“My God, Ellie, I’m sorry,” he said, trying to untangle himself from her.
She lifted her head and looked at him, her eyes dilated and smoky, her face flushed from his whiskers, her lips swollen from his kisses. He felt himself grow hard again.
“What are you sorry about?”
“This.” He sat up next to her and looked at her lying on the ground, her slacks bunched around one ankle, her blouse shoved up to her shoulders. Her torn panties lay discarded in the dirt next to her. “And that,” he muttered, reaching for her blouse and pulling it down to cover her breasts.
His fingers burned to feel their weight again, but he snatched his hands away. “Could I have been any more of a jerk?”
She sat up slowly, the passion fading from her face. A faint blush of color tinged her cheeks. “What are you talking about?”
Her long legs were firm and supple and damp with sweat. Heat flashed through him. The memory of those legs sliding against him, tangling around him, made him ache for her. Before he could touch her again and turn a mistake into a disaster, he yanked his jeans up from around his ankles and turned away.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he muttered.
She stood up behind him and he heard her fumbling with her slacks. When he was sure she was dressed again, he turned to face her.
“Go ahead,” he said roughly. “Slap me. Or hit me. Or kick me. Do something.”
“Why would I hit you?”
Her voice was cool and reserved. Her eyes were carefully shuttered. She was back in librarian mode. For a moment he wanted the other Ellie, the one who’d wrapped herself around him with complete abandon, whose cries of release still echoed in his ears.
He wouldn’t allow himself to want her. He wouldn’t allow himself to need her.
“I jumped your bones like an animal,” he said roughly. He swept his hand in the direction of the corn. “We’re in the middle of a cornfield, for God’s sake.”
“Did you notice me complaining?” Her eyes grew bright.
He hoped it was anger. He was afraid it was tears.
“Did you notice me telling you to stop?”
“I didn’t give you a lot of chances,” he said, terrified by his need to touch her, to wrap his arms around her and comfort her. He backed away another step.
She bent down to pick up her torn panties, and he was struck by another realization. “Hell,” he said, horrified by the thought. “I didn’t use any protection. Please tell me you’re on the Pill.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Her voice had no expression.
He’d needed her so much that he hadn’t even thought about getting her pregnant. That had never happened before.
Panicked, he wanted to run, to get as far away as he could from his need for her. He wanted to run until Eleanor Perkins no longer filled his mind and his heart and his soul.
But that wasn’t an option right now.
“Let’s go,” he said, his voice rough to hide his fear. “We’re not safe yet.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ELLIE WATCHED MICHAEL back away from her, and felt her heart crumbling. He regretted making love to her. The truth was on his face and in his eyes. He thought it had been a huge mistake.
She looked down at the torn panties in her hand and curled her fingers into a fist around them. She didn’t regret what had happened. How could she regret something that had made her feel more alive than she’d ever felt in her life?
“Get in the car,” he said, his voice flat.
Without answering she opened the door of the car and slid onto the hot vinyl seat. It burned her skin through the fabric of her slacks, but she hardly noticed. She had barely pulled the door shut when he started the car with a jerk.
“You’ll tell me if there are any…consequences.”
If she was pregnant. She hadn’t even thought about the possibility. Emotion squeezed her chest, but she wasn’t sure if it was fear or hope. And that just proved she’d lost her mind.
“I’ll tell you if I’m pregnant,” she said, staring straight ahead.
She could feel him flinch. “And I don’t have any diseases,” he muttered a few moments later. She could sense him looking at her, but refused to meet his gaze. “In case you’re wondering.”
“Thank you for telling me,” she answered, struggling to keep her voice polite and distant. “Neither do I.”
He snorted. “That’s one thing I’m not worried about.”
His words hit like a slap and tears burned behind her eyes as she stared out the window. She would not give him the satisfaction of crying, she told herself fiercely.
When she could speak without her voice quavering, she said, “Just because I’m bossy and opinionated and…and frumpy doesn’t mean that I’ve never slept with a man. Maybe you should worry about getting a disease from me.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he said hotly. “I meant…oh, hell.”
“You meant what?”
“Never mind.”
The car jolted along the trail beneath the relentless sun. She bounced from side to side, smashing into the door, her head bumping the roof. The sun beat down mercilessly. Sweat dripped down her body.
After a particularly vicious swerve that sent her ribs cracking into the door, Michael jammed the brakes on the car and brought it to a bouncing halt.
“I meant that you’re not the kind of woman who sleeps around, all right?” His fingers gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white and he stared straight ahead out the windshield. “I wasn’t putting you down, Ellie.”
“Thank you,” she said softly, watching a muscle twitch in his jaw. Some of the tightness in her chest began to ease. “I’m glad you clarified that.”
“And I didn’t mean I was sorry we had sex.” Color tinged his cheeks. “I was sorry because I wasn’t very thoughtful.”
More of the ice in her chest began to break up. “Like I said, I don’t recall complaining.”
Finally he gazed over at her, a haunted look in his eyes. “Damn it, Ellie!” he exclaimed. “You should have complained. You’re not a do-it-in-the-dirt kind of woman. You’re the kind who deserves candles and soft music and clean sheets.” He turned away. “You deserve a little romance,” he muttered.
A tiny bubble of hope began to grow in her chest as the pain washed away. “We can have the romance next time,” she said, lacing her fingers together to keep from touching him.
“There isn’t going to be a next time.” He glared at her, but she saw the flicker of desire in his eyes and it warmed her.
“And why is that?” she asked.
He stared at her for a moment, then sighed. “Ellie, I’m not the right guy for you. I told you before that I’m not a happily ever after person, and I meant it.” He jerked his head back the way they’d come. “And if that little episode didn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.”
She leaned against the seat, her heart pounding. “Maybe I don’t want happily ever after, either.”
He rolled his eyes. “Tell me another one. You have White Picket Fence written all over you.”
“Maybe I used to feel that way,” she said slowly. “But I’ve changed.” She swiveled on the seat to face him. “A few days ago I wouldn’t have believed that I’d go on the run with a man wanted for murder. I wouldn’t have believed I would want to help him. But here I am.” She looked away, uncomfortable baring her soul to him. She’d never shared such intimate thoughts with anyone. “I’m bored with my life. I’m bored with always doing the right thing, always being the responsible one.”
She took a deep breath. “When you kidnapped me, I was terrified. But I realized pretty quickly that you weren’t going to hurt me. And then I found that I was enjoying myself.”
“Yeah, we’ve had a blast, haven’t we,” he said sourly.
“I said that wrong. Of course I’m not having a good time. I’m horrified by what’s happened to you, and I’m appalled at the re
ason. But I’m here now, and complaining isn’t going to help me. Or you. So we just have to keep moving forward.” She grinned. “And to tell you the truth, this is the most excitement I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Including wild sex with an inappropriate man.”
Her smile faded. “You’re not just a fling, Michael. I didn’t make love with you for the thrill of it.”
“And that’s exactly my point,” he said. “You shouldn’t have had sex with me at all. I know what women like you expect. I’ll just end up breaking your heart.”
“I won’t let you do that.” She stared at him, willing him to look at her. “‘Women like me’ might surprise you. I can take care of my own heart.” She lifted her chin. “And I’ll have wild sex if I want to.”
Finally he turned his head. “It sounds like I’ve created a monster.” But the tension in his face eased. “Okay, I’ll trust you to take care of yourself. And if it’s wild sex you’re looking for, keep my name at the top of your list.”
“It is,” she said, then looked away. She’d already let her feelings for him get out of hand. But she’d rather die than admit it. So she would play it as loose as he did.
“I’m glad we have that straightened out,” he said as he put the car back into gear.
“Me, too,” she said, keeping her voice light.
“And you’re not exactly frumpy,” he said, but he didn’t look at her.
“Not exactly?” she said, her voice dry. “Then what would you call it?”
“I’d call it conservative,” he said after a long pause.
She smothered a laugh. “Conservative is one way of putting it, I guess.” And that was going to change, she vowed. As soon as her life returned to normal. Or as normal as it could get after the revelations she’d had during the last two days.
He slanted her another glance. “I’ve never known anyone else who could laugh at herself the way you can.”
She shrugged. “You know what they say. The person who can laugh at herself will never lack for amusement.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Ellie,” he said after another long pause.
“I don’t want to fight with you, either.” She wanted to be able to remember their time together without the bitterness of anger and harsh words.
“Good.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “But you can’t fool me into thinking you’re going to be Miss Meek-and-Mild.”
“Would you want me to be meek and mild?” she asked curiously.
“Hell, no,” he responded immediately. “I’d be afraid you were sick or something.” He paused for a second and she saw a hint of a grin hovering around his mouth. “But awestruck and adoring would be kind of nice every once in a while.”
“Don’t hold your breath, Reilly.” She shifted in the seat, trying to subdue a smile. “I don’t do adoring.”
“That’s what I was afraid of.”
They bounced along for a few more minutes until another gap appeared in the green jungle that surrounded them. Michael immediately jammed on the brakes.
“This must be the end of the trail.”
He stared at the blue sky ahead for a moment, then got out of the car. She immediately joined him.
“Now what?” she asked.
He glanced down at her. “I’m going to see what’s waiting for us on the road. I want you to hide in the corn again.”
“What if you need help?”
He turned and grabbed her upper arms. But instead of pressing into her, his fingertips slid down her skin in a way that felt almost caressing. “The point is to make sure you’re safe, Ellie. Don’t you understand that? If something goes wrong, if you think I need help, I want you to run even farther back into the field. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
A tiny ray of hope warmed her. She knew him well enough to know he wasn’t going to say he cared about her. He couldn’t say she had any importance for him. The only way he could express his feelings was by protecting her, by trying to make sure she didn’t get hurt.
A tiny voice inside warned her not to delude herself. Maybe Michael Reilly was exactly who he said he was, a man who couldn’t make a commitment and was content being that way. Maybe she was just setting herself up for heartache.
But she’d worry about that later. Right now, there was no way she’d watch him being captured or worse, and not try to do something about it. But he didn’t need to know that.
“Fine. I’ll stay in the corn.”
“You’d better.”
But he ruined the effect of his glower by pulling her toward him and kissing her, his mouth lingering on hers for a long moment. “I won’t let anything happen to you. We’re going to be fine.”
He turned away and headed for the road, while she stood and stared after him. “Maybe we are,” she said to herself.
Finally she hid in the corn, staying close enough to the track to watch him. He eased himself along a narrow row, then approached the highway slowly, crawling on his belly. When he got to the edge of the field, he didn’t move for a long time.
She was beginning to worry that he’d seen something when he backed up and walked toward the car. She scrambled out of the corn and met him.
“What’s going on?”
“Not a thing. There’s no sign of the guys from Midland.”
“Do you think they’re still back where we saw them, waiting for us to drive past them on our way out of town?”
“Probably.”
“That’s not very smart.”
He stopped walking and looked at her. Contempt filled his eyes and his mouth curled into a sneer. “That’s why they’re criminals. They’re too lazy to do a job right. And they’re too stupid to understand why it’s important.”
“So are we just going to drive out onto the road and keep going?”
“That’s the plan. We’ll get as far as we can today.” He reached up and touched her hair. It had fallen out of its bun a long time ago and now was hopelessly tangled. “We still have to get us both a disguise before we reach the city.”
The farther away they got from Pinckney, the more she relaxed. Some of the tension in Michael’s shoulders eased, too. Maybe they would make it to the FBI, after all. And once Michael delivered his information, they would no longer be targets.
There would be no reason for the cops from Mid land to continue pursuing them. The damage would be done.
And so would her reason for staying with Michael.
A vise gripped her chest and slowly tightened. She turned away and stared blindly out the window. What was wrong with her? Of course she wanted their pursuit to end. Of course she wanted them to be safe.
What she didn’t want was Michael to walk away from her. And that’s exactly what would happen when this was over. He’d told her that himself, more than once.
Most vehemently just about an hour ago, after the most shattering sexual experience she’d ever had.
Tears gathered in her eyes but she fiercely resisted shedding them. She would not cry, she vowed. She would not be that weak.
The restlessness she’d felt earlier came back, stronger than before. She wouldn’t think about what would happen after this was over. Not now. She’d live in the present and not worry about tomorrow. She never had before, but she was ready to try. It was better than the way she’d been living, carefully planning every aspect of her existence, trying to control all the variables.
She hadn’t really been living, she realized. She’d been surviving. She’d been doing damage control before it was needed.
Not anymore.
From now on, she was going to be Eleanor Perkins, risk-taker.
No. She was going to be Ellie Perkins, risk-taker.
“What’s going on?”
Michael’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“You’ve been staring into that mirror for a long time. Is there something behind the car that needs to be watched?”
“Not at all
. I’ve just been thinking,” she replied, glancing over at him.
“About what?”
“Life in general,” she said lightly. She wasn’t ready to bare her soul again.
“God help us. Any revelations?”
The mock fear in his voice lightened her heart. He was at least making an effort to be agreeable.
“Just that I’m hungry.” She kept her tone as airy as she could.
“We’ll stop at the next town.” He gave her a grin. “You’re so demanding.”
“I try to keep you on your toes.”
They came to an intersection and he hesitated before turning left. The car shuddered its way back to the speed limit.
“This isn’t the most direct route to Chicago. But I think it’s safer.”
“You mean they’re less likely to look for us here.”
“Yeah. I’m hoping they still think we’re heading to St. Louis. That would be the logical place for us to go—much closer than Chicago. But if they’ve figured out we’re going north, they wouldn’t come down this road to follow us.”
“That sounds like good thinking to me.” It also sounded as if it meant they’d be together for a while longer.
She was pitiful. She’d rather be on the run than say goodbye to him.
And he’d made it clear he couldn’t wait to be rid of her.
They were silent for the half hour it took to reach the small town, where they eventually stopped to eat dinner. When he pulled into a small diner on the side of the road, he drove the car around to the back of the building, where it couldn’t be seen from the highway.
Ellie salivated at the smells coming from the restaurant. But she said, “Are you sure it’s safe to stop here? We could keep going to a bigger town.”
“This is fine. We’re both hungry and we need to get out of the car for a while. We can’t sit in the restaurant and take the chance that someone will recognize us, but we could eat back here.” There was a grassy field behind the parking lot, and he nodded toward it. “We’ll have a picnic.”
He stood and watched the road for a few minutes. When there were no cars coming in either direction, they headed into the tiny diner.
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