed from under her. Her knees started to buckle. She grabbed onto the nearest solid object available—Nate.
“E-Excuse me?” The hand she threw out onto his shoulder still held the key he’d given her. The imprint of cool metal against warm flesh seared her palm.
Slowly he reached for her hand. “You heard me, Ally. I’m not satisfied with a quick roll in the hay with you anymore. I want something…less transient.”
Less transient? “But I thought… The way you were behaving tonight, I thought you were ready to break things off.”
“You did?” He laughed. “Call it nerves. I’ve never asked a woman to move in with me before. I don’t know if I’m doing it the right way.” A smile wavered on his face, and like a shock of cold water it hit her that under all that rock-solid confidence he really was nervous. Nate Hardy, nervous? Because of her?
She swallowed hard. “So why are you doing it this time? Why me, Nate?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His brows lowered over eyes clouded with inhibition. “Because we’re good together,” he answered, his voice slow and rough. “There’s no bullshit between us. We get each other.”
Her brain wouldn’t stop spinning in shock. “Right now, I don’t get you at all. You’re Nate Hardy. You don’t ask women to move in with you.”
“In the past I didn’t, but now I want to. And I want it to be you.” He was still holding her hand, and now his fingers curled around hers, folding the key tightly into her grip. “Your family thinks I’m a no-good bastard who’s just out to use you and toss you aside, but they’re wrong. I’m going to prove them wrong. I’m your guy, Ally, and you’re my girl. There’s no denying that.”
Panic kicked up in her. She dragged her hand free. “What, so you’re doing this just to prove my family wrong?” She shook her head. “I told you before, Nate. I’m not some poor victim here, and I don’t care what my family or anyone else thinks about our fling.”
“I don’t mind being called a bastard if I deserve it, but I do if I don’t. Maybe you’re the one out to prove a point to your family.”
She backed away from him, but he just kept coming toward her until her heels jarred against the wall. The hesitation had melted from
his face, replaced by a nerve-rattling doggedness.
“Is it because you object to living together with me?” His hands brushed against her shoulders. His touch was light, but still it sent a powerful vibration through her. “I understand if it’s too fast for you. We can take things slowly if you like. You don’t have to move in straight away. But I still want you to have the key. I still want you to think of this place as yours, too.” Leaning in, he started to play with her hair, winding a curl around his forefinger, his touch resonating with possessiveness. “Say something, Ally.”
“I—I don’t know what to say.”
“Is it too fast? It does seem insane, I guess. It’s been less than two weeks. But I feel like I’ve known you a lot longer.” His tone was low, husky with emotion matched by the melting toffee depth of his eyes. “You know me. I’ve never been one to hang back. When I see something I want, I go after it.”
The lump remained wedged in her throat, but she managed to get out, “And you want…me?”
He breathed in and out slowly. “Yeah, it’s crazy, I know,” Nate said with a chuckle. He stroked her cheek before resting his hands on her shoulders. “I came back to Burronga searching for a new life, a new me. I wasn’t looking to get involved with anyone, let alone you, but it’s happened.” His chest rose as he hauled in air. “I’m not afraid to put everything on the line. I want you, Ally. I want you in my life twenty-four-seven.”
The fire in his eyes sucked the oxygen from her lungs. Alarm crawled over her and worked its way down her spine. How could she have got it so wrong? She’d thought he didn’t want to see her again, and she’d been close to collapse, but now she felt as though she’d shatter into a million shards.
Because at that moment she realized she was in love with Nate. Head-over-heels, desperately, achingly in love with him, but she couldn’t hand her heart over to him. She could take him tiring of their brief affair and wanting to move on—because she’d prepared herself for that eventuality—but this was something altogether too scary, too real. Love was messy, all-encompassing, too big for her to deal with. And loving Nate was a hundred times worse. He’d talked about wanting her in his life, but he hadn’t said a word about love. He liked her, lusted after her, but he didn’t love her. Not the wild, do-anything-for-you, bone-melting love she felt for him. Maybe he didn’t know how to love her, didn’t even believe in that kind of love. How could she bear it if she gave her heart to him only for him to break it? She wouldn’t survive him, not Nate.