by J. L. Beck
A piece she gave to me.
I squeeze my eyes shut, hating myself for being unable to remember the entire night. I want to relive every detail, every sigh that fell from her lips, every moan and whimper. I want to fucking remember it all, and I can’t.
When I see Reed’s BMW pull into the parking lot, I get out and start toward the door. Reed and Remy follow.
“You know, I could be at home with my wife cuddling on the couch watching TV right now?” The disdain in Reed’s voice is adorable when he pouts.
“Shut up. You’re helping your brother out. You have the rest of your life to cuddle with Fallon. Giving me five damn minutes of your time outside of work isn’t going to put you in withdrawal,” I grumble.
Remy covers his laugh with a cough, and I glare at him as we take a seat in one of the back booths. Max’s is more of a high-end bar that serves food, with a number of high-end whiskeys and liquors. Before Reed decided to settle down, this was where we’d go to pick up women. Reed and Remy shove into the other side of the booth and stare at me, obviously waiting for me to speak.
“Well, are you going to tell what the hell made you drag us out to drink?” Remy asks as the waitress brings over a drink menu. I hand it back to her, because we’ve been here so many times we know exactly what we’re going to be drinking. I order three of their best whiskeys and wave the waitress away so I can answer Remy’s question.
“I never told you guys what I did the day of Dad’s funeral.” Guilt hits me again, but I push it down. “I went out and drank my emotions. Dad left me feeling like there was a piece of me missing, and I had to find that piece in the bottom of a bottle or deep inside a woman. And I found it.” The waitress brings the three glasses of whiskey to the table, and I take a long swig from my glass right away, needing the liquid courage.
“Okay, so you skipped out on dinner to get blackout drunk and fuck some chick.” Reed doesn’t sound happy about it, but I can tell he understands, just from the look in his eyes.
I nod. “Correct. Except, the woman I met I didn’t fuck. I made love to her but didn’t get her name or number. I don’t even remember the entire night, so I don’t know what I fucking did, but when I woke up and she was gone, it was like I lost another piece of my soul.”
Reed smiles around the rim of his glass but doesn’t say anything right away.
“Wait, so you don’t even remember the night?” Remy looks shocked.
“No. I remember parts of it, but not all. That’s not the issue right now. The issue is that I think I’ve found her.”
“You found her?” The excitement in Reed’s voice makes me smile. At least he’s happy for me.
“I did...and I’m almost certain it’s Ava.” Both of their jaws drop open at my accusation.
“Ava? As in your new assistant, Ava?” Remy chimes in yet again.
“Yeah.” I nod again, wanting more whiskey if he’s going to keep asking stupid questions.
“Wow. It’s incredible to think that she’s been right under your nose this entire time. The question I have, though, is how do you know it’s really her if you don’t remember everything from that night?”
Reed has every right to question me. We’ve had lots of women fake pregnancies or relationships with us, just so they could get money from the company. I understand his apprehension, but I know without a doubt that Ava is my mystery woman.
“Her purse. I just came from her house, and the clutch sitting on her counter is the same one the woman had that night at the bar. It was sitting right next to her phone on the counter. I saw it with my own two eyes. It has to be her.”
Reed stretches before giving a look that says he’s not sure he believes my drunken memory. “What if it was one of her roommates? Or a friend? Did she come with anyone else that night?” I shake my head in answer to each of his questions, knowing deep down in the pit of my stomach the woman I made love to that night was Ava. It wasn’t one of her friends, it was her.
“No. There isn’t any way around it. It was her. I can feel it.” Reed takes another sip from his glass before looking back up at me.
“Well, what you going to do about it? If she’s the one, the one you feel this unexplainable attachment to, maybe you should tell her.”
I roll my eyes. His approach is so Reed, and yet, not him at all considering the circumstances around how he and Fallon came about.
“This coming from the guy who couldn’t even tell Fallon he loved her?” Remy questions, raising an eyebrow, earning a muffled laugh from me and a dirty look from Reed. He says exactly what I’m thinking.
“Okay, so maybe I’m not the best person to get advice from, but if you want her to be yours, you have to figure out how you’re going to approach the situation. Have you considered the possibility that she already knows it was you? It’s not a stretch to believe she wasn’t as drunk as you were if she willingly left the bar with you. Plus, if she was gone when you woke up, she was probably sober when she left. Maybe she’s just afraid to make it known?” I chew on the inside of my cheek, contemplating what he’s saying.
She could be afraid to tell me. She could also be embarrassed.
“What do you want to do?” Remy asks. It’s times like these I wish Dad were here to offer up a bit of good advice. He might have been a shitty father after Mom died, but when it came to her, he was so loving, always knowing the right thing to do or say.
I sigh, leaning back against the booth. “I don’t know, but I can tell you I’m not letting her go. I can’t, not now that I know who she is. She might not realize what she means to me, but maybe, maybe if I make it known, she’ll open up to me and tell me the truth?”
Reed and Remy look at each other, a silent conversation passing between them that pisses me off. I’m the middle brother, so shouldn’t I be the one who has the ability to have secret conversations?
Finally, Reed nods. “You should definitely tell her. Don’t just blurt it out though. Maybe you can get her to go out to dinner with you? You could tell her then. Make it romantic or something. Fallon’s the one you should be talking to about this. She’s the one with ideas on how to confess your feelings to someone. We all know I suck at that.”
Remy and I both laugh at the sulky way he says it, but it’s so true.
After thinking for a minute, Remy agrees with him. “That is a good idea, at least, providing you can get her to agree to dinner after work.” His eyes meet mine, and even though the mirth in them is obvious, there’s something in them I can’t decipher. It almost looks sad, but I don’t know why he would be. “You’ve been kind of a dick to her, Ryker. It might work out better if you ambush her at work instead.”
His suggestion has merit. If I hadn’t followed her to her apartment tonight, we never would have talked, and I’d still be trying to figure out who my mystery girl was. Now, I just need to come up with a game plan, and hanging out with these two getting drunk in a bar isn’t going to get that done.
I look over at Reed and grin. “Okay, you guys have convinced me. I’m going to go home and try to figure out what to do to make it easy for her to admit. And Reed?” His eyes narrow on mine at the laughter in my voice. “I’ll definitely be calling Fallon for help.”
He curses under his breath, then tosses some bills on the table and pushes Remy out of the booth. The three of us walk out together, and for the first time in a long time, we exchange hugs before parting ways. I’ve missed the friendship I have with my brothers, and I’m not sure what happened to cause a rift between us. Maybe it was Dad being sick and none of us knowing the right way to handle it, or maybe it was something else. I don’t know, but whatever it was, I’m glad we’re getting back to the way we used to be.
“Good luck, Ry,” Reed throws over his shoulder before climbing into his car, a smile pulling at his lips. I nod, acknowledging his comment.
Luck? Yeah, I think I might be needing it.
“You’re pregnant?” The words come out more like a statement than a question as she
shoves the test into my hands. A number of emotions threaten to break through me, but I hold my ground, nodding my head yes. I am so mad at myself for letting this happen. It is almost the same thing my mother went through when she had me, and I don’t want to be like that—weak for a man who may never really want me.
Marie looks sad, disappointed, devastated—all the emotions I am feeling. I try to suck air into my lungs, but I can’t. Everything seems to fall away, and it really sink in then, holding the test in my hand, seeing the word on the little screen.
“If you think he’s going to stay, you’re terribly mistaken. Men like him don’t stay, Ava. You’d be better off never telling him and putting it up for adoption or getting an abortion.”
I blink in confusion at the harsh tone of her voice.
She doesn’t know me at all if she think I am just going to give the baby away, or worse yet, get rid of it.
“I don’t care if he doesn’t want the baby… It’s mine.” I defend the little bean inside me, knowing without a doubt I would never hurt it. I will do whatever I could to protect him or her, no matter what happens.
Marie shakes her head, rolling her eyes as if she doesn’t believe me. “My mom thought the same shit, and so did yours. Do you think it’s going to be easy, Ava? Yeah, you have a good job, but that’s until he finds out. Then what? Not to mention, you’re so close to graduating.”
Everything she is saying was true. It is going to be hard, and I am close to graduating, but I can’t do what she was asking me or telling me to do.
“I’m keeping the baby, Marie. Even if he doesn’t want it. You don’t have to agree with me, but I’m doing what I need to do.” Somewhere deep inside me, I grab onto the last shred of courage I have. I can’t be afraid of what is to come, not without knowing for certain that Ryker wouldn’t want the baby.
He could be different? Better? Not all men are the same, right?
“Whatever, Ava.” Marie throws her hands into the air in frustration, walking out of the bathroom. I grip the test in my hand, the plastic biting into my palm.
“He could be different, Marie. He could be better,” I expel, rushing from the bathroom after her. She stops mid-step in the hall, causing our bodies to clash. When she turns around, I see tears in her eyes.
Those tears move me in a way I have never been moved before. Marie never cries. She doesn’t care to show emotion. She is hardened in some ways, her life being a replica of my own.
“He’s not different, Ava, and I want you to realize that before you end up being exactly what we decided we never wanted to be.”
I can feel my own tears prick at my eyes, and know I have to tell Ryker. I have to find out if Marie is right, and then and only then will I make my choice on what to do.
“I have to tell him, Marie.”
“Then tell him, but don’t get your hopes up expecting him to want you or that baby. It was a mistake, Ava, and he’ll make sure you realize that when it’s all over.” She leaves me with those words, standing in the hall, my hands shaking and my heart beating furiously. I clench my jaw, holding the tears in all while hoping like hell that Ryker is better than that.
That he’s different than all the others.
When I walk into work the next morning I’m groggy, feeling as if I haven’t slept a wink, and I probably didn’t. There’s a stack of papers on my desk that need sorted and the looming secret inside me makes me feel nauseous. I don’t want to see Ryker today because seeing him makes me think of all the things that Marie said last night.
What if she’s right?
The fear of the unknown is what kills me. I’m not only hiding a secret inside me but one that could change the way things are between Ryker and me. If he finds out I’m the woman from the bar, I’m almost certain I won’t have a job to come back to.
Making good on getting to the office early, I head into the break room and start brewing Ryker a pot of coffee. He likes it dark with a dash of whiskey in it, that much I’ve learned. I daydream through the mundane process, wondering if maybe he’ll be okay with me being his mystery woman. The way he talked to Reed about our one night together all but tells me he enjoyed it and at the very least wanted to know who I was.
“Did you get your problem taken care of?” Andi sneers at me as she grabs the pot of coffee and pours herself a cup. I clench my fists together, staring her down. I want to tell her that coffee isn’t for her, but that’s the last thing on my mind.
She’s judging me, and based on something she has no proof of.
She’s far from perfect, I know that, but looking at her right now as she stares down at me makes it harder for me to remember, even more so when she’s dressed to impress, her hair and even eyeliner perfect as hell.
“Problem? I don’t have a problem. Well, actually, I do have a problem,” I growl. “I brewed that coffee for Ryker, not you.” Andi doesn’t seem to care. Figures. She smiles, perfectly white, straight teeth reflecting back at me.
“Oh…” She blinks, a pout forming on her lips. “I’m sorry. I thought this coffee was for everyone, but I’ll make sure to let Ryker know all about the thing his new intern is complaining about.”
My face deadpans. What a bitch!
“Tell Ryker whatever you want. I don’t really give a rat’s ass,” I hiss, pouring Ryker his cup and heading out of the break room. I catch the smirk on her face as I walk out and hope she didn’t actually start a rumor about Ryker and me, especially after she found me sick in the bathroom a couple times. I push the thoughts away, knowing I have to see Ryker shortly anyway. I can’t let her interfere with my thoughts. She’s nothing, no one who matters anyway.
I smile at the few co-workers who are just walking into the office and stop outside Ryker’s door, noticing he’s on the phone. His body is stiff, and his hand scrubs at one side of his face. He’s handsome as hell, like the love child of Ryan Gosling and Gerard Butler if the two hunks could have a baby together. Just watching him has my already crazy hormones making parts of my body sit up and take notice.
He waves me in when he notices me standing on the threshold, and my heart beat slams in my ears as I grow closer to him. My body awakens like the first rays of sun that land against a blooming flower.
Stormy-blue eyes suck me in as I place his mug on the desk, the smoldering fire in them making me shiver. What is he thinking? He rubs a hand against his looks-carved-from-stone jaw, and I find myself wanting to lick it. Hell, I’ll be happy if I just get to taste his lips.
Sucking in a calming breath, I try to calm my wacky-ass hormones down before I jump him on his desk.
“I’ll have my assistant set up a meeting for later this week,” he mutters into the phone before issuing a good-bye. He hangs up his cell and puts it down on the desk. His hands are bigger, stronger looking than they ever appeared to be before.
“I got you coffee. There wasn’t any whiskey in the break room, so I figured you had your own stash.” I smile, feeling the heat creep up into my cheeks, even though I haven’t said anything embarrassing yet.
His pink tongue darts out over his full lips, and suddenly, I’m envisioning myself kissing those rough lips again. The way he made me my body light up with need is something I still haven’t forgotten. I want him. I want him so badly it almost hurts.
“Are you feeling better today?”
I bite my bottom lip, nodding my head yes. It’s the perfect opening to tell him why I feel crappy, but I’m too chicken. “I feel great,” I lie, even though it’s only a partial lie. The morning sickness has eased, at least for today, but the anxiousness hasn’t.
“Good.” He goes quiet, and I think he looks like he might be nervous. Seeing him look unsure makes me extremely curious about what he’s going to say next. “I want you to have lunch with me today. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top. Just lunch. Right here. In my office.”
I can’t do anything but stare at him. Ryker looks so out of his element, and I can tell he’s worried I’m going to turn him dow
n. “Like a date?” I blurt out, unable to stop myself. A devilish grin pulls at Ryker’s lips, making my knees a little weak.
Does he even know how fucking gorgeous he is?
“Yes, like a date. I’ll come out to get you closer to noon.” He stares at me with determination, and I know there will be no getting out of this. I could say no, even though I really don’t want to, though I doubt that would stop him. He would just come out and get me.
“Okay, great.” I smile, wringing my hands together nervously.
“Do I make you nervous, Ava?” he asks as I turn around to walk out of his office. I ponder my response for a few seconds.
“You don’t make me nervous. You make my heart nervous, and that’s what scares me.” I’m shocked I just put that out there, so I don’t stick around and give him a chance to respond. Practically running out of his office, I get to my desk and sit down, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm my breathing.
I can do this. I can tell Ryker who I am and that I’m carrying his baby inside me.
Can’t I?
I want her . I so fucking want her. Yeah, I want to be inside her body as deep as I can get, but I want to be inside her heart too. I want to bury myself deep inside her like she is in me. Her words play on repeat in my mind.
“You don’t make me nervous. You make my heart nervous.”
She thinks I will break her heart? Knowing she thinks the worst of me terrifies me. I don’t know how I’m going to get her to give me a chance after the asshole way I treated her before. I’ve never once regretted the way I treat women, but since meeting her, all I do is feel horrible for the way I’ve treated her.
Lunch is planned to a perfect T, because I’ve decided today will be the day I tell her I knew who she is. There’s the basket full of goodies they delivered to my office earlier, with chocolate-covered strawberries, meat and cheese trays, and crackers, just to name a few things. After making sure she has a decent lunch, I’m going to make sure she knows how much she means to me and that I’m not mad that she didn’t tell me who she is.