Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance

by Angela Snyder

  Forcing myself to look away from Colt for the millionth time tonight, I finish my mixed drink while glancing around the room. The bar isn't crowded, once again, and I decide to ask Buddy about it when he approaches me for a refill of my rum and coke.

  "It's Saturday night. What gives?" I ask, looking around the mostly empty room.

  Buddy shrugs. "Ain't been the same since Colt's dad died. William always knew how to draw a crowd in. And then once our cook quit after Colt and I took over runnin' the place, things really started slowin' down."

  "You and Colt own the bar now?" I ask, surprised.

  Buddy nods. "Yep. Partners," he remarks. He finishes making my drink and sets it down in front of me. I give him money, and he turns away to put it in the cash register. Then he returns a few seconds later with my change.

  "Keep it," I tell him.

  "Thanks, Penny," he says before plopping the dollars into the tip jar.

  "Where's Shirley at?" I ask out of curiosity. Shirley was the bartender here for years. She was old, but the best waitress and bartender I've ever seen.

  "She moved to Tennessee to be closer to her grandkids. We haven't been able to find anyone to take her place since she left a few months ago." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "It's been rough keepin' this place above water, but we're managin'. For now," he mutters.

  Then he turns to wait on another person, and I sit and let his words sink in. If the bar goes under, I wonder what Colton would do. He would probably lose everything he inherited. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

  With a smile on my face and a newfound purpose on my mind, I sip my drink and think about how I can help keep the bar afloat all while bringing Colton and me closer together.

  * * * * *

  "SO, PENNY, HOW was your internship with the State Assembly?" Dad asks during Sunday supper.

  I cough, choking on the piece of broccoli sliding down my throat. I hurry up and gulp down my glass of water to swallow it down. Wincing, I clear my throat before answering him. "Um, it…went well," I lie.

  Mama eyes me over the centerpiece from across the table. "Oh, really? Because your father called Larry the other day about any positions opening up. So, would it surprise you to learn that Larry informed us you never completed your internship? That you dropped out after only a few months and told them that you were going to enroll in culinary arts school?"

  I can hear the disappointment laced in her voice, and I hang my head. "I…I did go to culinary arts school, and I got a certification in baking and pastry arts."

  "Baking and pastry arts?" my mother asks in disgust. She takes a sip of her wine and shakes her head. "Since when do you like to bake?"

  "I've always loved cooking and baking. Colton's mom loved showing me how to ---."

  She doesn't let me finish. Bringing up Colton's mother always was a sore subject between my mama and me. "Penelope, Political Science was your major in college," she says, emphasizing the word college as if culinary arts school isn't good enough. I know it isn't good enough for her, but it was my dream. My mother sets down her wine glass. "What about your future plans? The internship was going to solidify your spot to work for almost any senator or representative and eventually congress. You threw everything down the drain so you could learn how to bake?"

  My mother has always been overbearing, telling me what I should and what I will do with my life. She is also the main reason why it was so hard for Colton and I to be together. She was always fighting tooth and nail to keep us apart. Mama always looked at Colton like he came from the wrong side of the tracks even though his family practically lived next door. Granted, there is a lake and a few acres that separate us, but still…Colton and I were meant to be, but she could never see that. She never wanted that kind of small town life for me. She wanted me to accomplish everything that she never did and never could. And instead of living my own dream, I've been living hers.

  "I wanted to try something different," I say in a small voice. I cringe at how weak I sound. "I wanted to be sure I wasn't making a mistake."

  "And now that you've tested the waters, so to speak, I have great news for you." My mother wipes her mouth with a bright blue linen napkin. A wide smile appears on her face as she tells me, "Your father convinced Larry to give you another shot at the internship program. Starting fall semester, you can go back to New York and pick up right where you left off."

  I stare at her, flabbergasted. I just got home, and she's already planning for to ship me off back to New York in just a few months and back to something I already decided I didn't want to do. Anger has me curling my fists on the table. "I'm not going back to New York," I say as sternly as I can, standing my ground.

  My mother stands quickly and glares at me. "Penelope, you will be going back to New York, and you will enroll in that internship that your father so tirelessly managed to get you another chance for! You do not have a choice in the matter!" she yells before banging her palm down on the expensive oak table.

  My mouth falls agape. I've never heard my mother raise her voice before. Maybe everyone has changed since I left. And that's the real root of the problem. I left. Well, I'm not leaving again. Not now. Not ever. Not at least until I can make damn sure that everything is over between Colton and me and there's no chance of resurrecting our relationship. I cringe at the thought of having nothing between us anymore, but I try not to dwell on it. I'm going to fight my hardest to be with him whether he likes it or not, because I know deep down somewhere the boy that I loved is still there. And I will never give up on that boy. Never.

  I stand and stare at both of my parents. "I'm not going back," I say, more firmly this time. "I'm staying."

  My mother's eyes turn to my father, shooting daggers in his direction. He clears his throat and shifts uneasily in his chair. "Penny, we're willing to pay rent for an apartment in New York, but if you stay…" His voice trails off, and his eyes drop to the table.

  "If I stay, then what? What are you going to do, Daddy? Cut me off?" I ask sarcastically.

  "Penny, we don't want to, but ---." He clams up at the glare from my mother.

  "Yes, we will cut you off financially," my mother confirms. "If you stay," she adds.

  "Fine. You think I can't make it on my own? You're wrong. I'm stronger than you think I am, Mama. And you're not gonna push me anymore into doing something I don't want to do." I stand tall and proud. "I love Colton, and I'm going to help him through this, because I know that's what he would do for me if things were reversed."

  "Don't ruin your life over a boy, Penny. Think about what you're doing to your future!" my mother yells after me as I amble up the stairs.

  I turn around once I reach the top. "For the first time in my life, Mama, I am thinking about my future." Then I retreat to my room to pack my things.

  After gathering everything from my room that I can carry, I stuff my suitcases and bags into my car and take off down the road. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm practically homeless and penniless. I have a few hundred dollars in my savings account, but that won't get me by for very long. I blew all of my savings on culinary school, but I don't regret it. It's the one decision that I don't regret in my life.

  I guess I never realized how much I was depending on my parents while I was going to school. They gave me money whenever I needed it, and I was plain old spoiled. I just didn't realize how spoiled until now.

  I drive in circles until I find myself outside of Crawford's Bar. "Great," I mutter to myself. Even my subconscious keeps drawing me back to Colt. I think back to my conversation with Buddy last night. They need a cook and a bartender. Shirley left a few months back, and she had lived upstairs in the small apartment above the bar. It might still be empty. "An apartment and a job. Two birds with one stone," I whisper.

  With as much courage as I can muster, I get out of the car, straighten my dress and walk into the bar with my head held high. The place is busy, and Colton is nowhere to be seen. I breathe a sigh of rel
ief.

  Buddy is behind the counter desperately trying to fill a drink order with one hand while grasping a wad full of cash in the other. I duck under the pass-through of the counter and start taking orders like I own the place. Buddy glances over at me, but doesn't say a word. We work together over the next hour or so filling orders, taking money, pouring shots and putting small bills into the tip jar. A lot of people I recognize from high school leave me pretty big tips, and I notice how wide Buddy's eyes get when the jar starts to overflow with bills.

  After the rush is over, Buddy walks over to me. "What're you doin' here, Penny?"

  I'm elbow deep in a big sink of suds washing glasses when I stop and look up at him. "I need a job, Buddy."

  "You're jokin', right?" he scoffs.

  "I'm not," I say before taking my hands out of the dishwater and drying them on a nearby towel. I decide to lay it all out there. Buddy was always there for me when we were younger. I just hope I can still count on him now. "My parents practically disowned me. I need money."

  "They disowned you?" he asks in surprise. Then he grows very serious as he asks, "Why?"

  "Because I won't go back to New York." I bite my lower lip before confessing, "Because I want to stay here and help Colton."

  Buddy scrubs a hand down his face. "Damn it, Penny. I think Colton's been pretty clear on what he wants from you. And that's nothing."

  I nod solemnly. "I know. But I don't care. I'm not leaving him again. I know the boy I love is still in there, Buddy."

  He tilts his head to the side, studies me a while, and then says, "Colt's not gonna be happy about this, but…all right. You got yourself a job."

  I smile and jump into Buddy's arms, hugging him fiercely. "Thank you."

  He hugs me back for a brief second before pulling away with a chuckle. "Okay. So if they disowned you, where you stayin'?"

  My eyes roll to the ceiling, indicating the apartment upstairs, and my smile widens.

  Buddy groans. "Oh, man. Colt's really gonna kill me."

  * * * * *

  THE APARTMENT IS small, but cozy. I take a quick tour through the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room. It's fully furnished with hand-me-down furniture that has seen better days…back in the '70s…but it's more than what I had just five minutes ago, so I can't really complain. Beggars can't be choosers, after all. And if I decide to stay longer in Alabama longer than a few months, I can update everything as I go along.

  Buddy collapses onto the couch after hauling my heavy suitcases up the flight of stairs on the outside of the building. "I'll give you your work schedule tomorrow and a uniform."

  I cock a brow at him. "Uniform?"

  Buddy grins. "Yeah. There's a uniform, Penny."

  From the tone of his voice and the look on his face, I'm a little scared as to what the uniform might consist of, but how bad could it be. Right?

  "I really appreciate this, Buddy." I just hate how my relationship with Buddy has also been strained since I got back into town. Buddy was always my best friend too; and he was always the third wheel, tagging alongside Colton and I wherever we went. Now he's got an attitude with me, and I have no idea why.

  "I wouldn't do it for just anybody. I want you to know that…even though I have my doubts," he says while looking everywhere in the apartment but me. I'm starting to wonder if something else happened while I was away to make Buddy act this way with me. Our relationship is definitely strained, and you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. "But if you're serious about stayin' because of Colt, then I'm not gonna stop you. That boy needs a swift kick in the pants to get his heart kick-started again." Buddy pauses and looks me in the eye. "He ain't been right since you left, Penny, and I'm talkin' about before the accident, too." I watch as he sits up, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands. "He missed you like crazy from day one. You were the only thing he talked about. He couldn't wait until you came back on break." He hesitates before saying, "But then everything happened, and you never came back."

  "He stopped calling me, Buddy." I stare up at the ceiling and blink tears away. "I thought he had found someone else, and that's why I never came home. But I didn't know about the accident. I didn't know that's why he stopped calling me."

  Buddy stares at me for a long minute. "He didn't stop callin' you because of the accident, Penny. He stopped callin' when he heard about your new beau up in New York."

  His words send a shockwave through me. I never dated anyone in college even after Colton stopped calling me and broke my heart. I couldn't bear to think of being with anyone else but him. I went through college, determined to finish and determined to come back home someday…to him. I stayed the course, never strayed. "What new beau?" I ask, alarmed.

  He slowly stands and narrows his eyes at me. "Your mama told everyone in town about the new beau you found in college. Some handsome asshat with a BMW and a lot of dough. She said you two fell in love and were gonna get hitched right after college."

  "That's not true!" I cry. I pace around the apartment with my head in my hands. "Oh God. She lied about that too." I stop walking and stare at Buddy. "There was no one else, Buddy, I swear. Even though the phone calls stopped, I never stopped loving Colton. I didn't even so much as kiss another guy while I was in college. Hell, I haven't even kissed another guy in five years! It's only ever been Colt. It's always been Colt," I say with a sob. "My mama…" I choke on my words. Then I start again. "My mama told me Colton had found a new girl. I didn't believe it until he stopped calling and stopped texting me. Then I believed her. I believed her. She never told me about the accident." I cover my face with my hands and cry. So much deceit had happened over the past few years, and I had no idea. Everything was suddenly coming to light, and it was completely devastating. "After a few months of silence, I started calling him again. I must have called him a million times, but it always went to voicemail. Then his number was disconnected. I thought he was ignoring me, so I just…I gave up on him." I shake my head. "I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have given up on him."

  Buddy takes me into his arms and holds me tightly. "I believe you. I believe you, Penny." He sighs in my hair. "You always were a terrible liar, and I can tell that you're not makin' this shit up."

  His words almost make me chuckle, but my laugh chokes out around another sob. No wonder Buddy's been acting so weird since I got back into town. He thinks I screwed over his best friend. I would be mad at me too if I were him.

  "I can't believe Colt thought I would cheat on him." I pause and give a slight shake of my head. "Well, I guess I did the same exact thing to him."

  "I don't know if I ever truly believed it. Colton told me numerous times how he wanted to go to New York and talk to you about it face to face. He just never got the chance to do it."

  I pull myself out of Buddy's arms and crumble into a chair in the kitchen. "If someone would have called me, I would have been here in a heartbeat. I would have left everything behind to be with Colt."

  Buddy nods and exhales slowly. "You got to understand how it was from our point of view, Penny. You left Colton and went to New York. Your mama told us all here the same lies she was tellin' you. Colt got wind that you had a new beau in college. He went ballistic and stopped callin' you out of anger. Then the accident happened. He was in a coma for months. You never came to see him, so we never called. I just figured you knew."

  I shake my head slowly. Everyone assumed I would know. Of course they would, though. I was Colton's girlfriend. I should have known.

  "His dad died a few years later, and I was the only family he really had left. I wanted to protect him. I thought if you haven't seen him in this long that you didn't give a damn. That's why I didn't call, Penny. Not because I didn't want to hurt you, but because I didn't want to hurt Colt." He sighs. "Colton was a mess after the accident, Penny. He didn't want to know anything about his past, and so I never even told him about you." He hesitates before saying, "It's as if you never existed."


  Buddy's words rock me down to my very core. I swallow back the sob threatening to escape. In that moment, I loathe my parents with a passion. They never approved of Colton. They always wanted better for me, but they never could understand that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Colt with all of his flaws no matter what. I loved him. I still love him.

  "So he doesn't remember anything?" I ask, not knowing if I really want to know the answer.

  Buddy hesitates. "Every now and then he remembers stuff. He blocks so much of his past out that he doesn't really give himself a chance to remember much."

  I pace around the room around, struggling with my emotions. "Why didn't you tell him about me? Why didn't anybody tell him about me?" I say, raising my voice to almost hysterics.

  "I tried!" Buddy yells back. "Damn it, Penny, I tried! He didn't want to know anything about the past. Every time I tried to bring something up, he would flip out and disappear for days on end. No one would know where he was. We were all on edge, thinkin' that he was going to just wind up killin' himself over the guilt. He didn't want to remember. He doesn't want to remember." He pauses and then says, "I think he blames himself for Connor's death…or maybe for all of their deaths. I don't know." He shakes his head sadly. "Life hasn't been easy on him. Colton's lost everyone he loves, Penny…including you because he won't allow himself to remember."

  Tears fill my eyes as I grip the arms of the chair. I try to calm myself down and let Buddy's words slowly absorb. "So only certain memories have come back to him?"

  "He remembers his family, because he's surrounded by them in that house --- the pictures, the memories, the moments of his life and everything that his dad told him before he died. He would listen to his dad and only him. His father tried to help him down to his very last breath. He didn't want Colton to go on livin' on a blank slate. He wanted Colt to remember everything, but he refused. The more information he gave, the more Colt started to withdraw from everyone. Like I said, he doesn't want to remember. I don't know the exact reasonin' behind it, but I'm sure he has a good excuse for not wantin' to remember his family…and you."