My One Despair

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My One Despair Page 14

by Burgoa, Claudia


  “Later, you can watch me undress. I’ll even let you lead our sextime.”

  “Love you, vixen.”

  “Sing your heart out, Rodin. I’ll watch the show later today.”

  “Text me when you’re on your way to school.”

  “Always,” she said.

  “I love you, Turtle,” I repeated.

  “Love you too, Gage.”

  Twenty-Seven

  Tess

  It took Gage months to convince me to find a place in Seattle. When I finally said yes, he decided that we should start looking the week of Thanksgiving. He’d been staying with me in San Diego, and we drove up together to spend the holiday with our families. Sadie invited the Rodins to our house. Emily and John accepted the invitation.

  On Sunday, I was flying back to San Diego by myself. Gage was about to record his sophomore album. He was nervous because it was a make or break moment. He was afraid of becoming a one hit wonder who nobody would remember in ten years. He was crazy. Everyone loved Gage Rodin, the international phenom who’d taken the world by surprise. Every woman in the world wanted him. I was the lucky one who had him.

  I’d made it clear, however, that our relationship was open in case he found someone else. He thought I was crazy.

  “What do you think?” The realtor asked.

  I looked around the apartment she was showing us. The goal was to find a place, and send the offer to the seller that day. The following day, we’d choose what furniture to buy once we closed on the house.

  “Do we like it?” He hugged me from behind, his hands rested on my stomach and his chin on my shoulder.

  “It is close to the flower shop. The view though, I don’t care much for the apartment next to us.”

  It wasn’t New York City, but it felt like it. Why did we have to lose our personal space?

  “The next one on our list is close to Stewart and Fifth,” the realtor offered.

  Gage made a sound between a growl and a bark that only I heard. The address was too close to Camden’s penthouse, an area filled with luxury apartments that neither one of us cared for.

  “That’s going to be too expensive,” I said before she continued.

  “But it’s perfect for him,” the realtor insisted, pointing at Gage. “He needs a place with security and—”

  Gage grunted. He hated to be tagged as a rich guy or being treated differently. He missed the normalcy of his old life. I kissed his lips and removed myself from his grasp.

  “No, he doesn’t because no one needs to know where he lives,” I said giving the agent a warning glare. “My father—”

  I shut my mouth. She didn’t need to know who I was.

  “Thank you,” I dismissed her. “We’ll continue our search another day.”

  We left the building, and I jumped in his truck.

  “What are you doing?” Gage asked.

  “She’s only thinking about her commission and not your comfort. We gave her a lot of specs, and she hasn’t shown us a single place with more than one.”

  “You’re right,” he kissed my nose. “What do you propose?”

  “Let’s use Tess Bell for this task,” I suggested.

  Using Sadie’s maiden name had come in handy. I started after Hannah told me she did it. People couldn’t care less about some Tess Bell, and that was fine with me. Tess Hades had become a complication when the media realized she dated Gage Rodin.

  “Sounds like a plan, babe.”

  I called my parents. Sadie referred me to a friend of hers who showed us properties that came closer to what we were looking for: lake view, a nice quiet neighborhood, and a reasonable price.

  “My parents are suspicious about this purchase,” I told him while we walked the third property.

  Before the call, I hadn’t told either one that Gage wanted to buy a house, or that I was going to co-own it with him. For now, I was just giving him my savings as a down payment, but once I started working, I’d help with the mortgage. My parents were both wary and elated about the news.

  “We’re not moving in together, Rodin.”

  He chuckled. “When you’re in town, I want you to be here in our place.”

  “My parents aren’t happy about this.” Sadie supported my relationship. She was happy for me but thought we were rushing things. “They don’t like that I might be moving in with you. Yet, they’re thrilled that I could be coming back to Seattle.”

  “You are!” His voice boomed, yet it was laced with fear.

  “Yes, and you know that before that I have many other things planned. Hopefully, I’ll be starting my PhD in California, that’s three more years until I can move to Seattle.”

  “I still don’t understand what you have against WSU,” he protested.

  “Says the guy who studied in Boston and New York.” I glanced at him casually.

  “Touché.” He shrugged a little apologetically. “Still, I’m glad we’re doing this now. Maybe we should get a place in San Diego too.”

  “God, I can’t believe that you're making me spend Thanksgiving break house hunting.”

  “Did you have something more important to do?”

  I glanced at him and licked my lips. “Well, I could be by the ocean, wearing a swimsuit.”

  “Without me?” He crossed his arms and stared at me.

  “If you want to join me, we can go to Greece. They have a one-week volunteer program where you care for hatching turtles.”

  “Every time you mention the beach it’s followed by, ‘Let’s save the turtles,’” he grumbled faking anger, his eyes still playful. “I was so excited about Malaysia and what did we do?”

  “Save turtles.” I fidgeted with the pendant he gave me last year. “You love them, too.”

  I grinned at him, and he kissed my forehead.

  “You and your turtles, Tess Eloise.”

  “Do you have a problem with that, buddy?” I asked staring into his eyes. I loved them more than anything, even the ocean.

  “Only that you did the same when we went to Costa Rica,” he continued.

  “And we can do it again if we go to Greece during winter break,” I offered, leaning my head against his chest.

  Never in a million years did I think this man would be my companion. Gage Rodin always found a way to join me in whatever crazy expedition I went on. I could go alone, but it was so much better when he was with me. When I found a charity that could make a difference, he’d donate money without a fuss. He said it was his way of taking care of me and what I believed in.

  “When is Greece?” he asked without hesitation. It made me fall in love with him even more. “We could take a real vacation first, and then later volunteer.”

  “We can’t. It’s from November to March. We’re coming back in December to close on the house, and I have to go back to school in January. Would you really want to come with me?”

  “You know I’d follow you to the end of the Earth.” He took me into his arms, making me feel safe, the way he always did. He wasn’t my savior, but he let me lean on him when life got to be too much. I tried to be a rock for him too.

  “We should go on vacation, though,” he added. “Maybe we could go diving.”

  “Now you’re speaking my language, Rodin.”

  “So, what do we think of this house?” said the realtor, breaking the moment. I’d totally forgotten she was still there lurking around the house.

  “Whatever my lady wants,” Gage said, releasing me.

  I tapped my chin. “It’s close to our parents, yet, far enough too.” I chuckled because Gage frowned when he realized that we were exactly in the middle between my parents and his. “It has enough space for you. You could set up a small studio. The backyard isn’t huge, but it’s enough for a nice garden and—can you picture it—a Russian tortoise running around.”

  He threw the devilish smirk that I adored my way. “I love you.”

  “You’re lucky that I love you too, or I wouldn’t agree to all this.” I
sighed pretending to be annoyed.

  “Still scared?”

  I shrugged. “A little,” I said. “Have you seen yourself in the tabloids?”

  Earlier we’d seen a stupid picture of some model next to a guy everyone assumed was Gage Rodin. Gage was with me. It was annoying to read the lies and to watch women throw themselves at him. How would they feel if I threw myself at their boyfriends? They’d be calling me all kinds of names. Being an artist shouldn’t mean that your private life was available for public consumption.

  “You have to ignore that shit.”

  “I do, but that doesn’t make me hate it less.”

  “Hey, let’s sign the offer and go furniture shopping,” he proposed. “We might be able to get this place by Christmas.”

  “By the way, Dad called dibs on Christmas Day,” I warned him.

  “I guess my parents get Christmas Eve?” He shrugged.

  “Who gets the New Year?”

  “We do. We can celebrate at home. Just the two of us, naked, lying next to the fireplace.”

  “I like how you think, Rodin.”

  “Stay with me. I’ll make it worth it.” He winked, and we followed the realtor.

  Twenty-Eight

  Tess

  Sadie always had something wise to say, like: Love always finds you. You can search everywhere, but if you’re not ready for it, you won’t find it. Once it finds you, you won’t be able to escape it.

  She was right. Before Gage, I avoided entanglements of any kind. When I met him, I couldn’t fight the attraction, and even when I wanted to escape, he didn’t let me. Being with him was scary at times, but every moment with him was worth it.

  We synced pretty well and understood what the other needed. Though, there were times when he was a few steps ahead of me, like when he casually mentioned kids. What I loved the most about us was that we supported each other unconditionally. Even when it meant spending weeks or months apart.

  At the end of August, close to our second anniversary, I was on my way back from Reykjavik to Seattle. During the eight-hour flight, I chatted online with Gage about his latest gig, the song he co-wrote and recorded with Dad, also the possibility of producing a few albums for other artists. He wanted to use his degree too. I had no idea that he had a minor in music arrangement and production.

  He brought up the idea of selling the small house he’d bought in late May in San Diego to purchase something bigger where he could build a studio. Our current home wasn’t that tiny, but I agreed because there was no way he could have a functional studio in there. Almost two years together and we owned two houses, a Russian tortoise named George, and we’d talked about getting a parrot. Once we settled into one home, we planned to set up an aquarium and get a puppy.

  Every day we talked about our future. It scared me but also excited me. He was ready to help me with whatever I decided to do once I finished my PhD.

  As the plane began to land, my heart fluttered inside my chest. I couldn’t wait to see Gage. It’d been eight long weeks. Spending time with narwhals had been checked off my bucket list, however, I still missed him like crazy. According to his latest message, he was waiting for me outside airport security.

  Once I got off the plane, I rushed through the airport carrying my backpack. After I passed security, my day brightened. Gage Rodin stood right outside, wearing a black baseball hat, frames that made him look geeky, yet hot, and his usual t-shirt and jeans.

  He held a sign that read, Welcome Home, Turtle.

  I ran toward him; he dropped the cardboard as I was about to jump into his arms. I hugged his neck with my arms and his waist with my legs.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he greeted me.

  I stared into his deep dark green eyes for a few beats as I took him in. We were finally together.

  “Hey, handsome,” I said. I slid my hands through his thick hair and took his mouth—hard—letting him know how much I missed and needed him. I wanted to go home and have him to myself for the whole day—even a whole week.

  He stroked his tongue, driving it deeply into my mouth. I was melting like ice cream on a hot summer day.

  “This is a public place, Contessa Eloise,” I heard my father’s voice.

  “Why is he here?” I whispered, nibbling Gage’s ear and untangling myself from his body.

  “Tessy,” my little sister, Aubrey screamed.

  I looked into the direction of the voice and saw my little sister running toward me. I opened my arms and caught her right as she was about to jump.

  “Hey, baby girl.” I lifted her and hugged her tight. “How are you?”

  “You’re back,” she said, hugging my neck tight.

  “I told you I’d be gone for a few weeks. But for the next couple of weeks, I’m all yours.”

  Aubrey’s presence explained why my boyfriend brought my father along. Aubrey had him wrapped around her pinky finger, just like the rest of the family.

  “Eight weeks,” Aubrey said and showed me both hands with the palms open. Okay, we needed to work on her math skills. “Fifty-six days.”

  The almost three-year-old sounded like an intellectual, except she only said five words. Someone must have trained her.

  “You know how to count to fifty-six?” I arched an eyebrow.

  “I told you toddlers could learn math,” Gage replied. “We count turtles every day.”

  There had to be a story behind these mathematical skills, and I wanted to hear it. When Gage spent time with my younger siblings, I fell in love with him even more. He was so patient and dedicated. He loved to teach, but not as much as he loved music.

  “What am I, chopped liver?” Dad asked.

  I smiled at him. “Hey, Dad.” I hugged him as I held Aubrey. I hadn’t seen him in a long time. “I miss you too, old man.”

  “Let’s head to the car before someone recognizes the heartthrob,” Dad pointed out.

  “What’s the plan,” I asked as we walked toward the parking lot.

  “We’re invited to dinner,” Gage said. His voice was neutral, but his eyes screamed ‘I don’t want to go.’

  “He invited himself to dinner. It’s supposed to be a family dinner.”

  “Dad,” I warned him.

  “After that, we’ll head home,” Gage continued, ignoring Dad.

  “You’ll head home. She’s staying with us.”

  “I love you, my overbearing, but loving father,” I said as I set Aubrey in her booster seat.

  * * *

  “Time for bed,” Sadie announced after we watched Madagascar for the millionth time.

  “Can we go to New York to watch the penguins again?” Kieran requested.

  “Yes, penguins,” Aubrey, his sidekick cheered.

  “We’ll see, buddy,” Dad said. “Why don’t we go upstairs, brush our teeth, and read a story.”

  “Gage, read me a book,” Aubrey ran to my boyfriend. “Please.”

  “Of course, sweetheart,” Gage smiled at her tenderly.

  I rose from my seat and grabbed her hand. “Let’s get ready for bed first.”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  “Me too, Tessy,” Kieran said and ran to me. “Would you help me too?”

  “Yes, let’s go upstairs, but first give a kiss to Mom and Dad,” I suggested.

  “Do you need any help?” Sadie asked.

  “No, I got it.” I kiss her on the forehead. “I miss doing this.”

  Gage followed me. He was the one who read the stories to them. He changed the voices of the characters and acted out every page. Kieran laughed until the end of the story, while Aubrey fell asleep in my arms. It was so nice to be home with my family—and with Gage.

  Twenty-Nine

  Tess

  Leaving my parent’s house never felt so good. It was nice to be back home with Gage. To hold him, kiss him, and love him in a way I hadn’t been able to do it for weeks. Our mouths, bodies, and souls tangled together. I couldn’t wait. It’d be delicious, sinful. Every time we were to
gether, there was only fire and bliss as our bodies fused together.

  I couldn’t wait to have his big arms locked around me. To be finally home and fall asleep in his embrace—my favorite place.

  As we drove away from my parent’s house, he sighed and said, “Look, I didn’t want to tell you this before.”

  Gage grabbed my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist. “Please, don’t freak out.”

  My heart began to beat fast. “What happened?”

  “A fan,” he said. “She found out where I lived.”

  “Is that why you flew to San Diego?”

  When I left for Reykjavik, he said he was going to stay in Seattle until I came back. A couple of days later, he was in San Diego—doing some work.

  “Yeah,” he mumbled.

  “What happened?” I frowned, trying to understand why he hadn’t told me about this sooner.

  “They went through our stuff. Nothing was stolen but the police and my security team suggested that I stay away from there. The company I hired came to check on the property, and they suggested that I move.”

  I stared into the night, trying to process what he just said. A fan came into the house wasn’t enough.

  “What kind of company did you hire?” I asked slowly, trying to remain calm.

  “HIB. They’re a high security intelligence company,” he answered, exhaling loudly.

  “Is everything okay in San Diego?” I stuttered, as I hugged myself.

  “Yes,” he assured me. “But as I mentioned, I hired this company for the time being.”

  “You have a stalker,” I mumbled.

  “Most likely,” he answered, his words sounded unsure. Maybe he’s also scared but didn’t want to show it.

  The warmth inside my chest was being chased away by anxiety. I wasn’t as brave as I pretended. I had fears … and phobias. They were unreasonable fears I carried with me like a second skin. Even when I pretended they didn’t faze me, they could easily tear me apart.

 

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