by Raina Wilde
“I’m glad you are safe.” Her voice was a mere breath of a whisper and yet somehow the words were harder to speak than even the loudest exclamation.
She could hear his heart pounding against her ear. Or, was that her own? Either way, when his fingertips cupped her chin and raised her face toward his, she did not resist.
“I’m glad that you are.” He replied. The final word was spoken against her lips as his mouth dipped to meet her own.
For years, Deirdre had tried to convince herself that the passion she remembered was an exaggeration, a figment of her romanticized memory but, she realized now that even her memories downplayed the reality. She sank into his kiss, turning her body more fully toward him and pressing their torsos together. Her hands curled into the shirt at his back as if she needed to hold on to something solid lest she be swept away in a storm of passion.
One of them groaned, though Deirdre could not have said which.
The result was instantaneous. Teirnan’s hands on her shoulders held her firm as he stepped resolutely away from her. With short, ragged breaths he held her at arm’s length. Finally, as if unable to decide whether to push her away or pull her back toward him, he dropped his hands to his side, turned, and took purposeful strides into the darkness.
Deirdre sank to her knees and gathered her skirts around her. All of a sudden the fire did not seem quite as warm as a moment before. She pulled her knees to chin, hugged her body with her arms, and stared into the flames as if there were answers to be revealed.
As short while later, Teirnan returned. The great, brown bear lumbered in to the clearing and, with a heavy sigh, curled himself around her shivering form. Deirdre understood the gesture for what it was. Teirnan was offering warmth for the night, through the safety of his non-human form. He did not want to talk, nor risk a repeat of their passionate kiss. It was simple, a barrier between them that very clearly prevented her from viewing him as a man.
Deirdre leaned into the billowing fur of his stomach. His head curled at her feet, had eyes firmly closed. He was not sleeping, she could tell from his breath, but he had retreated from her in the most effective way possible. Not for the first time, Deirdre wondered what reason Teirnan had of his own to be so set against her.
In the following weeks, Deirdre kept busy in the small farming community outside of the estate. She found plenty of tasks to keep her busy and, more importantly, far away from the main house.
Despite her active schedule, Deirdre could not turn her mind away from the night in the forest. Her mind was dizzy with questions that refused to be answered. All day long, thoughts of Teirnan’s response plagued her. What reason had he to pull away from their lustful joining as if he needed to protect himself from her? Deidre had never been disloyal to their love. If Teirnan had been surprised that she had discovered his infidelities, it was not reason enough that he should hold a grudge against her.
Deidre searched her memories for a moment when she might have provoked his anger. In recent years there were many. Both of them had taken any subtle opportunity to jab at their opponent. But, as she looked back on the day of her departure, she remembered that her lover was already fiercely upset with her. Deirdre had not cared in a moment when she wanted nothing more than to be rid of him, but now she wondered what purpose he had. Still, she could not bring herself to approach her husband for an answer.
She found herself taking long walks on the property, enjoying the isolation as she attempted to organize her thoughts. Each day, as she ambled through the fields, she found herself trekking nearer and nearer to the cave that housed their secrets that fateful summer.
On the day that she finally gathered the nerve to approach the mouth of the cave, the summer sun hung high in a clear sky. Deirdre stared at the small opening. It seemed like such a perfect haven, a lover’s paradise, untainted despite the fact that it was the embodiment of her worst nightmares.
With shoulders squared and chin held steady, she ducked into the cavern to see what lay inside. What she found was almost laughable. The empty rock formation had once seemed romantic with its pale lighting and moss covered ground. Now, she realized that it was nothing more than a damp hole with stale air and, despite opening up to an impressive internal height, the distinct feeling of overcrowding.
She chuckled as she realized that what a youth in love perceives is a far cry from reality.
“I guessed that this is where you were heading.” The deep voice behind her echoed against the stone walls. Deirdre took a deep, steadying breath before turning to face her husband.
“You followed me.” It was not a question.
“I saw you leave the village and the women said that you do the same every day.” His tone was clearly wondering if she visited the cave daily.
“This the first that I’ve been here.” She admitted.
Teirnan’s gaze swept the cave and a half smile spread across his face. “It has been a long time for me as well.”
“I should be going.” Deirdre made a move toward the entrance but stopped short, not wanting to pass too near the man standing at its center. Already she felt her breath coming with difficulty, his nearness making her shiver and the desire to escape resulting in a heart that pounding painfully in her chest.
His eyes swept once more around their hideout, clearly remembering all of the events that took place in its darkened shadows. He turned toward her, stepping forward to eliminate the remaining distance.
“Do we truly have to keep fighting this?” His whisper was paired with the barest touch as his fingers swept a darkened curl away from her face.
“I…” she searched for a response but found none. The truth was that Deirdre was having a difficult time remembering why she fought so hard to stay away from Tiernan. He was, after all, her husband.
She caught her lip between her teeth, unsure of what to say or do. For a woman who was sure of many things, she now felt at a terrible crossroads.
The action caught his eye. With a small groan his hands rose to her shoulders and pulled her against him. Teirnan’s lips crushed her own with a passion borne from years of frustration. There was no hesitation in Deirdre’s response as her arms wound around his neck and she pressed herself fully into his body.
It was as if all the years of anger dissipated and they had been transported back to the summer of their passion. Somehow, in this place so filled with memory, all of their reasoning and restraint seemed useless. She gasped against his mouth when his hands cupped her bottom and she felt his responding body against her hip. His hands were everywhere on her body, both remembering and discovering anew. His shoulders seemed broader than she remembered, his arms stronger, and his bearing now carrying the confidence of age.
Deirdre felt a flutter of hesitation in her stomach. If she did not put a stop to their passions now, there would be only one conclusion. When his lips moved to tug gently at her earlobe, Deirdre made an instant, and perhaps selfish decision. She pushed aside all hesitation and gave herself entirely to the moment, the sensation, and the man before her.
Deirdre cursed the layers of dress that lay between them. She felt suffocated by the corset and skirts that restricted her movement.
With a flick of her wrist she unpinned his kilt and, with a final tug it, fell to the floor. Teirnan broke away for long enough to look at Deirdre, the question in his eyes needing the certainty of an answer. She nodded, and he required nothing more.
As he pulled her gown over her head Deirdre realized that for the first time in years it felt as if all was right in the world. When his hands reached the laces of her corset, Teirnan cursed with a deep chuckle.
“I’m not as familiar with these as I once was.” His hands on her waist spun her to face the nearby wall and Deirdre braced her hands against the stone as he focused on the intricate lacing.
“You used to be able to untie laces with your eyes closed.” She teased as the corset fell to her feet.
“Yes, well, we spent a lot more time practicing b
ack then, didn’t we?” Again, he spun her, this time to face him once more.
The lighthearted teasing only increased their need to rediscover each other.
“What if we’re caught?” Deirdre whispered, the question more a habit than necessity.
“Who is it that can tell a man that he cannot lay with his wife?” He responded in a matter-of-fact tone.
Deirdre placed a trail of kisses along his collarbone as Teirnan’s hands worked on her hair. He efficiently found the two pins that released the long braid that had been coiled at her nape. Leaving the braid intact, his hands now made their way to cup her breasts, which were covered only in the thin fabric of her pale white shift.
Deirdre moaned and allowed her head to drop back as the kneading of his fingers eased the aching sensation of her tender breasts. Her mouth was reclaimed in one fell swoop by her lover, whose smile she could feel against her lips. When her hand dropped between them and laid claim to his erection, Teirnan laughed and pulled her fingers away.
“Not yet.” His deep chuckle and quick kiss on her nose were a direct result of the pouty look that Deirdre had just shot his way.
He leaned down and spread his kilt over the moss like a great mattress in the small space. Grabbing her hand, he guided her down to the soft surface where she knelt beside him.
Deirdre pulled his longshirt over his head and quickly deposited the final layer of her own clothing on top of it. For a long moment their eyes roamed over each other’s bodies. The years had changed them both, filled out their frames and refined their muscles, yet everything had remained familiar. Teirnan’s finger traced the discolored pattern on her ribcage, the shape looking like a mere trick of the dim cave lighting.
She remembered laughing at him years ago when Teirnan claimed that the mark was the exact color of his fur after a transformation, as if brown were an uncommon color. He had maintained that she had been born with his brand, making them destined for each other. Perhaps, Deirdre admitted to herself, his assumption had been right.
His hand, at her waist, applied slight pressure as he encouraged her to lie back on the makeshift bed. The moss was soft and cool beneath the fabric, a sensation that had forever been branded in Deirdre’s memory.
Teirnan leaned above her, pressing feather light kisses along her face and torso, but he did not join her. His meandering mouth trailed further and further away until she felt his hot breath ruffle the mound of curls between her legs.
“Teirnan, no.” she began, but the words drifted off into a gasp as his mouth closed over her. Heat against heat and yet, somehow, the sensation left her chilled. His hands curled into her thighs and he shifted their bodies until he was perched between her knees.
The words would not come to Deirdre’s mind. As Teirnan’s mouth worked over her and his hand kneaded the quivering muscles of her legs, Deirdre was unable to speak. For too long had she denied the call of her body to his. For too long suppressed every need and desire with hate and anger. Now, as the years of tension flowed from her body Deirdre could do little but cry out the name of the man that she loved. For, that was the truth, she had always, would always, love Teirnan Laramie. There had been no other, could be no other, which would affect her in such a powerful way.
When Teirnan finally surfaced, Deirdre realized that it had been the result of her gasping his name, veritably begging him to join her. With a disarming half-grin Teirnan leveled his body over hers.
“Are you sure that you don’t wish me to continue?” He teased, clearly enjoying the effect that he was having on her.
“No,” She gasped as he shifted his hips to press himself against the entrance to her center. “And yes.” Her breath was ragged; unable to control her desires she wanted everything that he had to give. Deciding that he was getting too much enjoyment out of teasing her, Deirdre decided to turn the tables.
She shifted her hips rhythmically against him, allowing his velvety-softness to press against her, but denying entry at the final moment. His arm slipped beneath her hips as he tried to hold her steady, groaning and releasing his hold when she refused to be restrained.
“You’re a devil, woman.” His forehead dropped against her shoulder as he suffered through her exquisite torture. “What gives you your power over me?” The words were spoken so softly that Deirdre almost did not hear them. She pushed them from hear mind in the heat of the moment, but for one instant she pondered the frustration and agony of his words. As if Teirnan had likewise struggled to stay away.
Her hesitation was enough to cease her movements against him. Teirnan took the opportunity to reassert himself above her, bringing his mouth back to hers and increasing the pressure between their bodies. He eased inside of her with what can only be described as a slow urgency.
Deirdre arched against him and cried out as their bodies fully joined. It was as if, in that moment, both their bodies and their souls were complete.
There was no need for words or guiding nudges. Their bodies remembered each other and moved accordingly. As if guided by some unspeakable force, they responded with the confidence that only true lovers can share. There could be no second thoughts, no fear or shy responses, only pure and unbridled passion. Only the culmination of everything that their marriage was meant to be, all those years ago.
Afterward, Deirdre lay in the cocoon of Teirnan’s embrace. Her body yearned to give in to the temptation of blissful sleep, yet her mind stubbornly refused to cease the cyclical replay of the most recent events.
The images were torn between the ecstasy of their long-awaited joining, the release of the building tensions between them, and a paralyzing panic over the fact that she have given herself so completely to their lovemaking, despite the traumas of the past. Despite the fact that Teirnan was the one person that she had sworn herself to loathe for all eternity.
Teirnan’s fingertips traced an unending pattern up and down the length of her spine. He was quiet, very quiet, and she wondered what exactly it was that he was thinking about.
Finally, he spoke.
“It could have been like this…” His voice, introspective and also filled with incredible pain, struck her. “All of these years. It should have never ended.”
He released a deep sigh.
“What a waste.”
Deirdre held still, blinking in her confusion as she stared into his powerful chest.
“I couldn’t go on like that.” She whispered. Did he honestly think she would be satisfied as one of his many women? Had not her father even said that there were many a lass who wished to be his match? Her heart pounded in her chest. Was she, even now, just one of many?
“We wouldn’t have gone on in secret.” He said, misunderstanding her statement. “We could have been married years ago. Happily, instead of how it has been.”
Deirdre leaned back and looked at him with a serious expression. “I wouldn’t have been happy, Teirnan. Even now, I don’t think I could stand it.”
Teirnan’s eyebrows drew together and Deirdre swore she could feel the pain radiating from his eyes.
“Why?” he demanded. In one swift motion, Teirnan thrust himself away from her and rose to begin dressing with an urgency that shocked her. “What do other men have that I don’t?”
He turned toward her and pierced her with an angry look. Deirdre moved from the kilt spread on the ground and began dressing herself. Teirnan ripped it from the cave floor and began the intricate process of wrapping it around his waist.
Deidre could not think of a response, so she remained silent. Her mind raced at his meaning. What other men? There had been none other than Teirnan. Just because he was satisfied with a constant stream of partners did not mean that she was. Teirnan lacked nothing to make a woman happy, except the ability to be faithful to only one.
“We could have been great.” He grumbled. “Even had children by now.” He finally finished dressing and moved to stand in front of Deirdre, who was determinedly lacing her corset as best she could. “How can you respon
d to me that way and then say that you wouldn’t have been happy?” He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly, forcing her to look at him.
Deirdre jerked her shoulder from his hands and cast him a scathing look. “What lass would be happy as a bead on her lover’s string of women?” She spat. She hurriedly gathered the remaining pieces of garments in her arms, deciding that she would rather dress in the quiet of the forest than spend another moment in the cave with Teirnan.
As she moved to brush past him, Teirnan grasped her arm, forcing her to halt.
“What are you talking about?” his voice was low and dangerous sounding but it only made Deirdre more angry.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” She tried to pull away but he held firm.
“Find out what?” he demanded.
“Honestly, Teirnan,” she rolled her eyes. “For a lad as intelligent as you, one would think you’d find a different meeting place for each of your lovers.” She watched his eyes widen with shock and a sickening satisfaction drifted over her as, for the first time, she revealed that she had not been as naïve and love-struck as he had assumed. “At the very least, I’d have thought you wouldn’t have made the mistake of telling two of us to meet you on the same afternoon.”
Teirnan’s hand dropped away at her condescending tone.
“What are you talking about?” he whispered.
“Oh, quit lying about it.” Deirdre felt her blood boil. When was he going to realize that the game was up? “It would be one thing if I had only heard a simple rumor, but the proof is undeniable. I met Elaine McLeary right here in this cave as she waited for you, half naked and laughing that I was so daft as to think I was your only.”
Teirnan stared at her in awe-struck silence and she felt the certainty of her claims.
“Did you honestly think,” she took a step closer and narrowed her eyes as she drove her angry words deeper and deeper into his heart. “that I could have, that I would ever, be happy with such a scoundrel for a husband?”