StoryTime: We met a woman, Rita, who told us about her friend Lucy bragging about having a wild time with a medical doctor in Vegas. According to Lucy, she met the doctor at the Caesar Palace pool. Lucy was in the adult section with her top off applying suntan lotion to her legs. All of a sudden, this guy showed up and wanted to know if she needed someone to apply lotion to her back. Before she responded, he said "I am qualified to apply lotion to the human body since I am a medical doctor." So he applied the lotion and later he applied the salami. Rita asked Lucy if she was sure that he is a doctor. Lucy said yes. He even gave me his business card. Rita just rolled her eyes and said nothing. Rita knew that Lucy wanted to live with the fantasy of making it with a doctor and she did not want to even consider the fact that he might not be a real one.
The moral of the story is the façade of believing is part of the fantasy.
Doggy Treat: As we stated, you don't want to give out your real identity unless you want the possibility of being contacted in the future. If you are still not sure, maybe you should look up the definition of blackmail, stalker, etc.
Step 5: Start loading your Toolbox
You need to start getting your list of items that you want to take to Vegas. Just make sure that you only carry what you need. In other words, you probably don't need a picnic basket when a few snacks are all you need. Oh, don't forget something for your breath. The Hounds regularly use mints whenever we have fishy breath.
Have you ever purchased a product that you have to put together? On the first page of the instructions is a list of tools that you will need before you get started. Everyone knows that you need the right tools to do the job right. Well, this is the list of tools that you will need before you start your trip. Unfortunately, instructions are sometimes not complete and they may leave something out. There is a possibility that the Hounds might also leave something out, but because of our exceptional knowledge and expertise it is very unlikely. It is a good thing that we don't have inflated egos.
As we stated in the introduction, this book is geared toward fulfilling your Vegas fantasies. With that in mind, we have some tools that you might consider.
Snacks
Bring snacks for your flight and hotel room. This will save you time, money, and hunger. The small bag of nuts that is tossed to you by the flight attendants is not enough for us hungry Hounds. It also makes us feel like a couple of monkeys in a cage. Plus we use snacks to lure our prey. How do we do that? Well, you are just going to have to continue reading.
Breath Mints
Another key item to place on your tool list is breath mints. When you go to your seafood buffet, you do not want that fishy smell on your breath when you meet your next prey. They may get a little jealous.
Condoms
If you have the notion of having a good time that involves sex, we suggest you bring condoms. It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman. For example, women should bring condoms in case her male partner does not have the common sense to bring any. We also heard that there are condoms for women. With condoms, size does matter. What about colors? We suggest going with bright colors such as hot pink, to enhance the mood. Of course, there is also texture. We suggest ribbed condoms. It seems to give the ladies a little extra squeal. The Hounds also enjoy decorating the room with condom balloons, but it scares the hell out of us when some of them have a slow leak.
Clothes and Accessories
When going to Vegas, remember it is usually hot. Therefore your clothes should include mostly shorts, t-shirts, bathing suit, and other warm weather apparel. If you are interested in visiting some of the snobbish clubs, you should also bring a "nice" outfit.
Your accessories should include your usual toiletries plus a hat, sunglasses, sandals, sunscreen, and of course your cell phone, and binoculars. We know what you are thinking. Why bring binoculars?
Cell Phone
You need a cell phone to keep in contact with the members of your travel group. Be sure to put a distinct sound on your phone when your significant other calls. You don't want to answer your cell phone when your significant other calls and mistakenly say "Hey Brenda, you should see this guy. He is hot and I bet he would love to have what I got." This is a big mistake and it is definitely going to put a kink in your Vegas escape.
The cell phone could also be used in case you get in a situation that you want to escape. For example, you are talking to someone and you want an excuse to leave. As soon as you get that urge to leave, just reach for your cell phone and say a few urgent words. Then tell that person that you have an emergency and need to leave now.
As mentioned earlier, if your travel group wants to split-up, you can keep in contact via your cell phone. If there is an emergency or you hit the big jackpot, and we are not necessarily talking about gambling, it is nice to know that there is someone in your travel group that you can instantly count on.
Binoculars
You want to use the binoculars for something that will get your blood stirring. To use the binoculars properly, you want a room with a view of the pool. Then you will use the binoculars to check out the sun worshipers. If you are a voyeur, you would have a field day if you can use your binoculars to see into other rooms. You could also use it to check other sites that may be viewed from your window such as the mountains surrounding Area 51.
Area 51 is real close to Vegas. Don't you want to see flying saucers? According to some people, this is where the government tested UFO technology found at different UFO crash sites. Perhaps, we are going off on a tangent. Who cares about Aliens? Let them fulfill their own fantasies, which we may describe in one of our other books. The Hounds understand that Martians are really into anal probes. Sounds like fun? The other day we were actually interviewing a Martian by intra-galactic cell phone; well, we should also leave that for the other book.
Step 6: Get your Boarding Pass
You already have your reservation, so now it is time to go online for your Boarding Pass. If possible, we recommend that you get your Boarding Pass 24 hours before your flight. If the flight is full, the Hounds don't mind having the nice looking flight attendance sit in our laps. You also need to be sure to have what you need to entertain yourself during the flight.
The Hounds recommend online check-in. Check with your airlines on the specific details. Once you check-in, the system may produce a boarding pass that you could print. Make sure you have a boarding pass for all the members of your travel group. Then you can head for the gate when you get to the airport unless you have any bags to check-in. That is another reason that the Hounds recommend that you only bring carry-on luggage.
Carry-on
There are other advantages of having just a carry-on. You do not have to worry about the luggage getting lost. Plus why do you want to wait on your luggage when you get to Vegas. Do you want to waste time? We think not. We like the freedom of walking off the flight with our luggage and not having to listen to stupid elevator music and watching people bitching as we all wait for our luggage.
Doggy Treat: There are some airlines already charging for check-in baggage. Now, there is talk about charging for carry-on luggage. The Hounds always recommend that you check with your airline.
Since you only have a carry-on, you can bypass the carousel luggage routine or dance. Now, you have saved extra time to get to your hotel earlier then those still at the carousel. The Hounds normally like to arrive early so we have a better choice of available rooms, familiarize ourselves with the hotel and the surrounding area, and of course go to the buffet so we won't be hungry later. We do enjoy eating and consider that as an arousing part of our vacation. As they say, you must keep-up your strength. For a couple of hungry Hounds, that is extremely important.
Doggy Treat: Travel light so you don't have to drag heavy luggage. When opportunity knocks, you want to quickly rise to the occasion.
There are many other advantages to taking only carry-on luggage on your escape to Vegas. Such as NOT having your luggage lost, NOT having y
our luggage destroyed (by the luggage gorillas), and NOT wasting time waiting for your luggage at the carousel. Remember, your Vegas escape is probably a short stay so time is of the essence and you don't need too much stuff.
Seat Assignment
Seat assignment is never a 100% guarantee. With some airlines, you can normally choose your seat when you purchase your tickets. There is at least one airline where you line-up prior to boarding based on a letter and number on your ticket. Then you choose any available seat as soon as you board. So go online and get your boarding pass as soon as it is available.
You must also consider where the restrooms are located. This is where passengers congregate waiting on the restroom especially on long flights and/or after a really good spicey meal. Even though most airlines do not allow a line for the restroom, a serious gas problem could change the rules. Do not be surprised if the oxygen mask above falls in front of your face.
You also do not want to be seated close to the galley. This could be a little noisy while the flight attendants are preparing the nuts and drinks for distribution.
Most airlines have a block of seats for last minute travel groups and/or people who need to be seated at the front of the plane. Then there is a possibility of 'no-show' passengers with prime reserved seats. If these seats are available, you might be able to snag one by flashing a sexy smile to the gate attendant a few minutes prior to boarding.
Another prime seating location is next to the emergency doors since there is a lot more leg room. Of course, you have to be an adult, physically fit, and able to toss out the trouble makers. The Hounds like tossing people but our paws always seem to grasp the ladies in the wrong spot.
Doggy Treat: We Hounds prefer either the window seat for the best view of the clouds, or the aisle seat for the extra room and easy escape when passengers depart, but never the middle seat.
Another advantage of the aisle seat is enjoying the old Elbow to Hip cha cha with the nicer looking flight attendants as they stroll by your seat. Of course, we usually have to stay seated a little longer after the passengers start departing the plane.
The very best seating is set aside for the spoiled privileged few in first class, like the Hounds. They are usually wealthy old men with their beautiful nieces. The Hounds have a lot of nieces.
Step 7: Arriving at the Airport
After car pooling your travel group to the airport, it is important to document that prime parking spot you found. You don't want to come back from Vegas and spend a lot of time looking for your car. The Hounds mark their spot the doggy fashion. It does draw attention from passers-bys and the security eye in the sky.
Car Pooling
If your travel group members live in the same general area, the Hounds recommend car pooling to the airport. This way if there is a car problem then everyone will be in the same boat. As an example, if there are 3 people from your travel group and they all drive separate, then you have triple the chances of a problem that could delay someone in your travel group from getting to the airport on time. Plus you have to pay 3 times more for parking. While driving together, it would be a good time to review your agenda and make sure that nothing is left behind.
Doggy Treat: You could possibly save time and gas by taking the longer route with fewer red lights. Anytime there are a lot of lights, the traffic normally averages a slower speed.
StoryTime: We heard a story about two guys who flew to Vegas. They normally take notice where they park their car but not this time. When they returned from Vegas, they went to the parking lot of a major airport where there are thousands of cars. One of the guys asked the other "So where did we park?" The other person just stared at his friend and shrugged. Fortunately, they had carry-on luggage that was not heavy and this happened on a nice spring night. They had no choice but start going up and down the rows. Finally an airport van pulled up next to them and asked if they had a problem. They were a little embarrassed to have to tell the driver about their situation. The van driver was nice and understanding. He stated that this is not unusual. The driver drove them all over the parking lot. The car was finally located. As they were leaving the parking lot, they made an agreement not to ever tell anyone about their parking situation. It was just too embarrassing. But they told the Hounds. We guess that this means that we are not just anyone.
The moral of the story is you must write down where you parked your vehicle. Keep this note in the same area where you placed your car keys and hopefully, you do not leave the keys on your dash. DUH!!!!
Flighty Food
As you are heading for the airport, we suggest that you make sure that everyone gets something to eat before you arrive. Have you ever priced food at the airport? You should have followed the Hounds advice and brought some snacks since most flights will not serve free meals anymore. If you could purchase one of their gourmet meals, it will cost you so much that you will probably have to float a loan to pay for it. Most airlines will toss a snack to you like a very small bag of nuts. We Hounds do not mind because it makes us feel like a catcher for a major league baseball team. The flight attendant winds-up and throws a knuckle nut bag at the Hounds. The Hounds are scrambling and fight off the competition for the catch. Then they bring us a mini drink to wash it down with. Of course nothing with alcohol unless you are willing to pay the price of a 12-pack for just one beer.
Step 8: Bend-over for a good scanning
The Hounds enjoy preparing for airport security. We prefer not to wear underwear so we can give security people a BIG surprise when they scan and frisk us. It is usually a thrill for all of us.
Security Scanner
There is a new scanner system that can see through clothing and reveal everything. Now, there are no hiding places on the human body, but maybe in the human body. This see-through clothes system could be at your airport now or coming soon. The Hounds hope that this new scanner system will not replace the pat-down which we also thoroughly enjoy. They promise that it only takes seconds for the scan and the image is not stored. Yeah Right!! There will probably be a new Internet site called 'Airport Centerfold'.
Doggy Treat: Before you go through the security scanner system, you have to take off your shoes. Therefore, wear easily removable, comfortable shoes. The Hounds also highly suggest that you have clean socks without holes. Duh!!
StoryTime: A famous NFL player who shall remain nameless decided to bring some suspicious substance through the Miami airport. It was hidden in a secret compartment of his water bottle. The Hounds suggest that this is not how a role model should act. Eventually he was somehow cleared of this wrong doing. Isn't it great being a famous sports figure where justice sometimes turns a blind eye to your wrong doings, but of course there is a limit. Justice was finally served when this same nameless player was thrown into the pokey for being involved in dog fighting. The Hounds are highly insulted over this unthinkable crime involving our brethrens.
The moral of the story is if you are a famous athlete you can lie, cheat, steal, take drugs, shoot yourself in the leg, and even be involved in murder, but don't you dare get involved in dog fighting. Always remember, the Hounds have friends in high places.
StoryTime: There was a woman going through security in front of the Hounds. When she went through the scanner, it went off. She had a small swiss knife on her. They said that she could not bring the knife through. They told her that she had to dispose of the knife before coming through the scanner or they would confiscate it. Realizing that her flight leaves in thirty minutes, she had no choice but to give security people the knife. We wonder where the knive really goes once it was confiscated.
The moral of the story is that you should have enough time in case something you're taking is not allowed. If you had enough time you can either mail that item back to yourself from a postal service at the airport or take it to your car in the parking lot. If you consider the item cheap, then maybe you should reward the security people with it.
Doggy Treat: You need to make sure that you ar
rive at the airport in plenty of time to check-in and go through security. You should also check with the airline for specific information about what you can bring in your carry-on and/or on your person prior to leaving for the airport.
Step 9: Free Ticket 2-Step dance
The Hounds will not do the free ticket 2-step dance on the way to Vegas. But we enjoy doing the free ticket 2-step dance on the way back from Vegas. You can always entice the Hounds with extra time in Vegas and the word free. You have heard of free love? By the way, we are excellent horizontal dancers, just ask the poodles.
Airlines tend to overbook their flights, which means that if most people do show-up for the same flight, they will probably have to do the old Free Ticket 2-step, meaning that the airline will have to give incentives for passenger willing to take a later flight. The incentive is normally a free flight but it could include additional incentives. If this situation occurs when leaving for Vegas, we Hounds would normally turn it down. We have some fantasies waiting to be fulfilled. On the other paw, if we were returning from Vegas, then we get excited when they offer the old Free Ticket 2-step. This will give us free tickets for another Vegas trip plus any extra time in Vegas is always a good thing.
StoryTime: The Hounds heard of a guy, after an enjoyable but very expensive time in Vegas, who was asked if he would volunteer for the free ticket 2-step. Since he was flying alone, he danced. He now had an additional 3 hours in Vegas. This time lady luck took a liking to him and he turned his last $10 into enough to pay for his entire trip. Even more good luck, when he returned to the airport to catch the new flight, he had another chance to volunteer for another free 2-step dance. He now had another 4 hours to try his luck again but this time lady luck had other plans. Woops!
Fantasy Fulfillment in Vegas - You Can Live Up To Your Imagination (Fantasy Fulfillment Guidebook) Page 5