The Baby Mistake

by J. L. Beck

  I need to get out of here. If I’m still here when he wakes up, he’ll kiss me, or touch me, or do something I’m not expecting that will cause me to lose all rational thought again.

  Last night was amazing… it was more than amazing. In fact, I don’t think the word to describe what happened between us has been invented yet. As wonderful as it was, though, I need space.

  Meeting a guy is not on my radar right now. I’m starting a new job, graduating from college at the end of this semester, and I plan on doing something with my life. I refuse to be like so many other girls who lose sight of their dreams because they meet some guy and get swept off their feet.

  Decision made, I slide slowly out from under his arm where it rests against my stomach, holding me tight against his body. I grimace at the loss of his body heat as I place the limb gently on the mattress. Mystery Man doesn’t stir, and I say a silent prayer of thanks. Not that God is anywhere near me at this moment… at least I hope he isn’t.

  I pause momentarily, taking in his peaceful face. His features are even more prominent in the early morning light, and now that I’m sober, I can appreciate just how attractive he is. At least I know it wasn’t the wine goggles talking.

  His dark-brown hair is at least two weeks past needing a haircut, and the smattering of hair on his jaw makes me want to rub my cheek against it to see if it’s soft or bristly. It also makes me wonder what it would feel like against other, more sensitive parts of my body, but before I allow such thoughts to take root, I shut them down

  Mr. Serious rolls over so he’s lying on his back, and when his arm moves, I can see the muscles flex. A delicious warmth works through me. His body is cut, lean, with firm muscles everywhere that I can see, and the six-pack he’s sporting is enough to make my mouth water. My fingers itch with the need to touch him, to run my hands all over his body and map out every inch, but that would be an extremely bad idea.

  As hard as it is to tear my eyes away from his body, I can’t help but be drawn to his mouth. His lips are full, and the Cupid’s bow is one women everywhere must be jealous of. I sigh, remembering how those soft but firm lips felt against mine last night.

  Forcing myself to move away from the bed is harder than I ever expected it to be and it takes more time than I’d like to gather my clothes and get dressed, my eyes never leaving my mystery man as I do. My heart is pounding so loud I don’t know how it’s not waking him up, but he still doesn’t move. In fact, if he wasn’t softly snoring, I’d be worried he was awake and secretly watching me.

  Once I’m ready, I head for the door, and even though I want to take one last look, to make sure I never forget what happened last night between us, I refuse.

  The trip back to the apartment I share with my two best friends is quick. Luckily for me, there was a train station less than a half mile from his hotel, and the train was pulling in just as I hit the platform.

  It’s so early, the car I’m in is practically empty, so I spread out across both seats and lean my head against the window, barely seeing the scenery as I think back on last night.

  The way he possessed my body and left me panting and pleading for more. The way his hands, fingers, and cock painted a picture of pleasure on my body.

  I shake my head, driving the memory away. There’s something wrong with me, there has to be. I slept with a complete stranger. Good girls don’t do things like that.

  Walking in the door, I freeze when I see Gabby sitting on the couch. “Uh, hey?” It comes out like a question, and her only response is a raised eyebrow.

  “Hey? That’s all you have to say to me this morning?” She scoffs in disbelief. “I’m gonna need you to share some details, girl. There are things I need to know!”

  Instead of answering, I head for my bedroom. Dissecting this with Gabby is the last thing I want to do this morning because doing so means I’ll have to tell her all the things I want to keep to myself. Right now they’re mine, and I don’t want to give them up.

  “Was he big? Please say he was big,” Gabby begs, her big eyes pleading with me to let the secrets of our night out as she follows me into my room. My cheeks heat at the thought. Was he big? I would say so, but then again, I’d never been with a man before.

  I want to cover my face with my hands and hide from her nosy questions, but I know better. If I don’t answer, Gabby will just hound me until I do, and then she’ll get Marie involved. Which is why it’s better to answer her now and get it over with.

  “How do you expect me to answer that, Gabs? It’s not like I have a lot to compare him to.” Admitting it out loud only makes me more self-conscious. She rolls her eyes, and before she can say what I know she’s thinking, I answer that question too. “That list you showed me… the one with all the different sizes, and the one where you crossed off over half of the options with a sharpie? Well, let’s just say he wouldn’t be a bit out of place if he visited Congo.”

  She rolls onto her back on my bed and starts to giggle uncontrollably. “Oh. My. God. How did you not break your vagina?” I narrow my eyes and glare at her, but she ignores me. “Seriously! Did we not teach you to start small and work your way up?”

  Her giggles bring Marie into the room, and as soon as she takes a seat, Gabby fills her in on our conversation. Why do I tell these two anything? I should be used to them ganging up on me by now, but I’m still so easily embarrassed, and that just makes it more fun for them.

  Now that Marie’s joined her, Gabby tries to reign in her laughter, but she isn’t very successful. “Okay, so now that we know he wasn’t just big… he was huge… please tell me he knew how to use it.” I can’t miss the fluttering of her eyelids while she’s waiting impatiently for me to answer her.

  Goose bumps form all over my body at the memory of the mystery man. Did he know how to use his massive cock? God, yes, he did. The mere memory of his thrusts inside me causes my body to quiver. Even if I had nothing to compare him to, the way he worked my body over would be something I would remember for the rest of my life.

  Marie nods in agreement with Gabby. “That’s so true. A guy with a big dick who has no clue what he’s doing is just as sad as a guy with a tiny wiener.” I can’t help the eye-roll that I do. These two had no idea that kind of man I had been with, and he was a man—all man.

  “All I’m going to say is he knew what he was doing.” Usually, I don’t keep any secrets from my two closest friends, but for some reason, I want to keep my encounter with Mr. Serious to myself. I probably won’t ever see him again, and knowing that, I want my night with him to belong only to me. For it to be our little secret.

  “What was his name?” Marie narrows her eyes, trying to read me. The conversation feels more serious than it had seconds ago. I nibble on my bottom lip, trying to decide if I should tell them the truth. Will they even believe me? It was hard for me to even believe that I’d allowed myself to sleep with a man whose name I didn’t even know.

  I look away from them both. There’s no way I can say the words and meet their eyes, so I gaze at the floor as I speak. “I don’t know.” My words are barely a whisper, but they’re both sitting so close they can’t not hear them. Blood rushes in my ears, and I question for a second as silence settles over us if they did in fact hear me.

  “Wait… You fucked a guy but didn’t get his name?” Shock radiates from Marie, and for some reason I feel disappointed in myself. Had I made a mistake?

  Gabby’s mouth pops open in disbelief. “I didn’t think you were going to actually fuck him without getting his name.”

  Irritation blooms in my stomach. The fact that the two of them are judging me for something I’m sure they’ve both done in the past more than once hurts, but it also pisses me off a little. I know for a fact Gabby has hooked up with more than one guy whose name she didn’t know. She’s the queen of one-night stands, yet she’s giving me a look that says I’m a slut for doing it once.

  There are so many emotions coursing through my body that I can’t sit still. S
tanding, I begin to pace back and forth in front of my bed, trying to calm myself down and think of something to say. I’m usually pretty good with words, but right now they’ve all deserted me. I don’t know what to say, or how to explain why I did what I did, and I shouldn’t have to try.

  “Look,” I start, “I know, believe me, I know. Hooking up with some random guy isn’t smart. None of what I did last night was smart, but even though I didn’t know his name, it felt like I knew him.”

  Even I’m astonished by my own words as I say them, and it’s then that I notice them both staring up at me now, and I can clearly see the apology in their eyes. “Haven’t you ever met someone that you just clicked with?” I ask. Gabby shakes her head, but Marie nods sadly.

  I know she understands what I’m going through because she had that kinda feeling once before. I still don’t know what happened with her and Derek, but it’s been almost two years and she’s not over him yet. Sometimes, I think they’ll work it out, and then other times I think Marie would be better off with someone else.

  “He was that guy for me.” I flop down on the bed, lying back to stare up at the ceiling with a sigh. “I couldn’t have asked for a better guy to lose my virginity to. Even if we both had too much to drink, he was perfect. Not knowing his name didn’t matter to me. It makes the moment we had together that much more perfect.” And I had never said such truer words before.

  “Well how was it? Did he take care of you? We might not know his name, or who he is, but we could track him down, if he did you wrong.” Marie laughs, her eyes softening, but her eyebrow lifting in warning. She’s serious though. She would hunt him down and beat his ass if he hurt me in any way.

  “It was good. We screwed, cuddled, and I fell asleep for a few hours before slipping out of the hotel before he woke up.” Regret that I hadn’t left my number surged to life. I wanted to see him again. Hell, I wanted to see him now and it had only been a few hours since I last seen him. What was he going to think when he got up in the next couple hours?

  “I’m telling you, Marie, the guy was sex on a stick. Dark, demanding, and possessive. He had my body shaking with need, and he wasn’t even looking at me,” Gabby professed. “They literally eye fucked for two hours before hooking up. It was like a sexual game of cat and mouse.”

  Laughter erupted from deep inside me. “We didn’t eye fuck, Gabby. I just felt drawn to him... He compelled me in a way no man ever had before.”

  My two roommates share a look, and knowing they’re having some sort of silent conversation about me is the last straw. They don’t get it, they don’t understand, and I’m afraid they never will.

  “You’ve been with one man, and you feel this way? Was his penis magic?” Marie jokes, and a tiny smile pulls at my lips.

  “It felt that way.” I sigh once again, feeling as if I’m floating on cloud nine all over again.

  “No rest for the wicked…” Gabby pokes, “You missed the workout this morning because of this guy, and you know what that means?” She winks, and I hope like hell she’s just teasing me. Buying lunch for these two is going to leave my already pitiful checking account that much more pitiful.

  “Oh my gosh, whatever. Let me shower and I’ll take you assholes out for lunch.” I shove from the mattress, grabbing some clothes off my dresser, while the two of them sit back and watch.

  “Alright A, we’ll be here waiting when you get out.” Marie giggles, lying down on my bed as if it’s her own. Gabby chirps in with laughter, and I flip them both off over my shoulder.

  As best friends, they aren’t doing a very good job of being supportive or of convincing me that I shouldn’t try and find out who Mr. Serious is.

  I'm a fucking mess. Then again, spending the entire weekend drowning yourself in whiskey will do that to you. It doesn’t help that my entire day has gone from controlled chaos to out-of-control hot mess the second I step foot in my office.

  I can’t actually believe what I’m hearing when I walk into the boardroom. Both of my asshole brothers are forcing me to get an assistant to help manage the workload for when Reed takes off for the birth of his son. I’m not one bit amused by it, not even as Reed stares at me, a stern look on his face, while Remy twirls a pen around his finger, neither of them caring how pissed off at them I am.

  “This is for your own good. You skipped out on the funeral, and I can’t have you doing the same to the company while I’m gone. It’s business, nothing else,” Reed insists, trying to fool us both into believing the crock of shit he’s telling me.

  “I didn’t skip out on the funeral,” I answer with a heavy sigh. “I just wasn’t going to stand around and mourn the loss any longer than I already had. Dad’s gone. What else do you want me to do?” Anger fills my words.

  Reed sags down into one of the rolling chairs and looks out over the Chicago skyline. He’s grown quiet, and that kind of scares me. If he’s quiet, he’s thinking, and if he’s thinking, well shit is about to go down.

  “You know Dad loved you too,” he says quietly.

  Remy chimes in with, “You didn’t have to skip out on the dinner party after his funeral. We could’ve used your support.” His words practically pour salt into my wounds.

  Reed doesn’t sound mad, but he definitely sounds disappointed, but I shake off the guilt trying to fill the empty space in my chest.

  “I didn’t want to be there celebrating at some dinner party when we lost the most important person in our lives.” That’s the truth. The bottle of bourbon and the blonde bombshell, whose name I never did get, more than made up for the grief I was feeling.

  If only she were here now.

  Slamming a fist down on the table, Reed ignores the way Remy and I both jump. “I know you’re going through shit, but I need you to pull your head out of your ass and take this assistant position seriously. You don’t see the rest of us losing ourselves at the bottom of a bottle.” My head spins at how fast he changes the subject. And he thinks I’m being bipolar with my mood swings lately? I learned from the best.

  “I don’t need an assistant,” I growl, but if I’m honest, I’m just pouting. I know I’m not getting out of this. They’ve already hired this person, it can’t be undone. “Having one is more of a hassle than I need, and I refuse to have some pain in the ass following me around while I try to get work done.” I can feel my molars grinding together. If they force this, I won’t make it easy for whoever they’ve hired.

  “You might not need one now, but you will,” Remy announces, agreeing further with our brother, which only enrages me more. “It’s better to bring someone in now, so they’re ready when you do need them. You can’t expect to do everything yourself, Ryker.”

  I roll my eyes, unable to hold back the insanity of these two any longer. “The answer is no, and that’s final.”

  How do they expect me to deal with this right now? I’m still reeling from Dad’s death, not to mention the one-night stand I had over the weekend with a woman I can’t even try to find. I’ll be the first to admit my emotions have been all over the place due to my father’s death, and the fact that I let that woman walk straight out of my hotel room without getting even the most basic information from her has me off-balance. All I have is her memory, and that’s a bit blurry after all the whiskey I drank. I need to make better choices, that much is certain.

  “The answer is whatever the fuck I say it is,” Reed informs me, like I’m a small child, his eyes glowing with disappointment. It doesn’t matter to me that he’s been running the company for a few months now, even before our father’s death. What does matter to me is the fact that he’s trying to run my life, and I’m not going to let that happen.

  Ryker James Winston isn’t easily controlled.

  “Hire her, him, whoever.” I stand, shoving up out of the chair and crossing the small space that separates us. My body pressing up against his, our chests touching and our faces only inches apart. A part of me wants to fight him, to stir the pot. The other part of me—the
part I suppress all day long—misses the relationship we used to have. “Hire them, and I promise they’ll quit within the first hour,” I threaten. “Zero fucks given, Reed. If you push the issue, I will push back.”

  I stand my ground, nostrils flaring. The thought of punching him in his smug-ass face crosses my mind more than a few times in that moment.

  Something is wrong with me. I’m changing, and I don’t recognize the man I’m becoming. The words my father said to me a few days prior to his death ring out in my mind. “Everyone experiences grief in a different way. I don’t want it to change you, son. Promise me you won’t let it.”

  “Push back all you want Ryker, but it’s still happening. I’m the CEO. I’m your boss, the boss of everyone who works here, and I have to do what is best for the company, regardless of whether you like it.” This is insanity at its finest, and Reed and Remy don’t care that they’re poking the bear.

  They want what they want and fuck what I say. I growl, turning on my heel and walking out the door. They let me leave without either of them saying another word, thankfully, because I’m not sure I can hold myself back from saying something shitty.

  Reed thinks he’s such a fucking grown-up now. He has Fallon, the woman of his dreams, a woman that he almost didn’t have because he was too stupid to realize it. Now, he has a son on the way, and a big bright future. All I have is a bottle of whiskey and a list of women to fuck.

  Talk about life goals.

  I enter my office, slamming the door behind me so hard the walls rattle with the surge of energy flowing through them. Pent-up aggression isn’t really my thing, and yet here I am with anger flowing through my veins.

  Why did he have to die?

  My fist lands against the mahogany wood desk without much thought, causing some of the contents to rattle and fall to the floor. I know I’m not handling the loss of him very well, even if he did prepare all three of us for months.