by Bry Ann
“No, this is what Anatoli wants. Let her sleep. Then take her out today. Get her out in the world. Let her know later tonight Anatoli is okay. Let her just be normal today.”
“She will completely kill me when she finds out I knew he was okay and didn’t tell her.”
Tobias lets out an amused scoff. “And what? Humor you to death. Take the girl out. If you tell her she will want to be here drilling Anatoli. Let her live a bit.” He pauses. “This is Anatoli’s wish.”
Interesting. All Alex has talked about is how heartless this guy Tobias is, but if I didn’t know better I would say he cares. He is doing this to help Alex not turn out like him. “Got it man. Will do. Thank you for the update and… advice.”
“Mmm-hmm. Yep.”
Click. She really is going to kill me though. I groan and crawl back into bed. It’s amazing how natural it feels with Alex. How natural is has always felt with Alex. I wrap my arm around her again, and instead of sleeping I think about my plans for tomorrow. I want to deal something real. Not something extravagant. Alex gets to really live now. Freely. Although that is a very good thing, knowing Alex, it is going to be overwhelming for at first. To always have your survival instincts in play, to constantly be in fight or flight mode and then just nothing, well, that would mess anybody up. She is going to struggle. I want to show her why life is worth living. I want to show her the past is worth letting go of. She did that for me with Mia. I feel closer to Mia than ever. I feel I am doing right by her by living. That is truly what she would want; to see us all happy, but not be forgotten. Little did Mia know she could never be forgotten. That’s why I will always hold Alex a little closer at night. Why I will reach out to Blaze no matter how hard he pushes back. Why I will hold my mom close and never let her drown in sorrow. Why I will be a good mentor to those boys.
Because she would want me to. She showed me how to be a good human being without pretense. Me being angry dishonors her in the worst way.
Just like that the idea comes to me. I know exactly what I will do with Alex tomorrow. I smile to myself, because my plans are perfect. That happiness calms me like nothing else and I fall asleep and for the first time in a long while my body is relaxed and my mind is free of worry.
I wake up to the sound of laughing. I pop my head up and look in the corner of the room. Alex is sitting there in shredded capris, a ‘Don’t (WORD) with me’ tank top and converse. Her makeup is done unlike yesterday, and she is laughing at me.
“Were you going to sleep forever. It’s nearly 10AM?”
I rub my eyes and slowly sit up, careful not to reveal why I am so flipping tired right now. She can’t know about the phone call. “Big talk from a girl who nearly passed out on my floor yesterday.”
I see her cheeks turn slightly red, but her face gives no indication of her feelings. “Fair. Well played Rex Carter. Did you hear from Tobias?”
Ugh, the hope in her voice kills me. I hate lying but I know that, one, Tobias will actually be mad and mock me if I don’t do what he says. Two, getting out and not sitting in a hospital room after everything is probably best for her sanity. Plus, I am not keeping it from her that long. “Not quite yet, but it really hasn’t been that long, but look Anatoli has seen much worse injuries I am sure. He’ll be up before you know it.” Yeah, like now.
“Right. Yeah.” She fiddles with the hem of her pants, something she always does when she cares and doesn’t want to show it.
“I’m taking you out today.”
“I should be at the hospital with Anatoli. I'm sorry.”
“Let’s give Tobias and Anatoli their space today.”
“But…”
“But you know Im right.”
“No, but he took a bullet for me.”
“Alex,” I crawl out of bed and throw my pants on. I crouch in front of her and grab her hands. “We will go tonight. Let Tobias have his space.”
“He,” she sighs heavily. “Fine, but if he thinks I am a bad person or is mad at me I am going to hate myself and unfriend you.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Fine. I highly doubt any of that is going to happen though.”
“I’m just saying.”
“I hear you. Let me get dressed and get some breakfast and we will go. Have you eaten?”
“I mean… kind of.”
“I’ll make you breakfast too.”
“I mean not necessary I am fine. I had something.”
“Coffee. You had coffee.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Alex speak for ‘I kind of had food’ is I had something with zero calories but don’t feel like eating even when I should.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “Wow. We have been friends for way too long. Fine. Make me a freakin’ omelette. You win.”
“Oh so you have requests now?”
“Yes.” She rubs the top of my hair and stands up. I roll my eyes, knowing full well I am going to make her an omelette.
An hour later we are both dressed, fed and ready to go. She hops in the car first. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” I had already texted my boss and let him know I am coming in today. I had taken leave because of a family emergency. My boss has known me forever. This is a small town. He knows what happened with my mom, Mia and what my father did. The second I told him I needed leave he told me to take as much time as I needed. I am grateful for that, but I have missed my boys.
We pull up to the high school and Alex looks at me thoroughly confused. “Why are we at a high school? Are you going to make me volunteer or something. You aren’t trying to save my soul or some (WORD)?”
I laugh. “No. The soul saving “WORD” is on you.”
“Wheww, good.” She mocks wiping sweat off her brow.
“What am I gonna do with you?” I shake my head and get out of the car. Alex follows. When we are walking up to the building I throw a jacket at her. “You may want to wear this. A don’t (WORD) with me tee is not the most appropriate attire for here.”
“Well why didn’t you tell me?”
“I forgot. Sorry. The jacket will be fine.”
She rolls her eyes and throws on the black zip up hoodie I brought her. We walk in the high school and my boss/friend immediately greets me.
“Rex Carter!” he takes several long strides towards me and wraps me in a hug. “I’m so glad you are okay.”
“Thanks boss.” I wink. He hates when I call him that because we are good friends, but it's become something of a joke now.
Mike, my boss, glances over my shoulder at Alex.
“Alex Ray?” Mike looks back and forth between the two of us. Mike knew Alex briefly when we were kids. Like I said, a small town. I mean Alex and I were glued at the hip most of our childhood, but its been years since Alex has been around town.
“The one and only,” Alex responds, but I can sense her discomfort. Instinctively I walk over and squeeze her hand. Mike see’s the act of comfort and smirks.
“Ha! I always knew you two would end up together. Took you two long enough.” Mike looks positively thrilled about it. I can’t say I don’t either. Alex, on the other hand, is beat red. I laugh and Mike and I do some cheesy bro handshake. “The boys are looking forward to seeing you Rex. They’ve missed you.”
“They said that?” I cock an eyebrow. These are tough boys, most without father figures, who need mentoring.
Mike laughs. “No, but I can tell.”
“Oh yeah the football whisperer.”
“Damn straight.” I shake my head and go back over to Alex.
“What are we doing here?”
“You’ll see.”
I can tell she is pissed but I know this will be good for her when she gets off her high horse.
“So Alex,” Mike asks as we make our way down the hall. “What have you been up to since you’ve been gone?”
Both of us stiffen, but Alex regains her composure quickly, probably used to these types of questions in her life
. “You know me. Just causing trouble, messing around. Causing whatever mayhem I can really.”
Mike laughs. “How specific of you. What do you do? We’ve missed you around these parts. You are an easy presence to miss.”
I quickly look over at Alex. Her eyes soften and she looks conflicted. Her past, her child self, has to seem like ages ago. “Yeah, Im loud,” is all she says.
Mike catches her tone and looks back at me confused. I shake my head and he picks up whatever it is I just communicated to him. We make small talk the rest of the way. Finally, we reach the locker room. Alex takes two steps back.
“Uh, why are we at the boys locker room? Do I just wait out here or…”
“No,” Mike says. “Rex let me know you were coming. The boys know a girl is coming in. You are good.”
“I swear if I see anything…”
I cut her off laughing. “You won’t. Relax.”
Mike opens the door and slaps me on the back. “Glad you’re back buddy.”
I walk into the oversized locker room and am immediately swarmed by eleven boys. I laugh and greet each of them; Taylor, Tristen, Mario, Lucas, Peter, Frankie, Josh, Randoll, Guy, Michael and Renner.
My boys.
When we are done greeting each other they all turn to look at Alex.
She gives an awkward wave. “Hey guys.” Then she shoots me the death glare, as expected.
“We missed you coach,” Frankie says. He’s kind of the unspoken leader of the team. All these kids have had hard lives but Frankie takes the cake. Not only was his childhood brutal, he rose above and now exudes leadership. I forsee great things for him.
“I missed you guys too. More than I can say. I am glad to be back. Now, you know that this program is not just about football. Yes, we play football and I am your coach, but we do other things. We have gone to conventions, listened to Ted Talks, done volunteer work. Today we are going to do something a little different. Something I drastically underestimated until recently. Call this a little ode to me being back.” All the boys look at me curiously. “We are going to have some fun.” Now all the boys look confused. Like they had never heard of this concept of fun before. I feel stupid for not doing this sooner. These boys need fun just as much as they inspiration and hard work. “We are going to first show Alex here how to play football.”
“We’ll hurt her,” Peter jumps in. He’s definitely the cockiest of the players on my team.
“We aren’t playing for real. We are playing flag football. Besides, Alex is one tough chick. I have a feeling she will hold her own.” I look back at Alex and for one of the first times I cannot read her expression; awe, fear, anger, touched, I have no clue. I don’t like it. “Then we are all going to get lunch as a group. Mike’s gonna drive. Im treating. Sound like a plan.”
None of them say anything. They are all staring at me so utterly confused. Their idea of fun has always involved danger, and even that was in the past. They haven’t really had fun since they decided to change their life. I want to show them how fun the stupid (WORD) can be.
“Okay. Everyone outside now.” They all hop up and head out to the field. I have their respect so despite their hesitancy they will do what I ask. I have personally been there for every single one of them on multiple occasions. When the boys head outside I take the three seconds we have alone to talk to Alex. Im actually a little nervous but I relax when I see her face. She looks… soft. Touched.
“You are so good with them Rex.”
“They are basically my kids,” I laugh. “When Mia died and everything was happening with my mom this is where I went. This is the work I dove into. These boys have been there for me as much as I have been there for them.”
“I’m so touched you would bring me here. That you’d share this part of your life with me.”
I feel a smile creep up on my face. “You’re gonna have fun today.”
Alex goes to speak but Frankie appears in the doorway. “Coach, you gonna make out with your girlfriend all day or are you coming out to the field.”
Alex smirks. I knew she’d like this kid. I laugh a little. “Respect Frankie. I’m coming.” I throw Alex a ‘watcha gonna do’ look and we head outside. The boys all have put their flag on and are waiting for me. I put Frankie in charge of creating the teams. Of course he splits me and Alex up. He winks at Alex, the little brat. He can tell she is competitive and that I will be with ehr. He loves the idea of getting is coach all riled up. I love it too, and I love that he feels comfortable enough around me to do that. The kid I first met would have literally never done such a thing.
For the next, I kid you not, two to three hours we play. Hard. Not to my suprise Alex does not go easy on anyone and fits in right with the rest of the boys. We are all red faced and sweaty and laughing. I look across the field at Alex and she her sweaty, smiling and fist bumping Guy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more full inside. Finally when I see Alex’s legs get a little shaky and her breath get heavier I decide we should get food. The boys groan and complain about not wanting to stop, but I shoot them a hard look. I don’t condone whining on my team. Constructive criticism. Yes. Feedback. Yes. Expressing feelings. Yes. Whining. Yeah, that’s a hell no.
“We will play again if you all behave and get good grades. I will say though this is fun you guys can have on your own. This is the time of stuff that is stupid, but fun and keeps you out of trouble.”
Frankie and Guy, the two kids who have by far gotten in the most trouble in their short lives, seem to really think on this.
“Will Alex be there next time we play?” Tristen asks. I am a little taken off guard. Tristen is by far my most shy and emotionally ‘damaged’ kid on the team. He was locked in a closet a lot of his life and has trouble speaking out. His voice is high pitched and soft. I look at him softly.
“It’s up to Alex. I hope she will be there too though.” I smile back at Alex. She is looking at the floor and kicking dirt. Yep, she is most definitely hiding the tears in her eyes. I laugh to myself. That’s Alex. No one can ever know she has a kind heart.
We all go to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. Mike joins us, which is cool because he is such a loud outspoken dude. He really makes the lunch more fun. Not to mention he splits the bill with me, which is a help seeing as that it is eleven boys, two men and Alex. Not a cheap bill.
When Alex and I head back to my car we are both calm and just...happy. Like that calm sense of happy when everything in life just makes sense. When we get in my car I take a deep breath and don’t start the car.
“Hey Alex,” she turns to me looking a little tired.
“Yeah.”
“Tobias called.” Immediately all traces of tiredness and contentment are gone. In its place is fear, worry and focus. “Anatoli woke up. Do you want to head straight to the hospital.”
“Hell yeah I do! Drive. Drive!”
“Geez woman. Im going. Im going.”
I start the car and start heading over. If she finds out I knew sooner she is totally going to kill me. The whole way over she drills me. “What did Tobias say?” “Is he okay?” “Is he talking?” “What did the doctor say?”
The only way I get her to shut up is by telling her I’ve never seen her care so much. She hates that and shuts her mouth. Only she would take that as an insult. When we finally pull up to the hospital the silence transitions from comfortable to tense.
“You okay?” I ask as we make our way up the elevator.
“Fine!” she snaps. Aka, not fine.
I keep my mouth shut after that. She’s in a mood and needs to deal with her spinning thoughts on her own. Sometimes we all need that. Besides, once she sees Anatoli is okay and Tobias won’t kill her she will probably calm down.
Hospitals are always awkward. They are cold. Unfeeling, and there’s just an air of death and pain about them. That’s how it feels as we walk down to Anatoli’s room. We enter. Room 2701. Anatoli is sitting up talking with Tobias, who is pacing the room. Before they see us
they are at the tail end of a conversation involving food. So normal for what I now know to be two trained assassins.
“You have to freaking eat something,” Tobias snaps.
“Have you seen the food here. That is not happening. Get me food and we can talk.” Anatoli’s low voice rings out. He looks like a giant in the hospital bed.
“I’m not going to the store for you,” Tobias spits out with disgust. Then Alex hits her hand on the doorknob by accident and both pair of eyes flicker over to us. Anatoli looks at Alex softly, despite the fact she is back in that insane tank top. Tobias looks at me, as if to confirm I took her out. I nod slightly at Tobias so he knows I did. He smirks. Alex does look a lot better than she did twenty four hours ago. A lot more like herself. Tobias walks over to where Alex and Anatoli are sitting talking. I can tell by their body language Anatoli is trying to comfort Alex. To ease her guilt. The dude is an interesting mix of ruthless and caring. Tobias has a glimmer in his eye and I can tell he is in a mood to piss people off.
“You should have seen her yesterday A. She looked like a ten year old who was hours past her nap time.”
“Is that…”
Anatoli is cut off by Alex who is scowling at Tobias. “Coming from the guy who looked like he’d seen a ghost when his buddy got shot.”
Tobias face turns murderous and I can tell Alex knows she pushed it, but she doesn’t care. “Watch it Alex.” Even I am intimidated by his tone, but Alex brushes it off. I notice she shuts up though. I glance over at Anatoli is smirking.
“I’m touched you all care so much.” There is a trace of humor in his voice.
Tobias looks away, stewing in his own brand of silent rage. Alex looks annoyed, but turns back to Anatoli and her expression softens.
“Seriously, are you okay? Are there any side effects? Is there anything I can?”
I smirk and look at Anatoli. ‘Welcome to my world’ I mouth. He smiles and turns back to Alex. He grabs her hand. She looks so tiny compared to him. It is clear why she was so easily overpowered years ago. We really should hate this guy for all he forced Alex to do. Im not really sure why we don’t.
“I’ve been shot before Alex. You really need to relax about it. I won’t even be in the hospital much longer.”