Ethan says nothing. He looks away from Noah’s grave and up the hill. Courtney’s gaze follows his.
“I know it doesn’t change anything,” she says softly, “but he regretted it every day of his life. The doctors said it was a heart attack, but I think it was the guilt that killed him, in the end.”
“Good,” Ethan says, then sighs. “I came here thinking I might be able to forgive him. I don’t think I can.”
“I don’t think you have to. Noah died a better man than he was when you knew him, but that’s not saying much. It doesn’t excuse the things he did or said back then.”
Ethan nods. For a long moment both are silent. Ethan wonders if Courtney, too, is thinking about that summer sixty years before.
Eventually, she takes a deep breath and tells him, “There are two reasons I told you about the funeral. The first was closure. The second was because, well—all those years ago there was something I wanted to tell you, but I was too scared.”
Ethan glances at her, and for a moment he sees the seventeen-year-old Courtney, with her bright eyes and high ponytail, who watched uncomfortably as Noah harassed Ethan all those years ago.
“Noah said he told you about Cole Parker,” she continues. “How he was a black boy who had a relationship with a white girl in town and ended up—ended up lynched in the woods. And maybe you guessed this already, when you saw me leaving flowers at his grave, if you even remember that day”—Ethan does—“but I was that girl. And no matter what anyone says, he didn’t trick me into anything. I cared about him, and I knew everyone would think it was wrong, but I didn’t give a damn.”
When she says the words, it’s as if she grows three inches: her back is straight and her jaw is set. Ethan did wonder, once, if she had been the girl, but he hasn’t thought about it in years. The thought of it doesn’t surprise him, but her honesty does.
“Noah and Alex didn’t know it was me. No one did, besides my family. All anyone knew was that a nice white girl in town was tricked into sleeping with a black boy, and that was enough for them to think he deserved to die. My father covered it all up—he swore Noah’s uncle and the other Klan members to secrecy.
“Afterward, he even insisted that I date Noah. He said no one could ever be suspicious if I was dating someone like Noah O’Neil.” She smiles, wryly. “I broke up with him at the end of that summer, right after you left. Best decision I ever made.”
Ethan shifts from foot to foot to keep the blood flowing in his legs as Courtney closes her eyes for several seconds. “I’ve been keeping that secret almost my whole life.”
“Courtney,” he begins, because he doesn’t know what else to say.
She shakes her head to cut him off. “I know you’re probably wondering why the hell I’m telling you this sixty years later. I promise, I’m not trying to make you think better of me. I was—and still am—on your side, but when I was young, I was a coward. I was too afraid of what the townspeople would think to stand up for what I knew was right, and that was wrong. I was part of everything that happened to you too. If you hate me, that’s fine.” She smiles slightly, then goes on, “Anyway. I’m telling you this because, for a long time after Cole died, I blamed myself for what had happened. I convinced myself that his death was all my fault. It took me decades to realize that wasn’t true.”
With troubled eyes, Courtney examines the line between grass and dirt on Noah’s grave. “And I know you feel the same way about June. When I saw you that day, I could tell you were blaming yourself. Even now, I see it. You know that it was Noah’s fault, but you hate yourself for it all the same.”
Ethan turns to her sharply, startled because he knows that she is right. For sixty years he has been plagued by ‘if onlys.’ If only he had taught her how to swim. If only they hadn’t gone out that night. If only he had never befriended her, maybe she would still be here.
“Sixty years is a long time to live with someone else’s guilt,” Courtney says quietly, looking Ethan in the eye. “At some point, you just have to let it go. It wasn’t your fault. And you shouldn’t regret letting people into your life who changed it for the better, even if they didn’t stay.”
This makes Ethan’s heart hammer. He misses Juniper more right now than he has in years.
When the seconds tick past and he says nothing, Courtney turns away. “Anyway,” she murmurs, “just wanted to put in my two cents.”
She begins to walk away, but Ethan halts her in her tracks with a sharp, “Courtney, wait.” She looks back at him, and he softens his voice. “Thank you,” he says simply.
“Yeah.” She smiles. “I hope it helps.” She starts to turn again, then pauses, adding, “And hey—I’m sure you were planning on it already, but you should stop by her grave before you go. The sunflowers grew in beautifully.”
They did, in fact. It takes Ethan several minutes and a lot of crackling joints to reach the top of the hill, but it’s worth it when he sees the rows of tall yellow flowers standing guard over her gravestone.
He touches one of the petals and grins. Juniper would be proud.
Ethan says nothing as he stands there—he’s never been one to talk to graves—and marvels at how strange it is that, after all these years, he is finally returning to Juniper Jones. He has spent so many summers without her, thinking that the emptiness would kill him. People are funny that way, he muses, examining the fading inscription in the stone. They find it in themselves to pick up and move on after the worst of tragedies. And so has he. Despite it all, people are quite invincible.
Ethan leaves the cemetery sometime later, as the sun brushes the treetops, and there is a lightness in his bones that he hasn’t felt in years. He flies out tomorrow morning, back to Arcadia, and he knows that he will most likely never come back. But he doesn’t mind. Of course he misses Juniper, but no matter how many miles he puts between himself and Ellison, Alabama, he’ll never forget their summer.
Sometimes he dreams about riding his bike through the Ellison he knew in 1955. He stands up on his pedals and coasts down the forest paths, leaving a trail of dust behind him. Juniper is up ahead, biking so quickly that she doesn’t seem to be touching the ground. Sunlight filters through the trees and sets her hair on fire. In his dream, he calls her name in a voice that is younger, lighter. She does not stop pedaling, just glances quickly over her shoulder with a wide smile. In her big blue eyes is the promise of an unbeatable adventure.
The end.
Acknowledgments
Thank you, first of all, to the team at Wattpad for this opportunity and all the others over the years. I couldn’t have grown up in a better and more supportive writing community. Thank you especially to I-Yana Tucker for believing in this story from day one and being the strongest advocate for me and my writing. Because of you, I always knew Ethan and Juniper would be in good hands.
To my incomparable editor, Kortney Morrow, for reminding me with every draft that the editing process can be as rewarding as it is challenging. Thank you for dedicating so much time and care to this project, for getting to know my characters so well, and giving such valuable insights. I’m so proud of how the story has turned out, and I couldn’t have gotten it here without you.
To the wonderful writing teachers and professors I’ve had over the years, from middle school to college: Gail Nowak, Sara Pearlman, Carlene Shultz, Tom Bailey, Joanna Howard, Meredith Steinbach, Stacy Kastner, Colin Channer, and Lori Baker, among others. Thank you for teaching me to love writing and reminding me of that love again and again.
To my parents, Gina and Lloyd McQueen—you always said I would be a published author one day. Look, I did it! Thank you for your unwavering encouragement of my writing; I’m so lucky to have parents who support my craziest dreams and aren’t surprised when they come true.
And finally, thank you to everyone who has read this story on Wattpad over the years. Thank you for loving it as it was and for s
pending time with it as it is now. I owe so much of my growth and confidence as a writer to this community, and I will always be grateful.
About the Author
Daven McQueen grew up outside of Los Angeles, California, and graduated from Brown University, where she earned a BA in literary arts and economics. Her works on Wattpad include December, Beautiful Dreamer, and Superior, which received a Watty Award for Science Fiction. When she’s not writing, Daven can be found tap dancing, embroidering, cooking, and eating dessert. She lives in Boston, Massachusetts, with her cat, and works in education.
Copyright
Copyright © 2020 Daven McQueen. All rights reserved.
Published in Canada by Wattpad Books, a division of Wattpad Corp.
36 Wellington Street E., Toronto, ON M5E 1C7
www.wattpad.com
No portion of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the express written permission of the copyright holders.
First Wattpad Books edition: May 2020
ISBN 978-1-98936-516-8 (Softcover original)
ISBN 978-1-98936-517-5 (eBook edition)
Names, characters, places, and incidents featured in this publication are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead), events, institutions, or locales, without satiric intent, is coincidental.
Wattpad, Wattpad Books, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Wattpad Corp.
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication information is available upon request.
Cover illustration by Chelsea Charles
Typesetting by Sarah Salomon
About the Publisher
About Wattpad Books
Wattpad Books, a division of Wattpad, is the leader in data-backed publishing. Leveraging billions of daily insights from Wattpad’s global community of 80 million book lovers, Wattpad Books combines the best of art and science, using human expertise and story DNA machine learning technology to identify the trends, voices, and stories that are the future of publishing. By elevating the stories of diverse communities around the world, Wattpad Books is creating new space for writers and fans of every genre.
Wattpad Books
A division of Wattpad Corp.
36 Wellington St. E.
Toronto, ON M5E1C7
www.wattpad.com
The Invincible Summer of Juniper Jones Page 25