by Marie Tuhart
“You could go to jail for a very long time.”
“Only if I’m caught.” He flashed her one of his killer smiles. “Besides, you wouldn’t testify against me, would you?”
“In a split second.” They had driven out of the suburb of Millbrae where she lived and were on the freeway headed south. The usually heavy highway traffic was light today. Just her luck.
Within fifteen minutes, they were at the San Carlos airport. Nicki blinked. Oh dear Lord, Adam had gone off the deep end. The car stopped. He hopped out then helped her out.
“Don’t make a scene, or I’ll kiss you senseless in front of everyone.”
And he would. She fumed and held her tongue as they walked into the small terminal. Adam talked to one of the people there then he guided her out onto the tarmac to a small plane.
“Oh no,” she whispered, staring at the plane.
“You’ll be perfectly safe.”
“By whose definition?” The blood began to pound in her head as they boarded the small jet. Nicki barely tolerated flying on commercial airlines, but this toy plane made her wish for a parachute or at least a pair of wings.
“My definition.” He grinned down at her, trying to ease her fear. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
There wouldn’t be much he could do if the plane crashed. The thought caused her to trip over her own feet as they boarded the plane.
“Easy.” Adam guided her to a seat and helped her put the lap belt on when her hands shook. He kissed her nose when he finished. Then he took the seat next to her.
The door closed and the engines started. The plane vibrated. Her hands closed over the armrests, her fingers digging into the fabric as the plane began to glide forward.
“I promise it will be okay.” He pried the hand closest to him off the armrest, and enfolded it in his as the plane picked up speed for takeoff.
Nicki didn’t begin to breathe normally until the plane had stopped climbing and the plane was level. Outside the windows, the sky was clear, the ride smooth.
“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Adam squeezed her fingers.
“It—” She looked down at his hand at the half-moon impressions her nails had dug in his skin. “Oh God, I’m sorry.” She ran her fingers over the marks.
“I never knew flying frightened you this much.”
“It’s not flying, just take offs and landings.” She took a deep breath. Was there enough oxygen in the plane?
“How did you stand flying all over all these years?” He frowned in concern.
“Truthfully?” she asked, and Adam nodded. What did she have to lose? “I’d close my eyes and picture you sitting in bed, reading the morning paper. It would keep me occupied until the plane was in the air.” She blushed as the vision of Adam’s naked body filled her mind. She tried to banish the memory. Such thoughts were fine when she was alone and frightened. But with Adam sitting right next to her, they were downright dangerous.
“I remember those mornings.” His fingers stroked her arm, causing shivers of excitement to dance over her skin. “And the way you’d distract me from reading what the gossip mongers were saying about us.”
“I hated the way you reacted to them.” It had driven her crazy that he’d get so upset over what they were writing. Ninety-nine percent of it was made up.
“No one calls my wife a third-rate actress.” His expression grew fierce, his eyes gleamed with retribution.
Nicki shook her head. A tabloid journalist had once written an exposé on her being a scream queen, and while she had shaken it off, Adam had taken offense. “The story would have faded away if you hadn’t threatened to sue.”
“I had asked them to retract the story.”
“Asked.” Nicki let out a laugh. “Demanded is more like it.”
“You never understood my outrage, did you?”
“No.” She shifted in her seat. “Where is this cabin?”
“Someplace where we can talk with no phones, no Internet, no one to disturb us.”
“And where is that?” Her anger had eased, and she was filled with curiosity. She was tired of fighting. Fighting Adam. Fighting her love for him.
“Patience, my dear.” He squeezed her hand as the plane began to descend.
Unable to deny her curiosity, Nicki looked out the window. The grandeur of the Sierra Mountains greeted her. She closed her eyes as the plane continued down. She couldn’t stand to watch anymore.
The wheels hit the ground, and Nicki flinched before breathing a sigh of relief. She was on the ground again. The plane taxied then stopped.
Adam reached over, released her lap belt, and she found herself staring into his classic features. There was something different. He looked relaxed. She hadn’t seen him like this since right after they were married. Holding onto her elbow, he guided her off the plane and to another waiting car. They were on the road quickly, and all Nicki could do was watch the scenery go by.
Lake Tahoe, nestled in the valley of the Sierra Mountains, was the perfect place to get away from it all. The California side held ski runs, small motels, and cabins. The Nevada side held big hotels, casinos, and marriage chapels. It was beautiful here, and while the town bustled with life, a cabin in the woods would be isolated. Frankly, the thought of all that quiet and nature appealed.
“You’re very quiet,” Adam said.
“Just thinking. The forest and mountains are so…peaceful.”
He grinned, pride glowing in his eyes. “We’re almost there.”
“You planned this trip with Chris?”
“Yes, although in our scheme, you were eager to come here. I’m glad you are looking forward to it now. Sorry I forced you. I was following my gut. I really believed it’s what you needed. We need.” He reached over and ran his finger down her cheek. Awareness followed in its wake.
The car turned onto a small dirt road. They were still on the California side, but it was remote. A wooden cabin came into view, set back among the pines, and it made Nicki’s heart pang for the cozy homecoming feeling.
The vehicle stopped. Adam helped her from the car and he took the two small bags from the driver. Before she could speak, the driver climbed back into the car and left. They were stuck without transportation.
“How long are we going to be here?” What was he thinking? If something happened to one of them how would they call for help?
“Until we work out the problems we’re having.” He opened the cabin door and gestured for her to enter.
“That could take a year or two.” She pushed past him into the dim interior. The coolness of the cabin raised goosebumps on her arms. “What about the film?”
“Pretty much done. Pete can handle what is left.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t understand the question.”
“How long are you giving up directing? If I give our marriage a chance, are you going to bail when the call comes in for your next big film?”
“There is a chance for us.” He shut the door and began opening the shutters on the windows. “I’m trying to make things better for us.”
“Better?” Sudden anger worked its way through her veins. She put her hands on her hips while watching him putter around the room.
“Yes, better.”
“This isn’t some poorly written script you can fix by hiring another writer. This is our marriage. Our life.”
He turned and stared at her until she squirmed. “I will not argue with you. Come sit down so we can talk this out like adults.”
He was throwing her own words back at her, and she didn’t like it. But he was right. Anger wasn’t the emotion she needed right now.
She stomped over to the sofa and flopped down on it. “All right. Talk.” She took the small pillow and held it in her lap as she tucked her legs underneath her.
Instead of sitting down, Adam prowled around the room like a caged leopard. He opened his mouth, but nothing emerged. Cramming his hands into his pants pocket, he stared at
her.
His smoldering scrutiny sent flames licking through her. She refused to look away. Instant heat always burned between them. His face tightened, and a nerve began to tick in his jaw. Nicki could practically see his brain fighting, trying to come up with the right words.
But she didn’t want the right words. “Just talk to me, Adam.”
Adam started pacing. He couldn’t help it. There was so much on the line. He finally stopped and looked at Nicki.
“I can’t let you go.” The words rushed from his lips. He fought against the images of Nicki laughing, and walking away from him.
Yes, the cabin was remote, but he wouldn’t leave them without some form of communication for emergencies. Plus he’d instructed the driver to return the day after tomorrow.
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.” Damn it. His gaze darted away from the question in her eyes. Why couldn’t he get the words out? He’d rehearsed them. Maybe that was the problem.
“Can’t or won’t say the words.”
“What difference does it make?” Why was she asking him questions?
She let out a sigh. “Until you can get past the cold emotional block you’ve put up, we don’t have a marriage.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” He didn’t know what else she wanted. “I let Pete take over when I should be putting the finishing touches on the film.” His gut tightened as he said the words. Was that sacrificing enough? “What else can I do to prove I’m committed to you?”
“I want you to let me in.”
“You’re in.”
She frowned. “Why are you so jealous and distrustful?”
“I…” He had no idea.
She smiled. “I know it’s not easy. Did someone betray you? A woman?”
Was that it? Things were different with Nicki, and he didn’t think it had to do with that woman. “No. It’s just. I can’t stand the thought of—”
“Okay, you need to trust me. Step one. Can you do that?” she asked.
“Yes, of course I trust you. I always have.”
“That means believing me when I tell you something.”
“I do.”
Her eyes narrowed to slits.
“Okay, you’re right. I didn’t. I mean I do. But, hell, I don’t know. It makes me crazy thinking of you with another man.”
“You have fierce self-control.”
That was a compliment, right? Unsure, he nodded, watching her closely. Where was she going with this?
“Then use it to control your feelings of jealousy and distrust.”
She was giving him instructions. “I can do that.”
“It won’t be easy.”
“I don’t need easy.”
She laughed, and her beautiful face lit up like the sun. A smile cracked his own chapped lips, and the constriction in his chest eased.
“Next, don’t leave when the going gets rough. If you don’t know what to say, sit beside me. Just be there.”
“Okay, but you, too.”
She nodded. “Yes. Me, too. Finally, don’t work all the time. That’s running away too. Make time for us. And not just play time. Meals, dates, watching TV. Maybe a dog we can nurture together.”
A dog, not a baby. It was a start though. He’d enjoy taking care of a dog with her. He nodded. “Okay. Anything else?”
“Speaking of work.” She shifted closer to him. “I want you to understand that I’m the one who needs to make the decisions where my career is concerned. I will discuss them with you, but it has to be a decision we discuss and both agree to.”
“Why did you take the part in Caroline? It’s such a departure from what your normal jobs.”
“Chris had me read the script while he was doing auditions for the male lead. Samantha Collins was supposed to play the female lead, but when Chris noticed she kept coming onto Michael, he knew he needed someone else.”
“And you read for the part?” he asked.
“Yes. Chris asked me to try. He was desperate, and I really liked the part.”
“I didn’t even know you’d read for Hans until Chris told me you were the lead female.” All things had changed when Hans, the previous director, had quit, and Chris had hired Adam.
“I made Chris promise to keep it quiet until filming started. I didn’t want it getting out.” Her lips turned up. “If it helps, Chris didn’t tell me he’d hired you as the director until the day he put me on the plane for the Oregon set.”
Adam shook his head. Chris was playing matchmaker. Why hadn’t he seen it before? “I think I owe Chris a steak dinner.”
Nicki gave a little laugh. “I kept it quiet because we fought so much about my work. I didn’t want you hearing about it and getting upset because I was doing the film.”
“And because I argued with you, you stopped confiding in me.” Damn, he’d been such a fool. Now he could see how he’d stifled the enthusiasm and spirit he loved in her.
“Sometimes. But a lot of it was my own stubbornness.”
“You are an incredible actress. I wanted so much for you.” He cupped her chin in his palm. “Why did you fight me when I tried to get you better jobs?”
“Because you never asked me. You just went out and arranged it for me. Or demanded I do other parts.”
No, he hadn’t asked her. He’d arranged each reading for her, only telling Nicki to show up for it. Each time he did so, she told him no thank you. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted.”
“I heaped my expectations on you.”
“And I allowed it. I never told you how I felt about you trying to get me jobs.”
“I never gave you the chance.” He rested his forehead against hers. So many regrets for both of them.
“I needed to prove to myself and others that I didn’t need your name to get me parts. Instead of telling you to let me stand on my own two feet, I just stopped arguing and did what I wanted.”
“The less we argued, the more I pushed. I couldn’t stand your silence.”
“I wasn’t silent very often.”
“Not even in bed,” he teased. Color swept up her neck and into her cheeks. It amazed him every time she blushed. “Why haven’t you taken another acting job? I know you’ve had offers.”
“Because I always wanted to try my hand at costume design. With Miralar hiring me, there’s no reason for me to act.”
“Why now? Why not six years from now?”
“Because before Caroline, I’d already planted the seeds of my costume designing. Miralar had my designs. I was waiting for them to make a decision. I’d been doing a bit of designing on the side, and people really liked it. I’m happier designing than I ever was in front of the camera.”
“Why did you walk away after Caroline was finished?” It still bugged him she’d left the day after they finished filming.
“Two fold.” She held up one finger. “You were more interested in your film than me.” She held up a second finger. “You’re crazy jealous over Chris and Michael. We weren’t talking, either. Things were back to worst. I didn’t see a future.”
“I was jealous over any man who came near you.”
“And there was no reason.” She gazed up at him. “Once I married you, there was no one else. I need you to trust me. You know what to do now. Control those emotions. But don’t control the good ones.” Her big blues eyes appraised him. “I wish I knew what caused you to have this unreasonable jealousy. Then it would be easier for you to get past it.”
Her compassion hit him in the stomach. Why hadn’t he trusted her more? His father’s words began to rise and this time he didn’t push them away. No more hiding.
“Do you know how I got this scar?” His fingers traced his scar.
“Tell me,” she whispered, leaning forward.
Every time she had tried to ask, he shut her down. Time to get it out on the table, whether or not it was relevant. “I was twenty-two, riding high on my first directing job. I was at some bigw
ig’s party. I don’t even remember whose it was now.” The bitterness he’d bottled up washed away under her warm, blue gaze. “Anyway, I’d been dating this woman for about three months. We were both celebrating that night. We went back to her place and had sex.”
Her warmth surrounded him as she curled her arms around him.
“Well, we’d just finished, and someone started clapping.”
Nicki stiffened.
“She had lied to me. Told me she wasn’t involved with anyone. It was her husband.”
“That bitch.”
A smile curved his lips. “To say he wasn’t happy to see me there is putting it mildly. He was pissed as hell. But apparently, she’d done this before.” His hand trembled as he remembered that night. “He broke the champagne bottle and came at me. He caught me in the face before I could lay a punch. The woman was screaming, and I hit the floor, blood pouring from my face.”
Nicki’s fingers covered his against his scar. “What happened?”
“I must have passed out. I woke to the paramedics, the police and the coroner.” A shiver passed through his veins. “He’d killed her and left me for dead. I was lucky to escape with just the scar.”
“Oh my God.” Her body trembled. “If you had died, I never would have met you.”
“True.” He gazed down at the woman he loved. “Here’s the thing. Women have always come on to me, but after I got the scar, they only did it to improve their careers. Many women told me it didn’t matter, but it did.”
“You met a lot of bitches.” She framed his face with her palms.
“Yes, after having so many of them lie.” He shook his head. “I was lucky that no one close to me knew how I got the scar. I’ve never told anyone else until now.” Even now, he could see the disgust in his father’s eyes and the pity in his mother’s.
“Why do I have a feeling there is more.”
This time, he didn’t bother to hide his bitterness. “Yeah, I went to visit my parents. My father told me no woman would want an ugly, stupid man. And I should just accept I was a failure.”
“Bull shit.” Nicki’s lips touched his scar and for once, he didn’t flinch. “That woman lied to you. Broke your trust.” When Adam went to pull away, Nicki entwined her arms around his neck. “No, Adam. This scar is a part of you. Just a small piece of the man I love.”