I scrub a hand down my face and sigh.
I'm totally fucked.
* * * * *
I'M KILLIN' TIME until Penny and Tucker leave when Buddy steps into my office. I can't bear to see them together one second longer, so it's best if I just hide out in my office until they're gone.
"Penny's drunk," Buddy announces.
I glance up at him from the newspaper that I'm just pretendin' to read. "So?"
"So somebody needs to look after her, Colt. I really don't want to be responsible for someone dyin' of alcohol poisonin' or chokin' on their own vomit in the middle of the night."
"You served her. You take care of her," I say indifferently and turn my full attention back to the paper.
"I'm not takin' care of her. I've got work to do, and I have a date tonight with Shelby Rae." He stands there silently for a few minutes. When I don't acknowledge him, he says, "Okay. Fine. I'll just tell Tucker to take her home. I'm pretty sure that's what he's plannin' on doin' anyway." He turns to walk away.
"Wait!" I call, and Buddy hesitates, glancin' at me over his shoulder with an evil grin. "Tucker is still out there with her?"
"Oh yeah. Penny's hangin' all over him." He whistles lowly. "He's gonna get laid tonight," he says, emphasizin' the words loudly.
I stand up quickly, knockin' my chair over in the process. "Like hell he is," I hiss as I storm out of the office, pushin' past Buddy on my way out.
Buddy is hot on my heels as we walk to the front room. Just like he said, Penny is hangin' all over Tucker with two empty shot glasses and three empty plastic cups in front of her. I turn to Buddy. "Why did you let her drink so much?" I chide.
"I didn't know she was such a lightweight," he says defensively.
I walk over to the Penny and Tucker, seethin'. "Penny," I say quietly.
She turns to me and smiles, and my heart instantly skips a beat. Damn it.
"Barkeep, two more sssshots of tequila, pleassse," she says with slurred words and a giggle.
"I'm not servin' you anymore, Penny."
She pouts, and it's so damn cute that I have to struggle to keep a smile from formin' on my lips. "Where's Buddy?" she asks. "He'll ssserve me."
"He ain't servin' you either."
She suddenly grabs Tucker's hand. "Tucker, do you…do you have a tequila at your houssse?"
He hesitates. "I have whiskey. No tequila."
Angrily, I reach across the bar and grab Tucker by his shirt collar. I haul him up out of his seat until our faces are only an inch apart. "You can't see that she doesn't need more alcohol?" I hiss at him.
"I wasn't actually going to give her any!" Tucker quickly says defensively. "I was just answering her question."
Buddy hauls me back over the bar, and I reluctantly release my grip on Tucker's collar. "Enough, Colt. Why don't you see that Penny makes it up to her apartment safely?" He eyeballs Tucker. "Bar's closed. Come back another time, Tuck."
Tucker begins to protest, but Buddy glares at him. Tucker then holds up his hands in defense and nods. "All right. Fine." He turns to Penny and kisses her on the cheek. "Goodnight, Penny. I had a great time. As usual," he says and shoots her a big smile that seems to melt Penny on the spot.
Suddenly, Penny stands and wraps her arms around his neck. Her pouty lips meet his in a kiss, and I have to look away. "Me too," she says with a dreamy sigh.
I walk around the bar once Tucker leaves and grab Penny by her hand. I'm fumin' from their little exchange. I didn't realize how jealous I would get from seein' Penny with someone else. Apparently insanely fuckin' jealous. "Get your purse. You're goin' home," I say sternly.
She barely has a grip on the handle of her bag before I start pullin' her behind me. Her heels click rapidly against the floor as she struggles to keep up. Once we're outside, she pulls back on my grip. "Wait, Colt. Wait. I…I can't walk in these heels very fast," she whines.
I stop walkin' and turn to her. "Well, maybe you shouldn’t have drank so damn much!" I snap at her.
Her lips pinch into a tight line as she glares at me. She's smart to not say anything in response. Frustrated, I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder. I peel off her high heels and hold them in one hand while my other hand pins down her flailin' legs. "Put me down!" she screams, poundin' on my back with her tiny fists.
"You're gonna have to do a lot better than that," I tell her, frustratingly, while I ascend the steps to her apartment.
Once we're at the front door, I reach above the doorframe and grab the spare key that only Buddy and I know about. I unlock the door, walk inside and slowly ease her down into a kitchen chair. She slumps in the seat while I fill up a tall glass of water at the sink.
"Drink," I demand, settin' the glass in front of her. "The whole thing."
She scrunches up her nose, but drinks the water anyway without so much as a peep. Her hair is disheveled and her makeup is smudged, but she never looked more beautiful.
I tear my gaze away from her and pace the kitchen floor as I wait for her to finish. Then I hold out my hand to her. She looks at me out from under long golden lashes. "You're goin' to bed," I state.
She shakes her head, but I grab her hand and haul her up out of the chair. She loses her balance and crashes against my chest. The closeness of her is sudden and unexpected, but I feel my arms wrappin' around her, not wantin' to let go. I stare down at her as she turns her gaze up to meet mine.
"Colt," she whispers softly. Her fingertips run over the stubble on my jaw. "I miss you," she says with a hauntingly sad tone. Her fingertips trail over my lips. "I miss everything about you. I miss us," she confesses quietly.
I close my eyes and breathe in her soft scent. She feels so right in my arms. I get this overwhelmin' feelin' that my heart knows somethin' that I don’t. I wish I wanted to remember her.
"I've only been with you," she whispers. "It's only ever been you." She stares at my lips. "You were my first and my last. I didn't even kiss another boy…until Tucker."
My eyes open slowly. She's kissed Tucker, but they haven't slept together yet. Fuck. I thought he was gettin' inside her pants after every fuckin' date. That's why I've been so wound up. I'm relieved to hear that he hasn't gotten past first base. I almost laugh out loud at the thought. Poor bastard doesn't even know what he's missin' out on.
But I do.
So she's only ever been with me. Her words are my undoin', and I can feel my growin' erection diggin' into her belly. I'm the only one who's been inside of her sweet pussy, and that turns me on more than anything in this world.
My hands tighten on her arms as I hold her against me. She focuses on me with those big, stormy, gray eyes, and I suddenly run out of willpower to stay away from her.
"Penny," I growl in warnin' before my lips crash down upon hers. She whimpers against my mouth from the bruisin' kiss.
I don't wait for her to open up to me. I force her lips open with my tongue, and I take. I take her entire mouth possessively, showin' her how much I want her even if I can't tell her. My tongue runs over her lips and teeth and tongue, not sparin' one single inch of her mouth from bein' tasted by me.
Her hands trail up to my hair, pullin' the ends and yankin' me closer to her. She moans these sexy little sounds into my mouth, and it drives me fuckin' crazy. My hands reach down to her sweet, plump ass and cup her backside, squeezin' and massagin' until I elicit a loud gasp from her.
Her fingers reach for my belt, but I finally come to my senses and halt her actions. "Stop. Wait." I hold her hands in mine and stare down at her. "Penny, we can't do this."
"Why?" she asks with tears formin' in her eyes.
She thinks I'm rejectin' her. If she only knew how much I want her right now. But not like this. Not when she's drunk and probably won't even remember this in the mornin'.
"You don't want me now?" she asks, as her hand slowly caresses me through my jeans.
I can't take advantage of her even if my cock has other ideas. I take a step back from her. "Fuck,
" I groan, tryin' to tame the beast threatenin' to burst out of my jeans. "We can't do this because you're drunk, Penny, not because I don't want you." I take another step back. "It's time for you to go to bed. You had way too much to drink tonight," I say while silently cursin' Buddy in the back of my mind. I'm obviously gonna have to keep a better eye on her.
Penny's face falls. She looks utterly destroyed, and I instantly feel like shit. "Will you stay with me?" she asks. I open my mouth to tell her no, but then she adds, "Please," with a sexy pout.
I can't resist that pout. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. I'm probably gonna regret this, but I answer with yes.
A smile forms on her lips as she makes her way back to her bedroom. I slowly follow behind her. When I step into the room, she's strippin' off her clothes. I quickly turn in the doorframe and face the other way. It's not like I haven't seen her naked before, but this is different. I would feel like a creep watchin' her now when she's not exactly in the right frame of mind.
I hear her crawlin' into bed, so I turn and look at her. She changed into a pair of pink boyshorts and a white tank with no bra. I groan and shake my head.
This is gonna be a long night.
She pats the mattress beside her just like I did to her the other night we were together. I crawl into the bed, which is clearly too small for two grown adults, and instantly regret my decision to stay. Her lush body is pushed up against my chest, and I have nowhere to go…unless I decide to sleep on the floor.
She's facin' the wall away from me, and her bottom is pressed up against me. I'm tryin' so damn hard to kill my growin' erection, but it's almost impossible. She wiggles, tryin' to get comfortable and makin' my situation even worse.
A low groan escapes my lips. "Penny," I scold her.
Penny giggles when she realizes what she's doin' to me. "Sorry," she whispers in a sexy voice.
She's drivin' me up the wall. "How do you feel?" I ask, tryin' to distract myself.
"Not good."
"Do you feel like you're gonna throw up?"
She shakes her head. "No. I don't think so." Then she says, "Maybe."
Well, that sounded pretty confident. I roll my eyes and lay my head down on the pillow. Her blonde hair is near my nose, and I breathe in her soft scent. She smells like cakes and flowers, and it's intoxicatin'.
"Will you…will you hold me?" she asks so softly that I'm not even sure I heard her right.
I tentatively wrap my arm around her waist, and she sighs contentedly. "Thank you for staying with me, Colt."
"You're welcome," I say. If she only knew how hard this was to hold her like this. Even over the years Ruby Sue and I have been off and on, we never really did the cuddlin' thing. She was usually leavin' or I was after we were done with the night's sexcapades.
I expect Penny to fall asleep fast, but, of course, she doesn't. She squirms and moves and bucks that tight, plush ass against my cock for the next forty minutes.
"Penny, go to sleep," I warn.
"I can't. I don't feel good," she whispers.
I don't know why, but I find myself beginnin' to hum a tune that I didn't even realize I knew --- Penny Lane by The Beatles. This seems to soothe and relax her almost immediately.
"You remembered," she whispers before fallin' asleep.
I remembered? Remembered what? Maybe the song means somethin' of significance for us, because I sure as hell never hummed that song before to anyone else. It would make sense, though. Her name is in the title of the song.
We lay there with her in my arms for a long time. Our soft, rhythmic breathing is the only thing breaking the silence. My eyes gaze down at the top of Penny's head as she rests on the pillow beside me. She feels so damn good in my arms. It feels so natural to be holdin' her like this, and it makes my heart ache for something that I can't even wrap my mind around.
"Why can't I remember you?" I whisper the question out loud when I'm sure she's asleep.
For the first time in the past five years, I want to remember somethin'. I want to remember her. But I know the consequences of rememberin'. More memories will come, and then I'll start to remember all of the people and things that I have lost over the years. I shake my head and bury my nose in Penny's hair. No. I can't remember her. I never will…but maybe we can create our own memories now so that I don't have to live in the past.
I can offer her that much at least.
I can offer her my future.
CHAPTER 15
PENNY
I WAKE UP the next morning with a throbbing headache and a mouth that feels as if it's full of cotton. I cough, roll over and catch myself before I fall over the edge of the small bed. I groan and stand on shaky legs as I make my way to the bathroom.
Over the next several minutes all I can do is groan and grunt like a caveman as I attempt to brush my teeth and wash off my makeup. When I go to the fridge in search of a bottle of water, I notice a note stuck to the refrigerator door.
When you wake up, come to my house. ~ Colt
I stare at his writing, my fingertips softly grazing over each letter. Colton used to write me poems. No one ever knew that about him, but Colton James Crawford had a soft side. He was incredibly loving, and I received more love from him during our short relationship than most people have in a lifetime.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I open up the fridge and grab the water. As I'm drinking, I glance at the note again. I wonder why he would have been here last night…or maybe this morning?
A vague memory of him carrying me up the stairs last night hits me, and I practically spit the water out of my mouth. "Oh, God," I moan. I was drunk last night. Very drunk, in fact, and Colton brought me home.
I stand in the kitchen forcing myself to remember. "Oh, God," I groan again. We kissed. Or maybe I kissed him….or maybe I vaguely remember pawing at his clothes and his belt. I put my head in my hands. "I'm never drinking again," I vow. It's the same vow I make every time I wake up with a hangover, and I'm always very quick to break it. But this time I want to mean it so badly.
I take a quick shower and get dressed, and then I make my way to Colt's house with a heavy heart and a sick stomach. When I knock, I hear him yell, "Come in!"
I open up the screen door, and the smell of greasy food hits me. My stomach growls both from pain and hunger. I can't tell which. As I step into the kitchen, my jaw literally drops. "You're…You're cooking," I say, but it sounds more like a question.
He turns away from the cast iron skillet that's currently frying up several pieces of bacon and smirks. "Yeah. So?"
"But you don't cook," I respond in disbelief. When I knew Colton James way back when, he couldn't use a microwave, much less a stove. His mama used to say the men of the Crawford house could burn water, and she didn't even let them near the stove half the time in fear of them burning the house down.
"Well, when dad got sick, I had to learn how to cook for us. We couldn't eat take-out every night from the bar or the same burger joint down the road."
His words slowly sink in, and I instantly feel sad. Colt has been through a lot, and sometimes I forget about all of that because…well, because I wasn't here. And that makes me feel even worse.
"Sit," he says, motioning with a fork to the breakfast nook.
I take a seat and watch in awe as he makes eggs, bacon, sausage and toast. When he puts a heaping plate of food in front me and a glass of orange juice, my eyes grow as large as saucers. "I'll never be able to eat this much!" I protest.
He grins a crooked grin and says, "You may surprise yourself."
A few moments later, he joins me with a heaping plate of his own. I've already eaten my eggs and a piece of toast by the time his butt hits the bench seat across from me. He looks down at my plate and smiles. It's nice to see him smiling instead of being so damn grouchy all the time.
I groan as I munch on a crispy piece of bacon. "I haven't had bacon in a cast iron skillet in forever," I say, groaning again.
Colt
shifts in his seat as his gaze settles on my mouth, and I realize I should probably stop groaning like I'm having a foodgasm. "I'm glad you like it," he says after a brief pause.
I wipe my mouth with a napkin. "So you're cooking and…you're being nice." He flinches when I say the last part, and I instantly wish I could take it back. "To what do I owe the honor?" I ask in all seriousness.
"How much of last night do you remember?"
I swallow hard and take a drink of orange juice to stall as long as I possible can. "Uh, not much," I confess. "I know I drank way too much, and I know you carried me home." I instantly flush at the memory. "And…" my voice trails off.
"And?" he prompts.
"And I might have tried to take your clothes off," I say, biting my lip to hold back anything else that might blurt from my mouth.
His gaze darkens as he stares at my mouth. I slowly release my lip, and my tongue darts out to soothe the bite. Colton quickly looks down at his plate. "Yeah. You were pretty drunk," he says softly. "I put you to bed, and you insisted on me stayin'."
I gasp, and my fork falls from my hand, clanging against the table. "Oh, my God. Did I ---? Did we ---?"
His brows furrow as he gauges my reaction. "No. We didn't do anything but sleep. Well, you slept, and I made sure you didn't choke on your own vomit. And then…I left."
"Oh," I whisper softly. We both turn our attention back to the food and eat in silence for a while.
"I made you breakfast because I know how it feels to wake up with a nasty hangover. Greasy food always seems to help me, so I thought it would help you too."
I stare down at my now empty plate in awe. I can't believe I ate everything. "Well, I definitely feel better…and full."
He grins. "Good."
I reach across the table and cover his hand with mine. His eyes glance down at my touch. "Thank you, Colt."
Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance Page 16