by Yvonne Heidt
“A stained smiley face? How did you know?”
Jordan took a breath and closed her eyes. “Because I killed him.”
“Dude.” Shade shook her head.
“Can we turn the lights on now? I need to see behind the furnace.”
“Of course. Tiff, could you flip the switch?” Sunny was concerned over the implication of recent murders being attached to Jordan.
They all blinked their eyes to adjust to the brightness after so many hours in the dark. Jordan disappeared behind the metal giant.
“Can you tell us what happened?” Sunny knew Jordan had been shot after she killed a man near here, but she didn’t know the details of how this might all tie together yet. No wonder she had negative energy woven as tightly as a basket around her. “The dirt looks off to me. Shade, can you help me?”
There wasn’t room for all of them, so Sunny and Tiffany stood to the side.
“There has to be a shovel lying around here somewhere.”
“I’ll find one,” Tiffany said. “I’ll be right back.”
“Jordan? Gina is here.” Tears filled Sunny’s eyes. “She says she always knew you would find her.”
The overhead light went off then turned back on. “Asshole is back, and he’s quite pissed off you found his hidey hole,” Shade said, looking over Jordan’s shoulder.
Tiffany ran back in and handed the shovel to Sunny, who gave it to Jordan. She met her gaze and nodded once.
“I’ll hold him, but it’s really not necessary. He’s losing power fast,” Shade said before Sunny distinctly heard the sound of digging.
“Oh, fuck me,” Jordan said.
The smell of death filled the room. “Are those what I think they are under that old tarp?”
“Yes,” Jordan answered. “C’mon, we have to go.”
“Aren’t we going to—”
“No. It’s a crime scene now.”
*
Sunny looked over and saw Jordan framed in the doorway of Eric and Frank’s apartment. Her gaze darted around the room before she saw her, and Sunny saw the relief soften the hard lines around her eyes.
“Can we leave yet?” Shade asked. “No offense,” she added to Frank, who looked shell-shocked in the chair across from them.
“They’ll call up when we can go.” Jordan sat down and Sunny took her hand before leaning against her and dropping her head on her shoulder.
Eric came in with a tray and poured more coffee. “What are we going to do?” He was clearly upset. “Who’s going to want to come and stay here after this publicity?”
“We’ve borrowed a fortune, and our life savings have gone into the hotel.” Frank’s hands shook, but he steadied them to gulp his coffee.
“You’d be surprised,” Shade said. “Ghost fanatics, the curious, and the thrill seekers. Sad, but true. Haunted castles and shit like that make a fortune in England too.”
Sunny let her eyes close while the conversation went on around her. The police had been downstairs for three hours, and gray morning light filtered through the apartment windows.
Jordan shifted and put an arm around her, holding her closer. Sunny was proud of the way Jordan had handled herself and the situation. After she went out to talk to the security officer in charge and they called homicide, the place had been swarmed with people in less than half an hour.
Jordan had to step back from the process because not only was she currently on suspension, it was also tied to a case that she was personally involved in.
Sunny recalled the way Jordan’s eyes had flashed fire when she got in the face of a detective who was first on the scene. He had been condescending and rude to the women when he heard why they were there. He made Jordan leave and separated the team, but once Jordan had gotten him alone, his tone seemed more respectful when he next questioned Sunny for her version of events.
Sunny could have told Jordan that she was quite capable of taking care of herself, but she found she didn’t want to. It felt good to let her take charge of the situation. She felt protected.
After they were questioned two more times, they were allowed to congregate in the owners’ apartment, where Sunny called her mother and asked her to clear the schedule for a few days. She only had to argue with her for ten minutes to convince her to stay home. It was getting easier, this thing called setting boundaries.
“Who are we going to get for the construction work now?” Frank’s voice threatened to break.
“You’re going to have to wait until they clear the building for use again. It could take a while for them to process the crime scene and evidence.”
“I can help you there.” Shade leaned back. “I know a crew out of Bremerton that would be happy for the work, and they come with excellent references.”
“But what about the ghosts?”
“It won’t bother them a bit.” Shade chuckled. “It’s an all-female crew. Not only will you get better attention to detail, but my friends are made of pretty stern stuff. I’ll also come back and clear the place of the darker energy. It’s kind of like dealing with bullies. Once you stand up to them, they run.”
“See, honey?” Eric said to Frank. “I told you calling these girls was the best thing to do.”
Sunny felt Shade bristle at the “girl” remark, but she didn’t say anything. Tiffany was sound asleep in the armchair, and Sunny hoped she was having sweet dreams, not reliving the horror in the basement. She sent out her senses to check and was relieved to find Tiffany’s energy was calm.
She was unbelievably tired, but at the same time she was aware of every inch of her body that came into contact with Jordan’s.
“What else did you find?” Frank asked. “I’m almost afraid to know, but I can’t help but be curious.”
Sunny roused herself to answer him. “I’m sorry, guys. The detectives confiscated our evidence.”
“It could take months to get it back,” Jordan said. “And I’m sure I’ll never live it down.”
Sunny heard the sadness in her voice and squeezed her hand. There would be time to talk later.
“Lawson.”
“Sir.”
“You can go now.” The detective turned to Eric and Frank. “Is there somewhere you can stay for a few days?”
“Hawaii,” Eric said quickly and pointed to Eric. “We’re taking a vacation right now.”
The detective nodded and turned to Jordan. “You know the drill, blah, blah.”
“You’ll let me know when forensics is finished, right?”
“Clearly, I’m not obliged to let you know, as you’re on suspension.” He paused and Jordan’s mouth tightened into a straight line. “But,” he added, “I’ll still extend the professional courtesy. That all right with you, Lawson?”
Jordan nodded. “Thank you.”
“Now go on. Get out of here and let us do our job.”
*
Jordan helped load the equipment that hadn’t been seized and ignored the veiled insults she heard from the uniforms. What was worse was realizing that until tonight, she’d sounded just as ignorant and close-minded as they currently did. She would be standing there doing the same exact thing if Sunny hadn’t blasted through her wall of denial. God, had she sounded so sanctimonious and self-righteous? Had she been so willing to ridicule what she didn’t understand?
She was ashamed to admit she had. No wonder Sunny had walked away in the face of her scorn. It felt horrible. The night’s crazy events and Sunny had changed something inside her, and she knew her life would never be the same.
Sunny put an arm around her waist. “Can I ride with you?”
“Of course.” Jordan smiled down at her, sorry to see the dark circles under her eyes and the worry lines etched in her beautiful face. She knew she looked much worse, with her own battered cheek and filthy clothes.
“We need to talk.”
Jordan’s gut tightened. “Sunny—”
“In our room at the Hilton that the boys just gave me.”
Jord
an nearly swayed with relief. “Hot tub?”
Sunny flashed the key card and grinned. “Hot tub.”
*
Sunny was tempted to fall face-first into the lake-size bed and sleep for a week, but she was disciplined enough in her craft to know she wouldn’t or couldn’t rest until she was clean of the night’s energy.
Jordan leaned against her almost wearily. Sunny realized she must have been up for over twenty-four hours at this point.
Even after the grueling night, Sunny was struck at how comfortable being with Jordan felt. She wasn’t craving the solitude that was required after an investigation to unwind.
The night felt like the passing of a week’s time, and it wasn’t over yet. Jordan’s energy was finally wide-open to Sunny, and she could feel every nuance of her anxiety and the loneliness echoing in her soul.
These were things she could and would heal for her. Sunny turned to hold her. Sorrow, blue and heavy, swam into Sunny’s consciousness. Jordan was grieving.
“Let’s get cleaned up, then we’ll talk, okay?”
“We don’t have clean clothes,” Jordan said.
“Says you. I gave the concierge a list on the way in. They’ll be up soon.”
“You don’t have my sizes.”
“Hello? Psychic here. Go on. Into the shower with you. You’ll be better for it.”
“Come with me?”
“I have some things to take care of first. Hurry up and join me in the hot tub when you’re done.”
Jordan tried not to be disappointed when she shut the door. The pure opulence of the bathroom, hell, the whole building, made her feel especially dirty. She’d never been in such a nice place, and she felt like an imposter. Two fluffy white robes hung on a hook next to the shower that would comfortably hold six people. Rich marble gleamed under a crystal chandelier. She was so damn tired that even lifting her shirt took great effort.
She caught sight of her reflection in the large, gold-framed mirror. Christ, she’d looked better after being shot. No wonder Sunny didn’t want to come in with her.
Jordan turned her gaze away from the image, then sat to take off her boots. She tried to hear what Sunny was doing in the other room but gave up. Moving her muscles at all felt like swimming through mud. All she wanted to do was close her eyes.
The water pressure was awesome, and Jordan stood under the stream of hot water, letting it pour over her head before positioning herself so the stream pulsated between her shoulder blades. The dirt washed away in black pools, and as it did, she felt lighter, more awake.
The fancy shampoo smelled a little girly for her taste, but she didn’t have much of a choice. Jordan tried not to think about anything at all except removing the filth of the basement from her skin.
What about the weight of emotional dirt? Her chest and mind felt heavy with regret over the horrible way those kids had died. Most disturbing of all was the burning of unshed tears behind her eyelids and the tightness in her throat.
*
Sunny took a psychic shower first. Closing her eyes, she pictured the white light gathering strength in the palms of her hands, growing brighter until her scalp tingled. Starting at the top of her head, with each sweep of her hands, she pushed the lingering negative energy down her legs, then imagined it draining out the soles of her feet. A discreet knock on the door diverted her from her path to the bathroom to join Jordan. The concierge himself stood on the other side with several bags, and a waiter behind him pushed a serving cart into the room.
She smiled inwardly, giving them credit for their discretion training. Neither of them blinked at her bedraggled appearance.
“Thank you. I’ll leave the cart outside when we’re done. Could you please make sure we’re not disturbed?”
“Of course.”
Sunny signed the credit slip, leaving a generous tip. “Keep my card. I’d like to stay an additional night, please.”
“As you wish. I’ll take care of it.”
Sunny gave him her best dimpled smile before ushering them out. She looked longingly at the closed bathroom door. She could hear the water running and wanted nothing more than to go to Jordan. But she knew it wasn’t quite time for that yet.
They still had one more ghost to deal with.
Instead, she turned on the hot tub and generously sprinkled salt into the frothy water.
*
Jordan stepped out of the bathroom in time to see Sunny slip under the water in the hot tub. The rich smell of coffee drew her to the cart, but she kept her eyes on the rolling water.
Sunny’s scent of honeysuckle and roses whispered to her senses and brought an awareness of yearning that made her knees weak. When Sunny came up for air, water streaming over her beautiful skin, the night’s horror slipped away.
She wondered if this was what other people felt when they went to church, this wonder and need to worship something good and beautiful, longing to connect with something greater than themselves. Jordan wanted this more than anything she’d ever desired in her life, and she was afraid to even hope that she might have a place here, that she was worthy. That she deserved love.
Could she do this? Jordan took a shaky step toward Sunny then another.
Jordan’s heart hammered in her chest, and she lowered herself carefully into the water next to Sunny.
Sunny’s eyes were clear and bright as she smiled at her, mysterious and soft. She moved close enough to touch her face and kissed her forehead, each eyelid, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her lips caressing Jordan’s face before stopping to press against her mouth.
Jordan felt weightless in the water. The only sensation was this kiss and her connection to Sunny. She was afraid to breathe, scared to death that if she moved, the moment would slip away and she would never, ever get it back.
Sunny moved closer until she straddled Jordan’s lap and wrapped her arms around her, bringing their chests together. Jordan tentatively laid her head on Sunny’s shoulder.
Was this what home felt like? Jordan wondered. She felt light but complete when their hearts and breath shifted into tandem beats. With nothing to prove or justify to herself, Jordan relaxed for the first time in longer than she could remember. If ever.
“Let me love you,” Sunny whispered.
Jordan’s breath caught in the lump that formed in her throat before she tightened her embrace around Sunny. “You can’t.”
“Hasn’t anyone ever loved you, Jordan?”
“No.”
“The fact that you can answer that so quickly and with one word breaks my heart, but I can show you what it feels like, and how wonderful it really can be.”
“I don’t know how.” Jordan shook her head. “You’re too good for me.”
“What does that mean exactly? Who gets to define your worth?”
Jordan didn’t respond right away. “I’ve killed people, Sunny. It doesn’t matter if they deserved it or not. I killed that man, and I know I would do it all over again for what he did to those kids. And hear this clearly—I would enjoy it.”
“Don’t you think that I might have that thought as well?”
“Your heart is so pure, Sunny. You don’t have it in you, and I don’t want to taint that. I just can’t.”
“Jordan, what you have or have not done in your life does not reflect who you are.” She paused and placed her right hand over Jordan’s heart. “It’s not who you are in here.”
“But—”
“Shh. Listen. Those things are physical acts that color the way that you look at the world. Your soul is—it’s everything positive that you could ever imagine. Spirit is the essence of you, a Divine light that’s eternal and doesn’t have any boundaries. The light loves and accepts you just the way you are. The only limits you think you have are those that your mind and beliefs impose on you.”
Jordan heard the words and even felt some weird recognition. She couldn’t remember a time in her adult life that she’d felt so vulnerable. She was tired on a soul level, the ki
nd that made you want to go to sleep because you didn’t have the energy to deal with one more minute of life.
“Let’s get out,” Sunny said.
Jordan let Sunny help her to the side of the bed and dry her off, but other than that, she seemed incapable of mustering any energy. She sank into the soft mattress and had just closed her eyes when Sunny climbed in next to her and sat cross-legged.
“Honey?”
“Mmm.”
“Your mother’s here.”
Jordan closed her eyes. “Sunny, please.” She felt a little desperate. “I can’t take any more tonight.” The lump reappeared in her throat and her eyes began to sting.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” Jordan was momentarily surprised at her quick answer, but realized that she did have faith in her. Trust was a luxury she hadn’t had since she was old enough to know her life was different and not everyone’s mother hated their children. She swallowed the rising heartache that threatened to explode in a shower of tears she hadn’t shed since she was a child.
“She’s says she’s so very sorry.”
Jordan’s temper spiked. “Now, that just pisses me off. Sorry? For what exactly? Is it for the hateful remarks, or is it for every slap and kick she gave me? Maybe it’s for every occasion she locked me in my room because I was in the way. How about for every time I went hungry so she could buy dope? Or is she sorry that she made me feel unwanted and unloved for every second of my life before she killed herself and left me alone? Sorry? She should be.”
“I’m sorry this hurts you, Jordan. But let her say what she needs to say, and then we can let her go, okay? And if you want to talk about it, just you and I, someday, we will. Okay?”
Jordan nodded, too weary to argue, and wrapped an arm around Sunny’s waist, drawing strength from her.
“She says she didn’t mean to hurt you, that it wasn’t until she was on the other side where it was shown to her what she did that she realized how horrible her actions toward you were.” Sunny stared at a space next to Jordan. “Oh, she’s showing me. Oh, God. Don’t you know you didn’t deserve that? She says none of it was your fault. There was something broken inside her, something in her soul that made her incapable of seeing, really seeing you.” Sunny stopped and squeezed Jordan’s hand, kissing her cheek before going on. “Jordan, she didn’t know any different. She’s not blaming anyone but herself, and she wants you to know she didn’t know any other way. She’s showing me her childhood, and it’s horrible. Her father drank and did unspeakable things to her.”