“What’s going on, Gage?” I glare at him. “What stories is she talking about?”
“One time she asked if the lady in the pictures was her mom,” he says, picking up a frame and handing it to me.
It’s a picture he took when we were in Costa Rica. I’m measuring a leatherback turtle that had just laid eggs the night before.
“I had to explain who you were and what you do—saving turtles,” he says.
“You kept our photos?” I walk around the shelves. He hadn’t moved anything since the last time I was here. “What did you tell her?”
“I told her that you’re a friend.” He strokes his neck a couple of times. “That we stay in your house while you travel around the world, saving turtles with George.”
“Where’s Marti?”
“Who the fuck knows?” He glares at me when I bring her up. “I haven’t heard from her since we broke up years ago.”
I frown and try to understand his answer. “But isn’t she Jojo’s mother?”
He shakes his head, confusion drawn on his forehead.
While I’m still processing this revelation, Jojo comes back with my old turtle pillow and a blanket.
“George and I are ready for story time.”
“Shouldn’t we be doing something else?”
When it’s Aubrey, Kieran, or Grady’s day, they pretty much want to jump around the house, cook, or do crafts. They never want to sit around to listen to stories. That’s for bedtime.
“It’s her birthday,” I remind her.
“It’s my day, and I decide what to do,” she says, glaring at me. “Dad said you invented this game.”
I glare at Gage who seems to be enjoying himself. I sigh and start telling her about my work but in a way she’ll enjoy it. Having younger siblings is fun. Ever since Kieran was little, I learned how to tell stories to keep them engaged. Jojo hangs onto every word I say and even asks if I have pictures of the places I’ve visited. I show her photos from Malaysia where I stayed for a couple of months helping create a conservatory.
“Can I scuba dive?” she asks her father while I show her the underwater pictures I took.
“You’ll have to become an expert swimmer first,” I say, before Gage can even talk.
“She’s right,” he agrees with me.
“Can I go back to swimming classes?”
He snorts and nods. “We’ll have to hold off on the horseback riding lessons if we do that.”
“Okay,” she agrees.
“Horseback riding?”
“It’s a long story,” he says casually. “Are we ready for lunch, Pumpkin?”
As tempting as playing house with them is, I can’t let myself get attached to them. I just need Gage to tell me the truth about what happened.
“Well, this was nice, but I have to go home.”
“You’re not staying?” Jojo’s smile cracks a little. It’s as if I’ve stolen her toys. “It’s my special day, and Daddy said that you’re my surprise.”
I glare at her daddy who’s put me in an uncomfortable place. “Well, it seems like you’re having a party and I—”
“You’re her birthday surprise,” Gage interrupts me. “She’s been wanting to meet you for a couple of years.”
“I’ll stay, but you owe me some answers, Gage Alexander Rodin. And you’re not allowed to use the word complicated. Are we clear?”
He nods twice and heads toward the kitchen. “Come on, Pumpkin, let’s make some hot dogs a la Jojo.”
Jojo pulls me with her, and I don’t have the resolve to say no.
Thirty-Six
Gage
The only way to describe the day was: surreal. When Tess texted, I had no idea how to respond. But it came in the nick of time, as my life was about to change once again. Maybe it was the best way to close our final chapter. It wasn’t my choice, but it’d be the best outcome for the two of us. Fuck, if she wasn’t even more beautiful than I remembered. Her body was fuller and her features seemed a bit more refined.
When I spotted her about to ring the bell from the window, I decided to pull her into the game, without thinking. Her reaction reminded me that she’s never been a part of mine and Jojo’s life together. Just because we talk about Tess almost daily and wonder what she’d do in any situation, doesn’t mean that she’s been with us, sharing our lives.
Whose fault is that, fucker?
Still, it impressed me that even when Tess had no idea how to act, within the first five minutes she caught up and made this day even more special for my Pumpkin. She even read Jojo her favorite story before bed.
“I have no idea how to thank you for today, it turned out better than Disney World,” I whisper as I close the door.
“You were going to Disney and decided to stay?” She stares at me suspiciously.
“The plan was there, but something came up last night, and I had to cancel. Wine?” I ask, heading to the kitchen and searching for glasses.
“Yeah, a glass of Chardonnay would be great if you have some. If not, whatever you have is fine,” she answers, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.
Despite all the years that’ve passed, I still find myself physically responding to her as if we’d never ceased to be lovers. My body hasn’t forgotten hers, and I feel possessive even though I’ve no right to even look at her. While we hid in the closet, I almost forgot that we weren’t together anymore.
“Let’s go outside,” I suggest.
She follows me and looks around the backyard. I can see the disappointment in her face.
“Sorry, I had to get rid of the flowers, they died after you left. I thought putting rocks in was easier.”
Tess smiles, grabbing the glass of wine. “Hey, it’s your house. Mom trained us to see every yard as a possibility for growing flowers.”
“Mom?” he asks with an uncertain tone. “Are you calling Sadie mom now?”
She nods, pressing her lips together. “Yeah, I finally worked up the nerve to do it.”
“I’m glad.”
I turn on the fire pit and take a seat on one of the iron benches. “Your message was unexpected,” I begin as I drink in the site of her.
She stands at the edge of the patio looking at the lake. We chose this house because of the infinite possibilities for the backyard—a pool, a playground, or maybe a greenhouse. I should’ve known when we left the other house that this one wouldn’t be the one either. I knew better by then that things wouldn’t work between us.
Still, some nights, we’d sit on this same patio that East helped me build, and we’d make plans. She even laughed when I told her that I wanted half a dozen children and explained how we’d expand the house so we all could fit. And here we are several years later—alone, childless, and broken.
“Thank you for coming over,” I begin.
“Well, I decided that it’s time for me to grow up and stop being afraid of my past. I came seeking closure,” she says taking a sip of her wine. “It’s hard to move on when I keep wondering what went wrong. What I could’ve done to avoid it. All the while trying to make sense of your actions.”
She straightens herself, walks toward the fire, and then takes a seat. She’s right in front of me, watching me. After a long exhale, she continues.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I assured her. “There’s not much you can figure out about what happened. Though, I could still use a friend.”
“We couldn’t possibly be friends, Gage.” She snorts.
“You know me better than anyone,” I say, setting my feet on the edge of the fire pit and crossing my arms. “Soon I might need someone to hold my hand.”
“Why?”
“It’s not important right now, Turtle. Ask away, I might be able to answer a few questions.”
“Where’s Jojo’s Mom?”
“I’m not sure.” I shrug.
When Jojo was a baby I kept waiting for Ana to come back so I could fix my life. Now, I’d prefer not knowing her whereabou
ts.
“How can you not know where she is?”
“Because I don’t keep tabs on her,” I respond.
“Earlier, you said that you hadn’t seen Marti since you two broke up, is that true?”
I nod, watching her closely. What’s she getting at?
“You confirmed earlier that she’s not Jojo’s mother,” she continues. I nod. “Then who is her mom? What’s her name? Where did you meet her?”
I whistle and sigh. She hasn’t changed. “It’s always twenty questions with you, isn’t it, Tess?”
“Are you going to answer any of them?”
“Her name’s Ana. I met her at a bar. Actually, the same bar where I met you. I barely know her. She hasn’t been in the picture since I took Jojo. There’s no way for me to know where she is.”
She drinks the rest of her wine and pours herself another glass. “How long were you with her? No wait, I don’t care. When we spoke on the phone, did you already know that it would be just you and Jojo?”
I nod once more, trying to decide how much to tell her and what to keep to myself. Not that it matters anymore.
“If I’d agreed to stay in this relationship, how would that have worked out?”
“It wouldn’t have,” I answer simply. “You’re right about one thing. Everything happened while you were in Reykjavik. I prayed that Jojo didn’t have to be a part of my life. Months later, when I got the call, I already knew that I had to make a choice. It was hard, but you had to leave me.”
She laughs. She actually bursts into crazy, inexplicable laughter. I stare at her in confusion.
Once she sobers up, she says, “If you had used abstinence, or a condom none of this would have happened. Have a good night, Gage.”
She rises from her seat and looks toward the house. “If you need a babysitter, text me. I’ll be more than happy to hang out with her when I’m in town.”
Tess continues laughing as she walks through the house.
“Wait. What’s going on?”
She halts, and turns around, her fiery eyes burning with rage. “You’re still lying to me. Tell me, Gage, why did you fuck this Ana? Was it because she was willing and available, or did you have a relationship with her?”
Tess closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and continues. “I just don’t get it because you swore that you loved me. You’re the one who insisted that you didn’t need this to be an open relationship.”
She cackles again. “And you.” She points at me. “You are such a fucker that you set me up to look like a heartless bitch, after you cheated on me. I’m such a fucking idiot. Here I am, still trying to understand what I did wrong. You know what I did wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“I fell in love with a fucking asshole. God, why did I trust you?” She shakes her head. “Again, call if she needs anything. She’s a sweet girl.”
“Why are you running away from me if you’re offering to help take care of her?”
“I meant it when I promised I’d visit her. Just because I hate you doesn’t mean that I don’t love her.”
“You love her?”
“Since the moment you sent the picture. She’s a part of you. I tried to hate her, but it’s impossible,” she says, and I can feel her sadness.
Her broken words still roar in my head after all these years. “But she’s not mine.”
“Tess,” I say, a little lost because I’d give anything to take back what I did to her.
Just tell her. There’s nothing left to lose. She deserves to know the truth so she can move on.
Instead of doing the right thing, I step in front of her and take her into my arms and kiss her desperately. She opens her lips, letting me in without a fight, but it only lasts a brief moment.
“Stop it. You lost the right to do that long ago,” she shoves me, flaying me with her gaze.
“I had to push you away because I love you,” I growled, exasperated. “I didn’t want you in my life because I love you more than anything in this fucking world.”
“You’re not making any sense.” She glares at me, I can feel her anger brewing, but her eyes move over my shoulder. They open wide, and she says the one name I don’t want to fucking hear in a million years.
“Keane?” she mumbles.
My pulse accelerates at the speed of light. He’s back.
Thirty-Seven
Tess
Gage’s fucking exasperating. I want him to kiss me again just as much as I want to slap the truth out of him. It’s like the secret he’s hiding is eating him alive. Just as I’m about to fight back, I see a man approaching us. He could be Gage’s twin but for his tense demeanor and the rugged scar slicing through his left brow.
“Keane,” I mumble when he comes face to face with his brother.
They look more alike than Cam and Easton who are actually twins. The resemblance is uncanny.
He tilts his head and studies me. “You must be Tess,” then he stares at Gage. “I thought she was out of the picture.”
“Don’t talk to her,” Gage warns him, his face hardens. “Why are you here?”
“What else am I supposed to do when you ignore my calls and texts?” he growls. I put my hand on Gage’s back when I see him straightening and glaring at his brother.
“Why now?” Gage growls back.
The friction between them charges the air. I don’t know Keane, but I can tell Gage is about to attack him.
“It’s time. It’s over.”
Gage looks around as if searching for someone else. “Where is she?”
Keane runs a hand through his hair. It’s almost the same way his brother does. “Didn’t work out.”
“I fucking told you.” Gage covers my body as if protecting me from danger. He closes his eyes for a moment. “What now?”
“Everyone is free,” he says and tilts his head toward me. “That was the goal.”
“Whoa, time out.” I move away from Gage’s protective cover and put myself in front of Keane. “What does it mean that we’re all free.”
“We need privacy.” Keane’s jaw twitches, and he looks at his brother.
“Tess, I’m sorry. You have to leave.” Gage’s voice is harsh. “I promise to tell you everything once he leaves.”
I take that promise with me, jump in my car, and drive home. When I arrive, I send him a text.
Tess: What’s the deal with Keane. Are you two okay?
I don’t expect him to answer. Talking about Keane when they were growing up was always fun. The few times Gage opened up about Keane it was super cryptic. He blamed his secrecy on Keane’s job as an FBI agent—he couldn’t share much. They were super tight and looked out for one another. Gage told me that he’d vowed to take all of his brother’s secrets to the grave.
Nothing was right about that scene. The friction, the angry glares they exchanged. I decide to text Easton.
Tess: Hey, I just left Gage’s house. Keane was there and they looked a little upset with each other.
Easton: Wait, Keane is in town? It’s been years. When you say that they looked upset—how upset?
Tess: They looked about ready to kill each other.
Easton: Fuck, I’m on my way now. Thanks for letting me know.
I’m more confused by his response than I was before I left Gage’s. Mom texts asking if I want to talk. I tell her maybe tomorrow. Hannah calls me a couple of minutes later.
“Yeah?” I change into one of Gage’s old shorts and t-shirt.
I resolve to clean my place tomorrow and purge all of his things. Next week, I should drive to San Diego and do the same—maybe even sell the house and buy something that doesn’t remind me of him.
“Mom told me you went to visit Gage and his daughter. How’d it go?”
I start crying while I tell her what happened today, how Gage’s story was entirely different from the version I’d known since the breakup. Her name wasn’t Marti. It was Ana. He met her at the same fucking bar where we met.
“
So she had a baby and called him to pick her up?”
“What?” I don’t understand her question.
“From what you’re telling me, it seems like the day he left your house to travel to Georgia it was to pick up this kid,” she explains. “I might be wrong.”
“Maybe, I’m not sure. I need more than what he told me.”
“He didn’t tell you shit,” she concludes.
“I don’t give a fuck anymore,” I say, sobbing and tired of his bullshit.
Six years. I’ve been emotionally numb for six years, and he couldn’t give me the closure I needed. Gage only confused me more than I already was.
There’s a knock on the door, and I grunt. “Did you tell Mom to come and check on me?”
“Nope, she’s the one who sent me to check on you. Why?”
“Someone’s at the door,” I explain.
“Dad?” she suggests.
“Great. Like I want to discuss with him how his prodigy played me.”
“I never played you.” I hear Gage say from the other side of the door. “I tweaked the truth maybe, never played you though.”
“That’s him, right?” Hannah asks as I stare at the door.
“Yep.”
“Open the door. Please, Tess,” he knocks again.
“Yes, open the door. I want to hear this, please,” she begs.
I adore my sister. I really do. But sometimes I don’t like when she likes to focus on my life.
“Are you bored?”
“No,” she answers. “But I could use the distraction.”
I open the door and gasp when I see his bloody face.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“Keane,” he grunts.
“Where’s Jojo?”
“My girlfriend is keeping an eye on her,” Easton says, walking into view.
“Where is Keane?”
“Behind us,” Easton says, glancing over his shoulder.
“What happened?”
I let them into the house and go to the kitchen for ice bags.
“I had to separate them,” Easton says, nostrils flaring and jaw set.
My One Despair Page 18