by Cachet
“Sorry if you called earlier babe, my phone somehow turned off.” I tell her, but she says nothing in return.
Not allowing her little attitude about the phone deter me, I walk up to her and place my arms around her waist. Usually, this is the point when Shanair will allow her body to relax against mines. This time she’s as stiff as a board, as she turns the fish over inside the skillet. Still not tripping, I tilt my head preparing to give her a kiss on the cheek, but she quickly turns it the other way.
“What the hell is wrong with you? I said I’m sorry about my phone.” I say, tired of her giving me the cold shoulder. A few seconds past and again she doesn’t respond. “Anyways, I stopped at the gas station on my way home and grabbed you some Lemon Heads.” I tell her knowing that they are her favorite, and hoping that it will make her at least say something to me, but she doesn’t even acknowledge that I’ve said anything.
I figure that it must be her hormones or something because I know she can’t be this mad over a missed phone call. So instead of pushing the issue, I head back into the living room with the boys until she calls us to eat.
Shanair continued to ignore me the entire dinner, even though I tried my best to make small talk. When I thanked her for the meal she prepared, she said nothing. After praising her for throwing down on the baked Tilapia, garlic rice, and green beans, she still said nothing. I wasn’t going to give up though because I wanted to know what her issue was, because it had to be bigger than my phone being off. I tried my best to make eye contact just to see if I could read her, but she never once looked my way. If she wanted one of the dishes passed to her, she asked one of the boys, even if the dish was sitting within my reach. I didn’t know what the hell had gotten into her, but I stopped trying. I figured she’ll talk to me when her attitude is gone. After dinner was over, I excused myself from the table and headed upstairs.
Inside our bedroom, I step into the closet and remove the dry cleaning hanger that has my outfit on it, and lay it on the bed. Beside it I place the box that holds a pair of brand new Timberlands which complete the outfit. With everything laid out, I head into the bathroom and run me some water for my shower. Once I find the correct temperature, I step back out of the bathroom, and it’s then that I see Shanair has come up as well. She stares at me for a minute with an angry scowl on her face before tossing a piece of paper in my direction. I lift my hands to catch it, but miss as it floats to the floor. When it lands, I get a glimpse of what it is, and instantly a knot forms in my throat. It’s so thick I can barely swallow which is fine because now my mouth is dry as the desert sand. The paper is a printed out photo of Brittany and I. There’s writing on the bottom of it, but from the angle I’m standing I can’t make out what it is.
“Don’t look stupid now, yo’ ass is busted.” Shanair hisses.
“Where did you—where did you get this?” I ask, not sure of what else to say. I’m hoping that it will buy me time to think of a good lie because this shit is not looking good.
“Why the fuck does that even matter?” I watch her as she walks over to the door and closes it. I’m sure it’s because she doesn’t want the boys to hear her cursing my ass out. “Go ahead, tell me one of your bullshit ass lies Terry because I know it’s coming.” Shanair leans against the door with her arms crossed.
I glance down at the picture again, contemplating on whether I should tell the truth or not. The look on Shanair’s face is so evil, that if it could kill, my ass would be buried in the ground already under my tombstone. Even with the frown on her face, I can see the tears brewing in the corners of her eyes. She’s hurt, and I can tell that she’s fed up. I’ll be damned if I lose my baby behind this bullshit, so I make up my mind on what I’m going to say.
“It’s not what you think baby,” I prepare my lie. “I went over there to see her, but I swear I didn’t fuck her.”
“You must take me for some kind of fool,” Shanair growls. She takes a few steps toward me before bending to pick up the paper off the floor. With it now in my face, she points to Brittany’s back and says, “That bitch is naked under that cover.”
She’s right, and if I want to get out of this, I have to think quickly.
“She very well may be, but I didn’t do it.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “As you can see, I’m sleeping.”
“That you are.” Shanair agrees. “But it appears as though you’re naked as well.”
“Look, baby, I’m about to tell you the truth. She was calling and threating me saying that if I didn’t come over to see her, she was going to reinstate the domestic violence charges and get me sent back to jail.” I told her giving her the half-truth. “So I went over to her house to check on her and the baby. When I got there, she offered me something to eat. I accepted the plate. I don’t know what was in it, but the next thing I know I woke up without my shirt on in her bed.” I explained, lying like a muthafucka. I knew I was reaching, but I would do damn near anything to get her to believe me.
Shanair burst out laughing. It wasn’t one of those funny laughs either. It was more of a pity laugh. A laugh that meant, ‘This nigga must be outta his damn mind.’
“So you’re saying that you think this bitch drugged you?” She inquired with a smirk on her face. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me right now?
“Like I said, I honestly don’t know what she did. All I know is that I passed out soon after eating her food.”
“Uh huh, read that message,” Shanair orders, as she pushes the paper further toward my face.
I look away and stare at her for a second.
“I don’t care what it—”
“Read it, Terry!” She screams.
“Come on baby really, you think I would let her send some shit like that to you?” I ask once I’ve read the text.
“You were passed out, remember?” Shanair reminds me. Her face is now void of emotion. The tears that were in her eyes are now gone.
“You gotta believe me, baby. I did not fuck that girl.”
“That’s what you always say, Terry.”
Feeling as if I’m losing my case, I say, “You gotta beli—”
“I want you out of here,” Shanair cuts me off.
“What?” I ask confused. I know she didn’t say what I think she said.
“You heard me correctly.” I watch her as she walks back over to the door and opens it. “I want you out of here.”
“Come on Nair—”
“Save it!” She barks, cutting me off once again.
“What the fuck!” I yell out in frustration.
This causes Shanair to jump and fear flashes across her face as she backs slowly against the wall. It’s a look that I know all too well. She thinks that I’m going to put my hands on her which I’m not. I promised her when I came home that I would try a lot harder to work on my anger, and I’ve been doing that.
“I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I tell her sincerely, hating that she could be so afraid of me.
“Just leave Terry.”
“What do I have to do to make this right?” I ask hoping that she’ll just give me a chance.
“Nothing…you can’t do anything.” Shanair looks me dead in the eyes. I can tell she’s fed up. “I can’t do this shit no more.”
“Baby—”
“I can’t play these games with you Terry. I’ve tried and tried to stick by you, but you just keep fucking up.” She lifts her hand and brings it down across her face, and I know that it’s her way of trying to remain calm. “Nothing I do is good enough to please you. You always have to stray, and I know now that that will never change. I’m a good woman, and I deserve a good man.”
“I know you do baby. I know I fuck up sometimes, but I love you and I want this to work.” I tell her honestly. I need for her to understand my love for her. “I can be the man your talking about, just give me another chance.”
“I’m done with the chances. How much do you think a bitch can take?”
“Ju
st one more chance.” I beg.
“Leave Terry.” She whispers before walking past me and into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
I stand in the same spot for a minute trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Even with the shower water running in the bathroom I can still hear Shanair’s muffled cries. I feel like shit right now, and as much as I want to barge in there and tell her not only how sorry I am, but also how much I love her, I know that right now is not the time. Basically, I’m stuck in a no-win situation, so I decide to follow her orders and leave. Making my way over to the closet, I reach in, grab one of my bags out, and start to fill it with some of my things. I only take enough stuff to last me a few days because I have plans on being home before the weekend is out. Back over at the bed, I place the shoe box inside before zipping it up and tossing it over my shoulder. Lastly, I pick up the hanger that has my outfit on it and head to the door. I toss one last look towards the bathroom and shake my head.
When I make it downstairs I see that the boys are sitting on the couch stuffing their faces with the chips and candy that I’d gotten for them earlier. Laying the outfit on the couch, I walk over to them and give them both a hug, before letting them know that I would call them in the morning. Apparently both boys sense that something is wrong, and immediately begin to ask me where I was going, and what happened between Shanair and I. Not wanting to tell them about any of the drama we had going on, I lie and tell them that I have to go out of town for a party. I let them know that I will be gone for the next couple of days, but I’ll call them as much as I can. When I finish speaking to the both of them, I kiss them on their foreheads and leave the house.
Outside I put my things into the truck before climbing inside. With the engine running, I just stare at the house. I can’t believe that once again I have been kicked out. It’s my own fault though for fucking with Brittany’s ass in the first place. I should have known better. I let out a frustrated sigh and lean my head back against the headrest. What the hell am I going to do? I figure I’ll check into a hotel for a few days with the hopes that Shanair will talk to me. Yeah right! I think to myself. Truthfully, I can’t even see that happening anytime soon. Even though I’ve only packed a few things, I honestly don’t even know when I’ll be able to come back home, and on some real shit that scares me.
Things aren’t like they were before. Shanair was so calm when she told me to leave. That was nothing like how I’m used to her being. Usually, she cries, yells and acts a fool when she finds out that I’ve cheated. I guess those days are long gone. My plan is to give her a few days to cool down before I reach out to her. Hopefully, I’ll be able to convince her that Brittany was just fucking with her because she wants me to herself. That way I can come back home, and we can be a family once again. I don’t know what I’ll do if she shuts me out like she did before. I can’t handle the thought of Shanair moving on. I know I’ve said that I’ve been in control of my anger, but I guarantee you I’ll lose it if she doesn’t take me back. We have way too much history for her to pull some leaving shit. Plus, she’s carrying my seed now, so that makes it even more official. I’m not allowing anybody to fuck up my household.
I still can’t believe Brittany’s sneaky ass. She’s always claiming that she knows her place, so why even do some dumb shit like that? Her retarded ass waited until I was good and sleep to fuck with my phone which she knows is off limits. Sending Shanair that picture was way out of line, and if her father wasn’t who he was I would go over to her house and give her ass a good slap in the mouth for being so fucking stupid, but of course, I know better.
Snatching my phone out of my pocket, I quickly scroll to her number and press send.
“Hey baby,” Brittany sings into the phone. “I miss you already.”
“Why the fuck did you send that fucked up ass picture?!” I yell not giving a damn about what she’s talking about.
“What?” She asks.
“Don’t play dumb, Brit. I know you heard what the fuck I just said.”
“Are you seriously calling me about that bullshit right now?”
“Hell yeah! That was some stupid ass shit that you pulled. Got my girl all pissed and shit.”
“You know what, fuck yo’ girl! That bitch ain’t no better than me, and I’m tired of you acting like she is!” I pull the phone away and stare at it for a moment while Brittany yells as if I was the one who had done something to her. “Why the hell do you treat that bitch like she’s royalty, Terry?” She asks, but continues before she allows me to answer. “Shanair is nothing, but a ghetto ass hood rat, just like Toya and Katrina!”
“What?” I ask confused by what my other two baby mothers have to do with this. Furthermore, my next question would be how in the hell does she even know their names or anything else about them?
Brittany laughs mischievously.
”Yeah, I know about all those raggedy bitches, and I know that you are still dealing with them.”
“Girl, what the hell are you talking abou—”
“I’m not stupid Terry,” she snaps at me cutting me off. “So quit playing me like I am before things get serious around here,” Brittany warns in a low tone. A chill runs up my spine because she really sounds like a deranged maniac right now. “So what I think you should do is come back over here because like I said before, I miss you.” Just like that her voice changes back to the calm one that answered the phone. “I was thinking you can grab some dinner and a Redbox movie. Then later on you can make love to me like you did earlier.” She purrs. “How does that sound, baby?”
I pull the phone away from my ear once again and stare at it in shock because I know that she can’t possibly be serious right now. Whether she is or not, I’ve heard more than enough of Brittany’s bullshit for tonight. This bitch has clearly lost her fucking mind. How in the hell do you go from flipping out yelling and threatening me like a mad woman to talking sweetly about making love? Without even responding to her loony ass, I hang up the phone. Is this hoe crazy for real? I ask myself because her actions clearly show that either she’s a good ass actress, or she has a quite a few screws loose. Right now I don’t have time for her shit.
With the way she’s acting, I may just do exactly what he father suggested, and stay the hell away from her. Although I would be missing out on my childs life, I can’t have Brittany or her dad bringing all of kinds of craziness into my life right now. I got enough going on, and if she keeps pushing my buttons, I’m liable to fuck around and kill her ass.
Chapter 9
Shanair
I continue to sit in the bathroom with the shower water running until I believe that Terry is gone. I’m sure my water bill is going to be sky high, but right now that is the least of my worries. After about a half hour, I stand up from the closed toilet lid, plant my hands on the sink and look at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy, and my nose is running. How could he do this to me again? Turning on the sink, I place my hands under the faucet and allow the cold water to run through my fingers before cupping them together. Once I’ve gathered enough of it in my hands, I lower my head and splash it on my face. The cool liquid feels good, which causes me to do it a few more times. After drying it with a towel, I remove my clothes and finally step into the shower that Terry prepared for himself.
Now clean and feeling a little better, I take a seat on the bed and stare at the open closet. A few of Terry’s things are missing, but not much. I guess he figures that he’ll be right back home like always. Unfortunately for him, that will not be the case. I’m done. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m really tired this time. Tears well up in my eyes once again, but I refuse to let them fall because I’m also tired of crying. Crying has been something I’ve done for the last few years over a relationship that I knew I should have left long ago. They say that only you know when it’s time for you to walk away. It doesn’t matter how many times your friends tell you to leave, or how many times you vow that “this is the last ti
me,” you’ll only really leave when you’re ready. I guess that’s why it’s taken me so long to let go.
I can admit that after the last time when I allowed Terry to come home, I actually thought that things would be different. I thought that he had learned his lesson and was a changed man. Of course, I had my doubts in the back of my mind, but I’d be lying if I said that these last few weeks he didn’t have me fooled. It seemed like everything was so good until earlier today. He never even gave me a reason to believe that he was still fucking with that bitch. I guess it’s safe to say that he never stopped. Instead he just got better at hiding his infidelities. So good that I had no clue what was going on right up under my nose. I wonder just how long he would have kept me in the dark about him and her if she had not told on his ass. Knowing Terry, it would have gone on forever…or at least until he slipped up and left something incriminated in his phone.
The sound of my house phone ringing catches my attention.
“Hello,” I say once I connect the call.
“Hey, are you busy?” Naomi asks. It’s the first I’ve spoken to her since our argument earlier today.
“Yeah, can I call you back in a few hours?”
“Sure, just call me when you can.” She tells me.
“Okay.”
After hanging up the phone, I place it on the base and head downstairs. When I make it to the bottom, I see that the boys are sitting on the floor engrossed in yet another video game. Chip and candy wrappers are scattered around them, and the television seems to be turned up to the max. Since they’ve been playing all day, I decided that it’s time for them to take a break from the boob tube.
“That’s enough. It’s time to turn off the game for the night boys!” I holler over the sounds of them shooting lasers at zombies.
“Aww man ma, can we play for a little longer?” Kendrick asks, but when he sees the stern look on my face, he quickly shuts down the system and the TV.
While they clean up their mess, I walk over to the closet and pull out a few of the board games. It’s been a while since we’ve had a family night, and today is as good a time as any. I need a pick me up anyway, and a game of Sorry always does it for me. Just thinking about the fact that Terry is not here to play with us makes me a little sad because he’s always home for game night. I immediately suck it up because I know that him not being in attendance for this is his fault and not mine. In fact, I mentally prepare myself because he’s going to miss a lot more things in the future. Today will be the first of many days that he’s not around, so there is no need to cry over spilled milk.