by Leddy Harper
“Okay…so what are you trying to say?”
“The first time I met her, she had come down to my office to introduce herself. She sat down and we spoke briefly. I told her I was disappointed you’d stolen her from me, but I understood that her qualifications were better suited for you and not me. Before she left, she pointed to the photo I keep on my desk…the one of me with Bill and the boys. She asked about them—Trevor and Landon. At the time, I just thought she was striking up conversation. But now, when I think about it, she seemed more interested in them than most people would be. And then there was another conversation when she talked about her parents. I thought it was a little strange at the time, but now I can’t stop questioning it.”
“What did she say?”
“It wasn’t what she said, but how she said it. Almost as if she were making it a point to let me know how good her parents were to her. It was more than just telling me she had a good life.” She let out a sigh and slumped forward in her seat. “I don’t know, Dane. It’s hard to explain, but I can’t help the feeling that there’s more to her than what I know.”
“Then maybe you should ask her.”
“That right there tells me you know the truth.” Her eyes began to mist, no matter how rapidly she blinked them. “You know, don’t you? Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s not my place to say anything.”
Her chest expanded with her deep inhalation. “I think that answered my question.”
“Are you going to say anything to her?”
She stood and glanced behind her once more. The way her body appeared to soften, almost going completely slack, showed the contentment and emotion coursing through her. This was a mother finally getting answers about her child. The child she never knew anything about. The piece of her she’d given away, entrusted strangers to care for, without ever knowing her gender.
When she faced me again, her tears had fallen, and the sight bathed me in peace. Peace for Eden. Peace for the younger Janette who had to make one of the toughest decisions of her teenage life. “She hasn’t said anything to me for a reason. So I feel like I should respect that and keep this to myself.”
“Maybe she hasn’t said anything because she’s afraid of your response. I’m not trying to put words in her mouth, because she hasn’t opened up much to me about this topic, but I know she deals with abandonment issues. I think if she knew your side of the story, knew where you were at mentally and emotionally when you put her up for adoption, it might help you both heal.”
“With all due respect, Dane,” she said with a smirk and a hand on her hip. “You’re an investor, not a psychologist.”
I simply laughed beneath my breath and shook my head, finding amusement in her throwing my words back in my face. “Whatever. You know I’m right. Do with the information as you please, but whatever you do, don’t tell her I told you. Because I didn’t.”
“Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”
“There is no secret. I didn’t tell you.”
She walked across the room and held onto the door handle. “I won’t say anything. It’s a little hard to explain how I figured it out anyway.”
Even though my conversation with Janette didn’t take away the shock of the truth, it was enough to clear my muddled mind. I was able to get through the files Eden had left for me and make it to the end of the day. I waited until I knew Eden was out of the building before sending her a text.
Grow old with me.
I knew she’d ignore it, just like she ignored my texts every evening. But it didn’t stop me. After Janette had imparted some wisdom on me, I had a clear understanding of where things were headed with me and Gabi, and me and Eden.
Although, I was sure Heidi would be tired of me asking for legal favors.
I figured I’d throw her an early bonus to make up for the added personal work I’d be asking her for.
22
Dropping off a document for Eden, I found a real estate brochure on her desk. I went to reach for it, hoping it would give me some clue on what kinds of homes she was on the hunt for, but before I could pick it up, she walked into her office from the hall.
She slapped her hand against her chest as she stared at me with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. “You scared me, Dane. What are you doing in here?”
I moved away from her desk to allow her space to settle in for the day. She set her purse down and took her seat, all while watching me, waiting for an explanation. I pointed to the paper in front of her and said, “Just dropping off some work for you.”
It was Thursday, approaching the end of the work week, and the closer we got to Friday, the more I seemed to want to be near her, knowing I’d have to go the entire weekend without seeing or hearing from her. If she’d picked up on it, she hadn’t said anything.
“I see you have one of those booklets for houses. Have you found one?”
She grabbed it off the top of her desk and shoved it into a drawer while cutting her eyes at me and smirking. “I believe that’s considered a personal question.”
“Not really. I mean, if you’ve found a house, you’ll be needing time off for inspections and closing. Then the time to move and get settled in. I think that falls under the category of business-related questions. It directly concerns me, considering you’re my assistant and all.”
“You’re insane.” She giggled and shook her head. “But fine, to answer your question, yes. I think I’ve found something. But it’s not a done deal yet. It’s a little out of my price range, so I have to talk with the bank about my options.”
“If it’s more than you can afford, then maybe you should keep looking.”
“It’s not that much out of my budget. And it’s perfect. It has everything I’m looking for and then some. I think I’ll cry if I don’t get this house.” Realizing the personal information she shared, she shook it off and scooted her chair closer to the desk.
“What if I gave you a raise? Would that help?” I didn’t want to help her buy a house, but if it meant she’d have everything she wanted, then I’d do it. With, of course, the hope I’d eventually be living under that roof with her.
“I’m not accepting a raise from you outside my evaluation, Dane. That wouldn’t look good to anyone, and I refuse to use this”—she waved her hand between us—“as a reason to get more money.” Focusing on the papers in front of her, she silently dismissed me.
It’d been three days since Janette and I discovered Eden’s secret. I wanted to ask her about it, see if she was aware we knew, but Eden had nearly perfected the art of holding me at arm’s length. And I would’ve asked Janette, but she’d made herself scarce since leaving my office Monday.
I felt antsy, the waiting game with Eden getting the best of me. I was isolated most of the time at the office, considering Eden kept herself holed up behind the closed door with the shades drawn on the adjoining window. And I was alone at home. I still didn’t have answers, didn’t have a house to focus on, didn’t have anyone to keep me company on the pier. I never felt so lonely before, and I’d been in a relationship for twelve years with a woman who spent most of the time ignoring me while we were in the same room. I just had to push through and keep the faith.
To help pass the weekend, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see Eden for two days and needing something to do with my time, I made an appointment to get another tattoo. I’d discussed it with the guy who’d done all my ink since moving home after college. I didn’t need to see his sketch before Saturday, because I knew it’d be flawless. It was an entire side piece that would take up both days in his chair. I needed Eden to trust me and take me back before I was covered from head to toe in ink. At this point, I was desperate to do anything to fill my time away from her.
As of right now, I had scheduled my realtor to show me more options after work on Friday, the two sessions over the weekend for my new tattoo, and then another visit with Gabi Monday morning. Yet it still wasn’t enough to keep me from losing my min
d.
My texts to Eden had progressed from telling her to marry me and grow old with me to asking her to have my children. That was the last one I’d sent her, less than an hour after work on Wednesday. At least that one earned me a response. An emoji. Not just any emoji, though. A little yellow confused face. I replied with a little yellow baby and a baby bottle. She apparently didn’t feel the need to continue that conversation.
“Well…I guess since you’re busy, I’ll just head to my office.”
“Sounds like a plan, Dane,” she replied without taking her eyes off her computer screen.
I knew I was probably pushing my luck, but I couldn’t help it. Throughout the rest of the day, I’d called her into my office for every little thing. By lunch, she’d started to ask me the level of importance to what I needed her for. By three o’clock, she was telling me to just email her. And by four, she stopped answering my calls altogether.
When she came in Friday morning, she headed straight to my desk and handed me a notebook and pen.
“From now on, anytime you need something from me, write it down. If it’s a pressing matter that needs my attention immediately, call me. If not, make yourself a note and ask me all at once when you see me.”
“I never ask you for anything that’s not a pressing matter.” I tried to keep a straight face.
I failed.
And so did she.
“Dane, calling me in here to ask what the weather will be like this weekend isn’t considered urgent. Write it down or look it up yourself.”
“Well, it’s urgent if I have to make plans,” I muttered under my breath.
All she did was shake her head and walk away.
Friday was a repeat of Thursday, although when she started ignoring my calls before lunch, I had to resort to her method of making notes and asking her all at once. That took all the fun out of it.
“So I’ll see you Monday?” she asked after checking in with me for the last time of the day.
“Yeah, but I’ll be late again. So I’ll need you to handle any emails that come in flagged as important. And any calls that can’t wait for me to get in. You shouldn’t have any, but in case something comes up with the San Diego Mom buyback next week, I just want to make sure you’re on the lookout.”
“You have a meeting Monday morning?”
“Uh…” I stumbled on my words, not expecting her to question why I’d be late. I’d gotten so used to her not asking me anything for fear of crossing the employer-employee relationship, that she caught me off guard. “I’ll be visiting Gabi at the clinic.”
Had I not been paying attention, I would’ve missed the way her shoulders drooped.
“Eden, it’s—”
“Stop, Dane.” She held up her hand to silence me. “I don’t need to know. You’ll be late on Monday, and I have to watch out for flagged emails and take important calls. That’s all I need to know. Have a great weekend. I’ll see you when you get in on Monday.” And just like that, she was gone.
I didn’t wait around the office. I finished what I was doing, closed my computer down, and left. Rather than heading home to sit there alone, I met up with the realtor at the first house he wanted to show me. I knew as soon as I parked in the driveway I wasn’t interested. But I was in no rush, so I looked around as if it had potential before moving on to the next.
Three houses later, I parked behind him in front of a house that caught my attention immediately. It was on a corner lot with the garage facing one street and the front door facing the other. The driveway and path leading to the front, as well as the porch, were pavers brick. The lawn was thick and green, well taken care of, and so was the rest of the exterior. For the first time since this house hunting thing started, I finally felt excitement.
The interior was smaller than most of the ones he’d shown me, but still enough room to raise a family. And as if that wasn’t enough, my decision was solidified as soon as we stepped out into the back yard. It sloped toward a wide lake, sand taking over halfway down. Wooden planks led a path from the edge of the grass to a dock that extended out about twenty feet into the water. It was my very own pier, and I couldn’t wait to watch the sky change colors with the sunset while holding Eden in my arms.
“I want to put in an offer,” I said while staring off across the lake.
“You haven’t even seen the rest of the house.” He laughed, as if I were joking.
I wasn’t. “I don’t need to see it. You said the owners are out and looking for a quick closing date?”
“Yes.” He checked his notepad and nodded. “That’s correct.”
“Fantastic. Because so am I. I’m ready to move in now. Tell them I’ll pay the asking price in cash.”
I turned around and grew lost in the view while he paced the yard with his phone pressed against his ear. Truth be told, with as under budget as this house was, I’d hoped a cash purchase would speed the process along.
I couldn’t wait to move in.
Before I knew it, we were in the kitchen signing paperwork, and I was writing him a check of good faith. He laughed at me and told me I didn’t need to give them that much—half of the asking price—but I wasn’t about to chance this sale falling through.
Leaving the house I’d hoped to soon share with Eden, I took out my phone and sent her a text.
Move in with me.
As expected, she didn’t reply.
Sitting next to Gabi on a couch in an office at the facility, I found myself more nervous than ever before. It’d only been a week since I’d last seen her, but I knew this visit would be different. This would be the last one. There were things that needed to be said, and I wouldn’t leave until we’d both gotten everything out on the table.
Dr. Thomas once again started the conversation by talking about how well Gabi had been doing, and how much stronger she had become in the two weeks since arriving. He attributed a lot of that to her inner strength, as well as the support I’d shown her over the years.
What surprised me was when he stood and told us he’d allow us some time alone to talk about things. “I’ll be right outside, Gabriella. If you feel overwhelmed and need some help, or need me to end the meeting, all you have to do is tell me. Okay?”
She nodded with a grin, while I watched with confusion as he let himself out.
“I have some things to tell you.” Her voice was soft yet oddly confident.
“Before you do that, I need to say something first.” I turned in my seat to face her. “I’ve been by your side through everything, and I have done it without an ounce of regret. I loved you, I do love you, and I will always love you, but it’s not the kind of love you deserve. It’s not the kind that will put a smile on your face or light you up from the inside out. I don’t mean to say this to hurt you. Lord knows that’s the last thing I want to do. But I think I tie you to your past. I keep you there with those dark demons. And you deserve to be freed from those binds.”
She stared at the wall across the room, and I waited patiently for her to show me her eyes again. Her shoulders rose slowly with each exaggerated breath, and then she faced me once more. Her eyes were filled with tears as more fell down her cheeks. My heart broke at the sight. I was a man who couldn’t handle watching a woman cry. And for the first time, I had no idea how to comfort her. I had no words.
She settled into the chair and smiled. I became even more confused.
“I’m so relieved to hear you say that, Dane. I was so worried about all this. I love you, I honestly do. But therapy has helped me understand so much. I’ve learned a lot and it makes me sad for myself that I hadn’t done that sooner.”
“I don’t understand, Gabi.”
She smiled again and then rested her hand over mine on the cushion between us. “I have spent the last decade clinging to you as if you were my lifeline. Waiting for you to save me like I was on life support. I didn’t have anyone else. You were it. Though my feelings for you are as real as the air I breathe, I have turned that air int
o pollution with my dependency on you. I’ve dragged myself down and taken you with me.”
I found myself holding on to her every word, waiting on the edge of my seat for her to continue.
“I was always so scared that if you left me, I’d be all alone. Which I pretty much will be, but I have also learned that being alone isn’t bad. I realize now that I have people I can confide in, and how much it helps to talk. I’ve kept everything inside for so long that I hadn’t even thought about how freeing it would be to get it all out.”
“So what does this mean? What are you trying to say?” I needed clarification.
She touched my face and looked me right in the eyes. “I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. None of it has gone unnoticed. You are an amazing man, Dane, the epitome of kindness with a gigantic heart. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be. But like you said, no matter how good or kind or sweet you are, you will always tie me to everything I need to escape. You tie me to my mom, Todd, Sean, this whole damn town. I’ve realized I need to get out and try things.”
“Alone?” The thought worried me. She had never been alone before, and I didn’t know how she would handle it. I knew it didn’t have anything to do with me, but it didn’t stop me from being concerned.
“No. The girl I told you about last week—my roommate—she’ll go with me. We’ve grown really close and she mentioned something to me last week. We talked about it and then I talked to my doctor. He thinks it’s a good idea. I just need more counseling before we go ahead with our plans.”
“Do what?”
“We’ve decided to talk to other victims about what we’ve gone through. We want to help other young girls. Neither one of us had anyone we could turn to that would’ve understood, and we’ve both felt like outsiders. That no one could possibly relate to what we were going through, so we internalized it. We don’t want other girls to feel that way. So we’re teaming up with a group of women who go around and talk to people—educate them.”