by Rachel Shane
When he finished reading, he quietly shoved the phone back into his pocket and turned his attention to me, face deadpanned.
I blinked at him. The blood whooshing in my ears drowned out the din of the cafeteria chatter. I picked up the sandwich in an attempt to jumpstart the world moving again.
Lonnie brushed his floppy hair out of his eyes. “There’s something wrong with your blog.”
I dropped the turkey sandwich and the bread splayed open on impact, revealing the guts that had been concealed inside. “What?”
“It’s not about me. You should correct that at once. Way more interesting subject, I promise.”
I let out a relieved breath. He didn’t hate me. Yet. “It will be. Just not for a bit.”
“Excellent. Then I’ll considering your blog as my first step toward being famous. Today it’s a blog entry about me. In the future, it’s a sold out concert and a Grammy win.”
“Since you’ve just given me credit for your impending fame, I expect free tickets to all your concerts and at least one new song written about me.” We both fell silent, so I added. “Emphasis on the new.”
He avoided my eyes and clacked his spoon against the tray. “Speaking of. What did you mean about the thing I lost?”
“Lara’s scholarship was revoked,” I blurted in a huff, nearly knocking over my water bottle in an attempt to grab it. I brought it to my chest like a shield.
He eyed me suspiciously as he took a bite of his mac and cheese. “Okay, Miss Subject-changer. I’ll play along this time, but note that this discussion is not over.”
The tension eased in my neck. “I snooped in her room last night.” I told him about the letter and the conversation I overheard. “But she’s going to classes.”
“Is she though? Or is that what your parents think?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but then clamped it shut.
“I’m assuming talking to her isn’t going to work,” he said.
I shook my head. We both knew what happened the last time I tried that at Ali’s party.
“And she leaves the house every day?”
“Yep. And I’m in school now, so she’s not trying to avoid me or anything. She would have the house all to herself on weekdays.”
Lonnie stole a celery stick from my baggie and pointed it at me. “It sounds like she’s scheduling her doctor’s appointments at the same time as her fake classes. That’s probably where she’s going.”
“Right.” I nodded. That made sense. Except she got caught by mom. And she still left the house this morning before I even got up for school. There was no way she had this many doctor’s appointments. Our insurance would freak. Still, I knew from her convo with Mom that she had an appointment with Dr. Shannon at ten A.M. tomorrow. It was a starting place.
“Back to this blog,” Lonnie said, gesturing toward his pocket to indicate his phone…I hoped anyway. “So where is this Finn character now? Out of the picture?” He scooped a few macaroni and cheese noodles into his mouth.
I wanted to answer no. But I could only answer yes. I’d vowed not to lie anymore, after all.
Lonnie wore a playful smile on his lips and just as he was about to say something else, his mouth flatlined on his face. “Uh oh. Now’s a good time to perfect that invisibility cloak you were working on.” His eyes focused behind my shoulder. The chatter in the cafeteria was no match for the stomping of heels on the linoleum floor, growing louder and louder.
I swiveled my head to see Denise Yee strutting shoulder to shoulder with Ali Montauk and Crista Finnochio. Crista spotted us first and whispered something she clearly thought was funny into Denise’s ear because she giggled at her own cleverness. Denise’s eyes flitted toward us in slow motion, as if she were afraid to look. Her eyes widened, and she secured a large Tupperware container under her arm as she amped her pace toward the other end of the cafeteria, not looking back.
I felt sick.
With shaky hands, I pushed myself from the table.
“Oh no,” Lonnie said. “Not again. Why do you love to abandon me so?”
“No abandoning. I have to go tell them”—I gestured with my head to where Denise and Ali sat down with the other dance team girls—”about the blog.”
Lonnie drew a finger across his neck. “Eek. Good luck with that.”
I focused my attention on placing one foot in front of the other and not on the group of girls laughing and chatting several tables away. Despite the noisy cafeteria, their laughter rose above, taking center stage. There wasn’t even room for an additional chair that I would have once occupied, like they’d sewn up the void so it never existed. I swallowed hard.
I stopped several feet away to wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. The girls were all reaching over to Denise’s Tupperware container and grabbing cupcakes with fluffy pink frosting twisting on top. She used to give me first dibs of her baked creations, crowning me her official taste tester for whatever new flavor she was working on. My stomach growled at the pink frosting that held a flavor I’d never get to try, could be raspberry, could be strawberry, or even something unexpected like cotton candy. Ali dipped her finger in the frosting, then set the cupcake down in front of her, pushing it back toward the Tupperware container. I’d kill for another bite of Denise’s cupcakes and she was just wasting one.
Crista’s eyes lifted from the other girls and rose to meet mine. There was no backing out now. I forced my legs to carry me toward the table, imagining the way Ali would have stormed up to me, or how Denise’s posture would have conveyed her poise and confidence. I snuck up behind them and folder over in a hunch as I tapped Denise on the back. The table fell silent, and all eyes turned to me. My skin prickled with pins and needles.
Slowly, Denise swiveled to face me, mouth parted, eyes wide in a mix of annoyance and fear. She snapped a lid on the Tupperware container and covered it with her backpack, if to hide it from me. Ali wore a smirk on her face, and I was sure there was an insult waiting behind her lips. She loved a good show, though what she really loved was performing in it.
“Can I—” I cleared my throat to sound more confident. “Can I talk to you a second?”
I didn’t clarify that my request was addressed to Denise and Denise only, but I didn’t have to. Her “no” was as final as the way Ali burst into laughter.
My face burned, and I backed up a step, tripping over some kid’s messenger bag, before I hustled back to my table, the echo of their laughter ringing in the air.
Lonnie offered me a frown. “I see that went well.”
I reached into my backpack and tore off a sheet of notebook paper, slapping it on the table as I sat down. “Plan B.”
I scribbled a note, saying none of what I wanted to say and all of what I didn’t. The note seemed so informal for a friendship that used to be communicated in eyebrow raises and lip purses. We never needed words to know what the other was thinking. Now, words were what separated us. But maybe if she understood where I was coming from, words could mend our friendship.
Denise,
I know you’re mad at me, but I owe you an explanation.
http://www.manhattanpreparatory.edu/~kfishbein/blog.html
Please read it.
-Kasey
“What’s Plan B?” Lonnie asked, craning his neck to peruse the note.
“The coward’s way out.” I tilted the paper to him. “I’m going to slip it into her locker. And then hope she tells the dance team about it.”
“You say coward, I say efficient. She wouldn’t hear you out in person, so you gotta do what you gotta do.”
I smiled at him in thanks, glad he saw it as progress. Because telling Denise wasn’t even the hard part. I still had to tell Lara.
GUISE WILL BE GUISE
Posted by Kasey at 6:01 P.M.
Tuesday, September 2
Current Past Mood: Flirty
SAT Word Of The Day: Incognito. Definition: the thing that got me into this mess
Shout out: Hi, Lonnie!
See Lonnie? I included a part about you. Now onto the important stuff (unless you are Lonnie and then the important stuff is coming later. So just hang tight.).
Finn spun around and waved as Hayden scanned the perimeter, trying to spot us.
“Oh man. You guys gotta check it out. That club is sick. And wow your sister can dance.”
“Oh, great.”
Finn let out his adorable laugh. My face blanched. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
“Anyway, we should go. I left Lara on the dance floor alone. Can’t let her get all the attention.” Hayden straightened—or messed up—his hair again.
I stood up, but before I left, I said to Finn, “Too bad you didn’t divulge any info. Because now I’m going to ask your brother and take what he says as the truth.”
“Aww, man. Well, listen. I just want to say the drugs were planted on me. I swear. And that body they found? Dead before I got there.”
“You’re such a dork.” Hayden messed up Finn’s hair with his knuckles.
There were only five people in front of us by the time we joined the line.
Hayden shook my arm to loosen it. “Stop shaking. Act cool.”
I straightened my posture. “Do I look eighteen?”
“No, you look guilty. Relax.”
The bouncer turned away a drunken girl at the front of the line. That wasn’t a good sign.
“So tell me about your brother,” I said. Hayden was even easier to talk to, but I knew that was only because I wasn’t trying to impress him.
Hayden made a clicking sound with his tongue and feigned shock. “What? You don’t want to know about me?” He leaned in closer. “I’m cuter.”
I gave him a dirty look attached with a telepathic message: Watch it, buddy. You’re supposed to be interested in my sister. “He told me his personality was ‘confidential’“ I lifted up my hands to air-quote and then froze in a Tyrannosaurus pose as I realized how dorky and un-eighteen-like that was.
“That’s just his way of not revealing what a loser he is.”
He seemed pretty cool to me. I glanced at Finn, who was busy flipping his room key over and over in his hands. “Is your brother this much of a player?”
“Nah, he’s the nice one. Nice guys finish last.” He winked.
“Well, I like nice guys.” I nodded my head forward. “Line’s moving. And don’t use these cheesy lines on my sister. She won’t fall for them.”
“Dude, I plan to wow her with my dance moves.” Hayden flashed the bouncer his card.
I snorted. “Good luck with that.”
“I like a challenge.” He walked forward, waiting for me by the entrance.
I tried to pretend this wasn’t the most terrifying moment of my life and put on my best Lara stare: far off into the distance as if something better captured my attention. The bouncer glanced at the photo, back at me, then at the photo again. My nerves ratcheted into high gear.
The bouncer shook his head.
I could feel the color drain from my cheeks. Now what? Hayden made an exaggerated frowning face before he turned around and reentered the club. I walked back to Finn with my head down. A spoiler alert warning blared in my mind: Finn would go inside, watch Lara, and then she’d have two boys fighting over her while I was left with none.
Finn clapped his hands. “Nice.”
“Great, there goes that idea. Hopefully you’ll have better luck.”
“I hoped you wouldn’t get in. Now I got ya all to myself.”
Deep down, I let out a sigh of relief. Because Finn wouldn’t see me dance and realize I wasn’t good enough.
He stood up. “So where to? Since you’re not old enough for the disco, we could check out Kiddie Kare and get you a babysitter.”
I glared at him.
“Just kidding. I have a better idea.”
We made our way to the open-air deck. The pool was covered and lounge chairs had been piled on the sides to make room for pedestrians. Calypso music blasted from speakers surrounding the main pool. Waiters carried trays of frozen drinks, and some middle-aged women danced in a large group in front of the band at the opposite end of the deck.
“I’ll buy you a drink. A legal one, unfortunately.” He pulled out his room key, which also acted as currency on the ship. “Well, actually, my parents will buy you a drink. What do you like?”
I shook my head. “Nice try. I’m not divulging any further info until I get some good stuff on you.”
“Ah. So Hayden was tight lipped. Nice. Hush money well spent.” He motioned for the bartender and ordered two sodas.
I leaned against the bar’s counter, watching the brown liquid splash into the tall glasses. “He did tell me something about you.”
Finn rested his hand on the counter. “Oh yeah. What’s that?”
The bartender set the two sodas in front of us and grabbed Finn’s card to swipe. I lifted the straw to my mouth, keeping eye contact with Finn and trying to keep the smirk off my face. I felt like an actress, playing the role Lara wrote for me.
He positioned the straw in his mouth, and sipped as well. We stared each other down. Finally, he broke. The straw twisted around the rim of the glass. “So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”
I set the glass down on the counter. The cool breeze whipped my hair around my face. “I don’t need to share this information about you. I already have it.” No need to tell him the info I had was that his brother thought he was a loser.
“Okay, let’s make a deal. We’ll trade, one piece of coveted info for another.”
His eyes shone from the reflection of the overhead lights outside, and his hair picked up a little of the shimmer. Cute dimples undulated as he talked that made his smile seem even brighter. I extended my hand to him to shake on it.
His fingers wrapped around mine, and his thumb caressed my palm. “If we’re shaking on this, it’s gotta be good. It’s gotta be something really confidential.”
I nodded. “You first.”
“Fine but not here. I can’t reveal my sensitive information in front of…” He jerked his head toward the bartender.
Finn twisted his hand and interlocked our fingers. He pulled me forward, and I grabbed my unfinished soda. We walked along the perimeter of the boat, our arms swinging between us. I was so proud of myself for the way I held my own in our flirting.
With Lara gone, I was able to shine.
He pushed me against the ship’s ledge, my back to the ocean, and spun his body forward against me. The wooden bar dug into my shoulder blades. Finn looked left and right before leaning in and whispering in my ear, “I’m not really seventeen. I’m actually thirty-five and work for the C.I.A. I’m here watching your family for, you know, confidential reasons.” He traced his lips along my cheek. The music disappeared under Finn’s whispers. All I could hear was his breath tickling my skin. The soft sensation of his mouth on my cheek sent chills down my spine and just as his lips were about to reach my mouth, he pulled back. The cool air hitting my cheek instead of his warm breath made his departure that more shocking. “Even being this close to you could get me fired.”
I placed my arm on the top of the rail and turned toward him. “I understand. After all, I’m the reason the C.I.A. is following my family. I’m on the run for—uh—well, I can’t tell you now, can I? You being the enemy, and all.”
He nodded toward the purse. “Oh yeah? Let me see your ID. As a C.I.A. agent, I need to verify your false identity for your protection.”
I opened my purse and handed him my high school ID. The one with the horrible picture of me when I was riddled with braces freshman year. Finn flipped it over in his hands. “Yep, that’s fake all right. So, Kasey Fishbein, what’s your real name? Bambi, I presume?”
“No, Bambi was my previous alias. My real name’s uh…” The word Lara waited on my lips, but instead I scanned the scenery for some inspiration. All I could see was the name of the ship, The Ocean’s Victory, written in large blue letters across a
sign above the slide. “Victory…uh. Victoria Cruise…”
His eyes followed mine over to the ship’s name. A smirk turned his dimples into deep canyons. “Quite a coincidence that your last name is ‘Cruise’ and you’re on one.”
“Well, I’m only on this cruise because it helps me get out of the country easier. When we stop in Cancun on the second to last day of our trip, I’m so gone.”
“What’s wrong with St. Thomas or Belize? We stop there first.”
I couldn’t remember the other ports, but I didn’t want to say that. Goosebumps popped on my arms from the cool breeze. “I’m wanted in those places.”
He laughed and grabbed my hand again. “You’re wanted here too.” We kept walking, this time toward the limbo party. “Well, Miss Victoria Cruise, let’s say we forget our old identities on this trip and be ourselves, you know, the people we’re pretending to be. You be Kasey and I’ll be Finn, the seventeen-year-old.”
But I didn’t want to be Kasey anymore. Kasey was no one. Kasey could never be someone like Lara. Maybe Victoria Cruise could.
“Kasey, come out already,” Lara yelled over the dripping water of the sink. “Have to check my email before we hit the pool and I need to tan before the audition later.”
Lara had petitioned Mom and Dad to take this ship specifically because this year’s cast of Next American Dance Star would be performing as part of their tour on the last night of the cruise. Lara hoped if she won the talent show, she’d impress the producers enough for them to cast year her in next season’s reality competition.
If anyone had the ability to impress them, it was her. If the producers were even on the ship. I wasn’t convinced.
“How was the club?” I emerged from the bathroom with a brush sticking out of my hair like a white flag, defeated by my knotty hair. It felt weird to see my sister ready before me. Usually I had time to run a marathon before Lara even decided on an outfit.
“Really fun.” She abandoned her magazine and grabbed the brush handle. “Hayden was impressed…and intimidated, just as boys should be. Hopefully some of the producers were there watching me dance.” She handed back the brush. “Come on.”