The Baby Mistake

by J. L. Beck

  When he still doesn’t answer, I turn so my back is facing the door and slide down until my ass hits the floor. I send a quick message to Gabby and Marie, letting them know he’s not here and that coming here was pointless.

  Gabby: It’s NOT pointless, Ava. He has to come back sometime, right? Just chill out for a few and see if he comes in. Go sit in the lobby, or even run to Starbucks and get a snack or something.

  Marie: What Gabby said. Don’t puss out now. Grab those lady balls and get your man!

  The two of them make me smile, but my smile soon turns to tears when I realize Ryker isn’t even here. I slide down his door and pull my legs up to my chest so I can wrap my arms around them and hide my face from anyone who comes down this hall. I don’t want anyone seeing me cry.

  The tears keep coming no matter how much I wipe them away, and slowly I find myself sobbing. Why I’m crying, I don't know. I did this to myself. I hid the truth from him. It’s my fault I’m so miserable right now. If I’d just been honest and explained it all to him, maybe we would be here together right now.

  I sniffle, wiping my nose against the sleeve of my shirt. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here crying, but the sound of heavy footfalls coming down the hall has me pulling myself into a tighter ball to look invisible to whoever it is that’s coming this way. As they grow closer, my anxiety mounts because Ryker’s apartment is at the end of the hallway along with one other, so there’s not many people this could be. I’m scared to look up just in case it’s him.

  When the footsteps cease right in front of me, I force myself to pull out of my ball and look up at the passerby, but it’s not a stranger’s eyes I meet. No, these eyes belong to the man I love, and the stormy blue in them tells me a raging inferno is brewing deep inside him.

  Any words I want to say are lodged deep in my throat when he kneels down in front of me, taking my face in his hands. His touch is soft and warms me all over. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs while he stares at me like I’m his entire world.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, and I shake my head, wanting to stop him from apologizing. He shuts me up with a “let me talk” look. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and seeing you cry is tearing me the fuck apart. I need you to stop crying, baby. My emotions are just as close to the surface as yours, and we still need to talk.”

  I nod, my chest vibrating as I try and calm myself down. We stay like this for a long moment, me taking in his woodsy scent and letting the warmth of his touch radiate through me, while he tries to comfort me. Then, when he thinks I’m ready, he hauls me up into his arms and unlocks the door, bringing us both inside. I don’t know how to describe the way having him hold me in his arms feels.

  “I’m sorry, Ryker.” The words spill from my lips before he’s even shut the door. “I wasn’t hiding our baby. I swear.” I want to apologize again and again, but I know he won’t have any of that. He’s made that clear. Ryker doesn’t say anything, and it makes me nervous, until he wraps me up in his arms and carries me to the couch, still cradling me in his arms. He holds me like this for a long time, so long I almost drift off to sleep. All my tears and all my worrying has exhausted me.

  He’s so warm, and his embrace comforts me in ways I never thought a man’s embrace could.

  “I don’t need you to apologize, Ava. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should’ve been more understanding. I should’ve stayed and listened to what you were trying to say, but I didn’t.” I can see regret reflecting back at me in his eyes, and I open my mouth to say something, but he stops me by placing a finger against my lips.

  “I’m not done just yet, baby. I let my emotions get the best of me, and that’s not okay. I never want to make you feel like you and our baby mean nothing to me, or that I would abandon you. I promise, I never will.” He soothes my worries with his words, his hands cupping my cheeks and bringing my lips to his.

  Until this moment, I never understood the meaning of kissing someone because words can’t explain the way you feel. Ryker’s kiss steals my breath. It makes my heart break, and it pieces me back together again with pieces of himself inside me.

  His lips are gentle, and I’ve never experienced a kiss so pure. I can’t stop the tears from slipping from my eyes, and when he realizes I’m crying, he pulls away slightly, his gaze roaming my face.

  “I love you,” I croak.

  Something strange happens in that second. Ryker doesn’t look shocked, or even surprised in the least. He simply presses a kiss against my nose and says, “I love you, too.” I blink, shocked at his response. He said he loves me. He fucking loves me. Our relationship isn’t over before it had a chance to begin.

  I’m so happy, but I also know I have to tell him about Marie. “I have to tell you something.” Ryker looks down at me questioningly, and I try to force the words out. “I found out Marie is your half-sister today. She told Gabby and me earlier, and as soon as she did, I knew I had to tell you. The last thing I want is for you to think I’m hiding something else from you.”

  A smile pulls at his lips. “I already know, sweetheart. Reed told me earlier that Dad left us each a letter that explains everything.” He maneuvers me so he can take something out of his back pocket, and when he pulls it out, he puts it in my hands. It’s just a single sheet of paper with handwriting on it. My gaze drops down to the paper and then back up to him.

  “Read it,” he urges, so I do. I unfold the paper and read every single word. The letter gives a much clearer picture of Marie’s story. I read the letter once, and then a second time, absorbing the words and what they truly mean.

  Marie and Ryker are half-siblings. Meaning Ryker and I coming together literally brought all of them together. That’s so crazy. It’s almost like we were destined to meet.

  “My dad made a lot of shitty choices in his life…” He trails off, his hands moving down to my flat stomach. “But the best choice he ever made was bringing you to me.” He nuzzles my belly, laying me out flat against the couch, before sliding onto the floor so he can rest his head against my belly. He pushes my shirt up and presses kisses against the nonexistent bump where his child is nestled.

  “Meeting you that night in the bar was because of him. I know it. I lost him, and that grief led me to you. When I read that letter, I wanted to hate him, but there was no way I could hate a man that gave me something as precious as you and our baby.”

  Tears slip down my cheeks unchecked, and I don’t bother to wipe them away. I refuse to miss this moment with him.

  “It was fate that I met the woman I would fall in love with, and that she is best friends with my half-sister. You saved us so much time, and you gave me something no one ever has before. I have all the money a man could want… I’ve had houses, cars, more women than I should have, but I’ve never had the love of someone like you. I’ve never had love that creates something, and for that I am forever grateful. I am so sorry for hurting you, Ava, and I will spend every fucking day for the rest of my life making it up to you.”

  I can’t breathe or see, and a sob escapes me as Ryker cradles my belly, whispering sweet nothings against my skin. I’ve never felt so protected, so loved by a man like I do when I’m in his arms.

  “I love you. I love you so much,” I cry, pushing up from the couch, taking his handsome-as-hell face into my hands and kissing the life back into him. It takes him a moment to kiss me back, but when he does, his hands are all over me.

  I unbutton his pants and push them down, while he rips my clothing off me with little effort. In seconds, we’re both naked, and he’s entering me so painstakingly slowly it literally makes my body ache. I can feel every single inch of him moving inside of me, and as he moves in and out, he gazes into my eyes, promising me a thousand different things with nothing but his stormy gaze and sculpted-from-stone body.

  I grip his biceps and beg him to take me harder and deeper, but he refuses, a boyish grin gracing his lips.

  “I’ll fuck you like a man that’s obsessed later, but
right now, I’m going to make slow love to you, exploring every single inch of this gorgeous body while claiming it with my own heart.” I almost weep once more as he follows through with his promise, making love to me in a way that seals our hearts and bodies together forever.

  When we pull up to Ava’s apartment a couple of days later, I’m nervous as hell, and I’m not really sure why. I’ve met Marie—maybe not officially, but I’ve seen her. I’m not really sure why I’m so close to having a nervous breakdown.

  “I don’t want her to hate us for things that were out of our control,” Reed states, and both Remy and I nod in agreement. I’m glad I’m not the only one freaking out. Reed is normally the stoic, controlled brother, but today he’s just as nervous as I am.

  “Yeah, it’s going to be awkward as hell if we can’t get her to talk to us,” Remy adds as we get out of the car and walk up the steps into the apartment complex.

  “Are you guys as nervous as I am?” I blurt out the question, rubbing my sweaty hands against my jeans.

  Reed smiles. “I’ve been nervous to meet her since I read the letter from Dad. When Ava said her name at the bachelorette party, I was so shocked she was there. I would have said something then, but I didn’t want to ruin Fallon’s night.”

  I swallow down my anxiety as we make it up to their floor and eventually Ava’s door. Making things right with Ava was easy. We love each other. Plus, if need be, I can fuck her into submission and make her too weak to fight with me. It’s different with Marie. I can’t make her do anything, and that fact alone strikes fear in me.

  Reed knocks on the door, and in seconds, Ava opens it to usher us inside. I wrap her up in my arms and kiss her. Her touch calms all my nerves, and it’s all I can do not to drag her back to her bedroom where we won’t be disturbed.

  “Don’t be nervous,” Ava whispers in my ear as I set her back onto the floor. When I release her fully, I notice that the guys have made their way into the living room. I cringe, remembering the last time I was here and the state I left Ava in.

  I have to move quickly to stand with my brothers. We need to present a united front. I don’t know why it feels like we’re about to go into battle. I mean, how much punch can this girl bring?

  The moment we step into the living room, Marie looks up from where she’s sitting on the couch reading a book. Her eyes widen when she sees us, and I’m glad I told Ava not to tell her we were coming over. She looks so frightened, I’m sure she would have run if she was given a heads up.

  Remy’s the first to approach her, an easy smile on his face. “Hey, sis,” he greets her with a smile.

  Reed rolls his eyes at the greeting, but as I watch her, I can see her relax at his words. Knowing she’s just as nervous to meet us as we are to meet her helps.

  Marie stands, holding out her hand to shake Remy’s, but he doesn’t take what she’s offering. He pulls her into a hug instead, his arms tightening when her shoulders start to shake. I look back at Ava, and she’s covering her mouth with one hand, tears filling her eyes. She blinks in an attempt to keep them from falling, and the soft cry coming from the woman Remy’s holding captures my attention once more.

  She looks so fragile in his embrace. Especially with the way she’s clutching the sides of his shirt and shaking.

  Reed and I lock eyes, and I know he’s thinking the same thing I am. We move, almost as one, to wrap her in our arms too, and the four of us stand in the middle of the room. The whole apartment is quiet, aside from Ava and Marie’s soft crying.

  I can feel her trembling start to slow, and once she’s cried herself out, Marie pulls back from Remy slightly to look at Reed and me. There’s still fear in her eyes, but it’s nowhere near as strong as it was when she first saw us.

  “I’m sorry,” she starts to stammer, but Reed shakes his head.

  He looks at both Remy and me before he tells her, “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. You had nothing to do with what our father did, or the secret your mother kept for so long.” Stopping to clear his throat, he blinks quickly, and I know he’s fighting back his emotions too. “I only wish Dad had told us before he died. You should have had a chance to meet him, to get to know what a good man he really was.”

  That we might have to disagree on. Dad might not have been a master, but he wasn’t this great man either. He was just a man, a human being who made so many mistakes and never got the chance to rectify the biggest ones. He was human, and that was all that mattered.

  Tears drip down Marie’s cheeks at his words, and Reed pulls her forward so she’s in his arms instead of Remy’s. “I hope you’re ready for what having three overprotective brothers is going to be like.” She tips her head back to look up at him, and one side of Reed’s mouth tips up in a smirk. “What? We didn’t get to be that way your entire life. It’s going to be a hundred times worse now.”

  A giggle escapes Marie, and she looks around at all of us. “Great. Can we go back to not knowing each other?”

  All of us laugh at that, and I look down when I feel a small hand touch my arm. Ava’s standing beside me, a bright smile on her face. She’s so happy, I swear it looks like a light is shining from within her.

  I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into our little circle. She grabs Marie’s hand and squeezes. “I’m so happy for you, Mar. You went from being alone, aside from me and Gabby, to having three brothers and a nephew. Plus, in a few months, you’ll have another niece or nephew too.”

  Marie squeals so loud I think all our eardrums burst. “Oh my gosh! You’re right!” She looks up at Reed and claps her hands together under her chin. “When can I meet your son?”

  All I can do is look at her in awe. This doesn’t even seem like the same woman I first met. Gone is the angry, pissed off and bitter shrew, and in her place is a bubbly, happy girl.

  “You can meet him whenever you’d like.” Reed assures her, and the smile she gives all of us gives me hope. Hope that we can ease her pain, and hope that we can be the family she never had. I tuck Ava into my side and relish in the feeling of being whole once again.

  I made mistakes, just like my father did…but unlike him, I’ll always make a wrong right if I can. With Ava and Marie, I’ll try my hardest to be the best man and brother I can.

  Seven months later

  Pain like I’ve never felt before lashes my body, each wave slamming into me with a force that the human body shouldn’t be able to sustain. Why does anyone willingly go through this? I bend forward, clutching my stomach just as Ryker enters our bedroom.

  “Ava?” His voice breaks when he sees I’m in pain, and he rushes over to wrap his arms around me. “Is it time?” There’s no panic to his voice, and the fact that he seems to be as cool as a cucumber annoys me.

  I turn my head slowly, almost exorcist style, to glare at him. “What do you think, genius?” I’m barely able to get the words out, my teeth are grinding together so hard. The contractions are getting worse and closer together.

  “But…” he starts to say something, but thinks better of it and clamps his mouth shut.

  Another pain shoots through my stomach, and before I can cry out in pain, I feel a gush of water between my legs. Again, why do women have babies? This is the most painful, humiliating thing I’ve ever experienced, and all I want to do is curl up in the fetal position—no pun intended—and cry.

  Seeing the puddle between my feet mobilizes Ryker, and he pulls out his phone to call Reed. As soon as I hear him say, “Hello,” Ryker practically yells into the phone. “It’s time. Ava’s in labor.” I listen as Reed tells him they’ll meet us at the hospital, and watch as Ryker slides the phone back into his pocket.

  “Really?” I growl.

  He looks at me, his expression wary. “What?”

  “I know you didn’t just call your brother.” My voice gets louder with every word, and by the end of the sentence, I’m screeching. Ryker winces, but wisely doesn’t admit it. We both know what he did, and I’m tempted to kil
l him where he stands. Or, at least, I would if I didn’t need him to get me to the hospital, like, ten minutes ago.

  My wet dress and panties shouldn’t be something I’m worried about, but there’s no way in hell I’m sitting in the car all the way to the hospital like this. Ryker continues to watch me from a safe distance while I change, and when I’m ready, I turn to him.

  “We need to go.” I try to keep my voice at a semi-normal volume, but between the pain and the water that won’t stop trickling, I’m at the end of my rope.

  As soon as I say it, Ryker jumps into action. With one hand at my back, he uses the other to sweep my legs out from under me and hurries out of the bedroom. Thankfully, my hospital bag and the diaper bag have been packed and are waiting at the door since we took Lamaze classes two months ago, so all he has to do is reach down and let me grab it.

  I hold it in my lap while he continues to carry me down the hall and into the elevator. I’m not sure he even stopped to lock the door, but right now, I can’t bring myself to care either.

  The trip to the hospital passes in a pain-filled blur, and by the time we get there it feels like each contraction is beginning the second another stops. Thankfully, it’s the middle of the day and traffic isn’t completely terrible. If we got stuck in traffic, I’d be seriously worried this baby would be born in the front seat of the car.

  Ryker pulls up to the emergency entrance and slams the SUV into park. I watch him as he walks around the front, his hands ripping through his hair in agitation, and I know he’s giving himself a pep talk before he opens the door. He’s doing his best to stay calm, which is a good thing because calm isn’t even in my vocabulary at the moment. I want to curse the heavens. There is no way in hell I’m doing this again.

  I’m expecting him to open my door and help me out, but he walks inside instead.

  Where the hell is he going?

  I feel like an idiot when he comes back out, followed by an orderly pushing a wheelchair. The two of them help me out of the seat and into the chair, and as soon as I’m settled, the man in scrubs pushes me inside.