by Louise, Kara
She painstakingly opened the door so no one would hear, and tiptoed down the hall and to the stairs. From the top she could see her father's study, and though the door was closed, she could see a faint light coming from beneath. She knew him to always rise early, and smiled that he had probably awakened while it was still dark.
She came down and found that some water was already heated and poured herself some tea. Wrapping her hands around the cup, she breathed in the brewing aroma. She carefully carried it with her as she walked to the study and knocked.
"Come in," came the gentle reply.
When Elizabeth walked in, her father was reading. He looked up from his book. "Good morning, Lizzy. I strongly suspected it was you. No one else would be awake this early. Come, sit down." He closed the book, giving her the assurance that he was willing to give her his undivided attention.
Elizabeth sat down with her tea in one of his deep leather chairs. How she used to love to come in here as a child and watch her father read or work. The smells that she remembered from this room still lingered. There was something comforting about being with her father in this room. They did not need to talk; they just enjoyed each other's presence.
It was her father that broke through her reverie. "Your mother and I were quite pleasantly surprised last night by Mr. Darcy. I wonder if the accident that left him so near death two months ago could have wrought this change in him. He certainly seemed a different man last night. I cannot believe I am saying this, but I thoroughly enjoyed his company."
So, it seems, did everyone else! "I am afraid that I did not have the opportunity to visit with him to any great extent last night, so I really could not say."
"What about during your stay at Pemberley?"
"My association with him there was very minimal. Once he awakened, Jane and I did not remain much longer. He and I only had two short conversations there." And only one of them was civil!
"That is a shame. You really ought to get to know him, Lizzy."
Elizabeth looked down, staring into her cup of tea. If only he knew how much I tried!
*~*~*
Georgiana arrived promptly at ten o'clock. She was let in and greeted Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and Elizabeth's younger sisters. Then she and Elizabeth set out for a walk around Longbourn.
Almost as soon as they were outside, Georgiana looked around to ensure no one else was around. She took Elizabeth's arm and held it tightly, as if needing her support and strength.
She looked up at Elizabeth and then looked away. Elizabeth waited, knowing that the young girl was struggling with what she was about to say to her. Elizabeth waited patiently for her to either formulate the right words, or to summon enough nerve to begin.
"Elizabeth…" Georgiana began, but paused, taking in a deep breath, and looked away. "You knew, did you not?"
"Knew?"
"About Wickham and me."
Elizabeth had an idea this was what Georgiana was struggling with, but still she was pierced with pain as she heard the grief in the young lady's voice. As gently and compassionately as she could, Elizabeth tenderly answered, "Yes, I did."
Georgiana grimaced and colour spread across her face. "My brother told you?"
Elizabeth murmured an affirmative.
"How long have you known? When did he tell you?"
Now it was Elizabeth's turn to take a deep breath. "It was only after I refused his proposal at Rosings. In truth, he did not tell me, but wrote me of it in a letter." Elizabeth halted her steps and turned to her. "Georgiana, as you know, Wickham was here with the militia. He seemed to be so charming, fooling everyone, including myself. He led me to believe that your brother had done him great wrong. He told us that your brother refused to provide for him as your father had promised him."
Georgiana was now looking up at Elizabeth. "He told you that?"
"He charmed us all with his attempt to make himself look good and your brother look the villain." Elizabeth took her hand and smiled. "I fell for his deceitful charm just as you did, Georgiana. When I told you that one of the reasons I did not accept your brother's offer of marriage was due to a misunderstanding, it was based on what Wickham had told me. I believed your brother was a most unfeeling, arrogant, cruel man. He later wrote me a letter to set the record straight regarding Wickham and himself. I believe he only told me to reinforce the fact that Wickham was truly a scoundrel down to the core."
"Did you really believe the lies he told you?"
"Unfortunately I did. So do not be so dreadfully hard on yourself, Georgiana. I made a very similar mistake as you."
"Yes, but I almost threw away my reputation!"
"No, he almost took it away!" Elizabeth said angrily. "But we can be grateful that your brother found out in time to prevent that."
"I have often thought that the good Lord must have been watching over me, for him to have shown up so unexpectedly and yet at such a crucial time. But still, ever since then, I have felt so ashamed, and I believe my brother still considers me very immature and is overly protective of me."
"Why do you say that?"
Georgiana stopped and turned toward her. "I think he struggles with trusting me… trusting my judgment. I am sixteen years old and he seems to avoid discussing with me my presentation at court for my first season of coming out."
"Hmm. So you believe he still considers you too young?"
Georgiana nodded. "Yet he claims otherwise. Even the other day on the way to Hertfordshire he commented on how grown up I am. But he does not seem to recognize that I am a woman, no longer a girl when it comes to…"
Elizabeth waited for her to finish, but when she could not, she helped her along. "When it comes to men?"
"Yes," she whispered.
Elizabeth could read in Georgiana's face that she had so much she wanted to impart to her, but knew not how to begin. "Is there something, or possibly someone in particular, that has prompted these feelings?"
"Oh, I do not know." Georgiana took in a frustrated breath. "I think it is more that I have so little contact with gentlemen my age or a little older, that when I am around one, I do not know what to say or how to behave. I feel so confused."
"Is there a certain one you are speaking of?"
"No, because it could never be."
"Who is he?" asked Elizabeth discerningly.
"He is an under gardener that I have known since my childhood. His father is the head gardener and when we were children he would often come to Pemberley while his father worked and we played together."
She looked at Elizabeth waiting for a response. "I had not seen him for quite some time. I saw him again just after you left Pemberley. Elizabeth, I did not know what to say to him; he was so tall and handsome! But I became so nervous I could not even look him in the eye."
"So what did you do?"
"We walked around the house. He described some of the work he had been doing on the grounds and then he told me what he remembered of my mother. I was too much afraid to say much of anything, so I just listened."
Elizabeth knew that the next words she said to this girl would be very crucial. It was one thing for Darcy to have asked a woman of no fortune to be his wife, but it would be altogether a different story for Miss Darcy to entertain any thoughts about someone who merely worked at Pemberley as an under gardener.
"Georgiana, there are different things that can cause a man and woman to be attracted to each other. The most obvious -- usually the first -- is finding the other person attractive. But there is also character, personality, and then sometimes some little connection that draws two people together. For example, sharing a memory, like the memory of your mother. But in the midst of that, it is very essential that you remember who you are."
"And who the other person is."
"Yes."
"Elizabeth, I know I have not fallen in love; it is simply that when he talked to me and looked at me, I felt things I had never felt before. Even with Mr. Wickham."
Elizabeth looked at her, so
mewhat surprised.
She continued, "I think I was too young to really understand what was going on with Mr. Wickham. I had known him all my life, grown up with him as a child. All of a sudden he was treating me like a lady; like I was all grown up, and no one had ever done that before. I liked that. He was offering himself to me in marriage, and I knew that since I would be getting married one day anyway, I reasoned it might be so much easier to marry someone I already knew."
"And you had no idea that he had ulterior motives in wanting you to elope with him."
"If you mean that he intended to get revenge on my brother through me and my fortune, no. I was very humiliated when William found out about us, and then Mr. Wickham confessed that he did not truly love me. I cannot know for certain that he ever intended to marry me, either."
"So now you feel as though your brother is delaying bringing you out into society, fearing you are still too young and immature."
"I am not certain. I do not feel as though I can talk to him about it. And I cannot talk with Miss Annesley about all of these things. I am not sure she would understand how I feel."
"What are your feelings, Georgiana?"
"I feel very flattered that a young man seems to enjoy my company. I find myself wanting to take walks around the grounds in hope that I will encounter him, but at the same time, very fearful of it. When I do see him I find it difficult to even begin a civil conversation with him."
"Georgiana, this young man will be only the first of many admirers you will likely have. There will be several more. But you can learn from it. You will learn what you like and what you do not like in a young gentleman. Just be careful. You recognize this relationship cannot go anywhere. That shows much wisdom. Be willing to learn from it, appreciate it, but do not try to pursue it."
"It would be easier if I were able to go out into the company of young men my age and of equal connections if I had more opportunity. Elizabeth, could I ask you to do something?"
"What would you have me do?"
"Talk to my brother."
Elizabeth suddenly felt her chest compress, as she thought of how she would even begin to talk to Darcy about this. "Georgiana, I do not think that I am the one…"
"Oh, yes I am sure you could make him understand."
Elizabeth's heart pounded inside her, just contemplating the idea. How would she ever handle talking to him on this subject?
"Would you, please? I believe that he would trust your opinion and listen to you."
"Oh, no Georgiana. You are not aware of the history between your brother and me. We continually misunderstand one another." She laughed as she continued, "We do a much better job of confusing the issues than making them clear."
"But please tell me you will try. You are the only one who knows and understands the whole situation."
"Georgiana, I cannot promise anything, but I shall see what I can do."
"Good. Good," she responded with much pleasure.
The two walked along in silence for awhile, Elizabeth feeling much anxiety over the previous conversation and Georgiana feeling very elated.
They had almost reached Oakham Mount, when the sight of Darcy approaching on horseback interrupted Elizabeth's steps. As Georgiana was holding Elizabeth’s arm, she was very much aware of a slight tension in it as he appeared. Darcy saw the two ladies, and in a liquid motion alit from his horse.
He took the reins in one hand, and waited for them to reach him. He removed his hat and bowed. "Good morning. Have you two been enjoying your walk?"
"Yes we have, William."
Georgiana rushed up to him, and as he turned to walk in their direction, she slipped her hand in his arm. Elizabeth caught up more slowly, giving herself time to gather her composure and quiet her nerves. Georgiana looked behind her and called out, "Elizabeth, are you coming?"
"Ah, yes." There was nothing for her to do now but quicken her steps and catch up with them.
"What were you two ladies talking about?" he asked with a sly smile at his sister.
"Oh," Georgiana giggled. "Just things ladies talk about together. You would not be interested."
"Oh, you think not?" He looked over at Elizabeth, trying to read her expression. He trusted that Georgiana would not have said anything to Elizabeth that would betray his confidence regarding his feelings. As he saw Elizabeth smile at Georgiana's remark, he felt sure his sister had not.
As they walked, Georgiana suddenly chided herself for taking her brother's arm so quickly. He was leading the horse with one hand, and she had monopolized his other. How could she arrange for Elizabeth to take it?
As they reached the summit of Oakham Mount, Darcy and Georgiana expressed great admiration of the view it afforded them of the surrounding countryside. It was actually a flat mount that when walked completely around, provided a beautiful view of Hertfordshire below. The houses looked like little miniatures, and an occasional person could be seen as a small moving speck.
Georgiana found a rock to sit upon that gave her a splendid view and allowed her to rest. Darcy and Elizabeth had drifted apart and were taking in the view separately. Darcy finally returned and asked Georgiana how she was doing.
"I am quite tired, William. Do you suppose I could sit upon the horse on the return? I fear my legs are a bit unsteady from the walk up here."
"If you are careful, I am sure ol' Danbury here will be gentle enough."
When Elizabeth returned, Darcy commented, "It is a wonderful prospect from up here, Miss Bennet. Do you walk up here often?"
"I do. Coming up here allows me to think. If something is on my mind, the walk and solitude clear my thoughts and help me discern things more clearly. I had not intended for us to walk all the way up here; I think I just lost all track of time while we were talking and the next thing I knew, here we were!"
She looked over at the young girl. "Georgiana, you are not too tired, are you?"
"I am a bit weary. I have talked with William about riding on the way down."
"I am so sorry, Georgiana. It was very foolish of me to bring you all the way up here."
"No, I am glad to have seen the view. I shall be fine on the horse."
"Better you than me," laughed Elizabeth.
Darcy looked at her amused. "You do not like horses, Miss Bennet?"
"Oh, I think they are fine for ploughing fields and pulling carriages and heavy loads. Maybe for an occasional ride, but not for me."
"Perhaps it is because you are afraid of them. They are large animals, but if they are trained well, they can be most gentle. Come see. Danbury will not hurt you." He urged her toward the huge beast by gently nudging her with his hand pressing against the small of her back. The light touch of his fingers prompted Elizabeth to falter, as feelings suddenly surged through her.
"Here, stroke his nose, like this." Darcy lifted her hand and brought it down along the long length of the horse's head. "You see? He is quite friendly."
"Thank you, Mr. Darcy for completely ridding me of my fear of horses," laughed Elizabeth. "But, alas, I have no fear of them. I actually have a healthy respect for them. I merely prefer to walk, if I have the chance."
Darcy felt a little foolish for assuming she had a fear of horses, but he had to admit to himself that he enjoyed the small contact with her that his incorrect assumption had allowed him.
As they prepared to walk down from the mount, Darcy lifted his sister up onto Danbury. She settled comfortably on the horse, sitting side-saddle and allowing her brother to lead the horse with the rein.
As they began walking, Elizabeth took a few quick steps to put herself in front of the others. Georgiana nudged her brother and indicated with gestures for him to offer her his arm. He furrowed his brow at her, and she defiantly looked at him, urging him forward. Darcy looked at Elizabeth, who was now quite a few steps ahead of them. "Miss Bennet, may I offer you my arm as we descend?"
Elizabeth felt her heart flutter and wondered why something as commonplace as a polite gesture suddenly
evoked such overwhelming feelings? His offer did little to help her put to rest those thoughts and questions that assaulted her. She paused, waiting for them to reach her, and very warily slipped her hand inside his arm, barely letting her fingers touch him.
Darcy was aware that she barely touched his arm. He knew she probably did not need his assistance, having walked this way alone an endless number of times, and was, in effect, letting him know she could have walked down unattended. How he wished he could have reached over with his other hand and joined his fingers with hers. He glanced down at her, admiring her dark hair. The sunlight highlighted each wayward curl as it bounced around with each step that she took.
They walked in silence, unaware that the young girl sitting atop the horse was carefully scrutinizing their behaviour.
Georgiana, being in an even better position to watch what was going on, found their conduct very strange indeed. She had very little experience in these matters, but felt that her brother was certainly not going about the right way of making any progress with Elizabeth.
The walk back was spent with talk of inconsequential subjects that had little bearing on any of them, but merely helped to pass the time.
When they arrived back at Longbourn, Darcy carefully helped Georgiana down off the horse. She reached up and gave him a hug, and then completely caught Elizabeth off guard with a request. "William, Elizabeth has something she wishes to speak with you about. I must leave to go to the church so I can practice my music for the wedding. But do you have some time to talk to her now?"
Elizabeth's eyes widened and her heart stopped as she realized what Georgiana was asking her to do. "Georgiana," she said nervously, "I am certain your brother must be busy. I do not want to take up any more of his time."
"On the contrary, I have no plans at the moment." He turned to Georgiana, "I shall see you back at Netherfield later." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. As he pulled away, he looked at her with brotherly suspicion.
"Goodbye, Elizabeth." Georgiana raised her eyebrows at her, so as to encourage her to talk with her brother about what they had discussed earlier.