by L. K. Kuhl
“It’s stunning, Tate.”
He reached for my hand. “Let’s go sit in the car. We can hear each other better.”
We talked, caught up in long conversation, sitting there until the full moon bounced in the sky like a rubber ball, casting a bluish-hue over the rushing water.
We talked about everything…except our futures. Avoiding it like red ants on an anthill, we skirted around it because we knew how it would end, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. I still had a year of school left, and Tate would go off to college, leaving me behind. He would find someone else. My chest ached at the thought of it, so we steered clear of it.
Chapter 12
Two weeks later, my mom called. “Hi, Sophia dear, how are things going for you?”
“Things are great…each day bringing more fun than the day before.” My words came out awkwardly. I sat on Tate’s bed, finding it hard to concentrate with him kissing and nuzzling my neck. Ever since we got back from our two nights at the cabin, I spent some of my nights at Tate’s beach house.
“You didn’t give me the right address.”
My cheeks wrinkled, eyes squinted. “What…what are you talking about?” Tate still wouldn’t leave me alone, distracting me. I ran my fingers through his hair when he laid his head on my lap.
“The pictures…is this a bad time, Sophia?”
“No, Mom…it’s okay…go ahead. What about the pictures…oh, that’s right.” It hit me. “I haven’t received them yet. Did you get them sent?” I straightened, buttoning my blouse with one hand.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you. You must have given me the wrong address because I got them back today, and they were stamped, ‘no such address.’ Do you think you could have gotten a number turned around or something?”
“Let me check with Mandy again, and I’ll call you back later.” I hurried her off the phone, eager to get back to Tate.
* * *
Later that day, I asked Mandy if her address was seven-twenty-one Mermaid Mile.
She gave me a curious look. “Yeah, that’s it. You never did get your pictures?”
“No, my mom said they got returned as no such address.”
“Really? They probably got the address screwed up again.” She exhaled a long breath, a look of frustration creasing her face. “They do that all the time. It’s so annoying.”
“I’ll tell her to try to resend them.” We slammed the door and headed for the beach.
* * *
The weeks flew by, and the four of us spent almost every waking hour together. We swam, jet-skied, went to shows, made sandcastles, and even parasailed. Mandy took gobs of pictures, most of them had the four of us in them. Others were of just me, Tate, and Symphony, and some, just her and Matt.
Mom tried sending the pictures of baby Meyer three different times, but I never did get them. Each one got sent back saying, ‘no such address.’ Things were odd, and I started calculating all of the strange things that went on with Mandy and her house. They were adding up. I still hadn’t found the CD that had Tate’s name on it, either.
One afternoon, the four of us sat in the sand making sandcastles. Mine sagged and fell apart, looking pathetic next to the ones the three of them built. Tate sculpted his into a little village, complete with stores, houses, a king’s castle, bridges, and a moat with soldiers riding horses over the top. I had never seen anything quite so intricate and detailed before in my life.
The sun licked at the horizon, casting shadows in the sand and bringing a kiss of coolness to the sweltering afternoon. It struck me as funny when, out of all four of us, I was the only one who threw a shadow, almost as if I were the only one there. I shivered at the thought, then let it go, averting my eyes back to Tate’s masterpiece.
“How do you do that, Tate?” I kept my voice low, not getting too close for fear of collapsing it. “It looks like your hands barely touch the sand as you sculpt.”
“I’m just that good.” He teased, flirting with his dark eyebrows, then stood up and dusted off his hands and knees.
“You don’t have an ego, do you, Tate Forester—none at all.” I pushed on his shoulder, prompting him to chase me. Then I took off running, ducking and dodging. His arms and hands swiped, trying to catch me, racing in the sand. He swooped me up off of my feet and carried me to the water, throwing me in, going down with me. I bolted up, coughing and sputtering.
“That’ll teach you.” He became serious, patting my back. “You okay? I didn’t mean…” His eyes, wide with worry, searched over me.
I gagged and hacked, beating hard on my chest. “Don’t know. Let me see if I can breathe first then I’ll tell ya.” I giggled and pushed him back down in the water.
We waded back out of the water and joined Mandy and Matt as they relaxed in their beach chairs. Mandy let out a shrill laugh and pointed in the direction of the Ice Cream Shack. “Would you look at that, Sophia? The big-nosed nerd, Brian, is over there hitting on those two girls in the white bikinis. He finally got the hint and moved on.”
“Thank heavens. At least now, maybe, he’ll leave me alone.” I glanced over at Brian and the girls. It was the same girls that Tate had been talking to the day Symphony got lost. This gave me a little satisfaction, and I snickered under my breath.
“For being a geek, he doesn’t have bad taste.” Matt raised his eyebrows a couple of times, and looked over at the girls flaunting their tiny bathing suits. Mandy nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. “Well…I said it strictly as a compliment to Sophia.”
Mandy scoffed and kicked his chair. “Yeah, right, we both saw you and Tate drooling and trying to put your eyes back into your heads the instant you saw them. Admit it, Matt.”
I glanced at Tate, my expression soft. “I’m just glad he’s leaving me alone. Maybe one of those girls will go out with him.”
Mandy cackled. “That’ll be the day. I’m surprised they haven’t thrown him in that pile of brush over there.” She pointed to a hill intertwined with thick briar, overgrown grasses, and weeds.
I glanced to the hill, ignoring the two black-cloaked men sneaking deep into the trees, and turned my attention back to Mandy, hoping to keep my voice steady—keep fear out of it. “Before I forget, Mandy, can I get some of those pictures that you’ve been taking of all of us and send them to my mom? She keeps nagging me to send pictures, and I know you’ve been taking quite a few.”
“Sure, what I’ll do is take them and get some copies made, then I can send them for you. I’ll do it in the morning. Did you ever get the pictures that your mom sent of Meyer?”
“No, they got sent back to her, so I don’t know what the deal is. She gave up trying.”
Mandy shook her head and glanced at Matt, a cautious look shifting in her eyes. “It happens a lot with things people try to mail me. I should go complain. For some reason, they can’t find my house.”
* * *
Later that evening, I stood in Tate’s bedroom, watching the fish dart around in the aquarium and dropping some dried crickets into the hermit crab cage. I jumped, startled to see Tate standing right beside me. “Let’s take a ride.” He rubbed my shoulders and back, kneading his fingers in deep.
I released a sigh and closed my eyes, relaxing. “If you’re going to keep that up, I’m not going anywhere.”
“There’ll be more of this later.” His sexy voice murmured low, and he nibbled on my neck. “I want to show you what my friends and I do for fun in the country.” He came around in front of me and pulled me into him. We embraced for a while, then he took my hand and led me downstairs and out to his car.
He opened the door for me, and I got in. A blue blanket lay crumpled on the cramped back seat. The moon, casting a luminous glow, sent us speeding off for the country, winding along roads and thick forests.
We drove for about thirty-five minutes, then turned off onto a sandy, minimum maintenance road. The middle of the road had rarely been touched by car tires, overgrown with big weeds and small sand dunes
—basically just a trail. He slowed down to a crawl when we approached a sharp curve, then pulled into a barren driveway where the weeds shot taller than the car.
“Where are we?” I wrinkled my nose, glancing out the window—unsure whether we should even be stopping here. The place could have been mistaken for a scene right out of a horror movie, and I worried my mind would start concocting those horrible images again.
He pointed to a clearing in the trees. “This is Timber Cove, AKA Party Cove—the classic, unending party place of my high school days. The driveway winds clear back into the trees where countless bonfires burned and plenty of liquid courage was drank, causing us to be stupid, vulgar individuals who pretty much regretted everything the next morning from things done the night before.” A smile played on his lips and his eyes drifted as he reminisced about the past.
“Are there people partying back there now?” I peered through the windshield, extending my neck to see through the big weeds and around the bend in the trees.
Tate’s face turned solemn. “No, the parties ended a few months ago.” His voice lost its power, and a look of evasiveness clouded his eyes.
“Why, what happened?”
We both got out, the doors closing with a thud.
“See that tree right there?” He pointed to a huge tree, bent over and broken off. I nodded. “A bad accident took place, claiming the lives of some of our friends. They’d been drinking too much that night. Didn’t slow down for the curve. They smashed right into this tree.
“The Jaws of Life had to pull them out, but they were killed instantly. We were all so close…some of my best friends. That took the fun right out of Party Cove. Nobody comes back here anymore. It left a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth.” He looked down at his trembling hands—a stricken look embedded into his face.
I shook my head slowly, sliding my hand over his shoulder, squeezing. “That’s so sad, Tate. I’ve never lost anyone close to me before. It would be a hard thing to handle.”
He sighed and sat down on a bare tree trunk. “I needed this, though.” His voice cracked as he rested his chin in his hands. “I’ve been wanting to come back here to get closure…wrap my head around it, but I always kept avoiding it. I didn’t know if I was ready to face the truth of what happened, but then I thought that maybe having you here with me would be the perfect time. It’s too hard to face alone.”
“I’m here for you.”
We stayed silent for a while before he got up and grabbed the blanket from the back of the car. I followed him to the broken tree, and we found a clearing on the other side of it. “Let’s go lie down and look at the stars. I need to talk.”
He sat cross-legged on the blanket, gazing up at me with his steely blue eyes. “Come and be with me, Sophia.” He patted the spot beside him.
I joined him on the blanket, falling back and snuggling up close to gaze at the stars. The night was perfect. No wind, no clouds, not even any mosquitoes. A chill tinged the air, and I shivered, snuggling in even closer.
We lay there for a long time, neither one of us speaking, just enjoying the night sky, watching an occasional falling star. The crickets and whippoorwills interrupted with relaxing backdrop noise. Tate stayed quiet; coming back to this place had uncovered a host of bitter feelings for him—unraveled him. This made me uneasy. I played with my bracelet, sliding it back and forth over my wrist, wishing I could say something to make him feel better.
Eventually, I broke the silence, my face wincing before the words even escaped. “What’s going to happen, Tate…with us?” This was probably the worst possible time I could have brought up our relationship, but I needed to know. Needed to know if our future contained an us. “Today is already July twentieth. I leave in a little less than a month…where does that take us?”
He looked away, saying nothing, his expression searching like he didn’t know how to approach it. Immediately after bringing it up, I regretted my decision. I gathered my eyebrows in and grimaced. Stupid, stupid. Why do I always bring up things he doesn’t want to talk about? My timing couldn’t be any worse.
Finally, he sat up on his elbow and turned toward me, his eyes unreadable. “You’ll go home and finish your last year of high school.”
He glanced away uneasily, swallowing hard like a sore throat plagued him, pulling on a blanket thread. “After that…we’ll see.”
“We’ll see?” My voice squeaked an octave higher, the hurt spilling forth. No…no. “That’s it…just…we’ll see?” His answer whiplashed back and slashed me, slicing a hole as big as the earth. Tears burned my eyes. “Tate, I love—”
He cut me off, slapping his hand over my mouth, an intense, frantic look flashing in his eyes, making them even bluer.
“Don’t say it.” His expression folded, changing from hurt to anger, and he bolted upright, pulling away from me. “I don’t want to hear it.”
Dazed, I bolted up, my pulse quickening. I’d never seen him angry before. It scared me. “Tate, what’s wrong with you? I thought we both felt the same way about each other.” But then, seeing the faraway look in his eyes, it clicked—scalding me. I could see what he couldn’t force himself to say. “Wait…are you breaking up with me?” The tears choked and gagged me, and I clutched at my throat.
“No…no, Sophia, it’s nothing like that.” He shrugged and shook his head, his eyes still drifting away from me. “I just…don’t…don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?” I hated that I couldn’t keep the frost out of my tone, but it was impossible.
“You’re putting a lot of pressure on me, and I don’t know how to answer your questions. I don’t have the answers for you—not the answers you want to hear, anyway. You’re going to go your way, and I have to go mine…. I don’t know if it’ll work for us.”
I got up and yanked both sides of my hair, my body tense…voice unrecognizable. “Good grief, Tate, you are breaking up with me. If you loved me you would know the answer…it wouldn’t be that hard to figure out. If you cared for me, then me going back to Montana would be a minor problem to fix.” I ran for the car. “Take me home. Just take me to Mandy’s.” Sweat mixed with hot tears and ran down my face. Unable to think anymore, my mind ran rampant, stomach tumbled. My world collapsed, crumbling and disintegrating, falling to my feet in ruins.
He came to me, reaching to gather me in his arms. I pushed away. “Sophia, don’t do this. You don’t understand. Things aren’t that easy for me. I don’t know where my own future is headed, let alone a future for both of us.”
The wrenching sobs overtook me, and I buried my face in my hands. “I thought we had a future together…. You wouldn’t even let me tell you I love you. I thought you had the same feelings for me that I have for you. Even though I live far away, I thought I could come back after I graduated. I thought you would wait for me…I thought…I wanted to be your wife. For crying out loud, Tate, I can’t believe I was so wrong about you.” My chest caved in, leaving me gasping for air. I tried to calm down and get my crying under control, but I couldn’t even look at him anymore.
“I do have feelings for you…. I just don’t know what to do about them.”
“Is it someone else?” The truth suddenly punched me in the gut. This had to be it. I shoved both of my hands against his chest, knocking him backward two steps. “Is it one of those girls I saw you talking to at the beach that day?”
He shook his head and waved his arm. “No, that’s not it at all, don’t be silly. It’s not them. You’re the only one for me.” His eyes pleaded.
I glared at him, aching to see through him—studying his thoughts, what he was meaning. But I couldn’t read him. “Just take me home, Tate. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Sophia, please, don’t do this.” He opened the car door for me, floundering. “I’m sorry. I wish I could make you see. Please, don’t push me away. Don’t be mad at me. Don’t.”
I got in and slammed the door, vowing I would never speak to him again. We d
rove back to Mandy’s in silence—only the sound of the engine and the shifting of gears keeping us company.
We pulled up in front of Mandy’s, and I stormed out, slamming the door again, neither of us saying a word to each other. But just as the door battered closed, and he pulled away from the curb, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I loved you, Tate!”
Chapter 13
The tears unleashed themselves in waves when I went up the staircase, rushing out like a turbulent storm. I tripped and turned my ankle, wavering, almost falling back down the stairs.
My ankle took no time at all to swell, and I limped to my bedroom. With my head and ankle both throbbing, I flung myself on the bed and released a broken sob, pulling out my journal. I didn’t dare look back at my last entry because this would only set the tears on fire again. What a fool I was. To believe those happy times would last forever. Ha, never again. All this time I believed that Tate and I would marry and have children. Why had things changed for him? That was the question I’d never get answered. But I knew one thing, never again would I let a guy make a fool out of me.
July Twentieth,
My life feels as if it’s over before it even began. The boy I loved most in this world is gone. He pushed me away, and it’s something that I don’t understand. I thought he loved me like I loved him, but I was wrong. I was just his summer fling. He probably has a million girls lined up waiting for him. It was stupid of me to think I could keep a guy like Tate, anyway. He was way out of my league. I’ll be cutting my vacation short and begin packing tomorrow.
Sophia Bandell
That night, the smell of Tate’s shaving cream jolted me out of a deep sleep. Stunned, I shot up in bed, searching for him, knowing he must be here. “Tate, is that you?” No answer. I got up and flicked on the light. No one here. It must have been a dream because as soon as I got up to turn on the light, the smell disappeared…just as quickly as it had arrived.