by Lisa M Basso
Chapter Thirty-One
Withdrawals gave me an earsplitting headache that night, and I had trouble getting to sleep. When I did, I dreamt of a black-winged angel flying toward me, the bluish light behind him mirroring Allison’s painting. He’d called my name again and again, in the same, deep voice I remembered from my previous nightmare. At first I thought maybe it was Kade, but that voice was nothing like anything I’d heard in real life before.
I woke in a cold sweat. At first, I thought it was the nightmare that had pulled me from my sleep, but then I heard the noise outside my door. I slipped out of bed, pausing to grab the nightstand when the throbbing in my head protested the movement. I managed to creep across the room to peer out the door’s window, smaller than a sheet of notebook paper. Nurses surrounded the doorway across the hall. I waited, and soon enough they cleared to allow a gurney to be rolled from the cell. A lump the size of a small body lay on top, covered by a sheet.
I stared at that gurney as it was wheeled down the hall, followed by a mournful parade of nurses. My head pounded behind my eyes. I started to turn back to bed, but a swirl of color caught my eye. I looked past the few remaining nurses. Inside that room, blue and black swirls swept across the wall. The tips of the black reminded me of something. Something familiar, and frightening, though I couldn’t remember why. The pounding in my head was too thick. Too consuming.
I forced my hand to turn the doorknob and open the door. “What happened?” My voice rasped like it belonged to an old woman who had smoked for half her life.
One of the nurses broke from the pack and rushed toward me. “Get back to bed, Rayna.”
“What happened?” I tried to peak at the gurney one last time before it turned the shadowed corner.
She hustled me into my room.
“Tell me what happened!”
She sat me down on the bed and readied the blankets so she could tuck me in, like that would ensure I’d stay there. At least she didn’t threaten to strap me down again. That was the worst part about this place: the restraints.
But I needed to know. It was important. Those black swirls … “Tell me or I’ll scream. It’ll wake everyone up. Then you’ll have to tell us all.”
Her lips puckered together in disdain, but the fight had left her eyes, and I knew I’d won. The victory was short-lived. “It’s Caroline. She somehow got a hold of some cleaning supplies. No one heard her.”
For a long moment, the words didn’t make any sense, lost to the thickness inside my head. But then they broke through, and I pieced it together. She’d poisoned herself.
The nurse dropped my blankets. “We were too late. She … took her life. Now, please go back to bed.” A wet sheen caught in her eyes as she left to join the others in the hallway, closing my door behind her.
I backed away from the door.
The black and blue on Caroline’s wall. It had looked eerily familiar. I inched forward again, needing to get a better look. I peeked out my door’s window again. The majority of the nurses followed the gurney, but two remained in the hallway by Caroline’s door. I turned my doorknob slowly, to make sure no one noticed. When it wouldn’t turn any farther, I yanked the door back and bolted across the hall, knocking the two nurses down. I stopped short at the doorway. I didn’t need to go any farther to know it was true.
Spanning the length of Caroline’s wall was a mural of a faceless, dark-winged angel. The same picture Allison and Tony had drawn.
No, no, NO!
Az had followed me.
He must have.
The hospital was three hours from San Francisco. Why else would he target this place? Poor Caroline. My fault. This was all my fault. I might have sunk to my knees. I don’t remember, except when the nurses came, they had to reach down to grab my arms in order to drag me back to my room. They laid me in bed and posted a nurse outside my door.
I didn’t sleep any more that night. Couldn’t. Guilt and worry ate away at me. The possibility that Az would come for me next felt too real. Too close.
On my way to breakfast the next morning, I peered around corners, looked closer at each of my fellow inmates, even watched the nurses more carefully. Az was near, he was coming for me. He could be anywhere. Anyone. And everyone seemed to be watching me differently today. Everyone.
What were Az’s angel powers? Could he influence people like Cam, or intimidate the way Kade had once at the diner? Or could his gifts be something worse? He could be in the very air I breathed. When I sat down for Arts and Crafts time, I watched everyone and held my breath until my lungs burned. The nurses paid attention then, so I stopped that.
Az had been here last night, and I hadn’t seen him. What if he’d been here the whole time, and I hadn’t known? What if he was still here? He could be anyone. Allison hadn’t drawn his face, I didn’t think. I hadn’t seen his face in either of my dreams. A schizophrenic with a lazy eye had followed me down the hall that first day I came. I saw him watching me sometimes, whispering to friends I couldn’t see. What if he was the angel? I sat in the corner with my back between a wall and a window so I could watch the large activity room and no one would be able to sneak behind me.
Despite the awful withdrawals, I continued stashing my meds instead of swallowing them. What if the pills were keeping me from seeing wings? From seeing Az? I couldn’t defend myself against what I couldn’t see. He was here. Somewhere. My life now depended on being able to see the angels.
At lunch, I circled the cafeteria, waving my hands behind the other inmates—patients. Patients. That earned me some odd looks. But it didn’t matter. I walked the room in a wide circle, brushing against backs, pretending to stumble, pretending to zombie walk.
I hadn’t felt any feathers brush my fingers. I hadn’t found him yet, but I would. I pressed the side of my face to the glass. If I angled in just the right way … there! Below my window I could see the best part of the garden. I was still there when they came to get me for dinner.
After dinner, a nurse in pink scrubs delivered my meds. The colorful lanyard clipped to her elastic waistband twisted as she stood there. I looked up to find her eyeing me suspiciously. I tucked my knees tighter to my chest and curled my toes under my orange plastic chair. She thrust the pills closer to my face. I didn’t budge. We stared at each other. If she wanted a contest, I’d give her one.
I wouldn’t be the first to break, I wouldn’t be the first to break, I wouldn’t be the first to—
Damn. I blinked.
Okay, do over. I wouldn’t be the first to break, I wouldn’t—
“Are you going to take your meds, or are we going to have a problem?” she asked.
I tentatively stretched my hand out. There was something strange about this nurse. I could feel it. Az could be anywhere. He could be pretending to be a nurse, instead of a patient. He could be this nurse.
A loud crash caught her attention, and she turned. Across the room, another patient slammed her plastic tray against the table again and again and again.
I squinted, trying desperately to see wings. Wings, wings, c’mon wings. But I saw nothing. I waved my hands behind her. Again, nothing. Maybe the meds had dulled my sense of touch, too. While she was still distracted, I stood on my chair and pressed both my hands into her back, moving them around, tapping them in different places. Again I felt nothing.
“What are you doing?” She turned around so fast I almost fell off my chair. “Dear, don’t play with me. Time for your pills.”
I shook my head, the world suddenly turning.
The nurse smashed the pills into my mouth, covered my lips, and pinched my nose until I swallowed. I kicked and struggled, falling off my chair, and the woman, who was at least twice my size, followed me to the floor.
The instant she released me, I darted to the bathroom, slammed the stall door closed, and stuck my finger down my throat.
The nurse threw open the door and called in help. Another nurse entered with a syringe.
When the needle p
ierced my skin, I thought of Kade. How he’d never come for me. The liquid fire shot through my thigh, and within seconds heaviness took my muscles and my joints turned to jelly.
I’d never get to tell Cam the kiss we shared meant more to me than even I understood—despite how mad I still was at him. And now we’d never share another. I’d be stuck in here forever. Or until Az came for me.
The nurses lifted me onto a gurney, wheeled me to my room, and strapped me to the bed.
The larger nurse shook her head. “I don’t know what goes through your minds when you girls fight us so hard.”
“This is your fault.” I slurred my words together like I was drunk. One of those pills had to be a sleeping pill or an elephant tranquilizer, because usually the shots weren’t this good on their own. “You, all of you, made me believe the angels weren’t real. They are!” I swallowed the ridiculous excess of saliva pooling in my mouth. “They’re everywhere!” The drugs shot waves through my vision. The only way to make them stop was to close my eyes. “Everywhere,” I said again. I thought I heard her leave, the door clicking softly behind her, but couldn’t peek through a single eyelash to check.
Sleep came fast, and the drugs trapped me in my nightmares.
Chapter Thirty-Two
A loud snap woke me. Still drowsy, I tried to sit up, but something kept me down. Something around my arms. I struggled, tried to kick, but my legs were afflicted by the same strange … restraints. I’d been strapped down. My heart thundered. That could only mean I was at the Sunflower Serenity … the crazy house. I was locked in the freaking crazy house.
Tears formed in my eyes. My eyelids were heavy. When I finally wrestled them halfway open, the first thing I saw was darkness. Not darkness, but a starry night. The stars shone and whirled. Wait. Not a starry night. A set of black wings.
He’s come for me.
I tried to scream, but my mouth was too dry to make a noise. Nails of fear scraped down my throat and into my chest. I fought grogginess and the restraints, the chains that attached the padded leather cuffs clanking against the metal bed frame. I bucked and squirmed and tried to roll off the bed, but got nowhere.
My wide eyes focused on the Dark One, watched as he freed one of my wrists. This was it. He was going to kill me. My breath froze in my lungs. The second my right hand was free, I struck him. The sound and feel of the hit resonated through the spaghetti of my muscles. He caught my wrist easily, although he needn’t have bothered; I didn’t have the strength to hit him again.
I screamed. This time it sounded clearer, but my brain was fringed and hazy from the drugs.
His hand clamped over my mouth.
No, no no! I struggled harder.
He was going to suffocate me. Make it look like I killed myself. What would Dad think? Or Laylah? I squeezed my eyes closed and fought against his hands, one over my mouth, one pinning my wrist to my chest.
My heart thundered in my ears. Nothing I did mattered. I was going to die, become part of some twisted Fallen angel’s super weapon. What would that mean for me after this life? Would I suffer? Burn in hell? Or would I just disappear?
And I realized something. If Az killed me, then I wouldn’t be committing suicide, so I wouldn’t go to hell. If he killed me outright, his plan was spoiled.
Not that that would stop him.
I tried one last time to scream and spit and bite at the hand.
“Rayna, would you shut up?” The dark angel hissed in my ear.
I stopped struggling. Blinked and tried to focus on his face. He slowly lifted his hand off my mouth, like he didn’t trust me not to scream again. Or try to bite him. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that happened.
“Kade?” I couldn’t believe it. Wait … “Is this a dream?”
“Is that anyway to talk to your boyfriend?” He turned up a half smile, then pushed my free hand down by my side and made quick work of the remaining wrist and ankle restraints.
Boyfriend?
Laylah. She always had a knack for finding new and interesting ways to humiliate me.
He pulled me to my feet. I nearly flopped onto my face, but he swept me up and steadied me against him. The world spun, tangled, waved like heat off the Arizona asphalt. Strong arms wound around my waist, pulling me closer. He brushed a sweaty tangle of hair from my eyes. “They really have you doped up.”
Blood roared in my ears, like tiny, evil lions. I tilted my head up to look at him, but he was so far away. And spinning. “Is it really you?”
He said something like, “You’re not dead yet, so what do you think?” But I couldn’t think. Couldn’t really hear. Couldn’t … anything.
He tried to tow me forward a few steps, then I was near the floor again. Stupid floor. He swooped in and stood me beside him, wrapping his arm around my back. We shuffled toward the door. Kade leaned me against the wall while he opened the door and glanced down the hall. “It’s clear.”
I took one step toward him and flopped to the floor. Muted pain throbbed in the right side of my face.
“Ow,” I said into the ground through the side of my mouth.
“Screw this.” Kade lifted me off the ground and carried me in his arms.
He moved quickly, bolting down the hall with me in his arms, like I weighed no more than a kitten.
“How did you find me?” I asked. “How did you get in?”
He shushed me, pressed his back to the wall, then peered down the next hallway.
I ignored his shushing and whispered, “You’re acting all spy movie. It’s funny.” I started humming the Mission Impossible theme song between hushed giggles.
Kade bit back a smile, making his lips do this adorable, squiggly-line thing. Then he shook his head. “This might go smoother with you quiet.”
I brought my hand up to cover my laughter and smacked myself in the face. Which wasn’t very funny at all. But Kade laughed that time.
We collected ourselves, and after what felt like a long time, he ran to the first open door, halfway down the next hall.
The smell of food wafted through the air. Burnt chicken. My stomach growled so loud I swore it would get us caught. Kade looked down at me, fighting another smile.
Footsteps clacked down the hall. He wrapped one of his wings around us. Those cool, black feathers contoured to my skin. I stiffened. Then I submitted to the silky soft feathers. I splayed my hand across his wing, waving it back and forth. “So soft.” I pressed my cheek against them, rubbing it up and down.
He watched me and shook his head. “You’re so gone.”
The footsteps in the hall quieted, eventually disappearing. His wings flicked and in an instant were tucked behind his back. “Can you walk?” When he whispered, his voice was missing that deep bass I’d come to not completely hate.
“I can try.”
He lowered me down. My feet felt foreign. My ankles wobbled. But I balanced myself against the wall. His hand snaked around my waist, and he yanked me close to him. Together, we peeked around the corner.
An older nurse waddled behind the nurses’ station carrying an overflowing plate of food. Another door closed. We were on the move again, sneaking our way down the hallway. The muscles in my legs twitched like grasshoppers cueing up a song, but Kade more than shouldered my weight.
We crawled past the nurses’ station, one at a time, to avoid being seen. When we made it far enough, he stood and helped me up. Everything blurred, then doubled. Tripled. I grabbed for the middle Kade. My muscles shook, refusing to cooperate. “Bad muscles. Bad.” I looked up at him and poked my bottom lip out. He covered my mouth with his hand. Another smile lit up his face.
Hmm. It was a good face.
Another fit of giggles tackled my self-control.
Louder voices echoed from the nurses’ station. I swallowed a bubble of air and slapped a hand over his mouth. The lights flicked on above us. We both tensed and looked at each other. My breath stopped.
“Hey!” A nurse shouted from down the hall.
; We ran. I didn’t look back, just kept pushing my rubbery legs forward. I almost lost my footing, but Kade’s grip kept me upright. We rounded a corner, and he pulled me into a stairwell. The door clicked closed behind us. Our fingers slid apart. I inched toward the side of the stairs that led down to the main level. No guards. I inched down two stairs before an alarm blared. The stairwell lit up with painfully bright florescent lights.
Kade grabbed my wrist and yanked me the other way. I stumbled again, up the stairs. My lungs burned. My head ached. I couldn’t keep up and tripped over my own feet. He pulled me close, locking his arm around my waist, and towed me the rest of the way.
Warm. So warm.
But there were so many stairs. So many floors. A set of double doors appeared when we rounded the final corner. At the top was a metal door.
I rested my hands above my knees and hunched over. I fought to find a breath that wouldn’t sear my insides.
“C’mon,” he said, pulling me by the wrist again. We broke through a door that should have been locked and burst onto the roof.
The freezing air grabbed and pulled the life out of me. Darkness claimed the world up here, except for the spotlights atop the high, barbed gates surrounding the hospital’s grounds.
“What do we do? We’re trapped!” I looked to him for an answer, but he seemed lost in thought. “Kade?” My voice wavered. We were so close. I couldn’t go back now.
I stretched as close to the edge as I dared. Vertigo twisted the drop. I curled my toes, dislodging some of the loose rocks beneath them. The trees below looked like cotton balls, the paths like rope. I wondered how many floors up we were. If I jumped, would I feel it?
I’d do anything not to go back in. Anything.
Kade stepped onto the ledge. He turned his back to the drop off and reached a hand out to me. The alarms continued to squeal through the otherwise quiet fall night. It was now or never.
I took one step toward him, my hand disappearing in his. He wasted no time, jerking me forward, wrapping me up in his arms. “Do you trust me?” he asked, the stubble on his chin catching in my hair.