by Love, B. T.
“Well,” I continued, “when I pulled him over I didn't even recognize him until I saw his tattoos. He had the same exact ones from the photo. I pulled my gun and told him to get out.”
“But how is that losing your cool? Isn't that what you should have done?”
“No, I should have taken his license back to my car and called for backup.”
I hated talking about it. For one, I could see the distress on her face. I hated being responsible for that. And secondly it would be obvious that I didn’t keep my promise about being cautious at my job. I was even pissed at myself for how I handled it.
“Well,” she sighed, “what happened after that?”
“When I drew my gun and stepped back he opened his door and pulled out an AK-47. I didn't even see it in his car.”
“And he shot you first?”
“Yeah, in my side. Then I fired at the same time as when he shot and hit my chest. It was really close range.”
“And are you sure you killed him?”
“Yeah. His brains were splattered all over the side of his car.”
A nurse entered the room. “Mr. Brown, I can't have you talking too much; you're getting too winded and your lung isn't functioning at its full capacity. Give it a rest.”
Katie stood up from her chair. “I'm sorry,” she said. “Do I need to leave?”
What was it with this woman? All I wanted was for her to relax and plant her beautiful self back down so I could show her how much I needed her. I was still afraid she was going to leave me after all of this was over.
“No,” I pleaded to her. “Please don't go. I won't talk anymore.”
The nurse put an oxygen mask over my face. “Breathe, and listen to your fiancé. No more talking.”
The word fiancé socked me right in the bullet wound of my chest, but in the most delightful way possible. I remembered hearing her say that word when I was sedated; I thought I was hallucinating. Was I hallucinating now? I looked at her, my heavy eyelids lifting as much as I could manage to show her my surprise at hearing the term. Her slender finger came to her lips to shush me as the nurse left the room.
“Fiancé?” I finally got to ask. I was smiling; I couldn’t help myself.
“Hey, no talking,” she said. “Nurse’s orders.” She sat back down and sighed. “What am I going to do with you? You're the love of my life, and I almost lost you.”
I squeezed her hand. “Matt all over again.”
“Shush.” Her eyes traced around my face. It was heartbreaking, actually seeing the pain come to the surface and cover her traits, twisting them into something I had never witnessed before. I could see firsthand what she probably looked like when Matt was killed. I never wanted to see that look on her face again. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Matt all over again. And worse, in a way.”
“How so?”
“Hailey. She's devastated. It's like she's living the whole experience over again. She cares about you so much.”
My baby girl. “I know, and I'm so sorry . . .”
“Hey, no talking.”
I grunted; there was just so much I wanted to say.
“Well, you told me you would get the guy who killed Brad. I guess you kept your word on that, huh?”
I quietly watched her while spiraling into a bit of self-hatred, knowing that I in fact had kept the wrong promise.
“It's a shame it had to happen how it did, though. You'll have a couple of nasty scars, that's for sure.”
There she was, trying to make light of something once again. “Girls like scars,” I said, joining her in her well-known personality trait.
She laughed quietly. “You're right. Especially ones acquired from being a bad ass. You're so dangerous.”
“Dangerous. That's what happens when you keep the wrong promise I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
“I promised that I would find the guy who killed Brad, but I also promised you that I would be careful when I was out doing my job. I even remember talking to you about being well-trained. That's how I convinced you to be with me in the first place.”
“You didn't convince me to be with you. I wanted to be with you.”
“Do you still want to be with me?” The moment of truth. I needed to know if she would forgive me, if she would stay.
“Of course,” she smiled. “I couldn't leave you now if I tried. I'm too much in love with you.”
She rested her face against my hand. At that moment I felt relief that I didn’t completely destroy my relationship with the best woman who had ever come into my life. I stroked her cheek with my thumb. “I saw you.”
“Saw me? When?”
“When I was shot. I fell to the ground and radioed for help, and as I was laying there staring up at the sky I saw Tyler, and then I saw Hailey and then you. I just saw your faces smiling at me. Then some guy came over to help and I saw his face above me. He said it was going to be okay, but it, it was your voice that came out of his mouth.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I was in so much pain but as soon as I heard your voice the pain left. That's the last thing I remember seeing, his face with your voice.”
She looked surprised. “That's so strange. But I'm glad it happened; I'm glad your pain went away.”
“I heard you again before I woke up.”
“You did?”
I nodded. “You said you wanted me to hold you in my stare.”
She smiled against my hand. “Yeah, I said that. I was afraid I wouldn't ever see your beautiful eyes again. You heard me say that?”
I nodded again.
“Did you hear anything else I said? Or what anyone else said for that matter?”
“I remember things here and there. I can't say for sure if some of them were things I hallucinated or not.”
She sighed and closed her eyes. Her face finally looked calm as she relaxed against my hand. I wondered what she was thinking. I knew what I was thinking, I wanted to rip the I.V. out and tear the brace off of my neck so I could pull her onto my bed and hold her. I wanted to hold her for the rest of my existence.
I breathed in, filling my damaged lung with oxygen. “You like being called my fiancé, huh?” I asked.
She smiled and opened her eyes. “You heard that?”
“So you said it?”
“Yeah.”
“I was hoping that wasn't a hallucination.”
“Your mom told them I was your fiancé so they would let me in to see you.”
That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. “So it wasn't your idea?”
“No.”
“Hmmm.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
She looked irritated. “Oh, come on.”
“I'm not supposed to talk.”
Her face lightened. “Oh now you decide to listen?” she laughed.
“I guess I'm just bummed that it wasn't your idea to call yourself my fiancé.”
I knew her too well; she was hiding a smile. “Well I'm sorry if I was more concerned with your well-being than with what I was calling myself at the—”
“Do you want to be?”
“Do I want to be what?”
“Do you want to be my fiancé?”
She laughed and looked down at our hands. “James . . .”
“What?”
“You, you've just been involved in a life threatening incident. You don't have to propose to me just because you almost died.”
“I didn't propose to you; I just asked if you wanted to be my fiancé.”
She took a moment to look me over, but I could tell she was unsure of her answer. “Yes,” she finally said.
“Then marry me.”
“James, you're not thinking clearly. You're on pain medication and—”
“Stop, Katie,” I said as I took the annoying oxygen mask away from my mouth. I knew she was worried about my state of mind from being on drugs to control my pain. I had to prove to her that I was serious about every
word that was leaving my mouth. “Give me more credit than that,” I went on. “Do you really think this is the first time I've thought about marrying you?”
“I, I don't know.”
“Well, it's not.”
“It's not?”
“No, of course it's not. I'm in love with you; I've been in love with you for a very long time. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out the right way to propose to you, but maybe this is it. I just wish I had the ring with me.”
Her face lit up with a grin; that was the happy girl I was so used to seeing. “Ring?” she asked.
“Yeah, it's at home; I bought it a few weeks back. Now, the only thing I can't do right now is get down on my knee, so I'll just do it this way. Here, take my other hand.”
She smiled and took it willingly. “What are you doing?”
At this point my voice was wrecked, but I didn’t care. This was the moment I waited a long time for. I wasn’t going to let another second pass without asking her to be with me for the rest of my life. “Katie,” I whispered, “having you in my life saved me. Your voice took away the pain I went through, as it does in everyday situations I face. I have loved you as my girlfriend for too long. Now it's time for me to love you as my wife. Will you marry me?”
Those eyes. Now they were shining like I’ve seen them do so many times before. They looked as joyful as the night we watched fireworks on the Fourth of July; they sparkled just like the stars that were above us on our first date. Then she smiled. God, that smile; the same one she gives me after I make love to her. I could stare at her for days on end if she would let me.
She took her hand away from mine and slid the oxygen mask back onto my face. “Yes, James,” she answered. “I will marry you.”
She was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.