by Lia Lee
Now, she had a family – a growing one at that – and she would enjoy the soft silkiness of Cara’s blonde hair against her cheek and the gentle hiss as the girl breathed in and out in her arms. Brent soon joined them, and they were tied up there in a knot, the three of them. A home. A fuller family like she hadn’t had since her mom married Harold.
A start.
And that was the most exciting thing of all.
***
She paced in front of the sofa. She’d let herself into her dad’s home. Jessica had gone alone. Brent had offered to go with her, but this was personal, and it was something she had to handle with her father. She’d never think of her children as mistakes, but she’d been the one to be less than careful, and she’d been the one to make all the active choices that had led her here.
To this moment.
To her family.
She desperately wanted her father to be part of that. If only he could understand. However, they’d agreed to have dinner at home at 7:00 p.m. sharp. Her father was almost thirty minutes late, and it better have to do with the fact that the road by Bui’s Vietnamese had been filled with traffic and not because he was avoiding her. God, she couldn’t even stand the idea of him being disappointed in her. Of him thinking of her as nothing more than a… No.
She wouldn’t think the words.
Her father was nothing like Donald, and she wasn’t a gold digger or a whore or anything else. Those were all lies. She was deeply in love with her fiancé and the father of her children. He’d have to deal with that, have to understand all of that, too. Or, as much as she loved her father, he could no longer be in her life.
Finally, the key turned in the lock, and she snapped her attention to the door. Her father entered soon, his arms loaded down with paper bags. She could already smell the garlic and fish sauce from the food he’d ordered. Scrambling over to him, she picked up one of the two sacks and helped him settle it in the kitchen. Jessica busied herself by unpacking everything, then set it out on plates. Her father chattered on in the background about a few accounting things he had to do with his side clients, mostly focusing on things that happened outside of the production studio’s itinerary.
How odd.
It was almost as if he were deliberately trying to ignore Brent at all and anything they shared in common.
Sighing and steeling up her courage, Jessica looked up at her father. “Dad, we need to talk.”
“I assumed that was why you were getting food with your old dad. You’re usually so busy with Ashley and Dana or babysitting for Cara… All summer I’ve felt like I’ve barely seen you.”
She blushed and looked down at her hands. For today, she’d removed the ring so she could ease her father into everything. But it felt like it should be there, like it should be heavy on her fingers. Just… So much in her life had changed in four months, and she hadn’t even brought her father with her. They’d been everything to each other, and she’d lied to him for so long.
When did things fall apart so hard?
God, was this what her mother felt like, once upon a time?
Wait, considering she, too, was involved in a secret love affair. It was probably a lot of what her mom felt. Who knew she’d ever appreciate her mother on so many levels now or, well, at least understand her.
“I know, Dad. I’m sorry. I promise to try and be available more. In fact, I have a lot going on, and I really want you to be a part of it.”
Her father sighed and sat down heavily in a chair at the breakfast bar. Concerned green eyes met her own. “I know you’ve been seeing Brent. I saw some of the paparazzi pictures leaked from the event. I just… Baby, he’s so much older than you. How could you want that? Was he pressuring you?”
“No, Dad!” she shouted. Then, taking a deep breath, Jessica re-centered herself. Getting upset was the wrong way to start this out. “Daddy, I’m twenty-one, not twelve. Besides, everything that Brent and I have done together, I’ve wanted. He let me set the pace, and I care so much about him.” She swallowed hard and tried to ignore the swarm of butterflies batting around in her stomach. Then, she pulled her engagement ring from her pocket. “In fact, things are going to get a lot more serious and even deeper.”
“You’ve only been with him for a few months tops.”
“A little over four, actually. Everything started so fast after I began working for him.” She slipped the ring over her finger. It wasn’t easy, considering how slicked with sweat her hands were, but she managed. “Daddy, there’s more.”
“How much more can there be? I’m a terrible partner who let his so-called close friend and business partner seduce his barely legal daughter.”
“I’m almost through college!”
“And he’s twice your age, more than that. He could be your father, and you don’t even try and tap dance on the rest.”
“True, but I’m not some naïve little girl who was seduced by the big, bad movie producer. I wanted to love him. I fell for him, Dad.” She shook her head and let her hand stray to her belly. “I’m carrying his children.”
Her father’s skin went pale. Ashen even. He shook his head even as he looked at her mostly flat stomach. She hadn’t gained a lot of weight yet but what she’d thought of as ten to fifteen pounds gained from eating out too much over the summer was clearly the growing twins instead. “You can’t be. That bastard, I’ll kill him.” He hopped up from the stool and slammed his hands, palms down, on the granite. The sound was loud enough to make her flinch.
“Daddy, I love Brent, and I love the twins. Even Cara’s thrilled about this. Why can’t you be?”
“I can’t be because I feel like I’ve failed you, Jess. I was supposed to protect you. What about college? Hell, remember just five months ago when you were crushed about the San Diego Zoo internship? Now what will you do with your life?”
Those were thoughts that had haunted her over the last few days – if she were being honest with herself. But she had a plan. It was all still forming and taking shape in her mind, but she had a path.
“I’m going to take some time off for a few years until the twins go to preschool. Then, I’ll finish college and go on to my Ph.D.”
“And what if you never go back? And did you really just say ‘twins’? Jesus Christ.”
She blinked back tears. No. Jessica refused to be that upset in front of her dad. Dammit. He’d always understood before, been her rock since her mom moved to San Francisco. Why couldn’t he understand how important this was to her now?
Even though she struggled to say even-keeled, her voice broke as she talked. Jessica tried to speed up her words, so she’d fall apart less. “Dad, this is happening. I’m pregnant. Brent’s the father, and you’re going to have to accept that.”
Her father stalked over to the kitchen island and picked up the takeout box. Trudging to the refrigerator, he shoved it in and then slammed the door. “We’re done here tonight. I… Jessica, you ruined your life. I let you do that. Worse, I’m the one who sent you to his office. Your schooling, your dream… your everything just gone and I helped do that to you.”
Tears fell down her cheeks no matter how hard she tried to fight them. “I can have a new plan. Brent, Cara, the twins… they’re all part of that. A better path.”
“But it’s not what I wanted for you, and until now, it wasn’t what you wanted for yourself.”
“My next ultrasound is tomorrow. We wanted it to be for family. Cara’s coming, too. Daddy, please. I really want you there.”
“How can I do that?” he asked, yanking on his hair. “When I get near Brent, I want to punch him. Hell, I have punched him.”
Her heart sank. “What?”
“I confronted him first – got a few blows to his jaw before he stopped me. That was before I knew he’d ruined your life,” her father finished, gesturing to her stomach. “I can’t… How can I just go there tomorrow with a smile on my face?”
“For me,” she offered, her chin wobbling.
&n
bsp; “That’s why I can’t go – because I can’t condone this, not when he’s robbed you of everything.”
Jessica couldn’t take anymore. After rushing to the front room, she grabbed her purse, then ran to the front door, wrenching it open. Her father was hot on her heels. Reaching out, he put a strong hand on her shoulder, one that would have comforted her years ago. Hell, one that would have comforted her a week ago before everything changed.
“Stay, sweetheart. You need a few days to get a clear head, to think about adoption… to… I don’t know. Don’t let your life get derailed because of a mistake.”
She shook her head and pulled away from him. “You don’t understand. This isn’t an accident or mistake,” Jessica replied, cradling her belly with her free hand. “This is a miracle, and I’m embracing that.”
He put his hands on his hips. “Then I can’t do that, can’t help you anymore.”
“Goodbye, Dad,” she said, hurrying out the door before her tears blinded her.
***
“I can’t believe it.” She was curled up in Brent’s arms in bed.
Cara was spending the night at a friend’s house – had offered to after she’d seen how upset Jessica was when she got home. Jess was grateful – both that middle school was being kind to Cara and that she was already making real friends, and that the girl cared enough about her to give her space. Jessica and Brent hadn’t had sex. God, it was the last thing she wanted in the world. However, he’d taken her to bed and now was lying next to her, almost bracing her with his body and trying to protect her from the world around her.
Cinnamon and cloves tickled her nose, reminded her she had a place she belonged, even if it hadn’t been the place she’d started out at five months ago.
Still, her father should have understood, should have accepted her. He’d always been there for her before, and now it made no sense that he’d abandon her at this point in her life. It ached. God, how everything ached – her bones, her chest, even her very heart. It was all shaking apart, torn asunder, and Jessica had no idea how to fix any of it.
Maybe there was no way back.
“Maybe I can talk with him again,” Brent said.
“No, Dad wants to punch you again on sight. He said so. He might even kick you a few times in the balls for good measure.”
Brent winced involuntarily at that. “Well, I wouldn’t want that. I can say, I think I’m done for the children-having, but I rather like my balls.”
She grinned despite her sadness. “I do, too.”
“Then, maybe if we let him cool down for a few weeks, get used to all of this, Allen will come around eventually. I know he can be a bit dramatic and hotheaded.”
“Like me,” she admitted.
“Sure, but I can also understand. If the same thing happened with Cara, I’d be pissed as hell. I might have just taken a crowbar to that guy.”
“Then you just be lucky it was just a few punches.”
He rubbed his jaw. “So you say. Your dad has a mean uppercut.”
“But it’s not the same. Tomorrow’s the day we find out the sexes. I wanted Dad there. I just want my family whole.”
Brent nodded and stroked his hand over her belly and then over the swell of her hips. “Your family is whole, at least Cara, the twins, and I are here for you. You and your mom are on better terms. Your dad will come around; I’m sure of it.”
“How can you know?”
“Because I had to live without you in my life for three days. I can’t imagine doing it for years. I don’t think Allen can go without his daughter like that either. He’ll come around to the new normal, promise.”
“And if he doesn’t? Then there won’t be any grandfathers for our kids. Your dad is Satan and mine’s MIA.” Jessica choked back a sob as a wave of cold chills and goosebumps swept over her. “What kind of a start in life is that for the kids? I… They’ll miss so much.”
Her fiancé got on his hands and knees on the bed and leaned over her. He placed a trail of feather-light kisses over her belly. “These children are the luckiest in the world. They have an amazing mother, a loving big sister, and a father who will do anything to protect them, and they’re not even here yet. You add in all their ‘aunts’ with Dana and Ashley and your mother and Harold… Eventually, I know Allen will be part of this world.”
“I miss him.”
“I know.”
She sniffled again, letting all the pain and anguish of the evening spill from her. “He said I’d ruined my life.” Jessica clutched her belly. “How could this be ruining anything when it feels so right? But then I think of the school stuff I’m giving up and maybe I won’t end up back at college and what if I’m a failure? Some, like, after school special?!”
Brent gritted his teeth. “Allen’s my best friend, but if he left you feeling like that, then he’s a huge idiot. You’re amazing, Jessica. No one could bring Cara out of her shell like you. I had no idea how into marine life she was without you. I was drowning trying to care for her, but you came along and made it all possible. I was sleepwalking through life, not caring about anything but Cara. When I was at work or anywhere else, I felt dead inside.” He kissed her lower, over the bones of her hips. His lips touching the soft cotton of her panties.
Despite her mood, Jessica felt her belly flare with warmth and her channel grow slick and wet with need.
“But…”
“No,” he said, helping her slide off her underwear, “you need to realize you’re amazing. Everything you are is a revelation, Jessica. Please, let me worship you.”
She blinked. They’d done many things together since they’d first started their affair, first fallen in love. But he hadn’t yet gone down on her. It wasn’t that he hadn’t offered, she’d just always refused. From what she figured about guys, Jessica had always assumed that they did it because they felt they had to. She never wanted to make Brent feel like he had to do anything to show he loved her. Besides, she loved everything else they did and everything she could do to him. However, now, with the sincerity brimming in his eyes, Jessica couldn’t refuse.
He wasn’t wrong. She felt so off-kilter, so afraid she was losing herself or that she’d become a failure.
If he wanted to worship her, as Brent called it, then she was going to let him.
Brent kissed the thatch of dark curls over her mons. She shivered under his ministrations, and her body quivered. It was like a current was arcing through her body, from the tips of her toes, through her core and up her arms and neck. Like a million sparks were racing over her. She was so goddamned alive.
Then Brent smirked and parted her knees for her. Licking his lips, he leaned low. She expected him to dive in right away, to lap at her body, but that’s not what he did. Instead, Brent breathed a soft exhale over her most sensitive lips. She shuddered again and moaned at the hint of heat over her labia. Her clit was throbbing and some of the fear and sadness from the last week – even from today – was leeched from her.
She needed this.
Needed him.
How she ever thought she’d survive without Brent in her life, Jessica didn’t know. He was everything she’d ever wanted. Everything else would come, but she had her family and the man worshipping her, and a huge part of her soul was complete.
Not fully whole but brimming with love.
Brent stroked her labia, his fingers warm and strong against her flesh. Her clit pulsed, and she couldn’t wait anymore. She craved him. He was like heroin for her, and she wanted another hit.
“Please, baby. I want you.”
His smirk widened. “You can’t hold out any longer, can you, sweetheart?”
She shook her head. “Never. Just need your mouth on me.”
“And what do you want from me?” he said, clearly aiming to make her beg.
She could do that; the power he had over her was all-consuming.
“Please, I want you to…”
“What?” he asked. Brent slid two thick fingers inside he
r, but it wasn’t nearly the girth of his erection, not enough to get the electricity rushing through her truly sizzling.
“I want you to…” She blushed. “… suck my clit, Brent. Suck it hard.”
He nodded. “Thought you’d never ask.”
Her lover – no, fiancé – dove low, and his mouth was on her sensitive bundle of nerves, sucking at her clit for all it was worth. He’d suckled it close, into his mouth and soon was laving at it with an expert tongue. She shivered and moaned, bucked her hips upwards to him. He started shoving his fingers in and out of her as fast as he could, a frantic rhythm that made her grip his hair and scream a sordid litany above her.
In, out. In, out.
She was lost in the smell of his musk, the satin sheets against her back, and the electricity buzzing through every part of her body, radiating up from her clit. Then, Brent just pressed the tiniest hint of teeth against her clit, oh so carefully and it was over. She came like a woman possessed, as if a dozen bolts of lightning had hit her at once. Jessica closed her eyes and was last to all the sensations, her head spinning.
She blinked awake minutes later (or was it hours?). Time seemed to lose all meaning when she was lost in so much pleasure.
When she looked up, she found that Brent was coming out of the bathroom and wiping his mouth with a towel. Brent grinned like the cat who ate the canary, all his natural swagger and charisma coming to the fore. She loved him for it.
“You’re happy, babe?”
She sighed and snuggled up against his chest as he slid into bed. Jessica let his arms wrap around her and relished the feeling of him, the security of his embrace. “Better. I… Well, I thought guys hated that.”
“I love it – get a bit of my lady’s nectar.”
“Brent!” she said, her eyes wide as she slapped his shoulder.
“I do love it. There’s no point in denying it. You’re sweeter than wine, Jessica. You can’t deny it.”
She nodded and hugged him close. “I’m so lucky to have you, Brent.”
“I’m lucky, too, and tomorrow will be even better.”
“I hope so.”
He looked at her, blue eyes full of determination. “I know so, Jess. Now get some sleep.”