Cuts like a knife

by Dana Monahan

  At the sound of an engine, James turned to see an older man sitting behind the wheel of the bus. He saw James and nodded in greeting before driving off. James started to turn away but a flash of red in the parking lot caught his eye. Cupping his hand above his eyes, he blocked out the sun to get a closer look. The sight took his breath away and he had to remind himself to breathe.

  There she was, looking beautiful in a blue summer dress, with her long brown hair blowing in the slight breeze. Kelly slid off the hood of his red truck and smiled shyly. James blinked twice, praying it wasn’t his imagination, but there she was in the flesh.

  “Well what are you waiting for?” Joe nudged him, breaking James out of his trance. Then he began to run and the sound of Kelly calling out his name was like a dream come true.

  When he reached her, he pulled her up against him and smothered his face in her hair, losing himself in its softness. She smelled so sweet, and he wasn’t ashamed when the tears burned his eyes. “I love you. Please tell me this isn’t a dream.”

  Pulling back just enough to look in her face, he cradled her head in his hands. Her face was wet like his own, and more beautiful than he remembered. He lightly kissed her nose, her temple, and her trembling lips, and then trailed soft kisses down her neck. Then, as if he couldn’t get enough, he took her mouth in a hungrier kiss until they had to pull apart to breathe.

  “I love you. I’ve missed you. I never thought I’d see you again,” she cried out and wrapped her arms around him in a fierce hug.

  “I thought I’d lost you. I’m sorry for what I put you through. I just couldn’t stand to have you see me like that.”

  She threw her head back and laughed. “I’d wait forever for you. I have so much to tell you.” She kissed him, savoring the feel of his mouth on hers, and then pulled away. “It’s time to go home.”

  The pain of the last five years was rapidly fading as he drove along with Kelly by his side. They had driven a good fifteen miles before he turned to her with mild surprise. “Is that chicken I smell?”

  “Yes,” She giggled and pointed to the basket on the floor by her feet, “and mashed potatoes with gravy, biscuits, and an apple cobbler to die for. I was hoping we could stop off at the little spot where we used to picnic.”

  A few minutes later, James was driving down a small trail. In five years, the place hadn’t changed a bit. The trees still swayed in the breeze. The creek still flowed at a leisurely pace. It was as if time had stood still while he was away. He carried the basket down by the shore and placed it on the blanket she had set out for them to sit on.

  “Wait till you taste this chicken.” She wriggled her brows and started to reach into the basket, but he grabbed her wrist.

  “I’d rather taste you first.” Tugging lightly on her hand, he pulled her into his lap. With the pad of his thumb, he parted her lips. First, he took her bottom lip in his mouth and sucked on it lightly. Then he slowly trailed his tongue over her upper lip. He played with her mouth, teasing her, tasting her, then brought his mouth to her neck. Kelly moaned and grabbed at his hands in anticipation, wanting him to touch her, but he held her back to continue to explore her with his tongue. Slowly, he unbuttoned the top of her dress and she cried out in frustration.

  “Just rip it off me, James. It’s been so long. I can’t wait another second.” Without waiting for him to comply, she started to pull off his shirt. “I want you on me, in me.”

  That’s all he needed to hear. Yanking the dress over her head, he lost himself in the madness of her frenzied touch. His hands explored her body in a heated rush, missing nothing, until she arched upwards and pulled him inside her. Her screams were stifled as he pressed his mouth over hers and they rocked together until the intensity of their union left them limp and satiated.

  “Now that we have that out of the way, I’m ready to eat.” Kelly pulled on her dress and moved over to the basket. “We’re going to need plenty of substance if we plan on making up for lost time at that pace.” She watched James pull up his jeans, casually leaving them unbuttoned. “Your body looks incredible.”

  “Yeah?” He wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. “I’d flex my muscles for you, but I’m exhausted. You wore me out.” When she blushed, he laughed. “I loved it. I love you.”

  They ate lunch, went skinny dipping, and made love again before heading home. As they pulled into the driveway, James felt his state of euphoria fizzle at the sight of his father’s truck. “What the hell is he doing here?”

  “Trust me, James. There’s more to think about than yourself, now. He’s sorry for what he said to you, but you can work that out anyway that you want. As for why he’s here”

  Matt came bursting out the front door before Kelly had a chance to finish what she was saying. When she stepped out of his truck, Matt threw himself at her for a hug. “Mom, Mom, you’re home. What did you get me?”

  “A big kiss.” Kelly gave him a kiss on the cheek and a bear hug before setting him down.

  After the initial shock wore off, James slowly got out of the car. Matt was laughing and pointing at his mother, when he noticed James watching him. Matt’s eyes widened and James recognized his own features; the same eyes, smile, and coloring. James wanted to say something, hold him, touch him, but he was so dumbstruck he couldn’t think, so he just grinned like a fool.

  Luckily, Matt took the initiative and walked forward. He stopped just before him and looked straight up at James. “Wow, you’re big. Are you a super hero? I have a cool cape and mask in my room.” He took a breath and continued to ramble as James squatted down to his level. “Mom said you’re my dad. She said you’re going to stay here with us and play with me. We can go out and do guy things like fishing and stuff. I have a pole you can use. You can bunk in my room if you want.” In a whisper, Matt said, “Mom flops around in her sleep and doesn’t have any toys in her room. Did you bring any toys with you?”

  “No, but I plan on buying some.” James couldn’t help it. He pulled Matt into a hug. Matt just patted him absently on the back and reached for his hand. “Come on.”

  James smiled at Kelly and followed his son. He couldn’t believe that it was possible to be so happy, but then he came face to face with his father.

  Unaware of the tension, Matt introduced his dad to his grandpa. Amazingly enough, the old hate didn’t surface. James looked at Kelly and his son, and he only felt joy.

  James took a step forward and reached out to shake his father’s hand. “Look, I know we need to talk. Maybe we can have a beer sometime. Right now I have a family I haven’t seen in a long time.”

  Doug took the hint. He knew James was letting him off the hook. Doug was ashamed for the way he’d acted, but he knew tonight wasn’t the night for confessions. “Call me soon, son,” he said gruffly. “Your job is waiting for you whenever you’re ready to come back.” He hugged Matt and left.

  In amazement, James surveyed his house. The furniture was still the same, but with a few knickknacks here and there and a lot of pictures on the walls. Kelly had added warmth and love to the atmosphere. Most of the pictures were of Matt growing up with a few candid shots, blown up, of him playing with Brody or Trent. He looked over each one, still amazed that this handsome and vibrant boy was his son.

  Kelly came over to stand beside him where he was holding a picture of Matt on a pony. “That’s Buddy.”

  “He’s my horse. Uncle Brody got him for me.” Matt ran off to his room and came out seconds later riding a little motorcycle. He stopped it just short of James and beamed up proudly from underneath a black helmet. “Uncle Trent got me this. Follow me and I’ll show you the rest of my stuff. You can play with anything you want.” Matt revved up and took off back down the hallway.

  “He’s just a little spoiled.” Kelly smiled and shrugged.

  “Thank you.” Bending down, James kissed her. At her confused look, he stretched out his arms to encompass everything. He started to choke up with emotion and cleared his throat. “Thanks for my
son, for being you, for making me the happiest man alive.”

  That night, James made love with Kelly in his own bed. Afterward, when Kelly had fallen asleep, he tiptoed into Matt’s room and carried his sleeping child into their bed. For the first time in six years, he slept peacefully.

  Chapter 21

  “Dad, Dad.” Matt came rushing out the door like a little whirlwind and hurtled himself at James, almost toppling over the patio chair. His blond hair had recently been slicked back and a bright smile animated his cherub features. “I’m going to the store with Mom. She said she’ll buy me a treat. When I get back, can we go fishing again? I’m going catch a real big one this time.” Matt stretched his arms out wide and giggled when James reached down and tickled his ribs.

  “Sounds like a plan to me, Sport.” When Kelly stepped out with keys dangling in her hands, James lifted Matt and tossed him over his shoulder. Matt squealed and pummeled his back with his little fists. “What do you think, Babe? Should I just throw him in the back of the truck?”

  “Put me down. Mom, help me.” Matt pleaded, and then burst out laughing. “Stop tickling me. I’m going pee my pants.” James carried him over to the truck, turned to Kelly who had followed them, and gave her a kiss.

  “Mommy and Daddy sitting by a tree...” Before Matt could finish his song, James spun around with his hands out like claws and growled playfully. Laughing, Matt hopped in the car and locked the door.

  “There’s a letter for you on top of the fridge. It came last week. I forgot about it until now,” Kelly said and fell in step with James towards the driver’s side. “I’m going to pick up a roast for dinner. You need anything?”

  “Nope, I’ve got everything I could ever want as long as you two come back.” When she smiled, James pulled open her door for her. “Be careful. It looks like a storm coming in. You look really pretty today. I see you’ve been in my drawer again. Just remember that’s my sweatshirt and I can take it back anytime.” Kelly blushed at his sly smile as he leaned in the open window to kiss her temple.

  “It’s comfortable.” She told him pulling up at the large sleeves dwarfing her arms. The bottom of it hung down to her knees just showing a fragment of her jeans before they tapered down into cowboy boots.

  “I’ll admit it looks better on you. The rust color brings out all the freckles on your nose.” Giving a short tug on her thick ponytail, he kissed her again lightly on the mouth.

  “Oh, man. Must you be so mushy?” Matt interrupted, pulling his cap down to cover his eyes. “It’s so gross.”

  After starting the engine, Kelly waved and drove off. James watched them go, and then glanced at the sky. Black clouds were rolling in and he hoped Matt wouldn’t be too disappointed if their plans to go fishing were rained out.

  James had spent his first week of freedom solely with Matt and Kelly. Everything had come together so easily as if they had never been apart. One minute he was alone and desolate behind bars and the next, he was a father and husband with a bright future ahead of him. Just like that. He had never dreamed he could be so happy. Finding out he had his old job back made everything perfect. Kelly put in notice at her work and he would be starting his job after the weekend.

  Still smiling at his luck, James strolled into the house to grab a beer. As an afterthought, he remembered what Kelly had said about a letter and found it on top of the fridge. The return address of Leroy’s bar had him frowning. Why would Ben write him a letter? He still found it hard to swallow that Ben was the one who had destroyed his life. They had been friends. How could he have been so wrong about him? For a second he toyed with the idea of throwing it away, but curiosity got the better of him. With a weary sigh, James sat at the kitchen table to open the letter. The handwriting was sloppy, but he could make out the words. It read:

  James,

  I’m dying. Knowing this, I can take care of the few people I ever cared about. You were my only true friend. I didn’t kill Sierra. I found these pictures and thought of something. Maybe it wasn’t someone after you. I must go. Good luck, my friend. Ben.

  James read the letter a few times trying to understand the cryptic message before looking at the enclosed pictures. First, one showed a few people sitting on the couch snorting crank. He recognized Sierra, the redhead from the bar, and the guy she was sitting with. The next picture was of Sierra posing naked on the bed. Obviously, she wasn’t camera shy, but James still couldn’t figure out why Ben had sent him the pictures, or how seeing Sierra in the buff could mean anything to him. The last picture, a graphic shot of someone joining Sierra on the bed was somewhat lewd, but hardly surprising considering the parties involved had obviously overindulged in booze and drugs. So again, he pondered, why would Ben send him the pictures?

  James set the pictures down to take a long swallow of beer. If Ben didn’t do it, then the murderer was still free. The only way to find out what Ben meant, he decided, was to give him a visit and ask him. He was putting the pictures back in the envelope when he glanced out the kitchen window to see Joe’s patrol car pulling to a stop out front. Grabbing his beer, he left the envelope on the table and strolled out front to greet him.

  “Hey, Joe, what brings you out this way?” James asked, leaning over the railing with his beer bottle dangling from the crook of his finger. Instead of the usual police uniform, Joe was dressed casually in jeans and an old flannel. James realized in all the years they had known each other, he had never seen him out of uniform. “Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”

  Joe smiled easily at the remark and climbed up the steps. “That is another downside of the job. No one’s ever glad to see me. I saw the wife and kid in town. I see that boy of yours and it’s like stepping back in time.”

  “Yeah, he’s the best. Damn cute, too, if I do say so myself,” James bragged, loving the feeling of being a proud papa. “I’m a lucky man.”

  “That you are. Women like Kelly are rare indeed.” Joe nodded at James’ beer. “You got another one of those.”

  “Sure.” James grabbed them both a bottle and came back out on the porch. Joe opened his and took a thin cigar out of his pocket and lit it. Taking a deep drag, he turned with his back to the railing and regarded James. “So is this a social call or do you have something on your mind?” James asked warily.

  “I would say a little of both. I heard some news today I thought might interest you.” He paused to take a drink and then continued. “Ben died in prison last night. He shanked Vinnie, the guy that was living with his mother back when he went to juvie. Then he jumped two stories down and killed himself. I understand why he went after Vinnie. He’d just violated his parole by knocking around Ben’s sister. What I don’t understand is why Ben would off himself.”

  “Maybe he wasn’t happy with his new lifestyle. Prison isn’t a happy place, Joe, trust me.”

  “True enough. So why’d he turn himself in? It’s kind of a coincidence, don’t you think. For six years he gets away with murder, then,” Joe snapped his fingers, “a week after Vinnie gets put back in for beating his little sister, he confesses.”

  James turned and considered Joe with narrow eyes. “What’s your point? None of this has anything to do with me. For all I know he was suffering from a guilty conscience. If you’re trying to accuse me of something, say it straight.”

  “I’m sorry. Don’t get riled up.” Stepping over to James, he patted him on the back. “It just doesn’t make sense and I’ve got a curious mind. I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was suspicious of you. I was just hoping you might be able to shed some light for me.”

  When that conversation didn’t pan out, Joe changed the subject to fishing and the tension dropped. They visited for about ten minutes and ran out of small talk. Finishing the last of his beer, Joe reached out to shake James’ hand. “I’d better head home. I’m glad to see you so happy. I mean that.”

  After Joe left, James stayed on the porch and tried to think things through. Ben had an idea who might be the real murderer. Be
n couldn’t tell him anything now, the pictures didn’t give him any clues, but maybe the people in them could.

  Without a particular plan in mind, James went into the house to get Kelly’s keys. He would begin by going to the pizza place where the redheaded girl from the picture used to work. What was her name? Well, he would find her somehow. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to say to her, or how she could help him, but it was a start. Maybe Ben confided in her before he turned himself in.

  There wasn’t much of a crowd for pizza, so James found a parking space easily. Still without a plan, James gathered up his nerve and headed inside. A teenage girl with braces gave him a metallic smile and asked how she could help him. He told her he was looking for the name of someone that used to work there six years ago. She said she would get the manager.

  James was standing by the salad bar, noticing how the place hadn’t changed since he’d been away, when she came up behind him.

  “I’m the manager; may I help you with something?” When he turned around, she smiled with recognition. “James. How are you? I heard you were a free man. Darla,” she nodded to the young girl behind the counter, “said you were looking for someone?”

  There she was, standing right in front of him. The red hair was cut short and she didn’t wear as much make-up as she used to, but it was her. Either it was an omen or a sign of luck, it was hard to tell. As soon as he turned around and saw her he had remembered her name. “Hi, Karen, actually, you were the one I was looking for. Do you have a minute?” She nodded and he followed her to an empty booth. There was a moment of awkward silence as James tried to figure out how to broach the subject.

  “Last time I was here, you were a waitress. Congratulations on your promotion.”

  “It happened two years ago, but thanks. So what’s up?”