Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. By the time I realized how much time had passed it was spring again and our wedding would have been only a month away. That was when my friends put the pressure on hard. They never mentioned anything about meeting someone new, but I had a feeling that’s what they were hoping for. One Friday after work, Angie was waiting in the lot of my apartment building the minute I got home, not really giving me the chance to avoid her.
“Hey,” she said, stepping out of her car.
“Hey yourself. What are you doing here?”
She followed me up the stairs to my apartment. “Well, since you always rush to get off the phone with me, I figured I’d come chat with you in person.”
I almost groaned out loud. There was no doubt in my mind what she wanted to talk about. “I haven’t been avoiding you, I’ve just been busy.”
“Bullshit. You’ve been hiding. You don’t hide from things you don’t like. Had you told me to go fuck myself, I wouldn’t be so worried. But you didn’t, so I’m here.”
“Everything’s fine. I just have a lot to do at work.”
She waved her hand in the air. “There you go again with the avoidance. It’s Friday night, and we’re going out.”
My vision blurred. “I can’t.”
Angie came over and wrapped her arms around me. “You can. No one is asking you to find someone new. All we’re asking is for you to come out, spend some time with your friends.” Pulling back, she looked me directly in the eye. “And maybe find the real Em, hiding in there under all the pain.”
“What if she doesn’t want to be found?” I whispered.
“Oh, I guarantee she does—you just have to give her a chance.”
The more Angie talked the more I thought about what she was saying. It may not be such a bad idea. My brain could use a night off. A night to just let go of all the heartache and not worry about being alone.
After a few minutes more it no longer sounded like a chore, but something very appealing.
“Just a night with friends, right?”
“Yes, just us. We’ll hang out, drink, dance. It’ll be fun.”
“Okay, I’ll go.”
“Really?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Yes, really.”
“Wow. I expected that to be a lot harder. I had a ton of different speeches to use on you.”
“I decided that maybe you’re right—I do need a night out.” I peeled off my shoes and left them by the door. “I’m not looking for a guy though, okay?”
Angie raised her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I won’t send any guys in your direction.”
“All right, I’ll see you when you come to pick me up.”
She began to fidget, especially her fingers. “Actually, I brought my stuff to get ready here. We’re going to meet everyone there.”
My brows lifted. “Afraid, I was going to say no?”
She winced. “Afraid you were going to bail.”
“Why don’t you go get your stuff while I get a quick shower?”
“Okay,” she said, a little too brightly.
Once I was finished changing, we sat in the living room and talked, something we hadn’t done in a while. Angie was right. Hanging out with my friends was exactly what I needed. It wasn’t that Nick and I didn’t talk—we did. I think it hurt Nick that Andrew just up and left more than he let on. Usually we stuck to safe topics like food and work. On the other hand, I could tell Angie anything. It felt good to talk about my problems, if only for a little bit. What sucked even more was that I knew Caleb saw Andrew at work every day, but from what I could gather they didn’t speak unless it was work related.
A bit later, Nick got home from work and went straight to his room. When he came out he was dressed to go out—not hang out at home with me and a pizza. Morgan worked on Fridays, so that was how we usually spent it.
“You knew,” I said.
He walked farther into the living room. “I did. We figured Angie would have better luck getting you to go with us.”
I looked back at Angie who winked. “She was a good choice.”
“So you’re going?” he said, his eyes wide.
“You surprised?”
“Umm . . . well . . . yeah.”
“Don’t worry, I got the same reaction from Angie earlier.”
That’s when he broke into a laugh. “Then I think it’s time you ladies get changed.”
Angie stood and took my hand. “You know. I think you’re right.”
Exactly like I used to do to her back in college, she picked my outfit for the night. A simple pale blue tunic dress, it hung a little looser on my frame because of my recent weight loss, but it still fit.
From there we moved onto makeup and hair. Finally, after Angie had primped me ’til she could do no more, we were ready to leave. Nick took his car because he was going to act as designated driver. To say I was a little nervous was an understatement, yet the moment I walked through the door of the bar and saw my friends waiting for me, I relaxed. It was so good to see everyone outside of my apartment. I hurried over to where they were standing around a high top table.
They had truly done their planning for the night, even choosing a bar I’d never been to so that I wouldn’t have to worry about memories chasing me all night. Not only that, but they had my favorite martini waiting on the table for me.
Caleb pulled me into a hug the moment I reached them. “I’m so glad you decided to come tonight. We missed you.”
Stepping back I smiled. “I missed you guys too. You can thank your wife for me being here.”
He laughed as he put an arm around Angie and pulled her to him. “She’s very persuasive when she wants to be.”
“Yes, she is.”
I walked over to where Josh and Lauren were standing. “Thanks for coming to hang out with me tonight,” I said, pulling them each into a hug.
“We couldn’t imagine being anywhere else,” Lauren said, lifting her glass to her lips.
That’s when I noticed it. My eyes snapped to Josh. “Oh my God! You finally asked her?”
He smiled sheepishly and took Lauren’s hand to place a kiss on it. “I asked her about a week ago, at the end of the game.”
“Andrew—” I started without even thinking.
“Em?” Josh asked, cautiously, concern clear in his eyes.
I wasn’t going to let him ruin my night. There was plenty of time to wallow in self-pity later. “I’m fine. I’m just so happy for you two.” And I really was. Just because my happily ever after ended didn’t mean that everyone else couldn’t be happy.
“Thanks,” Lauren said with a smile.
“Was this the game you tried to get me to go to last week?”
Josh nodded. “It was.”
“Then I’m very sorry I missed it.”
How many other things had I missed out on? Then again, I don’t think it really mattered. It was a new night and a chance to have some fun, at least, I hoped the night would be fun. I picked up my glass and savored the taste of my very favorite chocolate martini ever. They were exactly what a girl needed, the downfall being that they went down so fast that sometimes it was hard to keep count of exactly how many had gone down before they all came back up in someone else’s bathroom.
The first two went down smoothly and I was working on number three. The buzz running through my body had me calmer than I’d been in a long time. By that point a live band had started to play. Angie grabbed my hand and yanked me out to the dance floor. “Let’s dance.”
We made it through the first few songs without a break but, eventually, my body needed a drink—preferably before I passed out in the middle of the dance floor. When I reached the bar, I ordered another martini and a glass of water.
“Hi.”
I turned and noticed an attractive looking guy sitting next to me. He had light brown hair and gorgeous blues, almost the color of sapphires. They were so mesmerizing I had trouble looking away.
; “Hi,” I answered, shyness creeping into my tone.
“You and your friend looked like you were having fun out there.” He nodded toward the dance floor.
“We were, but it got way too hot for me.”
“I guess you wouldn’t consider going back out there with me then?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, my name’s Chase.”
I put my hand out for him to shake. “Emily.”
“Emily’s such a fitting name . . . for a beautiful woman.” He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Hey, Em. What’s up?” Angie joined me at the bar to order another round of drinks.
Chase answered for me. “I was just trying to convince your friend she should dance with me.”
“Well I think that is a great idea. I’m Angie.”
Chase offered his hand, shaking Angie’s once before releasing it. “I’m Chase. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Could you excuse me for just one moment?” I asked.
“Sure,” he turned back in his seat.
“I thought you promised no pushing men onto me?” I whispered, flipping around to face Angie.
“I did, but I’m not asking you to go out on a date. It’s one dance. You never know, you might have fun.”
“One dance?”
“One dance.”
Angie placed her hands on my shoulders and turned me around. She gestured with her chin toward Chase, since his back was now facing us as he drank his beer. What was the harm in one dance? He was really good looking and truth be told, I loved dancing. Nodding to Angie, I smiled and walked back up to Chase. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her clasping her hands together in excitement.
“Is that dance still available?”
Chase looked over his shoulder at me. “It is, if you’re willing to take me up on the offer?”
“I am.” With a smile I held my hand out to him and he hopped down from the stool to take it.
It felt a little weird when his hand engulfed mine. I shook it off. It was just one dance. A chance for me to have some fun.
When he led me out to the dance floor, I took a few deep breaths to stop the trembling of my hand.
“You look nervous,” he said, watching me.
“I guess it’s been a while since I danced with someone new.”
“I promise I won’t bite.” His eyes twinkled. It did a lot to calm my nerves.
A new song started as he pulled me into his arms. It was perfect—not too close as to crowd my space, but just right to keep up with each other’s movements. The corners of my lips curved upward as I let myself relax and enjoy the dance. Chase moved his hips in time with mine, brushing his hands over my arms and hips every few beats of the music. I may have been reluctant at first, but then I realized this was the perfect way to distract me.
And I didn’t worry about anything.
At least not for a little while.
Andrew
SEVEN MONTHS.
Seven fucking months, and my life was shit.
A few weeks after leaving, I left my dad’s house and moved into a small apartment. It was, in my mind, the first step in moving on with my life. Changing my number was supposed to make it easier to deal with everything, since I wouldn’t have to hear her voice anymore. But it only made me miss the sound. Nick was the only one of my friends who knew how to find me. Well, besides Caleb. Then again, he only knew how to find me at work, and even there we walked past each other like we were strangers.
When I’d walked away from Emily, I’d known it would take time to get over her. What I hadn’t expected was for it to feel like there was a giant, gaping hole in my chest. The time apart had done nothing to help me forget her. The only difference was now I was numb.
During the day, at least. At night, when her face haunted my dreams, was another story. That night would be no different. Every time I tried to close my eyes all I could see was the pain in hers when I’d shut the door in her face. The flood of anguish that overtook her body with my one step backward. In my mind I was doing what I had to do when I left Emily. It was early enough in our relationship that we’d both be able to move on with our lives. She would find someone new to take care of her in the way she deserved. The way my fear wouldn’t let me.
Over the months I’d come to terms with my mom’s death, and the fact that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. It was genetic, which was the one thing we’d learned from everything that had happened. Jess would also be at high risk for a stroke early in life. However, now that her doctors had that information, they could take steps to prevent the stroke from every happening. We both learned the FAST system—a three part test to determine if someone was having a stroke—so that we could recognize the symptoms and get her help faster, if necessary. Even Dad was getting help to stop the drinking. It wasn’t often I stopped by his house anymore, preferring to be alone. The fact that he was getting help was a step in the right direction though.
It was a start.
Now here it was, another night of hell. Every day since I’d walked away had been spent wondering if I’d made the right decision. Most nights I spent home alone, trying to erase her from my memory. Nothing seemed to work. The memories were too much. Images of her smiling face danced behind my eyes every time I closed them. The sound of her laughter echoed through my mind. I couldn’t sleep. Just the thought of her with someone else made bile rise in my throat. Even my performance at work had been affected.
Of course, after Mom died I’d struggled, but it was nothing compared to what it was now. I had no idea what she was doing or if she was happy. Had she found someone else? Were they taking care of her? One night when Nick stopped by to check on me, I tried to get him to tell me but he refused, telling me that if I really wanted to know I had to talk to her. Emily was his friend too, and he wouldn’t harm that friendship by getting in the middle of my “shit,” as he so eloquently put it. Between thoughts of Emily, and uncertainty at the decision I’d made, I was a mess. All of that is what sent me to the bar. I needed to get out of the apartment and escape what my mind couldn’t forget.
The taxi pulled up in front of the bar closest to my place and I handed the driver the cash and got out of the car. The crunch of the gravel sounded hollow to my ears. The alcohol wouldn’t take away the pain, it would just dull it for the night so I could get some sleep. Some nights I wondered if the nightmares that woke me were preferable to a night with no sleep at all. After all this time I’d hoped it would get better.
It hadn’t.
Mom’s death still hurt, but each day it was easier to get up in the morning. I just wished it were the same way with Emily.
Pulling open the heavy wooden door, I took a step into new and different surroundings. By the time I stepped up to the bar, I’d decided that this place was as good of a place as any. The best part was no one knew me, so I didn’t have to defend myself to anyone.
Or so I thought.
Pulling out one of the stools, I took a seat and waved the bartender over. Once I’d placed my order, I sat back and took a look around the place. That’s when my eyes connected with a very familiar looking pair across the room.
What is Nick doing here?
He was seated at one of the high-top tables on the other side of the bar, surrounded by Josh and Lauren. I watched on as his eyes quickly darted to the dance floor and back again. Lauren noticed me as well, her eyes going wide as she began to fidget in her seat. What the hell was wrong with them? Well, besides the fact that I hadn’t seen them in months. Curious, I looked in that direction and saw exactly what they were worried about.
Emily.
And she was dancing with someone else.
Rage went boiling through my veins. Pushing the stool back, I stormed over to the dance floor. The rational part of my brain said I had no right to do anything. If she’d moved on it was her choice. I was the one who walked away. But that didn’t stop my heart from demanding that I send the guy sai
ling into next week.
The minute I stepped up next to her, it was hard not to notice how beautiful she was.
Then the guy slid his hand down over her ass.
“Get your fucking hands off her.”
Emily whipped around, her mouth ajar, eyes open wide, at the same time the stupid asshole said, “What the hell, man?”
Her eyes traveled down my body like she’d never seen me before. The warning bells went off in my head. Her jaw clenched and I braced myself for the tirade I knew was coming. The look I’d seen so many times before.
Except this time when Emily opened her mouth to yell, all that came out was a broken sob. Her eyes filled with tears and it was like a punch to the gut. All of my instincts told me to reach out and pull her into my arms. Instead, I simply stood there while she turned and ran out the door.
What the hell was that? My mouth hung open as I stared at the space where Emily stood. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Josh and Lauren dart past, following Emily. Giving myself a quick mental shake, I gave into my instincts and ran out the door after her. I was far enough behind that I wasn’t immediately sure where they went. Then I heard Josh’s voice.
“Breathe, Em.”
Following the sound of his voice, I walked through the left side of the parking lot. There, standing next to Emily’s car, was Emily, broken and crying in Josh’s arms. Lauren was rubbing her hand up and down Emily’s back, trying to offer any comfort she could.
Right then, I knew I’d been wrong. Everything I’d done from the moment my mom died was a mistake. Instead of letting Emily in to help me deal with the pain, I’d shut her out. The beautiful girl with tears in her eyes was my responsibility. I’d done that to her. No matter what my dad thought, not only could I not stay away from her anymore, I didn’t want to.
I took a few steps forward, throwing my shadow across where they were standing.
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