by Susan Hatler
Witnessing her paranoia felt like looking into a mirror. Was mistrusting Ethan this irrational? “Kate could’ve posted online that she had business in Sac, then Noah called. Knowing who initiated the call isn’t evidence that he’s doing anything sketchy.”
“I know it’s not enough evidence.” Rach swallowed, then glanced up at us slowly. “That’s why I cracked the password on his credit card account.”
Ellen’s eyes bulged. “You what?”
My mouth dropped open, and I covered it with my hand. Seemed like I’d unwittingly unleashed the private investigator in Rach. “How’d you manage that?”
Probably not important, but my curiosity had gotten the best of me.
Rach wore a sinister look that I actually found a little intimidating. “He only has two email accounts, and he used his home email address. His password was harder to narrow down. Took me until two in the morning to nail it. It’s his favorite sports team plus his birth date backwards.”
I hid behind my one-page menu to ward off the daggers Ellen was shooting me with her eyes. Although I was the unlucky recipient of Ellen’s scowl, I had to agree with her. I’d created a monster. And it was scary.
The waitress came over and we ordered the usual.
I cleared my throat, thinking of how to say this gently. “I know I told you to keep your eyes open, but cracking Noah’s password might be going overboard. Imagine how you’d feel if he did that to you. I think you should try talking to him instead.”
Ellen let out a sigh of relief. “See? I told you, Rach. You’ve gone off the deep end and need to come back to reality. Like Kristen finally has.”
Her expression told me she wasn’t too convinced of my sanity though, and I was insulted. “What makes you think I’ve gone off the deep end?”
A horselaugh escaped her mouth. “I don’t think you’ve dived off. I know it. Gina knows it. And Rach knows it, too.”
My mouth dropped open indignantly, and I rolled my head in Rachel’s direction. “You, too?”
Rach put a hand her chest. “Well, you seem like a different person since you found out about Jake.”
My friends had turned on me. That’s all there was to it. “I’m the same person. Just more cautious.”
“You’re hiding.” Ellen’s tone was gentle when she said this. “It’s like you’re afraid to make any decisions in case it’s the wrong one.”
I leaned back in my chair, and crossed my arms. “Two days before my thirtieth birthday and I find out what my friends really think of me.”
“We think the world of you, girl.” Rach seemed offended that I’d think otherwise. “Why else would we tell you to snap out of it?”
My brows came together. “What?”
It was Ellen who spoke. “Start making decisions that move your life forward. We’ve all been screwed over at one time or another, but it’s like you’ve given up.”
I shook my head. “I’m rebuilding my life.”
“By keeping a distance from what you care about.” Ellen put a hand on my arm. “Your career. Dating—”
Straightening my spine, I said. “I went on a date last night.”
Both of their jaws nearly hit the floor.
“What? With who?” Ellen said.
I bit my lip. “Ethan. Really it was more of a non-date.”
My diversion had worked, but they seemed way too excited about my weak mistake.
“What’s a non-date?” Rach blinked, as if confused. “Is this some kind of dating foreplay thing, like when Gina and Chris pretended to be girlfriend and boyfriend just because they couldn’t admit they were hot for each other?”
“No.” I shook my head, adamantly. “It was just dinner and wine on a boat and . . . we may have kissed.”
Rach squealed.
Ellen’s hands flew to her cheeks. “How was it?”
“I’m not doing it again.”
We paused for a moment while the waitress set our meals down in front of us.
“Thank you,” Ellen said, then wrinkled her nose. “Not good, huh?”
Remembering the feel of Ethan’s mouth on mine gave me chills. “Oh, it was amazing.”
Her brows came together. “Then why won’t you go out with him again?”
My eyes burned. “So I don’t have to stay up all night cracking the password to his emails.”
“It was his credit card account.” Rach pointed out.
“Whatever.” I imagined Ethan cheating on me and my heart broke a little, and I didn’t even love him yet.
“I trust Henry with all my heart.” Ellen’s green eyes stared at me first, then at Rach, and finally her mouth curved upward. “I’m pregnant.”
Rach’s squeal was piercing. “You are?!”
“Congratulations,” I said, watching Rach throw her arms around Ellen.
I couldn’t help but think about all the ups and downs Ellen had gone through with men. So many, she’d resorted to scanning endless profiles from Sacramento’s Detailed Dating website to try to find her perfect match. Then she’d met Henry at the most unlikely place: a dog obedience class.
For Ellen and Henry, it’d been love at first sight. Four months later they were married. Now she was having his baby. Tears filled my eyes.
I wanted to believe they would last.
Rising from my chair, I leaned over, and gave her a squeeze. “How far along are you?”
She opened her purse, pulled out a small piece of paper, and handed it to me. “Eight weeks. That’s Baby’s first ultrasound.”
Rach made a cooing sound. “So that’s why you had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. I can’t believe you didn’t tell us sooner.”
Ellen twisted a strand of her dirty-blonde hair. “Henry wanted to wait.”
I stared at the picture of what looked like a blurry, white fan, which illuminated a black oval, encasing a long clump of fuzzy white. “Your baby looks like a peanut.”
Ellen laughed. “He really does.”
Rach’s eyes widened. “He? I thought you couldn’t tell the sex for months.”
“You can’t,” I said, remembering all the pregnant couples I’d counseled, who were arguing because one person wanted to know the sex and the other didn’t.
“Kristen’s right.” Ellen gave a contented smile, then we spent the rest of lunch chatting about her baby plans, and how Henry kept massaging her feet every night despite her telling him over and over that they weren’t even swollen yet.
Henry was a sweet guy. And, in many ways, he reminded me of Ethan, who I could totally picture doting on his pregnant wife.
My mind immediately conjured up images of Ethan massaging my feet, his eyes intent and focused on me. On the walk back to the office, my imagination played more tricks on me. A picture flashed in my mind of Ethan, me, and a dark-haired little girl with mocha-brown eyes. We were on Ethan’s boat. Motoring across a lake. We were happy.
My throat tightened, thinking of all the pain I’d been through last December. Then I remembered Ethan putting the red and white life preserver around me last night, so I could rescue myself from drowning. My stomach sank.
If only they made tiny floatation devices to save the heart.
****
“Your list idea worked.” Chloe’s smile radiated, as she sat behind her desk just before five o’clock that day. “My dream had never been about a career. I’d worked hard in college and after to be able to support myself, but what I’d always dreamed of was having a family. Being with my kids and my husband is my priority. I gave notice today. We’re moving to Oregon in a month.”
“I’m really happy for you.” A warm feeling flowed through me, the kind I used to get when one of my patients had a breakthrough. “Is now a good time for me to explain what an excellent Human Resources Manager I would make?”
Chloe opened a folder, and pulled out a piece of paper. “I’ve already spoken with Rich Woodward. The job’s yours if you accept our offer.”
“Thank you.” I scanned two d
uplicate documents, noting the company’s expectations, the two-year commitment, and impressive salary. This was a very good opportunity with an awesome company, which was exactly what I’d been looking for. “Should I sign it now?”
“Absolutely.” She handed me a pen. “I’ll interview another temp for the reception desk, but I can have Ginger fill in if need be, so you and I can start training on Monday. I want to make this transition as smooth as possible for the company. Although . . . legally, you have three days to change your mind.”
“All right.” I signed and dated the acceptance letter, thinking about how odd her tone had been when she’d advised me of my legal rights. I handed her back one of the signed letters, thanked her again, then headed back down to the reception desk.
I should’ve been elated that I’d found a new career, one with a generous salary to boot. But, instead, I felt numb.
Ethan sent me a text, asking how I was doing today. I wanted to tell him about my new job, but I needed to keep my distance from him.
I waited the rest of the day for the excitement over my new career to hit me.
It never did.
****
When I got to Totally Fit that night, I gave my leg muscles a break by avoiding the weights before Zumba class. My legs were grateful, I knew, because after dancing an hour of cha-cha, salsa, and even hip-hop, they didn’t crumble beneath me.
Mel waved me over as she chatted with a woman after class. “Kristen, I’d like to introduce you to my sister, Kaitlin.”
“Hi, Kaitlin.” I smiled at the perky red-head, noting that Mel had referred to her as her step-sister when we were alone but as her sister in front of her. Interesting dynamic, and I was curious to learn more. Step relationships tended to be more intricate, and human behavior fascinated me.
Although I’m sure explaining medical benefits to new hires could be interesting as well. Or overseeing that the company adheres to employee safety laws, since carpal tunnel can be very painful. And coordinating vacation schedules might be fun, depending on where the employee was headed. Not that I’d get to go with them or discuss what historical sites they saw as part of my job description.
Huh. No wonder I wasn’t jumping for joy at my new career.
“Guess what?” Mel’s eyes lit up, and she put a hand on my arm as she spoke. “My bad dating streak seems to be over. Brad and I had an amazing time at the River Cats game yesterday, and he’s taking me out for a late dinner tonight. He’s so dreamy.”
“That’s great.” It seemed way too early to tell if she’d broken her pattern of dating commitment phobes, but I didn’t want to burst her bubble. If her own behavior’s the same, she’s likely to get the same results as before. “So, you like him a lot?”
“They adore each other.” Kaitlin put in, her hands coming together against her chest as if knowing they were an ideal match after only one date. “I saw them in action earlier, and he just gives off that good-guy vibe. Plus, he’s got a body like Vin Diesel. Yum.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “That cinches it, huh?”
“Speaking of yum, I’m gonna get cleaned up for my date. Wish me luck!” Mel wiggled her fingers at us, then bounced off.
“She has such a zest for life, doesn’t she?” Kaitlin gazed after Mel as if she admired her sister (or step-sister, as the case may be). “It takes major effort for me to exert half that energy.”
“Mel’s definitely got spunk.” I agreed, then checked the clock. “I’m going to hit the treadmill for a few minutes for an extra cool down. It was nice meeting you, Kaitlin.”
She gave a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You, too.”
When I arrived at the treadmills, I scanned the walkers and runners for a certain tall, dark, and muscular guy I’d rather avoid. Why did Totally Fit have to have the best location and rates in downtown Sac? Sigh.
Luckily, Ethan was nowhere to be seen. The twinge of disappointment I felt annoyed me, and I made myself walk thirty minutes instead of fifteen as punishment. His not being here was a good thing and while, okay, there a was massive amount of physical attraction, that didn’t mean anything. It was just chemistry.
It’s not like I was going to act on it. Again, I mean.
So why couldn’t I stop thinking about him? I tapped the button to end my cool down. As long as I kept my head on straight, I was good.
I turned to get off the treadmill and nearly slammed into the man waiting in line. He put his hands out to steady me, and when I looked up to say thanks, my voice caught in my throat.
“Hi,” Ethan said, his deep brown eyes peering down at me.
I swallowed. “Hi.”
He eyed me up and down in a way that made me wish I’d put on more than my fluorescent yellow sports top and tight black shorts which, while comfortable for dance class, made me feel way too naked under Ethan’s gaze.
There was a chill in his tone when he said, “You didn’t return my text.”
Hearing the hurt in his voice melted my defenses. “I’m sorry.”
He stepped aside, so the next person in line could claim my vacated treadmill. “I don’t want you to avoid me. We’re still friends, right?”
Instead of reaffirming I wanted to move to a galaxy far far away from him, I said, “Of course.”
The tension in his face relaxed. “I’m glad. I’d hate to think we couldn’t hang out anymore because of one slip.”
A slip? What was that supposed to mean? Not that I thought kissing me should’ve rocked his world, but . . . actually, yes, it should have. It’d sure rocked mine.
I gritted my teeth, and shrugged. “No big deal.”
“Good.” He started toward a treadmill that had just opened up. “I’ll see you soon then.”
“Okay,” I said, as he walked off.
How infuriating. Here I’d been (unwittingly) picturing our future together all afternoon (and most of this evening), and he thought of it as a slip? Whatever.
I started toward the locker room to shower, then spun around, and marched over to where Ethan had just started a slow jog. I tapped him on the arm, which was tantalizingly hard.
He looked down at me, and frowned. “Did you forget something?”
Yeah, I forgot to make my kiss memorable, apparently. My brows came together. “No, but, as a friend, I think it’s unfair that you’ve been dangling this secret over me all week. You need to tell me what it is.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “No.”
Argh! When had Ethan become so irritating? “Why not?”
He shrugged. “I’ll show you. But only when you finally admit you’re dying to see it.”
I inhaled deeply. Ethan Harrison was the most infuriating friend ever. But I could play his game. “Not only am I dying to see it, but I would strip down to my underwear and run naked through this gym to see it.”
Heat sizzled in his eyes, telling me our kisses had affected him, and he must’ve swallowed his tongue because he only made a choking noise in response.
Ha. “Great. I’ll meet you in the lobby after your workout.”
Satisfied, because he was gaping after me, I went to the locker room to take a shower.
A cold one.
****
After my shower in the locker room, I dressed, and was just about to zip out to the lobby when I heard a soft, mewing sound behind me. A row of lockers down, I found a slender red-head, sitting on a bench with her head in her hands. “Kaitlin?”
Her head snapped up, and she swiped her cheeks. “Sorry. I didn’t know anyone else was in here.”
Uh, yeah. There were several showers going right now and women lined up at the mirror grooming. “What’s wrong?”
She shrugged helplessly. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
Yeah, I’d said that plenty of times myself. “You can talk to me.”
Her eyes watered. “I got laid off. I’ve been trying to find work, but there is absolutely nobody in this entire city who’s hiring in H.R. right now.”
My entire body froze. “H.R.?”
She nodded. “Human Resources. I was the H.R. Manager at my old office. I loved my job, but the company combined the position with the executive assistant’s in order to save costs.”
A boulder formed in my stomach, and I dropped down on the bench next to her. “You loved it, huh?”
“Passionately.” She sniffed. “I’d been with the company for four years, knew the job inside and out, then when they didn’t need me anymore, they let me go.”
I felt my forehead wrinkle. “That’s awful.”
“Well, they did give me two weeks severance, but that’s long gone. Unfortunately, I don’t have much in savings so I’ll have to move back in with my parents until I can find a job . . . I don’t know, scrubbing toilets or something.”
Listening to this girl pour her heart out to me, and hearing how much she loved human resources (ick), a calmness settled over me. I knew what I had to do.
Putting a hand on Kaitlin’s arm, I said, “I know of an H.R. position that’s available.”
And just like that, I was drowning again.
Chapter Six
“You’re sure I can’t help?” I sat on a barstool at Ethan’s house, peering over the island countertop as he diced green peppers and onions for dinner.
I know I’d decided not to hang around Ethan, but why should I miss out on knowing this scintillating secret because of a few (delicious) kisses? I’m a grown woman, and I can resist temptation. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be a size four when my roommate stocks our kitchen with things like cheese puffs, donuts, cream cheese, apple fritters, and a freezer full of cookie-dough ice cream.
Thank goodness Ethan was a health nut like me. It’ll be nice to eat a well-balanced meal without having to watch Gina chow on chips with nacho cheese sauce.
“I’ve got the kitchen under control. But thanks.” Ethan chopped with precision, then dropped the veggies into a pan. “Finish telling me about the job you got, then gave away.”
“I’d rather hear you dish about this top secret whatever-it-is, and why you never show anyone.” I sipped the ice-cold sparkling mineral water he’d poured me. “At least tell me if it’s an animal, vegetable, or mineral?”