by Polen, Teri
“No,” I chuckled. “I don’t know what his problem is. I guess the door wasn’t latched all the way. That just leads to the attic storage.”
I moved to swing my legs over the side of the bed to close the door, but Lindsey stopped me. “No, I’ve got it. Stay in bed.”
“Sorry about the stuff in the floor,” I said, as she maneuvered through the obstacle course.
“Don’t worry about it. My room isn’t quite this bad, but it’s not perfect, either.”
After closing the attic door, Lindsey shivered slightly, rubbing her arms. “It’s freezing over here. Is there an AC vent around?”
“I don’t think so,” I replied, my brow furrowing. Something seemed…familiar, although I couldn’t figure out what.
“Is something wrong? Are you in pain?”
“No, I was just trying to remember something and I can almost… It’s nothing.”
“I need to get back home and work on that paper anyway. I’m really glad you weren’t seriously injured, Cain. Let me know if there’s something I can do to help with your memory. That would drive me crazy, missing time like that,” she said, walking back to my bedside.
“Yeah, it’s not a good feeling. I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow. Thanks for coming over, Lindsey.”
“I’ll get back to you about the concert time this week. Maybe we can do something after that. Bye, Cain,” she said, leaning down and kissing me on the cheek. When she got to the bedroom door, she turned once more and waved, leaving me speechless.
That. Just. Happened. Lindsey kissed me. Sure, it was on the cheek, but it was still a kiss and it counted. Did she ask me out? First thing on the agenda for tomorrow, find a way to break up with Erin. As I lay staring at the ceiling, thinking about the various ways I could get rid of her, I heard the same creaking noise. Raising my head, I saw the attic door had opened again. Stupid latch. Getting up slowly this time, I went over and closed it, pulling on the doorknob to see if it was latched this time. It seemed pretty solid – but something was still tickling at the fringes of my memory. I just couldn’t quite grasp it.
When I got back in bed, I pulled the comforter over my shoulders. Lindsey was right. It seemed colder in here.
Chapter 11
I’d heard other people’s descriptions of their out of body experiences, like they were hovering overhead and could see themselves, but felt like they weren’t connected to their body. That was how I felt the next morning. I saw myself getting ready for school, eating breakfast and feeding Eby, but it’s like I was watching it on TV. My limbs were moving and I spoke to my family, but my mind didn’t seem to be registering any of it.
Since I was forbidden to drive for a few days – not really sure if that was the doc’s rule or Mom’s – Finn picked me up for school. “So, are those brain cells functioning properly yet?”
“If you’re asking if my memory is back, the answer is still no, but Lindsey offered to help me remember when she dropped by yesterday to check on me,” I said, glancing sideways to see Finn’s reaction.
“Dude – she came over and you’re just now telling me about it? Maybe you should get kicked in the head more often.”
“I think she asked me out. She mentioned doing something after her concert this week.”
“It’s time to get serious, bro. You’ve got to get rid of Erin. She’s like a rash that infects everyone she comes in contact with. There’s just nothing good about her. Did you see her yesterday?”
“Haven’t heard from her since Tuesday night at the hospital, when Mom kind of kicked her out. Even with a brain injury, yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had in months.”
. . . . .
Sitting in classes was no different from this morning at home – I was there, but felt detached. My instructors asked questions and I’d want to answer, but it’s like there was a wall between my thought processes and my mouth. The return of my headache was imminent.
“Cain, are you in there? Hello?”
“Should we take him to the nurse? This can’t be good.”
Voices. They sounded so distant. I knew it was Finn and Lindsey, but where were they? Then my head snapped up at the sound of Finn’s hand slapping the cafeteria table directly in front of me.
“What was that for?” I shouted, the sharp sound echoing inside the walls of my head, increasing the strength of my headache.
“Cain, we’ve been trying to get your attention for the last ten minutes. You walked in here like you were in a trance, sat down, and started staring at the table in the corner. Since you weren’t responding, Finn had to do something to get your attention,” Lindsey said, glaring in Finn’s direction.
Finn held up his hands in surrender. “It wasn’t that loud and it worked, didn’t it? What’s up with you, Cain? I mean, look at your tray – it’s all chick food.”
Surveying my tray, I saw Finn was right. A salad, cottage cheese, some fruit. Not my usual burger and fries, pizza, or sub sandwich. Was cottage cheese actually a food? I must have looked like the poster child for massive confusion, because Lindsey seemed ready to haul me out of there.
“Cain, are you alright? Do you want me to take you to the nurse?”
“No, um….I’m okay. I just…..” My head dropped as I raked my hands through my hair in frustration. “The last thing I remember is second period history this morning, and then now, when Finn smacked the table. Where was I in between?”
Finn shrugged. “This is the first time I’ve seen you since we got to school this morning, and you didn’t drive, so there’s no way you could have left campus.”
“You don’t remember any of your classes? Cain, that’s a little scary. Are you sure you went to class? Do you see anyone close by you had a class with this morning?” Lindsey asked.
Scanning the few tables near us, I saw Ryan Shaw, a guy I sat beside in chemistry. “Hey, Ryan,” I called, waving my hand to get his attention. “Was I in chemistry this morning?”
“You’re asking me if you were in class? Is this another stupid joke of Finn’s?”
“No, seriously. Just…was I in class or not?”
Ryan still looked skeptical. “Alright, yeah, Cain, you were there.”
“Did I talk to you or do anything weird?”
“Weird? Like the way you finished our homework for tonight while Mr. Whay was still lecturing? Unless you suddenly developed mad skills in chemistry overnight, yeah, I’d say it was weird,” Ryan said, turning back to his lunch.
I’d already done the chemistry homework? Usually it took me a couple of hours to complete it and that’s only after I begged Finn for help. I should probably show it to him later to see if I’d known what I was doing.
“Since when do you understand chemistry and why have you been asking me for help all this time if you already knew how to do it? Well, at least we know you were in class. Now maybe you can explain why you ignored us and kept staring at the table with the football players,” Finn said, tearing into his cheeseburger.
Shifting my attention to the table in the corner, I saw six varsity football players. I knew them, some better than others, but it’s not like we hung out or were best bros or anything. As long as I could remember, there had always been a friendly, and sometimes not so friendly, rivalry between football players and soccer players. Why I’d been staring at them was as big a mystery to me as chemistry.
“Cain, maybe you should go home for the rest of the day. A memory lapse like this can’t be good,” Lindsey said, placing her hand over mine. If a pack of wild meerkats stormed through the cafeteria, there’s no way I’d move right now.
I shook my head. “No, I’m good. Maybe it was just a
side effect from the concussion, but I need to get something different for lunch, since what I have isn’t edible,” I said, wrinkling my nose at the pile of rabbit food on my tray. Cottage cheese, really?
“Just promise me you’ll tell your mom about this when you get home, okay?” Lindsey asked, squeezing my hand. Behind her, Finn was giving me the thumbs up sign and waggling his eyebrows. Subtlety wasn’t one of his strong suits.
“Sure. I’ll tell her.” All things considered, I guessed it was possible I might need to be checked again. Maybe things were still sloshing around in my head and hadn’t settled back into place.
. . . . .
Since I hadn’t been cleared yet for soccer practice, I had to sit and watch, but before dropping me off at home, Finn had checked my chemistry homework. Besides being an exceptional athlete, Finn was also kind of a genius and probably at the top of our class. You’d never know it by the way he acted sometimes, but chemistry was as easy for him as spewing out advice on my love life. By some miracle, all my homework was correct and as I got out of the car, I heard Finn mumbling something about smacking me in the head years ago if he’d have known it would make me smarter.
I hadn’t had any more memory lapses this afternoon, so I didn’t mention anything about it to Mom. The last thing she needed was to worry more about me. I felt fine. Stopping by the kitchen, I grabbed some yogurt and a banana and headed to my room for some PS4 time. Walking through the doorway, I noticed Eby lying on his back in a sunbeam on the floor, all four paws in the air. It was probably one of the only clear patches not littered with clothes or other debris.
Flinging my backpack onto my desk, I froze, not understanding what I was seeing. My yearbook from last year was lying open, and some pages had been ripped out. Several were shredded, littering the floor, and some were strewn across the desk. Knowing I wasn’t to blame for this, I looked over to Eby, wondering if he was responsible. But he’d been declawed when we’d adopted him and the possibility of him shredding papers was impossible. Chewing, maybe, he seemed to have an oral fixation sometimes, but shredding? No way.
Picking up the bigger chunks of what was left, I saw some of the same faces from the corner cafeteria table staring back at me. The football players. The ones I’d been watching at lunch and had no idea why.
Chapter 12
“So now you hate the football team? Is it football in general or just our players specifically?”
“You’re still an ass, Finn,” I said, enjoying the warm breeze blowing through the open window of the car as we drove to school. “What if this is serious? Why would I suddenly hate football players? I don’t remember ripping up my yearbook, but I’m also missing two or three hours from yesterday morning and two days from earlier this week. Maybe I did it.”
“Did you tell your mom about yesterday? The missing hours?”
Focusing on my backpack, I began fumbling with one of the straps and shrugged. “I guess I forgot.”
“You forgot. After finding what was either the aftermath of your declawed cat on a paper rampage or you blacking out again and having a raging hate for football players. Erin, a girlfriend you can’t stand, and someone who clearly needs therapy to break her mirror obsession – still dating her. Blackouts and memory lapses after a head injury. Do you tell your mom? No. What do these things have in common? You’re an avoider, Cain.”
“An avoider? Is that even a word?”
“That’s what you are, so it must be a word. I can almost understand the thing with Erin since you hate hurting anyone’s feelings. Geez, you even dodge butterflies when you’re driving. But your health? That’s just dangerous, my friend, and if you don’t tell your mom, I will. Got it?”
Okay, maybe I’d always tended to avoid situations that could potentially go off the rails, being more of a go with the flow kind of guy. But if there were complications from the concussion, getting things taken care of sooner rather than later was the safest and smartest option.
“Yeah, I got it.”
He sighed, “Alright. I’ve got your back, you’ve got mine, right?”
“Always.”
. . . . .
“Cain, you jerk, are you listening to me? What’s your problem? How could you do that to me?”
I gradually became aware of Erin standing in front of me and yelling, her pink-clawed fists punching at my arms and chest. Instinctively, I grabbed her wrists to make her stop.
“Erin, what are you doing?”
“What am I doing?” she screeched. “I’ve been standing here screaming at you for the past five minutes and you haven’t even looked at me until now! How could you humiliate me like that in front of everyone? Who do you think you are to speak to me that way?”
Clouds of confusion drifted in my mind and I had no idea what Erin was talking about. Now aware of my surroundings, I heard the crash of helmets and the grunts of players as they were tackled. I’d been standing by the bleachers at the football field during their team practice. The last thing I remembered was going to my locker after physics, right before biology class. The class I had with Erin. I’d blacked out again.
“You’re lucky I dated you, Cain, because I’m obviously out of your league. I thought I could make you into someone worthy of being with me and look how you treated me! I hope you shrivel up and die!” The sharp crack of her hand across my cheek drowned out the crash of helmets on the field. Rubbing the spot where I’m sure Erin had left a handprint, I wondered if those pink claws had scratched a little too – it really stung.
“Sweetheart, trust me when I say someday you’ll look back on this and realize how wrong you were and how desperately you needed to adjust your priorities in life. Get some help.”
My head snapped up at the sound of Finn’s voice, just in time to see Erin flip him off before crossing the parking lot.
“Cain, what are you doing here? I’ve been looking for you the past hour when you didn’t meet me at the car,” Finn said, stretching out on the bleachers in the late afternoon sun.
“It happened again. I don’t remember anything after physics and I woke up here to Erin hitting me and screaming. What did I do to her?”
“You’re saying you don’t remember having a very public breakup with Erin in the hall after biology class? Dude, it was epic. Everyone’s talking about it. I don’t know when I’ve been prouder of you,” Finn said, wiping a fake tear from his eye.
Learning from others about what I’d done was like hearing stories of someone else’s life. “I broke up with her?”
“Broke up with her? Cain, you decimated her. You told her what a horrible person she was – shallow, narcissistic, snobbish, and seriously lacking in intelligence. I never knew you understood such big words. You also told her all the designer clothes and makeup in the world would never make her into something she’s not and to stay away from you for good.”
Holy crap. I’d said that? I mean, it wasn’t a lie – that’s how I felt about her, but saying it in public, in a hallway full of students, was never the way I’d have handled it – consciously, I mean. However it had happened, I should probably celebrate. The wicked witch was dead.
“The last time I remember seeing Erin, other than just now, was in bio class yesterday and she was ignoring me, probably still waiting for me to apologize about what happened at the hospital.”
“And you’re here, at the football field, after blacking out again. Are you telling your mom or am I?”
I sighed. “How about we both talk to her.”
. . . . .
They were coming for me - so close I could almost feel their breath on the back of my neck. I knew what would happen if they caught me, knew things wouldn’t end well for me. Had to get away. Runn
ing. Out of breath. Chest was hurting. Couldn’t look back. Needed to know – had to see how close they were. Don’t look back. Glanced over my shoulder.
Tripped over something. No! Falling. Couldn’t let them get me. So close. The door was just ahead. Needed to keep moving, but still falling down, so far down. Then darkness – everywhere - all around me. Pinned. Couldn’t move my arms or legs. Struggled to breath. No air. Pressure on my chest. Turned my head side to side - searching for air. Please, not like this, please. Someone - help me. Couldn’t breathe. HELP ME!
“Cain, sweetie, it’s time to get ready for your appointment. Are you awake?”
I jerked upright in bed, gasping for breath, sucking in oxygen to fill my aching lungs. The feeling of being suffocated, unable to move and alone in the darkness clung to me and I didn’t understand where I was.
“Cain, are you alright? It’s me – it’s Mom. You’re just having a nightmare.”
She spoke to me in a soft tone, one hand rubbing my back as the other held my hand. “Don’t touch me!” I shouted, pushing her away.
She drew back, but spoke calmly. “You need to wake up, it’s alright.”
My gaze swept the room, looking for the threat, searching for whatever – or whoever – had been chasing me. But all I saw was Eby sprawled out in the morning sun beaming through my windows. Home. I was in my own bed, safe. I fell back to the pillow, my hand covering my eyes as I tried to calm my breathing.
“That must have been some nightmare,” Mom said. I felt the mattress dip as she sat on the edge of my bed.
“You have no idea.”
“Well, you need to get ready for your appointment. I’ll have breakfast ready for you in about fifteen minutes, so get to it.”