by Cachet
For instance, the day I first felt my baby move. I was so excited there were tears in my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to share that experience with Terry because as the father he should know everything that goes on with our child. Well, he was nowhere to be found. I called his phone about a hundred times, and not once did he answer. I was so upset. Not only because he should have been there, but because I could have been calling to tell him anything. I didn’t give a damn if it was “flutters” or whatever the hell they call them, his ass should have been there. Something could have easily been wrong, but because he was “busy” he didn’t bother to answer not one of my calls. Needless to say what started out as a wonderful day for me, turned sour and I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.
Things like that are not fair to me. Yeah, he’s been doing better this week, but what about next week? I understand that Terry has two babies on the way, but that’s not my fault, it’s his. Why do I have to be the one who has to go through everything alone while that bitch has him by her side the entire step of the way? My first two doctors’ appointments my mom and sister went with me. Terry was supposed to meet us there, but ‘something’ came up at the last minute. Of course, I know that ‘something’ had to do with that ugly ass Shanair. It always does. If it’s not him having to babysit her son, it’s something else that just so happens to pop up when it concerns me. I swear it’s like the bitch is dead set on keeping Terry out of me and my child’s life. It ain’t our fault that she couldn’t keep her man satisfied, and he came running my way.
Fuck that, I’m not going for it. My baby deserves his or her father just as much as Shanair’s does and I’ll be damn if I allow Shanair to dictate when and where Terry can see me. What makes that bitch think her baby is more important than mine? If anything, my baby should be more important because my baby was conceived out of love. Terry can say what he wants, but I know that he loves me. If not, why would he be here? I cry, bitch, flip out and threaten to lock him up every chance I get, yet he still comes around and I know that it’s because he loves me just as much as I love him. Shanair may not know it, but Terry, our child and I are going to be a family. This I know. I also know that it is going to take some time. Time that I’m prepared to put in. All I have to do is stake claim to what is mine, and Terry is mine.
Those other baby mommas that he has are just that…baby mommas. Neither of them had what it took to make him settle down and marry them. Hell, Shanair doesn’t either because if she did they’d be married and I wouldn’t be around. I, on the other hand, do. I’m nothing like those ghetto hood rats, and I will not just be his baby momma. Oh no, Brittany is going to be his wife, you just watch and see.
Just thinking about him waking up and going back home to that bitch makes me sick to my stomach, and I realize that I have to do something. When an idea hits me, I look up to make sure that Terry is still asleep before I put my plan into action. When I see that he is I lift my head slowly and lean as far as I can without disturbing him. Once my arm reaches the nightstand, I grab his phone before looking back to make sure that his eyes are still closed. I know he’ll go the hell off on me if he sees me messing with his phone again, and I can’t have that…well, at least, until I’m finished doing what I’m about to do. Slowly I lie my head back onto his chest. Once I bring the phone to life, I tap on the message icon and tap Shanair’s name. When all of their back and forth messages appear, I cringe when I see that the last message was him telling her that he loves her. I roll my eyes. Fuck that bitch. Now I’m really ready go through with my mission. With my face twisted up, I hit the camera button so that I can take a photo. With the front facing camera activated, I snuggle up even closer to Terry, and as soon as I get the picture the way I want it, I snap. Quickly, I type out a message before hitting send. Once I’m finished, I delete the evidence, power Terry’s phone off and put it back exactly where I got it.
A sneaky smile spreads across my face because I know that shit is about to hit the fan, and I can’t wait.
Chapter 6
Shanair
With my feet kicked up on the ottoman, I channel surf through the television stations searching for something to watch. As I flick the button on the remote control, I dip my hand into the box of Lemon Heads and toss a few of them into my mouth. It’s something about those sour tasting hard candies that has me craving them morning, noon, and night. I continue to go from channel to channel for a few more minutes until I grasp the fact that there isn’t anything on worth watching. It’s a damn shame that I pay more than $200 a month for my bundle services, and there is never anything good on. Makes me wonder why I have cable in the first place.
Just when I’m about to turn the TV off, I see that Law & Order SUV is about to come on in the next five minutes. Once I read the description, I see that surprisingly it is one that I haven’t seen before. As quickly as my body will allow, I hop up off the couch and rush into the kitchen to grab me some snacks. Once I have me a full glass of Cran-Apple and my large bag of Flamin’ Hot Popcorn, I retreat back into the living room and prop my feet up once again.
An hour later, my show is off and once again I’m sitting here bored. I don’t even bother to look for anything else because I know better. My eyes catch a glimpse of the time on the cable box and realize that I haven’t heard from Terry since he left the house earlier to handle some business. I grab my cell phone and dial his number. It rings once before the automated voice comes on and lets me know that his voicemail is full, so I can’t leave a message. I hang up and prepare to send him a text to call me when he gets a chance, and see that he’s already sent me one. It’s a picture and the time says that it had come through a little over thirty minutes ago. I must have had the television up too loud and didn’t hear it ringing. Thinking it’s a cute little quote, or him being nasty, I click on the message and wait for the picture to load.
“What the fuck?!” I yell once I see what it is.
It’s a photo of Terry lying on his back in bed sleep. On top of him with her head on his bare chest is Brittany. From the angle of the picture, I can tell that she’s naked because the covers are barely covering her nude back. The message underneath reads: Bitch, I told you I wasn’t going anywhere. He still wants me and our baby. I can have him whenever I want as you can see. I’ll send him home when I’m finished with him. At the very end of the text are two kiss emojis. Instantly I start to see red. My heartbeat speeds up to dangerous pace, and my hands begin to shake so bad that I drop my phone on the floor. I bend over and snatch it up quickly before once again stare at the picture on my screen. As I scan the image, my eyes zoom in as I search for something…anything to tell me that what I’m seeing is not real.
This has to be some sort of joke right?
My mind is all over the place as I try to digest what the hell is happening right now. My man’s mistress, or better yet his baby’s mother has sent me a cute little message, and it came directly from his phone. The bitch even attached a photo. What other proof do I need? I think to myself. It’s obvious that they are still fucking around, even though he’s promised me that they aren’t. Tears burn my eyes as I continue to look at the picture. Not able to take it anymore, I exit the message. My next stop is my call log where I quickly tap Terry’s number to call his trifling ass up again.
Once again it rings once before the irritating automatic bitch’s voice alerts me again that I can’t leave a message. I cut her off by hanging up, only to turn around and call right back. The same thing happens. Frustrated, I toss my phone down on the couch and put my head into my hands. My shoulders shake as I finally release the tears that have been brewing for the last few minutes. A feeling of panic consumes me.
This bastard has been fucking with that bitch all this time, even when he told me that he wasn’t.
“I’m so damn dumb for actually believing he was going to change.” I scoff, shaking my head at my own foolishness.
I swear sometimes I wonder if I secretly enjoy all of the pain tha
t Terry brings because if not, why else would I continue to stick around? Over and over again he does the same shit to me, and what do I do about it? Nothing…absolutely nothing. I don’t get a chance to dwell on my problems too much longer because my phone begins to ring. Thinking it’s Terry, I snatch it up from the couch and my finger hits the send key at the speed of light.
“You must have just left that bitch’s house, huh?!” I shout.
“What?” I hear Naomi ask.
I sit quietly for a second before I respond. “Shit girl, I thought you were Terry,” I sigh, upset that it’s not him.
“Oh Lord,” she smacks her lips. “What the hell the fool done did now?”
I take a deep breath, sniffle a few times and break down and tell her about evidence that Brittany attached to the message she sent me.
“I’m so fucking hurt and upset right now!” I cry into the phone.
“You see I told you that muthafucka hadn’t changed. He’s still the same cheating ass dog that he’s always been.” Even though she pauses for a few moments, I can still hear her breathing hard. “When are you going to learn Nair?”
Here we go with this bullshit again?
“Oh my God!” I raise my voice in irritation.
“Excuse me?” Naomi asks raising her voice as well.
“I’m crying and telling you how hurt I am, and all you can do it bash Terry?”
“I’m not bashing anyone. I’m just telling you what you should do.”
“Well, I don’t want to hear that shit right now Naomi, so please just save it. Damn!”
“Are you fucking serious right now? I know you ain’t getting all shitty with me because that son-of-a-bitch fucked up.”
“As a matter of fact, I am. I swear,” I snort. “Sometimes you act like he’s cheating on you or something! This is my life you know.”
“Are you really going there with me right now Shanair? Are you really coming at me like I’m the one who’s done something wrong to you?” She asks.
I realize that she’s partially right. It’s just that I don’t plan on backing down. Naomi is always telling me what I should do, but it’s not her life, it’s mine.
“No, you haven’t done anything wrong to me, but I don’t think the first thing out your mouth should be leave,” I tell her honestly.
“Well, what else would you like me to say, Nair?” Naomi questions.
“How about, are you okay friend? Do you need to me come over, you know things like that.”
“Come over and what, eat ice cream and cry while you talk about leaving him? We’ve been there and done that so many times that I’ve lost count.”
She isn’t lying.
“I know, but I don’t want to hear—”
“You may not want to hear what the hell I have to say Shanair, but you damn sure need to hear it! Terry is a fucking dog, and until you get it through that thick ass skull of yours, you’re going to continue to keep getting fleas from his mangy ass!” Naomi snaps.
“That’s fine, but at the end of the day I’m the one who has to live with the flea bites, not you.”
“You’re right about that.” Naomi agrees. “Because ain’t no way in hell that I would deal with even half of the shit that you’ve taken from his trifling ass.” She stops for a split second before she adds, “Listen, you’re a grown woman, and I’m not going to handle you with kid gloves and tell you what you want to hear because if I did I wouldn’t be a real friend. Now I’m going to get off this phone because I’m liable to say some shit out my mouth that will really hurt your feelings. You call me when you get yo’ head out yo’ ass!” I immediately hear the two beeps that alert me that Naomi has disconnected the call.
With the phone still clutched in my hand, I release an aggravated scream. I don’t have time for this shit. I know that Naomi is upset, but hell I am too. Yeah, I know that she has my best interest at heart, but sometimes her approach is just too much. Like I said to her, sometimes I just want her to let me vent. Throw a couple, ‘It’s going to be okay’s’ in the mix and leave it at that. Nobody wants to always hear ‘Leave him’ all the time, and I am no different. I can’t deal with her attitude right now. She’ll get over it. My issue is bigger than a cat fight between me and my best friend over my relationship.
Since I refuse to call her back, I sit on the couch and dial Terry’s phone back to back until it’s time to pick up Kendrick from school.
Chapter 7
Shanair
After heading to the school and getting Kendrick, I stop and grab him something to eat from McDonald’s before we make our way over to Toya’s to pick up Terrance Jr. for the weekend. Although I’m in a slump and really don’t feel like being bothered right now, a promise is a promise, and I try my best not to let Kendrick down. As I wait at the stop light, I glance in the rearview mirror and watch as my son eats his food. His eyes are locked on the small television in the head rest of my seat, as he watches Toy Story. Innocence is all that I see on his face, and it makes me wish that I could go back to the days where my only worry was what I was going to wear to school the following day.
Ten minutes later I’m pulling into Toya’s driveway. Before I get a chance to put the gear in park Kendrick has climbed out of the truck and is racing toward the front door.
“Boy, if you don’t get yo’ behind back here and close my door!” I yell out the window.
“Okay”
While Kendrick makes his way back to the truck, I kill the engine and step out.
“Get your trash from the back seat as well and throw it away.” I continue my scolding. “You’ve dropped all those fries on the seat and floor! What were you going to do leave them there?”
“No,” Kendrick answers in a low tone as he gathers his things.
“I can’t tell!” I yell. “You know better than that!”
Once he’s finished putting all of the trash in the McDonald’s bag, Kendrick looks up at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry mommy.”
“It’s okay, just clean up after yourself next time,” I respond realizing that I’ve taken my anger for Terry out on my baby. I watch as Kendrick slowly walks back up toward the house with his head down feeling like shit. “Kendrick,” I call out to him.
“Yes, mommy,” He turns to look back at me.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. Mommy is just having a bad day.” I tell him honestly. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
He smiles, “That’s okay mommy we all have bad days.” Kendrick walks up to me, places his arms around my waist and gives me a tight hug. “I love you, mommy.”
“I love you too,” I tell him, before ringing the doorbell.
Inside the house, Kendrick goes upstairs to play video games with Terrance Jr. and Terrionna, while I retreat to the living room and wait for Toya to put the finishing touches on her dinner. Once inside the living room, I look around impressed with the decor. Even though it’s not the first time that I have been inside the house, it’s the first time that I’ve been in the living area. Usually, when I come I’m with Terry and he never really sticks around long. Instead, we stand in the foyer and wait for the kids to grab their bags before we leave.
When I take a seat on the grey leather sectional, my body sinks into the soft plush cushions. The couch is so comfy that I just know that the kids fall asleep on it all the time. I make a mental note to ask Toya where she got it from because I would love to have a dark brown one in my living room. The tan one that I bought not too long ago still has faint spots of Terry’s blood on it, and since he’s promised to replace it, I think I want one like this. After scooting to the back of the chair, I take in the rest of the room. There’s a large television mounted over the stone fireplace, and on each side is a small built in reading nook that is decorated with a few throw pillows. Opened gray drapes hang from the tall bay windows that sit to the far side of the room. The reflection of the sun bounces off of the glass chandelier that dangles from the ceiling right over the marble c
offee table, making a rainbow effect on the wall. The room was put together beautifully, and all of the smiling photos that have been placed strategically on the wall let me know that this is a happy home.
“Hey girl, how you been?” Toya asks when she walks into the living room with two water bottles in her hand.
“I’m doing okay, I guess.” I respond before I stand to greet her. We share a hug.
“Look at that cute little baby bump,” she laughs before handing me a bottle.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. How far along are you now?”
“Almost six months,” I tell her as we both sit down on the sofa.
“Really?” Toya asks surprised. I give her a nod. “You can’t even tell you’re that far. You must be having a girl because girls keep you small like that.” She smiles. “I remember when I was pregnant with Terrionna, no one could tell until I was eight months, and that’s when I just blew up.” She says showing with her hands how big she was.
We share a laugh, before I say, “I hope so. We go to find out next month. Last time we went this child was stubborn and wouldn’t open its legs. If it is a little diva, I can have my boy and girl. I’m done after that.”
“I know that’s right. That’s the same thing I said. Greg wants me to have a baby, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.”