Carter

by R. J. Lewis

  He ran a hand through his black hair and dropped his arm. Sighing, he muttered, “Fine. Well, look, I’m gonna be waiting on Carter. I’ll see you around, and you better have a decent explanation for what’s going on between you two, alright? Friends, remember? Not a stranger. You need to open up to me.”

  I forced a nod and watched him leave down the side of the house. Before he made it out, he bumped into Carter, and they stopped for a moment and just stared at each other. They spoke for a bit, but I couldn’t hear what was said. Then Carter nodded and they crossed each other, walking in opposite directions.

  Carter’s gaze cut through me just then as he made it to the door, and he looked down my body with a frown and said, “You answered the door to Rome in nothing but a towel on? What the fuck, Leah?”

  Oh, for God’s sake. “I thought it was you at the door.”

  He shook his head and stepped into the apartment, setting the brown paper bag on the kitchen counter as he peeled out of his jacket. “What did he want?”

  “Just to see how I am after last night.”

  He glanced at me briefly before he dug out two plates. “And?”

  I slowly made my way into the kitchen and rested my elbows on the counter. “And… I told him I was great.”

  He nodded. “He give you any money?”

  “No.”

  He put a hash brown down on the plate and looked up at me. “Did he offer you some?”

  How the hell did he know? “Yeah, and I didn’t take it.”

  His face relaxed just then and he smiled softly at me. “Good, because you know I’ll look after us, right?”

  I carefully nodded. “I know.”

  “Good.”

  “How did you know?”

  “He kept asking me whether you were eating fine last night. Like I was fucking starving you or something.” He sneered bitterly. “He’s looking for ways to hate me, I swear.”

  He handed me my plate and I took a few bites, watching him carefully as he served himself.

  “Don’t take it to heart,” I told him. “He’s just protective of me.”

  He paused then and turned to me. Casting me a sharp look, he leaned over and said, “Babe, he never took a punch for you. He didn’t smuggle you out of your place because he was scared for your safety. He didn’t fuck your brains out last night and this morning, and make you come three times in the process. As far as I’m concerned, his protectiveness over you is as effective as a poodle defending his owner in an attack.”

  I stifled a smile and whispered, “And what kind of dog are you then, Carter?”

  He sniffed and returned to his food. “I’m the fucking wolf, Angel.”

  This. Guy.

  I laughed and ate my greasy hash browns, already hoping my vagina pain would heal ASAP because when those blue eyes looked at me, they made me want to do very X-Rated things.

  We thankfully stopped talking about Rome, but I wondered about their friendship. Would they ever get along?

  For the sake of their future band, I hoped to God they would.

  Thirteen

  “Your boyfriend is sexy as fuck,” said Melanie, leaning back against the bar.

  It was my first week after training working alongside her, and she was extremely blunt, to put it mildly. She was around my age, and she seemed like the social type. The second Marlena had introduced me to her, she wouldn’t leave me alone. I was sure it was because the other waitresses were double our age.

  She stared at Carter from across the room, watching him discuss the band with Rome while biting her lower lip. The want was there in her pretty grey eyes.

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” I muttered, tapping my pen against the bar top, watching him too.

  Melanie raised a dark brow. “Serious? I saw him touching your ass when you walked in.”

  Shit.

  He had, hadn’t he? He was normally very good about not touching me in public. That was one of the conditions about being friend-zoned with benefits, I guess. Whatever it was, it sucked ball sacks.

  I avoided looking her in the eye and wiped off an imaginary piece of fluff on my black uniform. Maybe if I looked busy, she wouldn’t press for more info, but I could feel her stare burning holes in the side of my face. I didn’t want to tell her anything. I wasn’t sure I could trust her with that kind of information. She could be like the bitches from my school, using me to get close to him, or being an overall backstabber.

  “So, he’s single?” she proceeded to ask, studying my reaction very carefully.

  “I guess,” I answered with a shrug. I gripped the pen tightly, considering sticking it in her eye if she so much as insinuated she’d try him.

  “And it wouldn’t bother you if I…”

  I looked at her hard. “If you what?”

  She motioned to him and wiggled her brows. “You know what.”

  We just stared at one another for a long moment. Was she seriously intending on doing it? Did I have to really put a claim on him? I wouldn’t stop myself. Before I opened my mouth to speak, she burst out laughing. I frowned at her, wondering what the hell she was smoking to laugh out of nowhere like this. She leaned into me and rested a hand on my shoulder. I stared at the hand and then at her.

  “Jesus, you should see your face!” she said. “I’m only kidding, babe. You’re obviously lusting after him, and I’d be the biggest bitch in the world to take a marked man from her friend. That shit’s wrong on too many levels. God, I can’t believe you’d think I’d do that! What’s wrong with you?”

  I was so confused. Was she high? “What?”

  “Anyway, you’re going to open up to me about it eventually. You obviously think I’m some big mouth or something. I’m not. I keep secrets just fine. I’m not those manipulative bitches vying for attention like I’ve been daddy-deprived my whole life. You’ll see.”

  She left me alone after that and tormented Marlena. I shook my head and started to get ready for my shift. I hoped the other waitresses weren’t as intense as her. Even Marlena was a constant fly on your wall, wanting to hear and see everything going on. I had to be careful around her.

  “You’ll do fine,” Carter suddenly whispered in my ear.

  I whipped around, a hand over my heart. “You scared me!”

  “I wasn’t being quiet. You’re just freaking out inside your head.”

  I slumped my shoulders. “I know. I’ve never worked before, Carter, and I don’t want to mess up.”

  He grabbed my hand and squeezed my fingers one by one. “You’re smart. You’re beautiful. The only thing I worry about are the drunks taking advantage of you, but you’re tough. So I know that won’t happen, and if I see it happen, I’ll beat them to the ground.”

  I laughed lightly. “I know you will. How’s the band search going?”

  He nodded. “Heading out now to meet some guys.”

  “Settled on a name yet?”

  He shook his head. “Nah. Rome’s suggestions are awful. If he didn’t know how to play drums, he’d be useless as tits on a bull. Once we get the guys together, we’ll figure it out in the end.”

  “That’s good. You know, Rome may be bad with names, but he’s an excellent artist. He might be able to put together a design for the name for you guys once you figure one out.”

  “That shit’s not so important.”

  “Of course it is! You need people to remember you. Visual things help. Well, actually, you’d be the visual part they’d remember, but all the other stuff might help too.”

  He chuckled. “Right.”

  He continued holding my hand long after he’d squeezed it. Then he pulled me to him and gave me a warm hug that melted my insides. “Be confident,” he told me. “I’ll be back in a bit, okay?”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  He pulled away and stared into my eyes, a soft smile on his face. “See ya, beautiful.”

  He walked out with Rome after that, leaving me smiling to myself.

  Until I saw Melanie’s fa
ce. She was giving me a thumbs up and a wink. I rolled my eyes and reluctantly laughed. It was so damn obvious.

  I watched Harold turn the sign over and unlock the door. I held my breath, trying to get rid of the nerves that wracked my body.

  After all that training, I would be on my own now.

  I hoped I wouldn’t fuck it up.

  *

  Maybe Melanie wasn’t so bad after all.

  She was helping me out loads without one single complaint. I would have kissed her feet if she’d let me.

  I was flustered, running around, forgetting tables, getting orders wrong. Fuck, it was stressful, and had I been the owner, I would have fired my ass right there and then. Fortunately, Marlena was extremely understanding, reassuring me that everyone starts off from the “very, very, very bottom”. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or dismayed by her remark, so I just decided on being numb instead.

  By the time we were done, I was exhausted and shaking. The adjustment from not working to working was damn hard. I had to sit down to collect my thoughts and fight the anxiety swirling around my stomach.

  Carter and Rome picked me up that evening. Melanie stayed back, to my surprise, telling me she was picking up a second shift. When I raised my brows in surprise, she shrugged and said, “Bills, babe. Fucking bills are a killer, and I have a sister to look after.”

  Yeah, she wasn’t so bad at all.

  “Well, thanks for everything,” I told her sincerely. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  She winked. “You’ll get better and then you’ll make it up to me. That’s what we do around here. We look after each other.”

  Okay, so she was awesome.

  I waved goodbye to her and climbed into the backseat of the waiting jeep out front. My eyes widened in surprise when I saw Carter there, half-asleep.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as Rome peeled out of the curb.

  He shrugged. “He had a bit to drink.”

  “A bit? He’s smashed!”

  “Yeah, don’t know what happened. He made a call sometime and didn’t look happy when he got back. I thought he’d been talking to you and you guys started fighting or something.”

  I shook my head slowly. “No, nothing like that happened.”

  “Well… I don’t know. He got back, shitty like I’d done something wrong, and then he drank himself to oblivion. He’s been muttering nonsense since then, so I wouldn’t pay any attention to him. Honestly, he’s a fucking disaster, but the voice on him… Holy shit, that voice gave me goose bumps, Leah. I’ve got a good feeling about this.”

  I put my hand against Carter’s forehead. He was sweaty and hot, and his eyes opened and looked at me. His lips flinched downwards in a frown and then he closed his eyes and kept them that way.

  When we got to the house, Rome helped him into the suite. He crashed into his mattress, and I stared at him in worry, wondering who he’d made a call to and what had gotten him so worked up.

  “You wanna go out for dinner or something?” Rome asked. “Or I can pick something up. Pizza?”

  I nodded. “Sure, that sounds good.”

  “Cool. I’ll be back in twenty then.”

  He left us after that and I crawled into the bed. Straddling Carter, I grabbed at his arms and removed his jacket. It took every ounce of my energy, and when I was at the second sleeve, he stirred again and mumbled.

  “Don’t hate me.”

  I paused and stared down at him. “Carter?”

  “Don’t hate me, Leah.”

  “Why would I hate you?”

  He opened his mouth, and it stayed that way for what felt like forever, before he whispered, “Cause I killed her.”

  My body tightened. I was so confused. I leaned over him, and rested a hand against the side of his face. “Who, Carter?”

  He was too out to respond. I sighed heavily and removed his jacket, throwing it on the floor. Then I grabbed at his shoes and took them off. I stood by the edge of the bed, hovering over him, wondering what he wasn’t saying.

  I didn’t leave until Rome returned, and even then I checked up on him every hour.

  *

  It was the sound of puking that woke me up in the middle of the night. I jumped out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. Carter was over the toilet, half-naked, his skin pale and sickly looking.

  I hurriedly opened the cupboard and removed a washcloth. Soaking it in cool water, I returned to him just as he flushed the toilet and leaned back. I kneeled down next to him and set the cloth over his forehead. He stared at me with bleary eyes.

  “You’re sick,” I muttered with concern.

  “I’m fine.” The sound of indifference in his voice made me frown.

  “You don’t sound it and you certainly don’t look it.”

  He grabbed the washcloth and threw it away. “Don’t push, Leah. Alright? I’m not in the mood right now.”

  I glanced at the forlorn wash cloth and then at him. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing!”

  I jumped, not at all expecting his random burst of anger. I moved away from him and rested my back against the wall, bringing my knees to my chest. I watched him for some time as he stared off in space, looking worse for wear the more minutes that passed.

  “Who did you call?”

  He shut his eyes and sighed. I couldn’t help it. I needed to know what was wrong, even if it meant him yelling at me again.

  “Carter.”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s not nothing. You wouldn’t have had so much to drink if it was nothing.”

  He opened his eyes and stared at me evenly. “Jesus, you don’t stop, do you?”

  I shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry that I can’t help it. I care for you.”

  “Well, fuck, Leah, you’re not my personal diary, alright? If I want to keep things private, I will.”

  Whoa.

  Where had that come from?

  I blinked back tears. He was so blasé saying that to me. It wasn’t everyday he was in these kinds of moods. In fact, I could count on one hand how many times he’d talked to me like this.

  It stung.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he then said, shaking his head. “You can’t demand shit I ask you to let go of and expect me to be a patient saint about it.”

  “I’m only trying to help.”

  “I don’t need your fucking help, Leah. I don’t need any of it. So keep it, alright? Hold onto your help and leave me alone.”

  I casually wiped my eye. I wasn’t crying or anything. I was tired. That’s all.

  I nodded at him. “Okay,” I finally said in a whisper. “I’ll leave you alone then.”

  I stood up and returned to bed, feeling a little defeated. If I was his best friend, why wouldn’t he let me in like one?

  I waved my hand over my eyes. Nothing was coming out. I refused to let that happen. Nobody had the right to make you cry, and I didn’t want to blame a man I loved for doing it. If nothing came out, I couldn’t be sad about it.

  He was just upset, I consoled myself as I slipped under the covers. Everyone is entitled to want to be alone.

  I shut my eyes and tried to forget, all the while listening intently on every noise outside the room. He was out there, shutting me out, and I was in here, praying he was okay.

  Maybe at that point I should have realized I deserved a little better.

  *

  An arm wrapped around me a couple hours later, stirring me awake.

  Carter’s mouth skirted along my neck and shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered contritely.

  I shook my head at him. “Don’t be. I was prying.”

  “Only because you care.”

  He continued to kiss me, and I relaxed in his hold, feeling that heavy ache in my chest disappear. My mood was always so intertwined with his, and I knew that wasn’t a good thing. I should have been the one demanding space this time. He was clouding my thoughts. Issues
like the ones he was going through couldn’t just disappear, which meant I would be facing his attitude problems more in the future, and I didn’t want to be on the other end of that.

  But I was too sympathetic to his emotions. He meant so much to me, I couldn’t push him away or ask for space. I was hungry for him, remember? I was taking him however way he was willing to give me, no matter how little it was. He was my addiction, and I could endure a few rough moments.

  When his lips touched my cheek, I smelled the toothpaste in his mouth and felt his wet hair brush against me. He’d showered. It must have been four in the morning and he’d likely been up most of the night.

  I turned my face to him and he kissed my mouth, slowly and softly. It felt different than other times, like he truly needed my touch. I turned my body to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, and he moved over top of me.

  Needily, he stripped me and took his briefs off. He was hard and ready and desperately moving in between my legs as he kissed me harder.

  “Please, let me,” he whispered against my mouth.

  I nodded. “Of course.”

  He swiftly thrust into me, gripping my thigh tightly with one hand. He groaned and paused, resting his forehead against mine as he panted against my lips. I held him to me hard and lifted my hips against him, encouraging him to take me.

  He did. Slowly and tenderly, with his other hand wrapped around my hair. It didn’t last long. We lost ourselves, falling into sync with need. He was trying to forget something, and I was trying to bring him into me. We were taking each other for two completely different reasons, and I didn’t care in that moment. I just wanted to pretend it was something more.

  My fingers dug into his back and I came just as he did, holding him to me tightly as we both rode out a tremendous wave of pleasure.

  It died after that, fading into the silence. He didn’t move off of me straightaway, but he turned his face away from me, guarding his expression. I felt his heartbeats, hard and fast against my own. I wondered what he wasn’t saying. I was growing tired of not knowing.

  Eventually he climbed off me, but he gathered me in his arms and kissed my shoulder. After minutes of silence, he suddenly whispered, “It was my dad that called me.”