“By breaking my heart?” she cried.
He made a broken sound and dragged his hands down his face. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was… Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Ever.”
“You didn’t have to lose me, you idiot!” she shouted, slamming her hands on his chest, and then grabbing his jacket. “You just had to accept me as I was. You just had to…to…love me. I gave myself to you in ways I’ve never given myself to any other man, including William, and I let you in. You begged me for a chance, and I let you in. But instead of giving me the same courtesy, you left me at the first sign of danger. And I’ll never forgive you for that.”
He stared at her, looking as if she’d punched him in the gut. “Daisy—”
“No.” She shook her head. “You don’t get to Daisy me. Not anymore.”
He tried to touch her face, but she slapped his hand away. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I never should have broken it off like that. I was scared, and I—”
“Yeah. I know. I was scared, too. But I didn’t run this time. You did.” She crossed her arms, the room blurring in front of her because of the stupid tears he was making her fight off. “I never should have opened the door.”
He shook his head. “Don’t say that—”
“I’ll say what I want to say.”
He reached for her hand. “Damn it, Daisy. I—”
The door opened, and Tim stuck his head in right as she lurched back. “Are things—?” His eyes narrowed when he saw how close they were, and he shot Mark a dirty look. One that said exactly how much he’d like to get alone in a room with him for five minutes. “Everything okay here, Officer O’Rourke?”
“Y-Yes. We were just finishing up.” She grabbed her phone, and avoided looking at Mark. “You’re free to go, Mr. Matthews.”
He stood there, not moving. “Daisy—”
“You heard her,” Tim said, stepping next to her and frowning at Mark. “You’re free to go. So go.”
“Daisy. I’m sorry.”
Even though she could feel him looking at her, silently begging her to meet his eyes one last time, she didn’t. She walked out the door without looking back.
Just like he’d done to her on that street.
Chapter Twenty-One
Mark tugged on his tie, shifting his weight, and watched his cousin’s first dance at her wedding. Her dress was beautiful. She glowed with happiness and excitement. And the groom? Damn, he looked like he was on cloud nine. Mark lifted the bottle of water to his lips and drank, trying his best to look happy for them. And he was. For them.
But he wasn’t fucking happy.
After his confrontation with Daisy yesterday, he’d been unable to think of anything but that night he sent her away, and the consequences of that action. In trying to do what he thought was best for her, he’d hurt her. He’d give anything to take that back. To make it better. But he didn’t know how. Relationships weren’t his thing. Fights weren’t, either.
To be honest, he and Tina never fought.
Not because they were perfect, or just too happy, but because they were never together. Throughout their relationship, they were almost always in a different city, state, or even country. So he’d never had to apologize. Never had to grovel. He had no clue what to do besides say he was sorry, which he’d tried yesterday.
That hadn’t worked.
Maybe nothing would.
No. He refused to think like that. Refused to give up. He loved her, and if he was patient enough, and lucky enough, maybe someday she’d love him, too, if he could find the right words to get her to forgive him. Because after losing her, and seeing how much he’d hurt her by trying to do the right thing for them both…he’d never make that mistake again. He didn’t know the right thing to do. Clearly. He was a dumbass.
He just had to fight for them. Fight for her.
And then…he’d never let go again.
He smiled and waved at his cousin as the dance ended, and she grinned back before making her way to her parents. Dinner was over. Cake was next. But he never liked cake…
And he had something to do.
Walking toward the door, he headed outside and called the last person he thought ever would. He picked up in two rings. “Hello?”
“Steven. It’s me. Mark.” He swallowed hard, choking on his pride a little bit as it fought going down. “I need your help. How do I win Daisy back? What do I do?”
Loud voices came through the other end, including a laugh he’d recognize anywhere, then a chair skid on the floor. “Hold on, sir. Give me a second.” He said something to Daisy and Lauren, and whoever else he was with, and then he was back. “How can I help you, Mr. Williams?”
“Are you with her right now?”
“Yes, sir,” Steven replied.
He headed to his truck. “Just her and Lauren?”
“Indeed.”
“Where?” he asked, sliding the key into the ignition. He eyed the wrapped present on his front seat, which he’d had sitting there for four days now, and slid the gearshift into reverse. “Can you help me get her alone?”
“Yes. I’m at dinner with a few friends at Menzel’s. It’s on Fourth and Chestnut.”
“Excellent. Keep her there for me, and then I’ll find a way to make her forgive me.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I have no idea how, though. Have any tips?”
“I do, actually. The bigger, the better. And don’t be afraid to admit the truth about…how you feel about security. You have to be honest with us up front, if you stand a chance at getting the coverage you want from us.”
Mark swallowed hard. He was talking about the three big words he’d only ever said to one other woman…not counting Ginny. Could he do it?
“Right. Okay. I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he rasped.
Steven lowered his voice. “Hurry. Time’s running out. Dessert is almost done.”
Mark stepped on the gas, speeding down Route 6. He was halfway there when sirens lit up behind him. He stiffened, cursing under his breath, and pulled over. He casually checked out the speed limit. It was forty-five, and he’d been doing sixty. “Shit.”
A cop approached, and he rolled down his window, knowing he’d done wrong and completely prepared to accept the punishment—but it was going to make him miss Daisy at dinner.
The cop bent down and rested an arm on the door. “License and registration.”
“Officer—” Mark stiffened. Tim. “Oh. Hi, Tim. I didn’t know you did patrols without Daisy.”
“Yeah. Sometimes. They needed someone to fill in for Greenwich, so I picked up an extra shift.” He held a hand out. “License and registration, Mr. Matthews.”
Without another word, he opened his glovebox, pulled out his registration and insurance card, and then reached in his pocket for his wallet. There was no way he was getting out of this ticket. He’d be lucky if he avoided jail, considering the fact that Tim probably hated his guts for hurting Daisy like he had. “I know I was speeding, Officer. I’m sorry.”
“Where you off to in such a rush?” he asked.
“To be honest?” He took a deep breath and held out his license. “I was trying to get to the restaurant Daisy is at before she leaves so I could tell her how sorry I am, and to try to win her back.”
Tim frowned. “Being sorry isn’t enough for that.”
“I know.” He locked eyes with the other man. “I had other things to tell her, too.”
Tim hesitated, taking the license. “Like what?”
“With all due respect, that’s between me and her, Officer Mathers.”
Tim took his stuff and walked away without a word, sliding into his car and doing whatever it was that cops did when they pulled people over. Mark picked up his phone and sent off a quick text to Steven. Tim pulled me over. Delay as much as possible.
He got an immediate reply. I’ll try.
Mark tapped his fingers on the wheel impatiently, and sat there for what had to have been twenty
minutes. His phone buzzed, and he picked it up. It was a text from Steven.
We’re leaving. Sorry, man, I tried.
He tossed his phone on his seat, with the wrapped present, and stared straight ahead. “Fuck me.”
After what seemed like millions of years later, Tim approached, shaking his head. “Your record is ridiculously clean. Not a negative mark on it.”
He wasn’t sure if he was referring to his driving record or his police record. Either way, it was true. He was clean. “Is that what took you so long? You were checking to make sure I wasn’t a serial killer before cutting me loose?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he had handed Mark his stuff back with a frown. “I’m letting you off with a warning this time, but don’t do it again. Speed limits aren’t optional, and they aren’t supposed to be ignored when it’s convenient.”
Mark stared straight ahead, taking his registration, insurance, and license. “Thank you, Officer. It won’t happen again.”
“And about Daisy?” He rested a hand on his roof. “I’ve been there for her through the bad and the good. I’ve held her when she cried, and when she wanted to die. I picked her back up, I helped her find her footing again, so you damn well better not knock it out from under her again. Treat her good. You fucked up once. I’m willing to let that slide, considering you two are both new to one another. But fuck up twice? You answer to me.”
And with that, he walked off.
Mark watched him leave, and then pulled back out onto the road, heading for the restaurant in case Daisy stuck around after Steven and Lauren left. He walked inside, scanning the interior, the present in his hand. No red hair. No angry green eyes. She was gone.
Turning, he left the restaurant and headed to her apartment, locking his car doors and heading up the stairs once he got there. When he stopped outside her door, he held the present behind his back, took a deep breath, and knocked three times.
There was the faint noise of something falling, and then he heard light footsteps. Since Tim was out on patrol…it had to be her.
The door didn’t open.
“I’m sorry, Daisy,” he called out through the door. “So sorry.”
Nothing.
“I know I was an idiot, and I never should have sent you away that night. If I could go back and change it, I would. I’d hug you close, say I was sorry for those awful things I said on that street, and tell you I want to be with you. And hopefully you’d smile and say you want to be with me, too, and everything would be fine.” He broke off, feeling dumb as hell. He was writing an alternate universe where this could still happen, and it couldn’t. “But I can’t change the past, only the future. And so I’m here, promising you through a damn door, that next time I get scared—because there will be a next time—I’ll do better. I’ll hug you, and kiss you good-bye, and wait for you to come back from work with a goddamn smile on my face. If you just open the door for me, and give me a chance, I swear I’ll make it up to you. I’ll…I’ll…” He rested his head on her door, sighing heavily. “Please. Open the door. I want to see you. I want to smell you, and touch you, and…shit, I don’t know. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine.”
Someone cleared her throat from behind him, and he stiffened.
“Jeeves is a nice cat and all, but I don’t think he’ll be down for that.”
Slowly, he turned, not sure what the hell was going on right now, but hell, she was here. And that’s all that mattered. Daisy stared at him, clutching a bag of groceries to her chest. “Uh… You have a cat?”
“Tim does.” She licked her lips and shifted her feet uncomfortably. “If you want to pet him that badly, and smell him, I’m sure he’ll let you. He’s pretty friendly.”
He laughed uneasily. If she was making jokes, maybe that was a good sign. “How much did you hear?”
“Oh, I heard all of it.” She wore a black dress, a pair of pink heels, and her hair was down, falling in waves over her shoulders. She remained a few feet away from him, but she hadn’t turned and run, so that was something, he supposed. “Every last word.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again, taking another step closer.
“I know. I heard.” She tightened her grip on her groceries and brushed past him. “Excuse me.”
He followed her, stopping at her door as she unlocked it, opened it, and slid through. She closed it slowly, and he tried one more time. “Can I please come in? I just want to talk to you.”
“I feel like we’ve said all we need to say to one another, don’t you?” she asked through the crack on the door. She didn’t close it, though. “You’ll say you’re sorry. I’ll say I’m sorry, too. Then we’ll kiss, and we’ll try to make it work until we inevitably realize we can’t and go our separate ways. We both know how this will end—hell, you’re the one who said it in the first place. So why do all of it again? Why bother with trying to make it work?”
“Because I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts to breathe when I remember your laugh, or your smile, or the way you snuggle into me when you sleep.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I miss you every second of every day. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I missed Tina when she died, but I do. I miss you that much. But the difference is, you’re not dead. You’re here, just a few steps away from me, and I refuse to be too damn scared to take those steps. I refuse to lose another second with you. Life’s too damn short for that shit.”
The hard mask she wore slipped a bit, and he saw pain flash across her eyes. “Mark…”
“I can’t sleep without you beside me. I can’t eat without remembering the meals we shared. After I tuck in Ginny and sit on my couch alone, all I think about is you. I feel your absence.” He touched his head. “Here.” Next, he pressed a hand to his stomach. “Here.” His heart. “And most importantly, here.”
She hesitated, opening her mouth, and for a second he thought she was going to say she missed him, too. He didn’t realize how badly he needed to hear that until right now.
But she remained silent.
“You look tired,” he said. “Like you haven’t been sleeping well, either.”
She stared at him for so long he thought she wasn’t going to answer again, but then she nodded. “I haven’t been sleeping at all, really.”
“Sleeping with you was the best mistake I ever made, and losing you was the worst. Please. Just give me five minutes, and if you still want me to go after I’m finished talking to you, if you still want nothing to do with me…” He tightened his grip on the present he’d forgotten he held in his hands. “I’ll go. I’ll leave. And I’ll never bother you again. I swear it.”
“Okay.”
He held the gift out. “But first, this is for you. It’s yours, no matter what you decide.”
She bit down on her lip, eyeing his present like it was a poisonous snake. “I don’t want a gift from you. You can’t buy your way to my forgiveness.”
“I know. I bought this for you before I…” Before I fucked everything up. He lifted the rectangular gift. “I just didn’t get a chance to give it to you, so I wanted to drop it off. I have no use for this.”
Stepping back, she moved out of the way. “Come in, I guess. You have three minutes.”
“Thank you.”
He came inside and set the present down by the door then ran his hands over his suit jacket. She put the groceries in the kitchen and turned to face him, leaning on the dining room table. About twenty feet separated them. It was twenty feet too much.
Before he could speak, she asked, “Why are you so dressed up?”
“I was at my cousin’s wedding. They looked happy.” He swallowed. “I’m not. I’m miserable without you.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’ll get over me eventually. I mean, we all move on, right? You lost your wife, a woman you loved with all your heart, but you were ready to move on with me. Logically speaking, whatever pain you felt at losing her is a hell of a lot worse than what you feel after losing me.�
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He took a breath. “I used to like being alone. Sleeping alone. After I lost Tina, it just seemed like that’s how my life was going to be, and I was okay with that. But then I met, and lost, you, and since then, my bed’s felt…so fucking empty. Everything’s empty.”
She cocked her head. “Mark…”
“You know, I never asked you what you wanted when I decided what was best for you.” He took a step closer. “I tried to read you, tried to guess, because I was used to doing that with Tina, since she wasn’t big on talking about emotions. But you’re not her. You’re you. And I should have asked if you were willing to put up with me freaking out every once in a while when I was worried. If you could handle me at both my worst, and my best? So I’m asking you now…can you handle that? And more importantly, do you want to? Because if you do, I’ll spend the rest of my life giving you everything I can. I swear it.”
She stared at him, eyes wide. “I…I don’t know.”
“I do.” He took a step closer to her. “I want to fall asleep next to you every night, and wake up with your body pressed against mine every morning. I want to cook you dinner every evening, and lie by the fire with our feet entwined every night. I want to share every thought, desire, and wish with you, because I want to know yours. I want to know you, inside and out, and I want you to know me, too. I want to be your best friend. Your partner. Your lover. And maybe, one day, your spouse, and the father of your child.”
Eyes wide, she pressed a hand to her stomach.
“And most of all?” He walked right up to her, touched her chin, and lifted her beautiful, perfect, unforgettable face—the same one that haunted him—to his. “I want to spend the rest of my life kissing you, touching you, making you scream out in pleasure. Because…because…” His grip on her tightened, and he laughed nervously at himself. Just three little words. How hard could it be? “Because…I love you, Daisy. I love you, I love you, I love you—and I want to tell everyone how happy you’ve made me, when I thought I’d never be happy again.”
Her jaw dropped, and she rested her hand on his chest.
“I know I fucked up, and I hurt you, and I’m so incredibly sorry. I can’t change that, but I can swear to do my best to never hurt you like that again,” he said passionately. “To accept you for who you are, and what you are, and to love every second of our life together.”
His Best Mistake (Shillings Agency) Page 16