“I just can’t trust him with my heart again.”
“And I don’t expect you to.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“I wish I could answer that for you, but that’s something only you can decide. Right now I think you’ve had a long day and you should try and get some sleep.”
The thought of the big, empty bed underneath me was a little daunting after everything that had happened. On the other hand, going to bed would give me the chance to be alone. I also needed time to think.
“You’re right. I could use some sleep.”
“Okay, sweetie. If you need anything, call me. I’m not sure when Nick will be back.”
“I’ll be fine.” The look she gave me clearly said that she didn’t believe me, but she didn’t question it before she walked out the door.
“Night, Em. I’m sorry things turned out so shitty today.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Angie left, closing me and my thoughts into the room. Andrew’s desertion cut me deeper than I ever thought possible. Then suddenly he was back and wanted to be part of my life again. He’d broken my faith in him, but the thought of him crying tonight made me feel like I wasn’t the only one suffering for his mistakes. Maybe he had suffered as much as me. Either way, I knew that Andrew would once again haunt my dreams.
Andrew
THE SOUND OF THE ring as it clattered to the floor matched the sound of my heart breaking again. Of all the things she could have done or said to me, that was the one thing I’d feared more than anything. It cut deeper than I ever expected it to.
The room stayed silent, I’m sure all eyes on me. After a few minutes, I stood up, with every intention of trying again. Maybe if I kept apologizing and telling her how much I loved her, she’d eventually listen.
Wiping my eyes, I took a step toward the hallway, when suddenly Nick was blocking my path.
“That’s not a good idea.”
“You’re the one who told me to fight for her.”
He glanced behind him at the bedroom door. “Yeah, but none of us has seen this side of Em in months. You know her better than any of us, and if you really stop and think about it, you know that now is not the time to push.”
“I can’t let her walk away from me.”
“You have to,” Caleb said from behind me, “at least for tonight.”
I turned around and the varying looks of sadness on their faces said so much to me. They could have been for Emily, or me. Either way, everyone in that room recognized how bad things had gotten. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost myself. My eyes burned as I tried to hold back how badly I was hurting for both of us.
“I have to fight for her. I don’t want to let her walk away.”
Nick gripped my shoulder. “You won’t. We just need a plan. A way to reach her.”
“I’m going to check on her,” Angie said, giving a brief nod on her way past.
Lauren stepped in front of me and put her hands on my arms. “You once told me that Josh ran because he loved me. Well, Em does love you, she’s just afraid to get hurt again. She’s going to erect every wall she can find to protect her heart. It won’t be easy, but you have to keep trying.”
Josh came up and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “She’s right. Don’t give up. Just know you have a shit-ton of groveling to do.”
“She can do anything she wants to me, as long as it doesn’t include keeping me out of her life.”
Nick picked up his keys. “Come on. I’ll take you home. We’ll figure it out.”
Not trusting my voice, I nodded at my friends and walked out the door. Nick followed closely behind. Once we were in the car, the silence stretched on. Too lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t even think about small talk. Before I went after Emily again, I needed to settle my own demons. I needed to be able to promise her that nothing was going to come between us again.
“Want to take a quick trip with me?”
Nick’s head snapped in my direction and quickly. “A trip? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I need to see my dad.” My voice was flat, emotionless.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
“If I’m going to get Emily back then, yes, I need to face him.”
Instead of heading to my apartment, he turned onto the freeway, toward my dad’s house. “When was the last time you talked to him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe a month or so ago?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Shit. You really want to do this.”
“I have to.”
The rest of the drive was made in silence. Nick kept fidgeting in his seat, eyes flicking to the clock on the dashboard every few minutes. The tension in the car was palpable—like a heavy fog, making it hard to breathe. My knee bounced restlessly as I watched the car eat up the miles. The benefit of Nick driving was that he had a habit of making it to places faster than anyone else and in no time he was pulling into my dad’s driveway. It was late and my dad was probably asleep. Imagine my surprise when the porch light flicked on and the front door swung open. Dad was standing there in his pajama pants, a worried frown on his face.
We stepped out of the car and I followed Nick up onto the porch.
Dad pulled me into a hug. “Andrew, is everything okay?”
“No. Everything is definitely not okay.
He let me go and turned to Nick and shook his hand. “Nick, it’s good to see you again.”
Dad looked over at me again. “Andrew, what’s wrong?”
I gestured toward the house. “Can we go inside and talk?”
Dad led us down the hall and into the living room. It was surprising to see how clean the house was.
“Did you hire a cleaner?”
He shook his head. “No, Son, I did it myself.”
The shock must have registered across my face because Dad’s eyes grew sad. “I’ve made so many mistakes over the last several months.
Nick and I followed him into the living room. Once they had seats—I was too restless to sit—Dad glanced at Nick before he focused his gaze on me.
“Andrew, I am so sorry for some of the things I’ve done since Mom passed away. Losing your mother was hard, but that was no excuse for the way I behaved. In turn, my mistakes caused you to make mistakes of your own.” He paused, looking up at the ceiling trying to hold back the tears .
The pain in his eyes tore at me, then images of Emily flashed through my mind and suddenly his pain seemed less important. “Why, Dad?”
“I’m so sorry, Andrew. I was so distraught over your mom being gone that I thought maybe it would have been better if we’d never met. I realized that all of the happiest times of my life were spent with her, but even though our time may have been short, I will always treasure the time we had.” There was a small catch in his voice.
“I was wrong when I told you to leave Emily. There isn’t a day I would give up if I had my time with your mom all over again. Those memories may be all that I have left of her, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.” That’s when the tears started to fall.
“She hates me.” I said, watching my dad. “All because I listened to your advice.” I started to pace the length of the living room, trying to relieve the knot in my stomach. His arms were resting on his legs, his head in his hands.
Nick stepped in my path “You’re right, a part of her does.” My head snapped up to watch him. “I’m not gonna sugarcoat this for you. You hurt her, and it’s not going to be an easy fight to get her to trust you again. But there’s enough of her that still loves you that she might be willing to give you a chance, if you try.”
Dad turned to Nick. “Will she listen?”
“I think she will, but like I said, it’s not going to be easy.”
I spun around to face my dad. “How could you do this to me? I trusted you. I’ve always listened to your advice. Yet you told me to leave the only woman I’ve ever
loved.”
Images of Emily began to flash in front of me, our first date, our first kiss, the day I asked her to be my wife. Then images from the bar chased them away. All I could see were pictures of Emily standing there, crying. Then there were Nick’s words in the car.
You broke her.
I stopped my tirade when I realized that I couldn’t put all the blame on my dad. He did tell me to do all of it, but I made the decision. It was my choice.
“How could I have hurt her?” I closed my eyes in anguish.
“You can still fix it,” Nick said.
That’s when the idea hit me. I knew exactly what I was going to do to win Emily back.
Jumping to my feet, I started for the door. “We’ve got to go,” I called over my shoulder.
Nick and my dad hurried behind me. “Where are you going?” Nick asked.
Before I walked out the door, I turned to my dad. The pain etched on his face was overwhelming. While I understood why he’d done what he did, it didn’t make it hurt any less that I might have lost the love of my life because I listened to him.
“I need to deal with Emily first. You and I can talk later.”
He nodded once, and I turned and walked out the door.
As I got into the car I heard him call out, “I’m so sorry, Andrew.”
Nick wasted no time getting us on the road. Throughout the drive back, my mind raced with idea after idea. It was possible, but I was going to need my friends help. When I explained the idea to Nick he agreed, and promised to talk to everyone else.
The moment we reached my apartment, I was out of the car and headed for the door. I barely said good-bye to Nick. The laptop was sitting on the couch where I’d left it earlier, before I went the bar. So much had happened since then.
Opening my laptop I got to work on the apology of the century, my hands shaking, hoping it would be enough.
Emily
IT HAD BEEN A few days since the whole episode with Andrew. Nick came home late that night and refused to talk about anything that happened after they’d left. Not that I could blame him. He was still Andrew’s friend, and I wouldn’t ever have asked him to turn his back on him.
Every day I thought about Andrew and the things he’d said to me. I was doing my best to keep it together. I felt like I’d finally crawled out of the hole I’d been buried in over the last seven months. Things were still pretty shitty, but I was doing my best to keep it together. I didn’t want to be the sad girl everyone felt bad for anymore. I needed to be strong and prove to everyone, and myself, that I didn’t need Andrew.
But my conviction was waning. It wasn’t like I could deny it. I still loved him. As the days passed, it got harder and harder not to push my feelings down, to keep them locked away. It didn’t help that every single one of my friends was avoiding the subject. Like it was this taboo topic. That, or they were afraid of which Emily might surface if they did say something.
One night when I got home from work, Nick was sitting on the couch watching TV. I’d stayed late to get a few reports done. Plus it had given me something to do, so that I had less time to sit in the apartment and dwell on what had happened.
“How about Chinese for dinner?” he asked. I wasn’t in the mood to cook so that worked out perfectly.
“Sounds good. Let me just change really quick.” Throwing on jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, I went back into the living room to join him.
“Did you already order?”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “I figure we can order in a bit. “I was just about to watch a movie, is that okay?”
“Sure, as long as you picked something good.”
“I think you’ll like it. Or at least I hope you will.” He winked at me.
Grabbing the remote, he pushed play. Immediately, I knew that something was off. Instead of the normal FBI warnings, there was music and a black screen. The music continued to play, while images began to float across the screen. Every few images were punctuated by words.
All of the pictures were of Andrew and me.
I stood up, ready to give it to Nick and walk away, but a hand wrapped around my arm. My head snapped around to glare at him.
“I know you want to run away from this, but after everything that happened a few days ago, I think you need to sit down and watch before you do anything.”
Indecision warred within me. A part of me wanted to run and hide in my room, while the rest of me wanted to stay and see what it was all about.
Not wanting to let Nick off the hook that easily, I yanked my arm out of his grasp but sat down next to him to watch the video. Each and every picture matched the ones I’d set out for him that day so long ago.
The pictures were one thing, but the words that rolled across the screen helped to put a few pieces of my shattered heart back together.
These are the memories I have of you.
Some of them good, some of them bad.
But it doesn’t matter what type of memories they are.
Because they are ours.
Ours to have for as long as we live.
I hope that these aren’t the extent of our memories.
Give me a chance and I’ll help to make many more.
Memories that I will hold near and dear to my heart, no matter what may happen.
The screen went blank and I turned to Nick, the feel of wetness on my cheek.
“Where is he?”
“Are you ready to forgive him?”
“I’m not sure, but I am ready to listen to what he has to say.”
Nick smiled. “That’s a start.” He took my hand in his. “You do know how much he loves you, right?”
“For a while there I didn’t think he did, but I’m starting to remember. Nick, where is he?”
“That’s something I’m not going to tell you. You know Andrew better than anyone. If you are truly ready to listen, then you need to figure out where he is on your own. Look inside and ask yourself, where would you go?”
Nick’s cryptic bullshit was pissing me off. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just tell me. He usually sucked at secrets and I could easily weasel the answer out of him. But not this time. This time, I had a feeling he was going to keep the secret—no matter what.
Nick stood up. “I’ll be in my room if you need me,” he said with a smirk.
I didn’t even hear the door close as I stared off into space. Where could he have gone? I guessed he wasn’t at his new place, since I had no idea where it was, and after everything that happened I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be at his dad’s. Nick had asked me to think about where I would go.
That’s when it hit me.
I knew exactly where Andrew was.
I ran down the hall and knocked on Nick’s door. It took a few seconds, but he pulled it open.
“Can you take me to the park?” I asked without preamble. “I don’t trust myself enough to drive.”
He gave me a brief hug. “That I can do. I’m so glad you figured it out.”
“Let me grab my stuff.” I ran down to my room and threw on a pair of shoes, grabbing my phone and purse as well.
By the time I made it out to the living room, Nick was already waiting in the car for me. We made the drive quickly, my whole body trembling with nerves. When I stepped out of the car I noticed many cars in the lot, but Andrew’s wasn’t one of them.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was somewhere else.
I shook off my doubts. He was at the park. I knew it. And my best guess was that he was at the swings. Without waiting for Nick, I ran through the park toward the swing set and just like I thought, there was Andrew, standing there, waiting for me, surrounded by our friends.
On legs that felt like jelly, I walked up to him. I stopped in front of him and he let out a deep breath. He took my hand in his and slowly sunk down on one knee.
“Emily, thank you for coming. There is so much I want to tell you, starting with how sorry I am you were made to suffer for my mistakes. You are, and alw
ays will be my true love, and I promise to never let anything come between us again. You are the most important person in the world to me and I love you with all of my heart. I’m sorry that I broke yours, but maybe together we could work on healing each other.”
His words were beautiful and they made me yearn for him to touch me. He squeezed my hand. “You are my everything . . . that’s why I was so scared to live without you.”
Lowering myself to my knees, I sat in front of him, looking at the face I’d missed every day for the last seven months.
“Oh, Andrew.” My eyes began to blur. “There are no guarantees in life. You just have to enjoy what you have, while you have it.”
And then I was engulfed in his warm embrace. “I love you so much, Emily. I wish I’d never listened to my dad. He was drinking and upset.”
“Shh.” I covered his lips with my finger.
“But I’ve caused you so much pain.”
“Then find a way to make up for it, ’cause I’m not letting you go again.”
He sealed his lips over mine, and a sense of joy and peace washed over me. The moment his tongue brushed over my lips, I let him in. It was his taste I’d craved every night I’d slept alone in our bed.
Slowly he pulled away, cupping my face with his hands. “Don’t worry, I’m never leaving again.”
There was sniffling in the background. Andrew stood and helped me up. Standing around us, I saw Angie and Lauren crying. Nick came over and clasped Andrew on the back. “I’m glad you finally came to your senses.”
“Thank you for taking care of her while I got my shit together.”
“I knew if you were thinking correctly, you wouldn’t expect any less.”
“I think it’s time for us to go,” Angie said, giving everyone pointed looks.
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Josh agreed.
Angie stopped to give us each a hug. “I’m glad you didn’t disappoint me, Andrew. You better take care of her this time.”
“I will, if she’ll trusts me to.” A sad smile played across his lips.
Andrew held his hand out to me. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
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