by L. K. Kuhl
“Calm down, Sophia.” Mandy reached to console me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “If you only knew that we are in a much better place now, you wouldn’t be so scared of death. Dying is a peaceful experience and is just a part of the cycle of life.
“The instant we hit the tree and life left my body, I felt a complete calmness washing over me. It wasn’t anything scary or hurtful. I saw myself rising out of my body and was able to see my ravaged, bloody, broken one, lying there on the ground. I watched the whole thing, the paramedics arriving, loading our bodies up in the ambulance, taking us to the hospital.
“I saw our families come, gathering around us, crying. I wanted to reach out to them and tell them it was okay—we were all fine, now. If people only knew the beauty in death, they wouldn’t try to do all the things they do to prolong life.”
I sat and thought about Mandy’s words. Although they did ease my distress some, I couldn’t respond. Dying was one thing I wanted no part of.
I swallowed hard and shivered, then spoke again. “That’s all interesting, Mandy, and you have taken some of my fear away. It’s hard to comprehend, that’s all. But why is it that I can see you and Matt disappearing? I can see the other side of the car through you.”
“That’s all a part of the process. You see, the moment we die, we are told to try to fix any of our unfinished business…if we can—to move on. But some ghosts never do…even the good ones. They end up spending eternity in limbo, forever banging around as boneless entities. Matt and I fulfilled our unfinished business the day you stepped off of the plane, and I picked you up.
“It was explained to us that, once we fulfill our unfinished business, we have two months, and then we leave, going on to the next level—heaven or whatever is next in store for us. The Livids could have prolonged and maybe even stopped this cycle, if they could’ve kept us apart. But you came on May twenty-eighth, so at midnight on July twenty-eighth, which is today, we are done being ghosts. That is why we seem to be disintegrating before your very eyes.” She looked at her watch again. “We only have about twenty-five minutes left.”
My stomach churned. “Oh, Mand, I don’t want you guys to go.” Desperation filled my voice.
“Everyone will be just fine, and we’ll all see each other again. Matt and I will be much happier when we get to where we’re going. We’ve been promised this.” She looked at Matt, small bits of her flimsy top lip curling into a smile.
Matt grinned back with his thin film of lips. “Yep, we’ll still live on…in things. We’ll become the water, the air, the birds, the flowers. We’ll be everywhere, in everything.”
“Is that heaven?”
“Yes, it’s all heaven. We’ll meet up with lost loved ones, and soar with them in the wind and up over the mountains. We’ll be the rainbow after a storm, the stars that twinkle at night, a butterfly flitting on your finger. Even now, when you feel the wind on your face or see a bird land on your windowsill, this could very well be a lost loved one.”
“When will I see you guys again?”
Mandy touched my shoulder. “When your life is done, we’ll all be together again.”
“Aren’t you scared?”
“No, like I said before, there’s nothing to be afraid of. There is only peace and happiness. Where we’re going, there is no sorrow.” Mandy paused, biting her lip. “I do have one small favor to ask of you though, Sophia.”
“What’s that?”
“My aunt Bethany told you about my mother being in the mental institution in Colorado, right?”
I nodded.
Mandy’s face became pinched, disappointment took over. “When all of this happened, I messed up. Wanting to help my mother out of her depression, I made myself visible to her, thinking this would ease her mind. Well…it backfired. I made things worse by making her, my father, and other family members believe that she was going crazy. She told everyone she saw me. That’s when my dad had her admitted.”
“That’s what Aunt Bethany told me. Do you want me to help her? Aunt Bethany gave me a number to call and talk to her, and convince her she’s not crazy.”
“I would like you to do more than that. If you could fly to Denver and see her face to face, this would be better. She would believe you more if she could see you, instead of just talking to someone over the phone. In fact, I know my dad won’t believe some girl on a phone.”
“I can do that, I guess. It’s just that I don’t know if I’ll have the money to buy another airline ticket, or the time, for that matter. In about two weeks I go back home.”
“I’ve got that all worked out.” Mandy gave a wave with her transparent hand. “You’ll leave the day after tomorrow from the Charleston Airport and spend a day in Denver. Then you’ll fly back to Charleston the next day. It’ll be a quick trip.”
I shrugged. “Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad.”
“Call the number that Aunt Bethany gave you. You can meet them right at the mental facility. Here are the directions to the hospital after you leave the airport.” She handed me a piece of paper with a hand-drawn map scribbled on it. “I hope you can read it, I can barely hold a pen anymore.”
“Are they going to believe me, Mand? How can I convince your dad of something so absurd that he might want to have me committed right alongside your mother?”
“You’ll be fine.” But then she paused. “No wait…you’re right, my dad will never believe you. I need to send something with you that will make him believe. Hand me that piece of paper that I wrote the directions on.”
I handed it back to her, and she scribbled something on the back of it.
“There.” She handed it back to me. “That should convince him.”
I read the note:
Dear Daddy,
I don’t want to frighten you, I just wanted you to know that I am a ghost, now. Mom wasn’t crazy when she said she saw me in her bedroom right after my accident. In just a few short moments, I will be leaving my entity as a ghost and will move on to something even greater. But for now, I am sending my best friend, Sophia, to you with this note to prove that ghosts are real—that I am real. Please, free Mom of the horrible place that she is imprisoned in, not only the mental ward, but also her mind, and become a strong union, once again. I will see you again soon, my dearest daddy. I wuv you!
Your loving princess,
Sweet Pea
“That’s beautiful, Mand. I think it’ll help.”
“I know it will. Dad is the only one in the world who calls me sweet pea and princess. My mom is the only other person who knows about it, and he’ll know that she couldn’t have written it, so it could come from no one else but me.”
I nodded. “It’s going to be traumatizing to them, I’m sure, but hopefully they’ll begin to believe.”
“Once the first initial shock is over, and it begins to sink in, I’m sure they’ll accept the truth then.” Mandy looked at her watch. “Oh, my, we only have a minute left. This is where Matt and I have to say good-bye. I almost forgot to tell you, though, that you’ll have to get a motel for tonight. My house isn’t there anymore.”
“Okay, I kind of figured that when you said it wasn’t really there.” My stomach churned butter. How could I ever say good-bye? “Mandy and Matt, I can’t bear to say good-bye to you. This isn’t like we’re just saying good-bye for a week or even a summer. This is forever.”
Mandy lifted up the door handle. “No, remember, it’s not forever. We’ll see each other again. Just be thankful you got to say good-bye to us. There were so many that never got that chance.”
We climbed out of the car. Matt and Mandy were no more than thin wisps of white air. I wrapped my arms around them, grasping for a hug, but couldn’t feel them anymore. “Love you guys.” My words tumbled out in a weak mumble, voice quivery. Hot tears slid down my cheeks, and I couldn’t stop them.
“We love you, too.” Mandy whispered this but her voice quickly faded away. “Until we meet again, my dear friend, Sophia, take car
e of yourself.” She and Matt grabbed each other’s hands and started to walk off into the darkness, their thin wisps of white air drifting and disappearing into the night sky.
Chapter 16
I stood there in the stillness, unable to wrap my head around everything that had happened tonight. If only I could go back to Mandy’s, crawl into my bed, and wake up to things being normal again, things would be just fine. Then a thought came to my mind. “Wait, what about Tate?” I shouted this up into the sky. “Will I still see him?” But I was too late. They couldn’t answer back.
Aunt Bethany’s big wooden door opened, and she called through the screen door. “Who’s out there?”
“It’s just me…Sophia.” I winced and bit my knuckle.
“Sophia? You’re still here? I thought you left hours ago.”
“Just had some errands to run, but I realized I dropped something when I left your house earlier, so I came back to get it.” I didn’t want to tell her that Mandy had just been here.
“Oh, alright. I thought I heard you yelling something.”
“No, a bunch of noisy kids drove by in a car. I don’t know what they were yelling at.”
I doubted she believed me, but she nodded her head. “Alright, you take care of yourself. We’ll visit again.” She closed her wooden door.
I waved and turned around, walking back toward my new car. “Take care of yourself, too, Aunt Bethany.”
I placed my hand on the door handle, but stopped, hearing heavy panting. A small scream escaped my lips, and I jumped to the side. “Oh, Symphony, it’s you. Hi, girl. It’s been forever since I’ve seen you. Where’s Tate? Where’s your owner?” I gave her a hug and scratched her behind the ears, wishing she could answer me.
I whipped around then, smelling the intimate scent of shaving cream and knowing right away it was my Tate.
“Sophia.” His breathless voice whispered, a note of despondency, yet relief, etching his tone.
My muscles relaxed and weakened when his voice cut through the air. “Oh, Tate…I can’t believe it’s you.” I rushed up to him, preparing to fall into his strong, outstretched arms.
I stopped short. Should I rush into his arms now that I know he is a ghost? Things seemed kind of…different now. But the moment my gaze fell on his exquisite face, with those mesmerizing, blue eyes, I couldn’t help myself. Nothing was going to keep me away from him.
I all but collapsed into him, and we both held each other tight, not saying a word. The warmness of tears hit my arms as I held him, and I didn’t know for sure if they came from him or me. His arms were strong and cool around me. Everything was good here…right where I belonged.
My neck and shoulder muscles stiffened and cramped when images of that tragic accident flashed in my mind. I didn’t want to think something like that had happened to someone as beautiful as him. His rare beauty radiated, both from the inside and out. Mandy had said that there wasn’t much left of his ravaged body after he was crushed under that Jeep, and I couldn’t bear the thought of him that way. I was glad I hadn’t seen it. Glad to always remember him looking like this.
We stood there forever—no words were needed. Tate nuzzled his square jaw and full lips against my neck, caressing me. When I touched his cool body, I never bolted. In fact, it comforted me. I understood it now. He pulled away from me and held me at arm’s length, raking me in with his eyes. “Sophia, I’ve missed you.” His voice ached with emotion.
I squeezed his hand tighter, wanting to make up with him after our ridiculous fight. “Tate, I’m so sorry. Sorry I got angry with you that night. It was stupid to argue and break up, and I never, ever want that to happen to us, again. Being without you is horrible, and I hate the way it makes me feel. I’ve missed you so bad.” The unstoppable words rushed out in full force, and I babbled on, not letting him get a word in. “Will you forgive me, take me back?”
“You actually didn’t think I wouldn’t take you back, did you?” He pulled me in close. “There’s no way you’re getting rid of me that easy. You do know the truth, now, though, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I heard it all earlier tonight. But I don’t want to worry about any of that right now. Just want to be with you. Let’s get in my car and go somewhere. I’ve been sitting in Aunt Bethany’s driveway all night, and she’s going to be calling the police on me soon if I don’t get out of her driveway.” My hands tingled with electricity from merely touching him.
“That’s probably a good idea.”
I backed out of her driveway, but didn’t know where to go. “Mandy’s house is gone now. Where should we go? Is your house still there?” I hit my right blinker to go down Pacifica Street.
“Yeah, my house isn’t bogus, it’s real…. It’s just not my house.” He mumbled this under his breath.
“It’s what…not your house? Whose house is it?”
He snickered. “I don’t know. Just some house for sale that I’m using. There’s nothing wrong with it. They have no idea I’m even there.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “O…kay…it works fine for ghosts, but what am I supposed to do? They can see me.”
“Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure that out when the time comes. There’s usually no one there, anyway.”
I yawned. The clock on the car radio read one-thirty in the morning. It had been a super long day. “Let’s just get there. We’ll talk in the morning. I need to find a pillow.” Symphony curled up on the back seat, her eyes fluttering with drowsiness.
We pulled into the drive of Tate’s house, and I stiffened now that I knew this was someone else’s. It didn’t feel right. I never asked how he knew the combination of the lockbox that hung on the doorknob to get me inside—I just knew that ghosts could do about anything that we mere mortals couldn’t.
We walked in, and I exhaled. This familiar house was the one that I thought I might someday live in—once we were married. Not turning on any lights, we went straight to the bedroom.
Symphony lapped at her water bowl in the corner of the room, then she snuggled down into her wool dog bed. Tate watched me with burning eyes as I slid out of my shorts, undressing down to my bra and panties. My face rushed with heat—the embarrassing awkwardness of my misshapen body next to his. But he reached out and pulled me into his arms, reassuring me with his eyes that he didn’t think of me that way.
We climbed into bed, and I snuggled my back up against him as he placed his arm around me. With heavy eyes, I drifted off to the sound of his humming. It put me at peace with myself and everything that had happened. I wanted to ask him if he slept, but the question would have to wait until morning.
* * *
The next morning, a huge spread of French toast, eggs, bacon, and orange juice waited for me at the table when I got up. A single white rose, displaying itself in a crystal vase, sat in the middle of the table. Symphony hunched under the table, sniffing the air, hoping a small morsel of food might get dropped on the floor for her.
Tate greeted me with a grin when I sat down. “I figured you must be famished after everything that happened yesterday, so I made you up a big breakfast to regain your strength.”
My wide eyes scanned the table. “All of this for me? Did you forget that you don’t eat?” I sent him a sidelong glance, lacing my voice with a playful shot of sarcasm.
He grinned and pushed it toward me. “Eat it and shut up.”
“So…what’s on the agenda today?” I didn’t want to hear his truth, but knew I had to.
He watched me eat. “I figured we’d go down to the beach, pull up a couple of lounge chairs, and get everything out in the open.”
“Okay, but first, I have one question that I need to ask before I forget.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you sleep? When we go to bed at night, do you lie down and close your eyes to slumber and dream?”
“No, I don’t sleep, and I never get tired…I was around yesterday, and I heard Mandy and Matt telling you the facts about ghosts, but they d
idn’t tell you everything. I’ll fill you in on the rest later today.”
“You were there the whole time?” I reached out, rubbing his arm.
“Yep, I’m almost always around you—even before we met, I was around you.”
I sat and said nothing, letting it sink in. “Are you near when I can smell your shaving cream?”
“Yeah, but I’m around you even more than the times when you can smell it. When you smell the aftershave or hear my music playing, that’s when I’m yearning for you, craving you….”
I cleared my throat, blushing, my heart running for cover, trying to leap out of my chest. “Remember that day the dogcatcher had Symphony, and I couldn’t find you?”
He nodded. “Yeah?”
“Were you around then? Symphony seemed so sad and alone, evidently she couldn’t smell or see you either.”
“No, I wasn’t around at all, then. When I get sad and lonely, like when I saw you talking with Brian Tarris, I can withdraw…and disappear—not even Symphony can find me. I have no odor, so Symphony never can smell me, she only sees me, and when I disappear, the only place she knows to go is to the cemetery where I’m buried. As ghosts, the only senses we have are hearing, sight, and our feelings—and they are hypersensitive. So, sadness, happiness, loneliness, being excited, yearning, anger, depression…all of them are a hundred times greater than they are for a mortal.”
“Amazing.”
He got up and stood by the door. “Let’s get to the beach before we change our minds and sit in this house all day.”
* * *
I held on tight to Symphony’s leash with one hand, while holding Tate’s with the other, and we walked to the beach. She loved these walks, and it took all my strength to hold on to her. People probably did a double take when they saw me walking, holding on to a hand, that to them, wasn’t there, or carrying on a conversation with the air.
Brian Tarris came sauntering up to us the moment we walked down to our local hangout, making me want to bury my head in the sand and hide.