by Moore, Gabi
The problem here was that my body was reacting to old intimacies between Thane and myself, while my mind was dismissing the sensible, community focused approach of the council.
I found it difficult to remain focused on rationally processing anything with his body pressed up against my back. Even if part of my mind rationally agreed with him, this was not a trivial decision.
I had to push him away.
"Just give me some space for a minute, Thane. You and I both know the danger that the Fae Realms face. What we don’t know is the potential consequences of opening a long-term portal. Essentially, what you are talking about is a tear between dimensions. As far as I’m aware there just isn’t a precedent for that sort of thing. We could be dealing with a whole new set of problems, just because we didn’t exercise the appropriate amount of caution in this specific scenario.”
“You and I have been trained to take risks.”
“We might have been trained, but if I’m not mistaken, don’t we need a human to open up the portal?”
He nodded.
“How in the nine hells do you think we are going to find a willing participant within the human realm?”
“Correction: You — not we.”
“Great, Thane. Real comforting — we would need someone who wanted to open up a portal for its own merit. That’s not the type of thing that humans just go out and do for a night on the town.”
I shook my head, practically fuming over the details of what Thane was asking of me.
“Martyr on a Stick! Sure, there is a cultural history to draw on here, but most of the time, the stories are about wayward travelers, and children. Even then, how long does the portal last? Certainly not a damned Rift.”
“It would have to be an adult male, and a virgin. I trust you’ll be able to figure out what needs to get done. Besides, we have already gathered as much research as possible.”
“Oh yea. A virgin? That ought to be fun. Let me guess, a blood ritual on a full moon as well? What kind of bullshit are you trying to pull? You know as well as I do that we don't have any data to support that kind of speculation."
"It's a brave new world for all of us, Aria." He shrugged, as though that simple motion could dismiss all of my concerns. "All I know is that if we don't take action, the Fae are going to run out of resources, and we will move into a sequence of extinction. Honestly, I don't see any other path of action which will take place quickly enough to provide the help we need."
"Aren't you at least a little bit concerned that we don't have a clear idea of why the Void is approaching?"
“Our Metaphysicists are working around the clock on that question. Policy makers are speculating about how we can use our social systems to adapt. Engineers are all working on structural alternatives for energy consumption theories."
I shook my head, knowing that everything he said was true. I myself had taken up the question within the Think Tank I had been assigned to after the revolution. They might have called it the “Eccentric’s Argument and Debate Club” for all of the good it did. However, they congratulated themselves on placing me somewhere that resembled a non-violent application for the skills that I had developed during my years as a field agent.
“We don’t understand why the Void is approaching,” Thane went on, “and there is not enough time for us to figure out a solution without sustaining major casualties. We need access to a denser form of energy, and the Material Plane has always provided that for us in the past."
"Yea, on a personal level. We don't even know if whole scale systemic support can be achieved. The ecology of the Fae Realms would have to operate parasitically on the Material Plane until there was some type of homeostasis, and nobody knows what that might look like. We don't even know if opening a portal on a permanent basis is a viable option."
“We owe it to ourselves to try, and I know you’re the woman for the job.”
He had already broken me down. At that point, I wasn't doing much more than stalling, and he knew that. Thane could read me like a book. We had done too much together. There was too much history. Had this been any less of a contentious issue, there wouldn’t have been much of a conversation at all.
"You're a Fixer..."
"That was a long time ago, Thane."
He leaned in over my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "One week, that's all that’s all we need. After that, you can come back here and argue with your debate team until the apocalypse swallows us whole.”
I laughed, though I was a bit uncomfortable. The sound of his voice so close to my ear brought some heat to my body. I tried to suppress the reaction, but flashes of memory came back to me nonetheless. Memories of comforts shared in cold and foreign spaces.
Thane backed off once more.
“We've charted out all of the astrological components of the time window. We have the research already compiled. The best minds have decided that now is the time. All we need is a field agent. Someone with your unique skill sets..."
"I'll do it Thane, you can stop now."
"If you don't want to, we can find someone else. I'm sur--"
"I told you..."
"Look, I just don't want this to be something that you're heart's not really into."
I slapped him.
I had to.
Chapter 3
Thane was one of the most irritating man I have ever known. He was also one of the most charming. If I had wanted to hurt him, I wouldn't have used the palm of my hand. However, I had to at least send a message that I wasn't going to put up with any more of his patronizing bullshit. Charmers have to be put in line every now and then.
He rubbed a smiling cheek with one hand, and flicked an envelope onto my lap with the other.
"So glad to have you on board. This government needs someone with a bit of fire in them to do the work that needs to be done.”
He walked confidently over the back of his desk, and took a seat. Both boots were immediately hefted onto the polished obsidian surface. Everything in this world was ornate and well presented. So much magic was used to make everything appear well ordered and maintained. I knew that there was another reason I wanted to go to the Material Plane, but for the moment, I shoved that impulse down into the bottom of my mind once more.
I didn't feel like dignifying Thane with a response, so I simply turned my heel and left.
“Why don’t you take a walk in the courtyard, and clear your mind?” he called out after me, laughing to himself once more.
Fucking Thane.
* * *
Watching the sea of interns go about their business for the day was nauseating to say the least.
I didn't hold any malice for any one of these people in particular. There was something wholesale unattractive about the whole charade. Everyone was so busy, and I couldn't understand what they all thought they were accomplishing.
A couple even bumped into me as they passed, talking amongst themselves about some abstract and legalistic policy. Immediately, I had to deal with profuse apologies, and red blushed cheeks from both of the interns. There were portraits of both myself, Thane, and a handful of others in the hallways. I didn't look like much these days, but not too many Fae suffered the same sort of physical disabilities.
I waved them along.
They were problem solving, to be sure, but compared to the problems that we had faced in order to get here, it seemed trivial. A whole flood of busy work came in to replace the former tyrannical government, simply because they couldn't stand to have a little bit of nothingness.
You could leave, I reminded myself, not even bothering to speak within the privacy of my own mind. You could probably get access to this portal and just fuck around on the material plane for the remainder of your life. Seduce a fisherman, and start a half-breed family.
The thoughts themselves were entertaining, particularly because I remembered the possibilities held by assuming a different form on the material plane.
In transferring over to the material pla
ne, a fae automatically assumed a form reflective of the natives. Of course, the previous echoes of my life would be on the new body, but a birthmark is a lot more manageable than a permanent disability.
None of the humans have wings. They wouldn't gawk at you any more.
The thought only kicked around in my head for a minute or two before I shoved it aside. I was familiar enough with both pain, and vanity. The final reason to push all of that out of my mind was because I remembered the true gravity of the situation we were in as a people.
Environmental collapse was no longer a theoretical topic of discussion; it was not so much a matter of if, but when. Not to mention there has also been an increase in cases of mental health trauma throughout the Capitol. More and more, Fae were succumbing to suicide and social alienation. I didn't blame them myself, though I found it difficult to make a distinction between PTSD and the greater psychological malaise of our race.
Thane's evaluation of the Void was not a matter to be taken lightly.
I shook my head and shoved the note back between my right ass cheek and my pants. The note fit snugly against my body as I walked away from the structures of the Consulate and toward the gardens which littered the grounds around the central building.
I let my eyes relax slightly, and tried to take in whatever beauty I could from this environment. The entire landscape was designed to engender psychological serenity, even if some of us didn't occupy that state of mind any longer.
The Fae consulate is a seductive place if you've never been. Just after the war, the image projected by the consulate was something holy and set apart for regeneration. The marble statues and magnificent gardens were signals of what could be, if we only worked to restore beauty. They are beautiful, but they are tirelessly maintained so that hardly a leaf is out of place.
As it turns out, the consulate gardens are just another indication of the subtle classism that has taken root within Fae society.
The gardens were tended to by gnolls, and the cleaning was managed by pixies. Supposedly, we had all once lived in an idyllic forest wonderland, but I couldn't even imagine that type of existence any longer. Supposedly, somewhere out on the fringes, there were Wild Fae; those faeries had all run away in an effort to retain both their culture and autonomy.
The Wild Fae had been tangential, yet crucial in our fight against Xan. More support was offered by them for our benefit than any other population in the realms. However, they only operated at a distance. The Wilder Ones appeared to be ultimately concerned with their own preservation, and only came into action when Xan's forces threatened to run them out of their deep forest retreat.
Following the revolution, we had a choice to join the Wilder Ones, and some did. The rest of us clung to the process of creating a civilized utopia. The promise of security and an improved quality of life were too enticing. It was a devil's bargain, but most of us were so caught up in the machinery of social engineering, that we didn't have attention to notice, or time to complain.
I wasn't completely jaded, but I did fail to see the beauty of the consulate most days of the week. When my mind is pre-occupied with the latest dramatic political episode, it is hard to see the beauty of the trees. It's hard to even appreciate the power and simplicity of a single moment.
Breathing more deeply now, I set my sights not on the nearest areas of the garden, but along the edges. Out there, along the periphery, there was still a bit of freedom to be had. The workers were ordered to maintain appearances as close to the common grounds as possible, but due to the construction of the gardens, the fringes were less accessible, and less critical for purposes of presentation.
My feet passed through the threshold of the garden's main entrance, and I looked around me. I had walked into a vast courtyard. Along the edges of the courtyard were openings which branched outward into increasingly private directions. Wind came at my face, and gently lifted my hair from my cheek.
The garden's labyrinth was a walking meditation place which accommodated officials with a higher level of security clearance, as well as the general public. As one moved further into the garden, the hedgerows themselves adapted their position to accommodate each person who walked between them. As you continue to press further into the garden, it becomes still more complex and secluded. Of course, when you want to leave, all you have to do is turn around with the intention of finding the exit. Malice was completely absent from the garden's design.
Today, my goal would be to go as deep as possible. I needed to find a gateway.
Thane entertained me; at least I had to laugh in order to deal with his bullshit. Our former resistance group was built out of the rejected idealism of the previous reich. Passing through the papered rose beds and small groups of office workers, I couldn't help but think about how far we had come, and what all of this used to be.
Before the revolution, this entire place was a practical necropolis. These very roses were undoubtedly fertilized by the blood of fallen heroes -- likely not all of them on our 'side'. Whenever I walked through here, I felt more like a living statue then an actual person. I figured out a long time ago that the stares are what really push that envelope for me.
Thane and I were close, and our bond was primarily militaristic, but I wasn't around a lot of the time, which meant that our relationship was more polyamorous than not. As a woman, and an intelligence operative, I got close with a number of people during the course of my work. Targets, clients, associates; whatever was called for to accomplish our mission.
They called me a Fixer.
Our job was to obtain information and connect people with either information, people or objects. Fixers are liminal creatures who host a unique range of skills. We are resourceful, and always manage to find our way in and out of situations. Sometimes things got intense, but luck was on my side more often than not.
Now that we had overthrown the previous regime, we were supposedly moving on into a new world where we didn't use the same military efforts. We won a victory of some kind, but the same mechanics as before seem to be in operation, if under a different paradigm.
I thought about my current task, and let my hand stray back to feel the note pressed up against my body. I had been on missions like this before in the past. You don't read the note until the exact moment before the portal, and even then, you only get one shot.
Everything cloak and dagger - makes me think we are just as bad as they were.
Laughter in the distance caused me to snap out of my reverie long enough to take note of my surroundings.
The corridors had gotten narrower, though there was still enough room between walls of vegetation to accommodate the group approaching from around the corner. They are on their way out, and I have yet to reach the area of the labyrinth where incidental contact ceases to be a possibility.
They are young, and smiling.
When I look at the younger generation, I realize that there is no way that they will ever be aware of the troubles that we faced in order to get here. Regardless of that reality, I try not to judge them too poorly for it. More likely than not, they will have their own troubles. In fact, I think the people who should be judged most severely are those who brought people like myself up onto a pedestal.
The laughter stopped as soon as they notice me.
I walked forward, with my face resolute; knowing that they were staring and doing everything possible to regain what 'composure' they felt was necessary in my presence. They retracted their wings to their sides, and bowed stiffly as I passed. I fought the urge to say something resentful to them. I wanted to tell them to knock it off, and start taking themselves more seriously.
I settled for a simple aphorism.
"I am nothing more than a role which you will one day need to fulfill."
My words will not be heard.
They will be memorialized in the minds of the younger generation. They may even be engraved on a placard and posted on the hallways of the Consulate, but that doesn't mean that they will be
adhered.
The most incredible thing about raising a person up to the position of a deity, is that it gives you the ability to discount and ignore them.
"She's a hero. I couldn't possibly do that."
"Back in the day, life was more difficult, and people had to take themselves more seriously. These days, we live in a more progressive world."
All lies.
Nothing more than excuses to not examine the world around you with any degree of critical thought. All of these bitter reflections juxtaposed with the fragrance of jasmine.
"Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe this is the vacation I've been asking for all this time. Besides, if this actually is a way to help -- however unorthodox, this might be the right path."
The hedges began to narrow on either side of my body. The aisle got so close that the sides of my shoulders brushed up against either wall of vegetation.
Any minute now...
Then a voice called out from behind me.
"Mistress Aria! Mistress!"
That nasally high-pitched whine and formal title was all I needed to be completely sure that I had no interest in engaging with this person. I quickened my pace, but they were rushing toward me, and I couldn't blatantly run away from a Head of State.
"You're pretty deep in the labyrinth..."
"I needed to clear my mind."
"Hmm... well, a little bird told me that they saw you go into Thane's office this morning first thing."
"Tell that cocksucker to mind his own business."
"My dear!"
"Look, I'm sorry, Bartholomew, but I've been having some lousy dreams lately, and Thane's really the only one who can relate."
"Well, most certainly, but I have been recommending you stay at our Archetypal Therapy Psychological Wing for months, ever since Mary-Anne--"
"Cocksucker."
"Ahem."
I could feel his eyes narrowing in my direction, though I tried to maintain a straight face, and a steady pace.