"Oh, no, you were great. It's me. Trust me."
He gives my arms a gentle squeeze and gazes down at me. It's as if the rest of the world around us slowly melts away, and it's just the two of us on that dance floor. His dark eyes look impossibly darker under the brim of his cowboy hat. He looks so handsome in that damn hat. He's almost irresistible.
Shaking my head to clear my unwelcome thoughts, I go to pull away; but Colton keeps a firm hold on me.
"Dance with me," he whispers into my ear. When I go to protest, he pleads, "Just one song, Penny. Just give me one song."
My teeth sink into my bottom lip, and I slowly nod. One dance won't hurt. I just hope my heart can handle the fact that this will be the last song I ever dance to with Colton.
I sink against his chest and let him put his arms around me as I Got The Boy by Jana Kramer plays softly in the background.
After a while, I get the courage to look up at Colton. His expression is blank as if he's trying hard to not let his true feelings show through the mask he's currently wearing. In an attempt to lighten the mood, I ask, "So when did you learn to dance? You always had two left feet growing up."
Colton grins slyly. "I guess some things change."
He has no idea how true that statement is. Things change, and sometimes everything you've ever known changes. I stare up into his eyes, and they immediately draw me in. The lyrics of the song are hitting me hard, especially when I glance over his shoulder and see Ruby Sue shooting daggers at me. I definitely have Colton's past, and Ruby Sue is getting his future. The realization hits me hard like a speeding train, and I suddenly pull back from him.
Colton's hands linger on my elbows like he doesn't want to let me go. But he has to let me go.
And I need to let him go.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I can't do this."
I walk away from him. Tucker is at the edge of the dance floor with a forlorn look on his face, and I instantly feel guilty for dancing with Colt in front of him. Tucker is my date, after all.
I take Tucker's hand and lead him a few feet onto the dance floor. "Dance with me, Tuck."
His dejected expression instantly does a complete turnaround as a big grin spreads over his lips. "You don't have to ask me twice," he says, as he pulls me into his arms.
Ruby Sue walks over to Colton, and I surreptitiously watch as they seem to be arguing on the other side of the room. I wonder if Colton likes to make her mad just so they can make up…like he used to do with me. Tears prick at my eyes, and I instantly regret thinking about the two of them together. The whole scene is almost like a car accident. You know you shouldn't, but there is a part of you that just has to look.
I want to know the things he does for her when they go on a date. Does he hold her hand? Does he tell her he loves her? Does he do that thing where he tucks a piece of hair behind her hair just as an excuse to touch her? Does he tell stupid jokes just so he can hear her laugh?
All those things were what he used to do with me. But I'm in his past --- someone that he doesn't even want to remember.
"Penny?" Tucker's voice tears me from my reverie. When I meet his gaze, he says, "I know things are difficult between you and Colton right now. If you're still having second thoughts about New York ---."
"I'm not," I say adamantly, but I don't know who I'm trying to convince more --- him or me.
My answer seems to assure him. "I don't want to beat around the bush anymore, Penny. Now that you've agreed to go with me to New York, I want you to know that I want us to be more than just co-workers. I want to…take care of you."
I stare up at him, not knowing how to answer that. I already knew Tucker had feelings for me. I just don't know how deep they actually run since I've been the one putting them on the backburner.
When I don't say anything, he continues. "We can take it slow. We'll go at your pace. I just want you to know that I really like you, Penny. You light up my whole world when I'm around you. And I won't miss an opportunity…again…to try to win your heart."
I can't tear my gaze away from his as he tells me just what I need to hear…but it's not coming from the right person's mouth. I want Colt to be telling me these things, but Colton hasn't and probably never will. And I need to face the cold hard truth. I'm leaving Colton behind to start a new life without him. I need to be open to new experiences…and new love. Tucker would treat me like gold. I know he would. He's already proven his loyalty, his passion and his fondness for me. The sparks aren't quite there, but maybe something could develop over time. Once my heart heals, I'm sure I could find love again someday.
Tucker pulls away from me and spins me back to him, swaying us gently to the music. I guess he's not the only guy in the room that has dance moves. He laughs gently against my temple as if he's having the time of his life.
There's so much more I need to learn about Tucker, especially if I'm going to spend a lot of time with him. I know almost nothing about him other than he's obviously handsome, smart and ambitious. In high school, my eyes only saw Colton. I didn't take notice to anyone else.
Tucker gazes down at me like I'm the prettiest girl he's ever seen. "Pinch me," he whispers in my ear.
"What?"
"Pinch me, because I think I might be dreaming right now," he says with a chuckle.
I grin up at him. "You really did like me back in high school, didn't you?"
"Liked you? Penny, I loved ---." He stops talking suddenly, and his steps falter. We stop dancing at the edge of the parquet floor, and he quickly looks away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. God, you probably didn't even know my name back in high school."
I close my eyes for a moment. All the times Tucker asked me out come rushing back. I turned him down time and time again. I feel like the worst person in the world right now. What would one homecoming dance have hurt? We could have gone as friends. But no, I was too blind by my love for Colton to even consider the idea of doing anything without him. And look where that got you, I think to myself.
I open my eyes, and Tucker is staring at me with a serious look on his face. "Tucker, I'm sorry for the past. I should have said yes, even just once."
His lips curl up into a cute smile. "You're saying yes now. It makes up for all of the nos before." He dips me down low, makin' me laugh. Then he leans down until our lips are almost touching. He doesn't kiss me. Instead, his eyes search mine for permission. "I can't wait to be in New York with you, Penny," he whispers while his mouth inches closer to mine.
My hands tentatively wrap around the back of his neck, and I pull him closer until our lips meet. Then he gives me one of the most amazing kisses I've ever had in my life, and I'm glad he's holding me in his arms, because my legs refuse to hold me up any longer.
* * * * *
COLTON
I'M SITTIN' AT a table across the room, still seethin' from the heated argument Ruby Sue and I just had. She was reprimandin' me for dancin' with Penny. No one is gonna keep me from doin' whatever the fuck I want to do. Hell, Ruby Sue is the reason why I'm in the mess I'm in. If she wouldn't have come cryin' in her beer that night, I wouldn't have fooled around with her. Maybe I drank too much to remember anything that happened after I went to bed, but she clearly took advantage of my kindness. She has some nerve tellin' me who I can and can't dance with when she just told me about the boyfriend she broke up with.
I didn't even invite her here tonight. She just showed up and automatically gravitated towards me. She's definitely not makin' things easy on me. That's for damn sure.
My eyes scan the dance floor, and they fixate on Tucker and Penny. I can't keep my eyes off of them. It's like I'm obsessed. Every little touch that he gives her body makes my anger spike even higher. I can't stand that they are here together, and I wish I could just close my eyes and make Tucker disappear.
Tucker and Penny.
Even their names sound like they are meant to be together. Fuck. Shakin' my head, I take another swig from my beer. I'm in one hell of a mess, a
nd I need to find a way out of it and how to fix things between Penny and me. Watchin' her shakin' her cute little ass out there on the dance floor made me want to take her in my arms and hold onto her forever. I helped her learn the line dance, and she was so damn adorable watchin' me and gigglin' when she messed up the steps. And when I couldn't let her go, we slow danced, but only through part of the song that eerily describes our situation. I could almost hear the gears in her pretty head grindin' as she let the lyrics set in. She was comparin' us just like I was. She is my past. But if she thinks Ruby Sue is my future, then she's gotta be out of her mind.
I let Penny pull away, and I didn't miss the tears in her eyes. I know she was upset, and that's exactly why I let her go. If she would just give me a chance to try to fix all of this, I would. Damn it, I'd do almost anything to get things back to the way they were before Ruby Sue spent the night. I felt somethin' I haven't felt in five years --- happiness. Penny makes me feel all sorts of things, and I don't want to lose her. I may never be able to be healed, but I want her to try.
I take a long pull of my beer as my eyes dart onto the dance floor for the millionth time. I look up at the worst possible moment. Tucker dips Penny down low. She's laughin' that musical laugh of hers that I can hear in my head because she's too far away for me to actually hear it right now. Then she grins up at him with a look that I can only interpret as adoration.
Tucker leans down. The closer his lips get to hers, the more anxious I get. They're gettin' way too close for comfort, and I have to wonder if Tucker is gettin' lucky tonight. After the shit I pulled, she could easily jump into bed with Tucker as payback. Penny told me she hasn't had sex with anyone other than me. I take pride in that, for some reason. It makes me happy, and it makes me fuckin' hard to know I'm the only one who's been inside of her. She's mine whether she'll ever admit that to herself or not. She's mine.
Penny leans up, wrappin' her hands around his neck and closin' the distance between them. His lips meet with hers, and all I see is red. My jaw clenches tight. I'm practically seethin' from every pore of my body. He kissed her. He kissed Penny --- my Penny.
When they finally come up for air, Tucker holds her tight as if he'll never let her go. That should be me out there holdin' my girl. I quickly stand up from my chair, and I watch as Tucker's eyes search around the room until they stop on me. He mouths a couple of words and winks, and it takes me a minute to figure out what he just said.
I win.
I think back to the other day in the bar when Tucker told me he was goin' to take Penny away from me. And now he's tellin' me that he wins after kissin' her. Is this all a fuckin' game to him?
In that moment, somethin' snaps inside of me, and my legs are movin' before my brain can even comprehend where I'm goin'. I can hear Buddy and Ruby Sue callin' after me, but I ignore them. I make a beeline through the crowd and head straight for them. Tucker still has Penny in his arms as I step up beside them. Penny pulls away, and her eyes widen as she stares up at me. She opens her mouth to speak, but she can't even get a word out before my fist is slammin' into Tucker's jaw.
He falls to the floor and gasps in pain. I hit him a lot harder than I should have, but he deserved it. He stole somethin' precious to me all for braggin' rights, and I'm makin' him pay the price for it.
My vision is tunneled and black around the edges as I stand over Tucker enraged, waitin' for him to stand so I can punch him again. "Get up!" I yell. My hands curl and uncurl into fists over and over again as the rage runs through me like scorching hot lava.
"Colton James!" Penny's voice breaks me out of my trance, and her pretty face slowly comes into focus as she cups my face in her hands. "Why would you do that, Colt?" she asks with tears in her eyes. "What the hell did you do that for?"
Ruby Sue suddenly appears at my side, pullin' me away from Penny. She looks pissed. What else is new? "What're you doing, Colton? Why did you punch that guy?"
I shake her off my arm and stalk out of the room. Ruby Sue is hot on my heels as I walk into the parkin' lot.
"What the hell was that about?" she asks.
"It was nothin'."
"It was not nothing, Colton! You looked like you wanted to kill him."
I shrug my shoulders and turn to her. "He shouldn't have put his hands on her!"
"Her. Who? Penny?" She stares at me in confusion. "What is it about her anyway? I thought ya'll were just friends. Did you two used to date or something?"
"So I've been told," I mutter.
"Are you still in love with her, Colton?"
I look up at her, but I can't seem to make my mouth move.
Ruby puts her hands on her hips like Penny always does, but it's cute when Penny does it. Ruby just looks like a complete bitch with attitude. "I need to know where this is going, Colton. We've been together for three years now, and you haven't even proposed yet."
"Propose? Shouldn't you be askin' your ex-boyfriend that?" I can't help the chuckle that escapes my mouth. "Ruby, you and I both know what this is. I told you from the beginnin'."
"You want us to be just fuck buddies? That's fine. But the thing about fuck buddies, Colton, is that they actually fuck. And we haven't screwed since Penny came back into town."
Her words hit me hard. I narrow my eyes at her and ask, "What did you say?" Ruby Sue's eyes widen when she realizes what she just confessed to. We never slept together that night. She led me to believe we did, but now I know the truth. That night completely destroyed my relationship with Penny, and it was all a goddamn lie. "Get the fuck out my life, Ruby Sue, and stay the fuck out of it."
She holds her hands out in front her, claspin' them together as if she's prayin'. "Colt, please. You don't mean that."
"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life," I tell her with a glarin' glance.
She storms off, and I pound my fists onto the lid of a dumpster. If only I had known the truth to begin with, Penny and I would have been able to continue what we had. Now she hates me, and there's not one damn thing I can do about it. I'll lose her forever…to fuckin' Tucker Hayward. He'll shape and mold her into the perfect Stepford wife, and she'll probably be miserable for the rest of her life. And it's all because I didn't get my shit together and give Penny the kind of life she deserves.
I hear footsteps quickly approachin', and I look up to see a fumin' Penny stalkin' towards me. "Penny," I start, but she doesn't let me finish.
"Do you want to explain to me why you beat up my date?"
I shake my head slowly. I'm gettin' sick and tired of not bein' able to explain myself to her.
She folds her arms in front of her in a protective stance. "They think you broke his jaw, Colt," she says, her voice tremblin'. "So do you want to tell me why you did it?"
So she's only worried about Tucker. Great. Scratchin' the top of my head, I tell her, "No, I reckon I don't." I have plenty of reasons to beat the hell out of that asshole. One bein' that he's takin' what's mine.
Penny's eyes glitter with unshed tears, and it kills me inside. "I can't keep doing this with you, Colt!" she yells, throwin' her hands up in exasperation.
"Doin' what?" I demand.
"This! I can't keep holding onto a string that's getting ready to snap. I can't keep holding onto a past that isn't there. I can't keep holding onto you, Colt. It's not fair. It's not fair to you, and it's definitely not fair to me. We need to move on. I need to move on."
She turns away, but I don't let her get far. I grab her arm and whirl her around to face me. "And where exactly are you movin' on to, Penny? Tucker Hayward?" I ask, practically spittin' out his name in hatred.
"Maybe. So what if I am? At least he wants to be with me. At least he treats me nice. At least he…" Her voice trails off as a stray tear trickles down her pretty face. "At least he doesn't make me feel like I'm dying inside."
I slowly release her. "I make you feel like that?" I ask, completely rocked by her confession.
She nods once. "I feel like I'm trying to save
you, Colton, but I'm pulling myself under at the same time. Only one of us is going to survive if we keep going, and I can't keep putting both of us through this. Colt, I have to let you go. I don't want to. I just...I have to. I don't know how to do that, but I need to figure it out. On my own."
She turns to leave, and a sudden panic rises through my chest. "What if I don't want you to let me go?" I blurt out.
Her steps hesitate and then come to a stop. "In my mind, I already have." She gives me a sad smile that makes my stomach drop. "The Colton James that I loved is gone. I've been holding onto someone who just doesn't exist any longer." She takes a deep breath before she says, "I'm leaving for New York in a few weeks. I hope you're happy without me here, Colt. 'Cuz that's exactly how I'm gonna try to be without you."
I watch her walk away, and it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. "Penny!" I yell. She doesn't come back. "Fuck!" I pace around as my mind races. Is this it? Is this over? I've been pushin' her away all this time, but now I want her to come runnin' back to me. I'm such an asshole.
She's right. She's so fuckin' right. It's not fair. I've grown so accustomed to havin' her chasin' after me that I never thought I would have to let her go. I thought she would always be there waitin', wantin' me. But now she's done and rightly so. She doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve her. But the thought of her and Tucker together makes me grit my teeth in anger.
I stalk over to a large tree at the side of the building and punch the bark with my right fist and then the left. I punch the immovable object until my knuckles are bloody and throbbin' with pain. I long to be punchin' Tucker's face…again. I've never felt so jealous before. The realization behind the jealously slowly crawls over me. I don't want Penny with anyone else. I want her with me.
"Colt!" Buddy's voice cuts across the parkin' lot as he jogs up to me. "What the hell are you doin'?"
I stare down at my bloody hands and slowly shake my head. "I don't know anymore," I mumble. Everything is so fucked up. I can't even get my head straight.
Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance Page 24