While Nikki went for her hour of counseling, he wandered around the church, thinking about his daughter and how much work lay ahead for both of them if she would ever be whole and healthy again. He thought again of the things he needed to say to her, the apologies he needed to offer. Not that his words would make an immediate difference, but with time, perhaps she would let him in a little more. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t deserve to have a second chance with his daughter. And yet, she was in his life, his home, again. Maybe she needed the second chance as much as he did.
Eventually he made his way into the empty sanctuary, thinking of the many times he had sat through services, sung worship songs, prayed in the stillness for something … more. He took a seat in the pew and bowed his head.
“Lord,” he said, “I wonder if You have brought Lindsey and me together for a reason. You know I have waited half my life to have a chance with her again. Please don’t let me blow it this time. You know there are things I need to say to her. Things she might not understand. Show me how to tell her how much I already love her, how I have wanted to be a part of her life for longer than she knows. Give me the words to say. I don’t know if I can handle losing her twice. Just please, please, please don’t let this be anything but the real thing.” Campbell finished his prayer by asking God to keep His hand on Nikki. He didn’t want to forget his daughter in the rush of his anticipation about Lindsey. Nikki had to remain his priority.
He sat in silence for a while, waiting for that still, small voice to speak to his heart, to answer his prayer with divine reassurance. When he rose from his seat, he realized that God’s answer already walked by his house the night before, looking just the same as she did years ago, as if no time had gone by at all. They had taken the long way back to where they started, but the timing of their encounter was no accident. He couldn’t wait to tell her when he saw her later that night.
Chapter 22
Sunset Beach
Summer 2004
How do you fill a day when all you want to do is get to the evening? That was Lindsey’s dilemma as she woke up the next morning.
She realized she must first find something to wear. After going through every possible combination of the clothes she packed, she determined a trip to the store was necessary. She bribed her kids with a stop at a fast-food restaurant for lunch, and then found a little boutique in Calabash with lots of beachwear that was perfect for a night out with an old friend—which she kept telling herself was all tonight was. She made sure to try on everything, even as her children sat in little chairs outside the dressing room looking positively miserable and voicing their complaints to her every time she walked out to view herself in the full-length mirror. She noted that she could wear a smaller size than the last time she bought clothes, thanks to her minimized appetite and renewed running habit. Lindsey swiped the debit card that she and Grant still shared. Until she returned home from the beach and signed the forms, their accounts were still joined. She grinned, feeling thrilled at the thought of Grant buying her an outfit for her evening with Campbell: poetic justice.
Next, she had to inform her children that they were going to be staying at Campbell’s house with his mother while she went out with him. She stressed several times to the children that she and Campbell were merely two old friends catching up, even as Anna raised suspicious eyebrows. Lindsey told herself the same thing several times an hour—she repeatedly had to push from her mind the fantasy of his arms around her, of kissing him again. A shiver ran up her spine as she let her mind wander. Was this wrong for a newly divorced woman? She didn’t care.
She took her time in the shower that afternoon, using shower gel, shaving her legs, conditioning her hair. She hadn’t taken that kind of time on herself in ages, and it felt good. She brought a radio into the bathroom and played it while she showered, dancing around under the steaming water as she washed and rinsed her hair to Barry White singing, “My darling, I … can’t get enough of your love, babe.” She smiled up into the stream of water, felt the force and heat cleanse her body. But it couldn’t wash away her nerves. Her stomach coiled into a tight spring at the thought of spending an evening with Campbell. Alone.
Someone banged on the bathroom door. “Mom!” she heard Anna yell. “What are you doing in there? Why are you blasting that radio?”
She was glad Anna couldn’t see her dancing around, a soapy mess. “Be out in a minute!” she called as she stuck her head under the stream one last time before shutting off the water and the radio. As she toweled herself off, she caught herself still humming the Barry White tune.
She opened the bathroom door to find Anna sprawling her lanky self across the bed, eyeing her skeptically. “What was that music you were playing?” Anna asked.
“Old music. Stuff from before you were born,” she said.
“I could hear you singing,” she said. “You sounded pretty happy.”
Lindsey didn’t reply, hoping Anna would drop the subject. She busied herself with putting on her makeup while Anna quietly watched. Some mascara ended up on her eyelid instead of her lashes. It never failed.
“Mom?” Anna asked.
“Hmm?”
“How come if this isn’t a date you are making all this fuss about what you wear and your makeup and everything?”
Why did Anna’s question sound like an indictment? Lindsey suspected it was her own defensiveness and not her daughter’s inquiry that tensed her. Still, Lindsey had grown good at quick recoveries for her children’s probing questions, a skill she had never wanted to hone. “Well, honey, I just haven’t gotten to do something grown-up in so long, it feels nice to get to do something like this. I haven’t ‘made a fuss,’ to quote you, over myself since—” she stopped short of finishing her sentence.
“Since Daddy was here, right?” Anna said.
Lindsey put her mascara down and sat down beside her daughter on the bed. “Well, yes. You know I loved dressing up and going out with Daddy.”
“Yeah,” she quipped with the emerging wit of a sarcastic teen, “and look where that got you.”
“Honey, Campbell is just an old friend—”
“You’ve said that a few times,” she said, smiling at her mother in a knowing way that made her look much older.
Lindsey smiled back. “Well, he is. And I enjoyed talking to him last night when we ran into him, so he asked me if we could keep talking. It’s just that simple. Besides, I haven’t seen the guy for like twenty years!”
“But you think he’s cute, don’t you, Mom?”
She had entered a new era with her daughter: talking about boys. “Why, do you?”
“Eww, Mom. He’s old!”
She stuck her tongue out playfully. “Well, I guess he’s old to you.”
“But not to you, right, Mom?”
“Well, of course not,” she said, returning to the bathroom to finish getting ready. The clock ticked away the moments to his arrival. “He’s my age—and I certainly don’t feel old,” she hollered as she turned on the hair dryer.
But I’m sure I seem old to you, she thought as she finished drying her hair. She remembered when forty seemed ancient, now she could see it looming just ahead, a marker that snuck up on her while she cleaned house and ran carpool.
She shut off the dryer just as Anna rose from the bed. Her daughter stopped short and turned to look at her, a vision of herself at that age, a brilliant flash of what was. She knew that the thought of her as a young girl was as foreign to Anna as the thought of her as a grown woman was to Lindsey. She knew that her daughter couldn’t picture her serious mom as a giddy teen with dreams and hopes and plans; couldn’t see her in her mind’s eye, dancing happily through this same house, singing the name of the boy who captured her heart at the top of her lungs.
“Mom,” Anna stated matter-of-factly, “I think it’s
good you’re going out to have some fun. And if you want to date this Campbell person, then you have my blessing.”
“Well, now,” Lindsey said, looking back at the mirror to avoid making eye contact. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” She turned to glance at Anna before she left. “Thanks, though. It means a lot that you want me to be happy.” Anna nodded and headed to her room to get dressed.
Satisfied that she looked as good as she could possibly look, Lindsey switched off the lights and walked to the kitchen, where Jake sat eating Oreos, again. “Hey, Mom,” he said, his mouth stuffed with cookies, “if you marry this guy, does that mean we can live here at the beach?”
What was with these kids? Lindsey shook her head and picked the package of cookies up from the table, placing them up high in a cabinet, out of his reach.
He pointed, not missing a beat. “I can reach those with a chair,” he said and grinned at her, his mouth ringed with chocolate and his teeth black. “Easy.”
“A chair better not reach those, and go wash your face. You’ve ruined your dinner.”
“It’s impossible for me to ruin my dinner!” he said as he ran from the room to avoid her playful swat.
Lindsey barely heard Campbell’s knock at the door over Jake’s thundering feet. Just knowing he was on the other side of the door set Lindsey’s heart racing. She took a few deep breaths and crossed over to open the door for him. The sight of him took her breath away.
He had looked good last night, no question. But tonight he had outdone himself. He wore khaki shorts that showed off his tan legs and a black T-shirt that contoured his body in all the right places. She noticed he’d had a haircut since the night before, and the thought of him preparing for their date thrilled her as much as the sight of him now. It was all she could do not to blurt out “You’re perfect!” and throw her arms around his neck.
Anna and Jake slunk quietly into the room to say hello, both uncharacteristically shy. “Y’all ready?” Campbell asked, sounding a bit formal and nervous. They nodded and followed him out to the truck. She closed the door behind them. Here we go, she breathed to no one.
The truck was silent as they drove the short distance to Campbell’s. As they parked in front of his house, he stopped Lindsey from getting out. “You don’t want to go in there,” he told her. “If you do, we’ll be held hostage for hours—Mom and Minerva will talk your ear off. I’ll get the kids settled and be right back.” So, in the cramped quarters of the truck cab, she hugged Anna and Jake. Then they followed Campbell in without a backward glance, probably hoping to find more junk food awaiting them. He had found the way to their hearts.
“Be good,” she said, waving until they disappeared into the house. She pushed the thoughts aside that taunted her: What kind of mother allows her children to stay with someone she hasn’t seen in almost twenty years? And then doesn’t even go inside to check out where they will be staying for the evening? And yet, God had given her a peace about the evening that she chose to rely on instead of succumbing to those nagging worries. She pulled down the visor mirror and checked her makeup. Again. When she noticed Campbell returning, she quickly pushed the mirror back up so he didn’t see her primping.
He hopped in the truck and smiled at her. “It’s a madhouse in there. They’re going to have a blast.” He gave her a sidelong glance. “Not to worry. They’ve got my mother and Minerva and Nikki to hover over them for the next several hours.” He leaned over and took her hand. “And I have you all to myself.” His words made her weak. She looked down at his hand entwined with hers and felt euphoric and nauseous all at the same time. He pulled the truck out onto Main Street, turning toward the pier and the old bridge they would cross to get over to the mainland, taking them somewhere they’d never been as they journeyed back to where they started.
Chapter 23
Sunset Beach
Summer 2004
Campbell resisted the urge to gush, to open his mouth and let all the silly, sappy things he wanted to say to her pour out. He struggled with playing it cool in normal circumstances, but trying to do so in a situation that he thought could only happen in dreams was darn near impossible. As they sat at the restaurant, he forced his hands under his knees so he didn’t reach across the table and run his fingers through her hair. He wanted to grab her hand and pull her out of that civilized restaurant to a place where they could talk freely, finally say everything he’d waited years to say. He wanted to find a quiet place where he could hold her and whisper promises about nothing tearing them apart this time. He didn’t want to make surface small talk in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Still, he knew it was a good place to start.
As they waited on the server to notice them, he complimented her on her kids. “You’ve done a great job raising them alone,” he said.
She brushed aside the praise. “Well, I’ve only been a single mom for a year,” she said. “So …” her voice trailed off, doubt lacing the edges of her voice.
“Do … do you mind me asking what happened with your husband?” he said. “I mean, if you can talk about it.”
“You mean, if I can talk about it with you?”
He smiled. “Touché.”
She smiled ruefully. “The truth is, I don’t know what happened. I think he stopped loving me a long time ago, but hung in there for the sake of the kids.” She paused reflectively. “You know, it’s a sad old story that’s been told a hundred times before.” She paused. “But just because it’s happened to countless other women doesn’t mean it’s any easier to take when it happens to you. Last year when we were here at the beach, I knew it was basically over. I—” she stopped again. “He agreed to come with us and I hoped …” She smiled. “He left the day after we got home. I’ve heard women say that they didn’t see it coming, but that wasn’t true for me. I saw the cracks in the foundation long before the building fell. You know how when you’re swimming in the ocean and there’s an undercurrent and you don’t even know it’s carrying you away until you look up and there’s a whole new set of people up on the beach where your family sat?”
He nodded sympathetically. “Then you have to get out of the water and wander down the beach to find your family,” he added.
“Well, he’s the one who drifted, but I’m the one left wandering around trying to find something that looked familiar.” She laughed. “The truth is, he found someone else,” she said.
She added sarcastically, “But the good news is, he felt really bad about it.” She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
The server approached the table to take their orders. They both ordered water, and the server retreated just as quickly as he came. She shook her head. “Sorry for dumping all of that on you right away.”
“Hey, I asked,” he said with a smile, hoping to make her feel comfortable. “You were just being honest.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want this evening to be about either one of our sad stories,” she said.
“Well, then, can I say something?” he ventured.
She nodded and smiled. “Of course.”
“I just wanted to clear the air between us, if that’s okay.” He watched a dark cloud cross her face, but he pressed on. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for everything that I did. I never got a chance to tell you that in person back then and it’s always bothered me. I hated the way it all happened, and I’ve taken far too long to say it to you in person.”
She held her hand up, signaling for him to stop, but he shook his head and continued. “No, I owe you this apology. I owe you a lot of things, actually. I know it couldn’t have been easy.” He paused and looked at her, willing her to understand. “It wasn’t for me.”
She looked back at him, the look on her face a mixture of resolve and sadness. “No, Campbell, it wasn’t easy. It broke my heart. And it hurt for a long, long time.” She smiled. The server placed two waters
in front of them and receded into the background where he came from. She squeezed lemon into her water and took a sip. “But I found a way to move on.” Another sip. “I have always wondered what happened to you, though …”
He charged forward. “I’ve wondered too. I wonder about you every day, Lindsey. I wondered during the ceremony when I married Ellie. I wondered when I held Nikki for the first time. I wondered when Ellie left me. And when my dad died. I always wondered how you were doing, whether you thought of me.” He lowered his voice. “I wondered, if I showed up on your doorstep, would you come away with me?” He stopped and smiled, suddenly self-conscious at his bold admission. “So yeah, I wondered too.”
She smiled back, then looked down at her lap as she asked shyly, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her, “Do you want to stay here?” She looked up at him expectantly. He realized what she had just asked.
He grinned back at her conspiratorially, like a couple of teenagers breaking curfew. “No,” he admitted. “Let’s get out of here.”
She rose and began walking to the door. He paused for a moment before throwing down a few dollars for their sips of water and doing what he had waited to do for many years: He ran after her.
Chapter 24
Sunset Beach
Summer 2004
Sitting in the truck next to Campbell as they left the restaurant, Lindsey felt just the way she used to feel with him—giddy and breathless, both feelings she thought went the way of her aging metabolism and energy level. She was glad to know some things weren’t lost forever, that a bit of her youth still lived on inside her. Despite the heat and humidity, Campbell rolled down the windows to let in the ocean breeze and smell. “The pier?” he asked her.
“You read my mind,” she said.
They rode in silence, a million questions running through her mind as they drove, but none of them sounding like the right ones to ask first. As they pulled up to the pier and she started to open her door, he stopped her. “Allow me,” he said as he scrambled around to the door and pulled it open with a debonair smile.
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