by Marci Fawn
19
Jem
Much to Kim’s annoyance, I’ve demanded to see Nate the second I step off the ship. I stuck to my contract, doing exactly what she needed during that time, however much I didn’t want to. I even did another risqué photo shoot, which I hated every second of—and now I need to see him. I haven’t heard a thing from him for weeks. Neither of us have been allowed to contact one another, and I can’t go another day without at the very least speaking to him. I need to know what’s been happening with him, and what that means for us. All I know is the small bits I’ve managed to get from the news, which has told me nothing. I know it’s gone to trial, but that’s about it. Everyone has been telling me that I need to focus on myself, without understanding that if they just told me something about Nate, I might be able to concentrate more.
Luckily, Kim has finally relented and is getting a car to take me straight to Nate. I think she finally realized that if she didn’t, I would do it anyway, and that would likely spell disaster—especially with the media circus that I’m sure is surrounding him.
As soon as the ship docks, I sneak out the back and into the town car that’s waiting for me. I don’t stop to talk to anyone. I don’t say goodbye. I simply race away with only Nate’s face on my mind. The driver has been instructed to take me to Nate’s hotel room without any stops, which is perfect for me. I don’t care that I won’t have a moment to clean myself up first.
As the car whizzes through the city, my heart races in anticipation of finally having some inside knowledge about what’s happening in Nate’s life. I’d also like to know what’s going on with Lola. I haven’t spoken to her for a long time either, and I’d love to know how she’s doing.
Lola stayed on the ship for a while after the scandal broke in the press, but it soon became too difficult for her to remain, so she was taken off too, leaving me completely out of the loop. I’ve tried to contact her since, but she’s been radio silent as well—I imagine she has to be because of the trial, which is fair enough, but also incredibly frustrating. Things between us were strained as soon as Nate left, but I don’t want to have a permanent falling out, not really. I’d much rather try and understand her, to attempt to rebuild what we once had. She was a great friend of mine, and I don’t want to lose her over a mistake. I’m sure she didn’t mean to do what she did. Sure, I was angry at first because I knew about her crush on him, but the more I think about it, the more I’m certain that even a crush wouldn’t be enough for Lola to do that to me.
Nate is waiting for me in the lobby of his ugly, cheap-looking hotel. I race into his arms, throwing myself around him, and we kiss and cuddle for a very long time. We may have only been apart for a short while, but it feels like forever and I’m so glad to be back at his side. I only feel whole when I’m with Nate. I’ve been so lonely without him. My body courses with anticipation at the mere prospect of being this near to him. I can feel that intense chemistry coming back, and it makes me feel happy again.
“Oh, my God, are you okay?” I pant against his cheek, tears already falling. The emotions that rush through my veins feel like they’re going on a crazy rollercoaster. “How have you been? What’s been happening?”
“Come to my room,” he whispers into my ear. “I’ll tell you all about it then. I can’t talk about it out here. I never know when people are listening.” He lets out a small laugh, but I can hear the strain in his tone. This is really getting to him, more than I ever could have realized, and anxiety floods my body.
“Of course.” I follow behind him, my mind whirring with possibilities. Suddenly this feels much more serious than I thought it was going to be. Reading the brief bits about his court case in the news hasn’t given me enough of a picture to fully understand what’s been going on. “Okay. Tell me everything.”
Nate’s face goes through a hundred different emotions as he covers the gory details of the trial, the loss of his big advertising campaign, and the horrible things that have been written about him. By the end of his speech, my head is spinning with the nightmare of it all. I just can’t believe that I’ve had to spend the last few weeks singing on a goddamn cruise ship, and he’s been going through hell. My worst problem is that I’ve been missing him like crazy, and he’s been through the worst times of his entire life. I should have been here. It isn’t fair that I wasn’t allowed to be.
“What about Lola?” Clearly she left for the trial, and I would assume that she’s been at the very least sticking up for Nate. “How is she?” I wish I could call her, to ask her how she’s doing myself, but understanding the severity of the trial, of course she can’t talk to me—in case I try to manipulate anything.
“I don’t know,” he announces, completely shocking me. “I haven’t seen her yet. She hasn’t been called up to the witness stand.”
“Wait, what do you mean? Isn’t she the center of all of this?” That makes no sense at all. What the hell is going on here?
“Apparently not.” He drops his head into his hands and I take a second to wrap him up in my arms. “I don’t really know what’s going on. I mean, I have this amazing legal team and they try to explain it to me, but I don’t really get it. I’m just in that witness stand trying to defend myself against people who hate me and already think I’m guilty.”
“The truth will come out in the end,” I say decisively, wanting to sound more confident than I really feel. “You’ll be fine.”
But inside I can’t help but think that this just keeps getting weirder and weirder…
The next morning, I return back to my own home, but only briefly. I intend to go to court, to support Nate, and to see just how the trial is going. He might have told me not to, and I might be under very strict instructions not to get involved at all, but he needs me and that’s more important than anything else. I’ll worry about all my other issues later on. He doesn’t seem to think the trial is going in a very positive direction, but I’m sure it’s not as bad as he thinks. He’s likely bringing his fear along with him and I’d love to be able to reassure him with evidence.
At least, that’s what I keep telling myself to convince myself to stop freaking out.
I didn’t tell Nate about my plan, especially because he told me to stay at home, but I’m hoping it’ll be a nice surprise that I’m there. I half think the reason he’s trying to keep me away is because they keep bringing up his past, and he’s worried what that will do to me.
But that doesn’t matter to me anymore. The past is the past, this is the present, and I need to get him through it. I already know that he’s been with a lot of women—that doesn’t bother me. Much, anyway. At least, not as much as this trial.
I throw on some old, baggy clothes. Then I pin my hair back and tie a scarf around it. I finish the disguise off with some oversized sunglasses, trying to hide as much of my face as possible. I want to be at the courthouse, but I don’t want anyone to recognize me. I don’t want to make any of this about me, and I don’t really want my name to be dragged along with the scandal too. I’ve managed to keep out of it so far, what with everyone assuming that we broke up years ago, and I’d much rather it stayed that way. If it all goes horribly wrong, then I’ll have my life ruined too—and there’s no point in us both losing everything over Lola’s mistake.
As I step through the crowds of people surrounding the courthouse, my heart races. Everyone is desperate to get a glimpse of Nate, and by the looks of things they’re willing to do anything to get it. I try and sneak past everyone, wishing I’d come much earlier, before everyone else arrived, but somehow, in the hustle and bustle of the crowd, my scarf gets tugged to one side. I try to pull it back on before anyone sees my face, but someone knocks my sunglasses off and with another person sees who I am.
“Jemima Rockwell! Is that you?” someone yells excitedly above the crowd, causing everyone else to spin in my direction. There’s no way I’ll get away with this now—everyone will know for sure that I’m here to support Nate, and that will make ev
erything else fall into place.
“No, no…” I try, but of course it’s far too late for that. I’ve been spotted, and now people are going crazy for me, tugging on me and screaming questions in my direction. It’s absolutely terrifying, and I’m desperate to escape.
“Does this mean you and Nate are back together?”
“How do you feel about him with an underage girl?”
“What does the future hold for both of you?”
They are so desperate for an exclusive story that they’re willing to do anything to get it. I begin to panic. I can’t escape as people get closer and closer around me. I’ve never been in a position quite this bad before—it’s always been one or two photographers, or I’ve had someone from my management team around to protect me. I push and shove and try to run, but people surround me, closer and closer, until I can’t breathe. My head spins. My breaths are labored and tears fall down my cheeks.
“Please,” I beg quietly. “Please let me go. Please let me go.” Eventually, by some miracle, I break out at the back of the crowd and race as far away from the courthouse as I possibly can. All thoughts of helping Nate fly from my mind as my self-preservation instinct kicks in. I cannot be around all of that drama, no matter what. I’m already going to be the headline news tomorrow, and that’s going to be bad enough. I can’t be around people who are so desperate for a quote that they’ll do anything.
I can see the headlines now:
“Foolish Jem cheated on with underage pop star”
“Idiot Jem supports her criminal boyfriend”
“Jemima Rockwell loses her career…”
Kim is going to kill me.
As my feet pound along the pavement, I feel myself becoming consumed with another panicked thought. This is awful! Maybe it really is as bad as Nate suspected. What will I do if I end up losing him forever?
20
Nate
After my night with Jem, I enter the courtroom with a newfound determination. She’s confident that the truth will prevail, and that I’ll be fine in the long term, and that’s helped me to feel a little better about everything. We’ve already arranged to spend the night together after all of this, and the prospect of seeing her again will get me through whatever today has in store for me.
I’ll just keep her face at the forefront of my mind, and everything else will be all right.
I sigh deeply as my lawyer spouts out a bunch of legal jargon I can’t even begin to understand. I tune him out and scan the room, spotting a familiar face. My stomach drops and my heart leaps into my throat. Lola. She’s surrounded by what looks like a legal team, which can only mean one thing. She’s about to take the witness stand. Whatever happens in this room today will determine everything.
I try to catch her eye, to see where her head is at, but she’s resolutely looking down at the ground. I pray desperately that she’ll just tell the truth and put an end to this, but I’m afraid she might be manipulated into saying otherwise. I haven’t stopped thinking about her face that day. I know something bad is going on in her life, and I really hope it doesn’t impact today.
I cannot stand the fact that my future is in the hands of so many other people. It’s a nightmare.
I flick my eyes around the room, trying to see if anyone is here to support Lola, and my eyes capture another completely unexpected person. Tonya Becker. She’s sitting in the back of the room with a half-hearted disguise on, but I can see right through it. It’s definitely her, that much is obvious, but why the hell is she here? I know she had some weirdness with Jem, and she isn’t very fond of me, so maybe she’s here on Lola’s behalf. I never knew that they were friends, but I could be wrong.
Oh, God. Does she know something I don’t?
“Come on,” the lawyer whispers into my ear. “It’s time to take your seat.” I do as he asks, taking a deep breath to try and prepare myself for what’s to come. It’s going to be absolutely massive…
Leaving the courtroom, I can’t begin to comprehend what just happened. It was like a whirlwind of craziness that I haven’t yet recovered from. When Lola stepped up onto the stand, my heart was racing with nerves, but after a few seconds of what looked like internal deliberation, she did the right thing and told the truth.
“…I kissed him,” she muttered. “Nate did nothing. It was all me. I kissed him, and he pushed me off. He did nothing wrong.” She was practically shaking as she spoke, but it was enough for the judge to decide that the case was pointless. It wasn’t in his jurisdiction, either, and he threw it out.
It was a bit of an anticlimax at the end of such a stressful time, but that doesn’t really matter. At least I’ve been given the outcome I so desperately needed.
I’m free. I’m not going to jail after all.
Paul is over the moon with how it’s all turned out, and he’s already organized a press conference so I can deal with the media all at once. It’s a good thing, because it stops them from clawing at me like a pack of wolves, but I’m not really looking forward to it either. I’d much rather head right home and see Jem so that we can start our future, but I have to do what I’m told. I’ve put Paul through so much. It’s only fair that I do this for him.
I tug my phone out of my pocket and make the call to Jem. “Hello?” She sounds breathless as she picks up the phone.
“I’m free, Jem!” I exclaim. “Lola was here today, and she told the truth, and I’m free…”
“I know,” she squeals. “I saw it. I’m here. I’m on my way.”
“What? Wait—what do you mean?” I panic, knowing that she’ll be photographed if she comes here. I purposely haven’t mentioned Jem, not wanting to drag her into it, and now she’s here anyway? “No. You stay home. I’ll be there soon…”
But then someone jumps onto my back, sending my phone clattering to the ground. I spin around—it’s Jem, already kissing me, already claiming me as her own.
“But the press,” I mutter into her mouth.
“Fuck them!” She smiles against me. “Let them know. I don’t care. We’re together. We’re solid. Forget everyone else.”
With that, I lose myself against her. She’s right. The world doesn’t matter anymore. As long as I have Jem, everything else can fade away.
“Nate.” Paul calls out sharply behind me, ruining the magic of the moment. “Come on. The media are waiting.”
“…and I thank you for giving me my privacy after this difficult time.” I finish reading the statement, knowing that it’s pointless. As with all of these things, the press will take what they want from this statement and twist it to suit their end requirements.
At least the case has been thrown out. Now they have to stop printing shit about me.
“Does anyone have any questions?” I cringe as I say those words, knowing that I’m opening a can of worms. Unfortunately, it’s an essential part of this type of event.
“What does the future hold for you now?”
“I’ll be back in the recording studio, finishing my new album.” I really hope this will unleash questions about my music, but of course it doesn’t.
“Will you continue your friendship with Lola?”
I need to be diplomatic with this one. “I have no hard feelings toward Lola Castillo. I wish her the best of luck in the future.” I still want to be her friend, but I’m not going to tell the press that—they’ll turn it into something it isn’t.
“Are you back with Jemima Rockwell?”
I glance at Paul, wondering what I should say, but he gives me nothing. I try to be tactical. “I don’t want to discuss my personal life at this time…”
“But we saw you kissing outside the courthouse.”
“It’s early days.” I smile.
“Okay,” someone eventually interrupts, much to my relief. “That’s it for today. Thank you.”
With that, I feel like I’m leaving a horrible black hole in my past behind. I walk from the room with my head held high, on top of the world. Now I really can go
back to my music. I can return to Jem. Sure, I may have lost the one advertising contract, but that doesn’t have to be the end of everything for me. Maybe with my newfound notoriety, I’ll be turning down offers.
I need to have a party to celebrate. One with everyone. I didn’t get to say goodbye to most of the people on the cruise ship, and I’d love the opportunity to see them all again. I need a chance to reconnect, to feel like myself again, and I can’t think of a better way to do that.
I’ll even invite Lola as a way to say thank you to her. Then, if I manage to get a second alone with her, I’ll try and find out what’s going on in her life, and what caused her to act like that…
21
Jem
The days after Nate’s trial finishes are amazing. It’s so lovely to just be us again without the added outside pressures affecting us. We’re both very busy with a lot of press-related stuff, but since most of it is together, it’s not too bad. The media has become interested in us as a couple, and I find that I actually don’t mind doing interviews and photo shoots in that way. At least I don’t have to do anything out of my comfort zone. Nate is always there to ensure things run smoothly, even if I’m not quite happy.
Kim has backed off me a little. She’s stopped mentioning my new “sexier” image now that I’m getting a lot of attention in another way. I feel much better about the way things are happening now. I feel like I can be the me I’ve always wanted to be. Sure, I don’t love the invasions of my privacy, but we never tell anyone too much, so it’s fine. We’re in control now, and that is something I love.
On top of that, we’re both busy recording new music, which is the part of the job I love most. There has even been some discussion about a duet, although I’m not entirely convinced. That might be too cheesy for words…