by Cachet
After that day, it took them a few more years to reconnect. It was not long after my mother left Joseph when they ran into each other once again at the bank. This time my mother accepted the phone number, and they started to date. When Joseph found out they had somehow linked back up, he was fuming. He accused my mother of cheating on him all along, saying that Brian was the reason why she wanted to divorce him. Even though my mother denied it, he called her a liar and told her that he never wanted to see her again.
Just thinking about the fact that I’d wasted so many years trying to get Joseph to notice me makes me so angry. I’m angry at him for promising to love me when he never really did. I’m angry at my mother for being so damn weak. She knew the things that I went through trying to make him notice me. Especially when my Paris came along. All those nights I cried to her wondering why he didn’t love me the way that he loved her. At any time, she could have told me the truth, yet she didn’t. I’ve battled with low self-esteem and self-hate all my fucking life because of him. I despised my dark skin because I thought it was the reason why he didn’t take to me the way the way he did his ‘lighter-skinned’ daughter. My mother witnessed all of this, and not once did she stop and think that maybe I should know that he wasn’t actually my dad. Instead of trying to be loyal and keep her promise to him, she should have been more concerned and focused on making me her top priority. Especially when she realized that Joseph’s claim to, ‘love me like his own’ wasn’t holding up.
He did a damn good job loving my sister though. My sister…humph; yeah right! She isn’t even my real sister! Why in the hell would they make me believe that she was? She is the child that was produced after Joseph left my mother. That is the part that really kills me. Joseph made my mother promise to cut contact with Brian, and never tell him about me, but it was okay for him to bring his fucking love child into our family? That shit doesn’t seem fair to me. He can have his mistake flaunted in my mother face daily, but she couldn’t dare have hers be exposed, because that would have showed the world that Joseph was a chump who stepped up to take care of another man’s baby. I guess if my mother hadn’t been so damn busy trying to satisfy Joseph’s need to show how big his balls were, this wouldn’t even be an issue right now. When I sit back and think about it, all this shit happened because of him in the first place. Had he not allowed his dick to lead him, my mother would have never ran to Brian, and she would have never gotten pregnant with me.
I’m a little angry at Brian too. Although he loved my mother and followed her rules, why was it so easy for him to walk away even after he found out about me? This is an answer that I will never get because he’s gone. I guess I also kind of feel bad for him at the same time. Once the dust had settled, and my mother allowed him to come around, he stepped up big time. That many loved and adored me so much, but in the beginning all I gave him was my ass to kiss. At the time, I was too busy trying to get Joseph to love me that I couldn’t see that I had more than enough coming from Brian. For four years, I lived with my real father and never even knew it. Even then someone…hell anyone could have revealed the truth, but once again no one did. That’s a question not even my mother was able to give me. All she did was cry and constantly tell me just how sorry she was. I’m sorry, I love my mother, but right now her apology doesn’t mean shit.
Four years. Four years isn’t long, but at least it was some time for us to bond. My real father is dead, and I can’t sit down with him and express how much I love him. I wish I could say how sorry I was for the way I behaved in the beginning. All the times I ignored him. Every time I yelled, and told him that I already have a daddy, I didn’t need another one.
Frustrated I bang my hands against the steering wheel once again.
“What the fuck?!” I scream. “Why does my life have to constantly be a disappointment? Why can’t anything go right?” I continue to yell.
Forty-five minutes later, after picking Kendrick up from school, and buying him something to eat, I pull into my driveway. My heart is still heavy, but I haven’t cried since I left my makeshift parking spot not far from the nursing home. Kendrick has asked me numerous times if I’m okay because I’ve been so quiet, but how would I explain my issues to a six-year-old whose biggest worry is if he could stay up late on a school night. So instead of breaking down in front of my child, I just gave him a weak smile and told him that the baby had me feeling under the weather. My fib seemed to work because Kendrick told me to go to bed right away because he was going to make me some soup and rub my feet. It was then that a real smile spread across my face because even in my darkest hours, my baby knows how to make me feel better.
“Are you glad that school is over?” I ask as push the button on the garage door opener.
When the door doesn’t lift, I push it again, but nothing happens. After pushing it a few more times, I figure that the battery may be dead and just park in front of the garage.
“I am, but I’m also going to miss school.”
“I know you will baby, but summer will be over before you know it,” I tell him as we both climb out of the truck.
“Are you going to go check the mail?”
Without answering, Kendrick takes off running toward the mailbox. With a stack of mail in his arms, he walks back up the driveway, and over to me. With the mail now in my hand, we walk to the front door and stick my key into the lock. Once the door is open, I make my way into the kitchen. My hand slides up and down the wall searching for the light switch. When I find it, I flick it up, but nothing happens.
“What the hell?”
“What’s wrong mommy?”
“Hold on baby,” I say over my shoulder.
Thinking it’s maybe a blown light bulb, I walk over to the cabinet to grab an extra one when I realize that the stove light isn’t on either. After flicking the light on and off in the half bath off the kitchen, I see that that light doesn’t work either. Placing my purse and the mail on the counter, I go back out the door, and over to the fuse box, where I check to see if there may be a fuse blown. I’m even more confused when I look at it because I don’t even know what to check for. Things like this have been Terry’s job for years, and now that he’s gone, it’s making me wish that I would have learned something myself.
“Damn it!” I snap in frustration.
Aggravated, I slam the door to the fuse box before heading back inside, and toward the living room. As I continue about the house, I flick ever light switch along the way, just to see if any of them work. Once I make it to the living room, I re-open the front door and peek my head out. There are no down power lines or broken trees in sight. My eyes continue to scan the block trying to see if anything stands out to explain the power outage. With it being daylight, I can’t tell if the whole street is out, or just mine. When my next door neighbor steps out of his house, I get his attention.
“Mr. Griffin!”
“Good afternoon Shanair.”
“Good afternoon.” I return. “How long have the lights been out?”
He gives me a perplexed look before responding, “My lights aren’t out dear.”
“Really? Mine are.” I tell him flicking the switch on the wall beside me. Nothing happens. “They were out when I got home.”
“That’s strange. You should probably contact the electric company dear, and see what’s going on.”
“I will. Thanks, Mr. Griffin.”
“You’re more than welcome dear.” He replies with a smile. “I hope they are able to get your power restored. It’ll be dark in a few hours.”
“Me too,” I mutter watching him as he climbs into his car.
Mr. Griffin has lived in the house next door since before my mom and I moved in. He and his wife Cheryl were the first ones to welcome us to the neighborhood when my mom and Brian got married. Cheryl was one of the sweetest women that I had ever met in my life. Before she died of a stroke a few years ago, she used to bring Kendrick and I fresh fruits and vegetables from her garden in their backyard. Sh
e would even bring us plates of food sometimes which when I didn’t feel like cooking was greatly appreciated. Her strawberries were always extra sweet, and her famous peach cobbler was to die for. Since her passing Mr. Griffin usually keeps to himself.
After closing the door, I instruct Kendrick to go and get his iPad so that he could watch a few shows on Netflix while I made a phone call. I’m glad I paid the extra hundred dollars to get the one with the cellular data because at times like this, it really comes in handy. With Kendrick busy, I locate my cell phone inside my purse and dial up the electric company. While the phone rings, I pick up a piece of the junk mail and fan myself. We’ve only been in the house for less than five minutes, and I’m sweating already. With the air conditioning not running, my house is hot and muggy, and I can’t stand it.
The automated system picks up and asks me the proper questions to obtain my identity. Once I finish entering my personal information, the soft voice of a female operator comes on the line.
“My name is Shanair Bishop, and I’m calling because for some reason my electricity is off.”
“Okay Ms. Bishop, let me pull up your account.” After asking pretty much the same questions as the automated system did minutes prior, she finally had everything in front of her. “It seems as if you called and terminated your services earlier today.”
“What? No, I did no such thing.” I explain confused as hell.
“I’m sorry ma’am. It says here that the account holder, Shanair Bishop, contacted customer service and requested that her electricity be disconnected today, because…let me see,” she pauses for a second. “It says that you informed the rep that you were moving out today, and no longer needed service at this address.”
“That’s impossible. I haven’t called you guys today, nor am I moving out of my house.”
My nerves are bad, and I’m about to ready to curse her ass out right now. Ain’t no way in hell I called and had my fucking lights cut off. I swear if Terry is on some bullshit right now, I think to myself.
“I’m sorry ma’am, the person who called had all of the required information. Are you sure it wasn’t you?”
“I know it’s wasn’t me!” I snap. “Now I’m not sure how they had my information because no one has my social security number, and that’s one of the questions you guys ask.”
Back and forth I pace my dining room as I try to figure out what the hell is going on.
“I’m sorry—”
“Please stop saying you’re sorry and tell me what I have to do to get my lights restored.” This bitch and her “sorry’s” aren’t helping me any.
“You can give me the password on your account.” She retorts sounding as if she now as an attitude.
“Password?!” I shriek. “I don’t have a password on my account!”
“It says here that you do ma’am.” The bitch says a little too smug for me.
“You know what—let me speak to your supervisor because you gone make me lose my cool with yo’ smart ass!”
“Hold please.” She tells me, and before I can reply the bitch puts me on hold.
While the elevator music plays, I fume as my mind tries to figure out what the hell is going on. I can’t think of anyone other than Terry that knows my personal information, and even with that said, I can’t picture him doing no gay shit like this. I know he was mad when I declined his lunch date earlier, but he would never leave Kendrick and I in the dark. Especially knowing I’m pregnant. Terry can be an asshole at times, but he wouldn’t do no shit like this.
“Hello, this is Dustin Blair, and I was told that you wanted to speak with me.” The cheery voice said.
“Yes, my name is Shanair Bishop and the rep that I was just speaking to was rude and wasn’t helping me at all.” I tell him stretching the truth a bit.
“I apologize for that. I will look into your call. What can I help you with Ms. Bishop?” I go on to tell him what I was told, and he puts me on hold for a minute before coming back to the line. “After looking at your account Ms. Bishop, the only way that we can restore your services are for you to come down with a photo ID.”
“This is crazy. I need a photo ID to cut my shit back on, but whoever got it cut off didn’t need shit.”
“Actually Ms. Bishop the caller had all of the required informat—”
“Whatever.” I cut him off. “What time do you guys close today?”
“Unfortunately we close at four on Fridays,” Dustin tells me.
My eyes travel to the clock on the wall.
“It’s already three-thirty, I will never get there in time.” This shit is getting more nerve-racking by the second.
“We open at eight a.m. on Monday, and don’t close until—”
Frustrated I hang up on Dustin’s dumb ass because I could care less about what the fuck he’s saying at this moment. What I need to do is pack me and my son some shit, so we can check into a hotel until I can get those bastards to cut back on my lights.
Chapter 13
Terry
I just got off the phone with Shanair, and I can’t believe she would even think that I would do some corny shit like that to her. Getting somebody’s lights and shit cut off is a bitch move, and something that I would never do. One, I ain’t that type of nigga, and two, she got Kendrick and she’s pregnant as hell. After speaking to her for about an hour, neither of us was able to think of anyone who would do that dumb shit. Chalking it up as a mistake on the company’s behalf, Shanair made plans to get to the bottom of it Monday morning when she went there with her ID. Before we hung up, she told me that she and Kendrick were about to check into a hotel for a few days. I invited them stay in my room with me, but of course she declined my invitation.
Things with Shanair have been strained since she put me out a few weeks ago. I’ve been trying damn near everything to get her take me back, but shit ain’t working like it used to. She won’t even talk about it. The ultrasound appointment was the first time that I’d seen her in weeks. As we sat in the waiting area, I couldn’t help but to stare at her. She looked so beautiful. Her skin was glowing, and the extra few pounds that she’d gained during the pregnancy looked real good on her. Seeing that small bump in her midsection made me grasp the fact that in just a few short months we would be having a baby. It also made me realize that I needed to get my shit together and get back home once and for all because with Shanair was where I wanted to be.
I admit I fucked up when I started back sleeping with Brittany. Everything was all good between Shanair and I. We were in somewhat of a happy place. There was no arguing like there was before. Other than throwing my parties, and hitting the gym, I had my ass at home. I was there so much that Shanair even began to start trusting me more. Then I went and fucked it up all up. I should have known that Brittany wasn’t as cool with my situation as she claimed to be; especially when every time we spoke on the phone, she always had something smart to say about Shanair. Going back to fuck with her was a mistake on my part; a mistake that I need to fix as soon as possible.
Other than that everything else in my life is going pretty good. My business has been doing pretty well, and I’ve been making a decent amount of money from the parties I’ve been throwing. My kids are good. Just the day before yesterday I went over to Toya’s house to see my older two and ended up staying over for dinner. That was a first for me, because any other time when I go over there, I don’t walk too far into the house. Even though Toya is my baby mother, and my kids live there, I try to respect the man of the house and not be all through their shit. I was about to do just that when my baby girl asked me to stay. I try my best not to let them down, so when Toya said it was okay, I stayed for a little while.
Things are even looking up for Katrina and I which is a shocker. The last week I picked her and Shad up and accompanied them both to his doctor’s appointment. Since he was such a big boy while getting his shots, we all went to Dairy Queen to get some ice cream. While there Katrina apologized for not only trying to
break me up with Shanair but for threating to keep my son away from me as well. I accepted her apology and gave her one of my own. I let her know that I was sorry for playing with her feelings, and she only did what she did because of my actions. We ended the day on a good note, and when I dropped them off, she simply told me, ‘Thank you,’ and went into the house.
I swear I can get used to this.
*****
Four days later…
It’s a bright and shiny Tuesday afternoon. I just left the gym, and now I’m dressed and headed to the mall to meet up with Shanair and Kendrick for a day of shopping. It took some convincing, but after promising to buy our baby girl a gang of shit, Shanair finally agreed to meet me. I also think it was because she was tired of being cooped up in that hotel room. After going to the electric company and showing her identification, she was told that the earliest appointment they could give her to reconnect her services was for this upcoming Friday. Shanair was pissed that she had to spend the rest of the week at the hotel, and after flipping out on the chick behind the counter, she was escorted out with the threat of calling the police if she didn’t leave the premises. I damn near died when she told me that because she must have been talking mad shit for them to do all that.
When I arrive at the mall, I cringe when I see that the parking lot is packed. To make matters worse, the bus just pulled up and let a gang of people, including a bunch of loud ass teenagers, off of it. I shake my head in frustration because I don’t know what else I expected. This mall is always packed. Here I was thinking I was going to spend a nice day with my baby. Maybe we would talk, and I could promise her that everything will be different from now on. Turns out she probably won’t even hear my ass, because these fucking unruly ass kids will be too loud. Feeling defeated, I pull my car into one of the few available parking spaces all the way in the back. After putting it in park, I climb out and call Shanair’s phone to see where they are at.